Work Text:
los angeles, ca
december 13, 2022
eddie diaz & evan buckley’s house
The Diaz-Buckley household had been having a good day- great , even. Until that evening.
Eddie had an overnight shift, not due to return home until nine o’clock the next morning. This was the rare occurrence where Buck and Eddie didn’t have a shift scheduled together, leaving Buck at home with Chris for the night.
“I’ll text you between calls, I’ll even try to call you if I can,” Eddie said as he finished packing his work bag for the night. Buck stood in the doorway, grinning at the domesticity of it all.
“Okay, I’ll keep you updated on us, too,” Buck replied, knowing that it calmed Eddie’s nerves to know what his boys were up to.
Eddie smiled back at his boyfriend as he threw his duffle bag over his shoulder, crossing the room in long strides. Buck felt the blush creep up on his face, the way his blood ran warm and his stomach flipped, because no matter how many times Eddie smiled at him, he fell in love every time.
Buck met the older man with a kiss, wrapping his arms around him as well, as he was always a bit more anxious when Eddie had a shift without him.
“I love you, I’ll text you when I get there,” Eddie assured as he placed a kiss along Buck’s hairline, where his hair was slightly grown out and his curls were sticking in every direction. The younger man hummed in response as he released Eddie from the hug and followed as he went to say goodbye to Christopher.
“Love you, Chris. Be good for Buck, okay?” Eddie smiled at his son, who was doing his homework at the kitchen table.
“Okay dad, I love you. Be safe!” Chris called out with a smile as Eddie kissed the top of his head. After taking one more glance back at his boyfriend, Eddie grabbed his keys out of the dish by their front door and walked out to his truck.
Buck waited for the familiar rumble of the engine before he allowed himself to move from where he was standing. For some reason, the anxiety pooling in the younger man’s stomach wouldn’t fade.
After the sound of Eddie’s truck faded into the busy traffic of Los Angeles, Buck finally moved to sit in a chair by Chris at the small table.
“What are you working on, bud?” Buck asked, trying to distract himself from the ever-growing storm in his mind. His voice sounded strange as the words rolled off of his tongue, unfamiliar to himself.
“Science! Did you know that when sand reaches three-thousand and ninety degrees, it becomes glass?” Chris responded as he continued to write with ease, never once looking up from his paper.
“I didn’t know that, that’s so cool,” Buck tried to sound excited, but he could tell that his voice didn’t quite have the enthusiasm he’d hoped.
Thankfully, Chris didn’t notice as he continued to complete his science homework. Buck stood up and walked down the hall, entering his and Eddie’s shared bedroom. He continued into the en-suite bathroom, flipping the light switch on before he gripped the counter tightly.
He could feel his heartbeat pulsing in his chest, his blood rushing in his ears. He began to shake as he tried to regulate his breathing, feeling his throat tighten and his eyes burn with unshed tears.
Buck didn’t know why he was so nervous tonight.
Well, actually- he did.
Eddie had only worked a handful of shifts alone since he got shot. Bobby made sure that they almost always worked the same shift, knowing how anxious Buck became when away from Eddie for extended periods.
However, this week, Bobby scheduled them separately. Buck had been nervous about it since he first saw the shift schedule, Eddie immediately picking up on the anxious energy pulsating from his boyfriend. He made sure to sit a little closer, hug Buck a little harder, and cuddle for a little longer in the mornings, as a way of assuring Buck that everything was gonna be okay.
But, Buck couldn’t help but get in his head sometimes.
He tried not to, but sometimes he didn’t even realize he was until it was too late. Until the storm had engulfed him, drowning him and leaving him soaked and gasping for breath as he tried to pull himself back to shore. Like he was now.
Buck loosened his grip on the counter, just slightly, just enough for his knuckles to return to their normal color. He inhaled deeply once again, allowing himself to feel the burn of his lungs expanding, holding on to that reminder that he was alive and okay before releasing it slowly.
He carefully avoided the mirror as he walked out of the bathroom, walking straight to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. As he closed the fridge, he noticed that Chris was no longer at the table.
How long was I in the bathroom?
“Hey, Chris, are you done with your homework already?” he called out, noticing the teen sitting in the living room.
“Yeah! It was just science and English today, they were easy,” Chris called back, and Buck could hear the game controller clicking, a tell-tale sign that he was playing a video game on the living room tv.
As Buck went to respond again, his phone began to ring loudly in his pocket. He pulled it out and checked the caller ID, seeing Eddie’s name pop up on the screen.
Buck braced himself, clearing his throat as he didn’t want Eddie to be able to tell that something was wrong. He clicked the answer button, “Hey, Eds!” Buck cringed at the fakeness in his voice.
“Hey, baby. You didn’t answer my text earlier, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay,” Eddie spoke softly, and Buck simultaneously wanted to cry and melt into the smoothness of his boyfriend’s tone.
“Oh, shit, I’m sorry. I got distracted and didn’t even know you had texted… how long ago did you text me?” Buck couldn’t help but ask.
“About forty minutes ago the first time, and twenty-five the next. Are you sure you’re okay?” Eddie asked again. Buck silently cursed at himself for being so anxious about something so small that he couldn’t even text his boyfriend back.
“I’m sorry, Eds. I’ll make sure to text you back next time, promise,” Buck apologized again, guilt crawling its way through his throat and out of his mouth, into his words and tone.
“Don’t apologize, baby, it’s okay,” Eddie spoke so softly, sounding so concerned about his partner. Tears sprung to the younger man’s eyes, but he quickly wiped them away and made sure not to sniffle.
“Everything’s good here, Eds. You get back to work, I’ll text you, I love you,” Buck rushed, wanting to end this call as soon as possible before he broke down on the phone.
“Love you too, baby, talk to you soon,” and with that, the call ended. Buck felt a few stray tears slip past his lash line, a sob building in his throat. He quickly coughed and made sure that Chris didn’t hear him sniffle.
Taking two quick steps over to the kitchen sink, Buck rinsed his face with cold water. He leaned over the sink, looking down at the water droplets falling off of his face. His breath shuddered as he remembered the blood staining his face, the red that wouldn’t come off, it’s not coming off, why isn’t it coming off?
Buck gasped as he came back to the present, suddenly remembering that he wasn’t on a street in the heart of town anymore, watching his best friend- no, his boyfriend, bleed out on the pavement.
Grabbing a handful of paper towels, he scrubbed his face until it was dry and irritated before he walked into the living room, falling onto the couch beside Chris.
The next few minutes passed by in relative silence, Buck scrolling through his phone and answering the occasional text from Eddie while Chris played his video game beside him.
However, everything changed when the shot Chris took on one of the enemies rang out.
“I’ve got you!” Chris grinned at the villain on his screen, now lying in a pool of his blood at the bottom of the screen, but Buck didn’t hear him. All Buck could see was Eddie lying lifeless on the back seat of the firetruck, blood flowing freely out of the gunshot wound on his right shoulder.
“Eddie!” He screamed as he rushed over to him, rushing to apply pressure to the wound. “Hang on, Eds. Please.”
────────────
Eddie jumped out of the truck as soon as it was in park, already sore from their latest call. He was preparing to strip himself of his gear as soon as the shrill sound of his ringtone began to blare from his phone. He grinned and answered before checking the caller ID, assuming it was Buck calling again.
“Hey, Bu-”
“ Dad?!” Christopher’s panicked voice yelled through the phone.
Eddie’s heart dropped to his stomach. “Chris? Bud, what’s wrong?” Eddie asked, trying to remain as calm as possible, careful not to add to the worry that his son was currently feeling.
“Something’s wrong with Buck! Dad, you’ve gotta come help him!” The young boy’s voice trembled with fear as he tried to tell Eddie to come home.
“Okay, I’m on my way right now,” he pulled the phone away from his ear, pressing the mute button as he ran up to Bobby. “Cap, I’m sorry, I have- I have to go. It’s Buck,” Eddie tried to explain, despite the ever-growing lump in his throat and knot in his stomach.
“Okay, go take care of him. Text me, and let me know how he is,” Bobby replied as he gave him a knowing look. Eddie nodded back as he unmuted the call, pressing the phone back to his ear.
“Can you tell me what’s wrong with Buck, buddy? Is he hurt or bleeding?” Eddie questioned as he grabbed his duffle bag. As soon as the bag was secured tightly in his grasp, he began to run to his truck.
“He’s not bleeding, but he keeps saying you are! He-he’s on the floor, he keeps saying there’s so much blood,” Chris explained. Eddie could hear the tears in his son’s voice and no longer fought to keep his own at bay.
“Okay. Don’t touch him, okay? Make sure he doesn’t hurt himself though. I’ll be there in like, three minutes,” Eddie assured. “You don’t have to hang up. I’m right here, buddy. Everything is gonna be okay,” he tried to comfort.
He should’ve known it was coming. Buck never did well when they worked separate shifts, which is why Cap hardly ever separated them. He thought back to their earlier phone call, remembering how strained Buck’s voice sounded. He should’ve known something was wrong.
He aggressively wiped the tears from his face as he made a sharp right turn. “Is he still on the ground, Chris?”
“Yeah, he’s still down there. He’s crying now, are you almost here?” Chris replied sadly, much softer than the words he was yelling before.
“I’m turning on our road now, buddy, I’m gonna hang up, okay?” Eddie asked as he pulled into their driveway at record speed.
“Okay, dad, I love you,” and before Eddie got the chance to respond, he was hanging up the phone and rushing into the house.
“You’re gonna be okay, Eds, we’re almost there. You gotta hang on, okay? Just hang on a few more minutes for me,” Buck pleaded to the tan-colored rug adorning their living room floor. Eddie knew that he wasn’t seeing the rug, he was seeing Eddie .
“Hey buddy, you did good by calling me, okay? Do you think you can go to your room now?” Eddie asked, not wanting Buck to be overwhelmed when he came back.
“Okay, dad. Is Buck… like you were that night?” Chris asked as he stood.
Eddie's heart skipped a beat as he remembered the night Chris was referring to, when he took a baseball bat to everything he owned. “Yeah, bud. He’s gonna be okay, just like I was. I’ve just gotta help him first, yeah?” He assured. Chris nodded as he walked through the kitchen and to his room.
Eddie braced himself as soon as he heard the soft click of Chris’ bedroom door. He inhaled sharply as he walked over to where Buck was on his hands and knees on the floor.
“Hey, baby. You’re okay,” he whispered, careful not to alarm the younger man. He wasn’t even sure if Buck could hear him. “Do you think you could sit down?”
“No, Bobby- there’s so much blood. It’s everywhere. He won’t stop bleeding, Bobby. Why won’t he st-stop?” Buck begged, his blue eyes full of tears as he looked up at Eddie. He wasn’t looking at him, though. He was looking straight through him as he was knee-deep in his flashback. Buck thought Eddie was Bobby, and if that’s what Buck was seeing… well, Eddie could work with that.
“Okay, kid. Here, let me help you stop the bleeding,” Eddie replied as he took on the role of Bobby, trying to get Buck to come back from this horrible memory.
“H-here. You apply pressure here,” Buck directed. Eddie followed Buck’s movements, careful not to deter him. He knew what could happen if Buck was suddenly thrown from his flashback.
“Got it,” Eddie obeyed as he placed his hands against the plush carpet, where, as far as Buck was concerned, he was bleeding out in the back of a fire truck. “Is the bleeding beginning to slow down?” He asked a few seconds later.
Buck nodded his head frantically. “It’s working. It’s working, Bobby,” he repeated. He stared down at his hands, which Eddie could only assume appeared covered in blood.
“Buck… can you look at me?” Eddie coaxed, not knowing if Buck would listen to him.
However, Buck slowly lifted his head and stared through Eddie. After a few seconds, recognition began to flash in his eyes. “E-eds…” Buck whispered like his name was reverent.
“I’m here, baby,” Eddie whispered back, carefully matching the other man’s volume.
“There’s so much bl-blood, Eddie,” Buck shuddered, looking down at his hands once again.
“Come on, I’ll help you get it off,” Eddie coaxed, lacing his fingers through Buck’s. The man looked up at him with hopeful eyes. “Come on, baby, can you make it to the bathroom?”
Buck nodded his head robotically as he began to follow Eddie to their bathroom. As soon as they entered, Eddie sat Buck down on the toilet lid and began to fill the bathtub.
When Eddie glanced back to Buck, he was still staring down at his hands. Eddie's heart clenched as he watched the love of his life suffer, knowing that Buck would be embarrassed later.
Eddie added lavender-scented bubbles to the bath, knowing that the smell calmed Buck down when he was having a bad day. As the tub filled up a little over halfway, he turned the water off and turned around to walk back over to his boyfriend.
“Gonna undress you, okay?” He made sure to ask, not wanting to do anything Buck was uncomfortable with. Buck nodded again, never lifting his head. Eddie reached for the hem of the younger man’s shirt, carefully pulling it up over his head. Once the shirt was discarded on the floor, he reached for his sweatpants next. Once he helped Buck stand up and maneuvered the pants off of him, he quickly pulled off his underwear and led him over to the bathtub. “Gonna get you in and I’ll be right in, okay?” Eddie reassured. He didn’t get a response that time- verbal or physical.
Eddie was careful as he helped Buck lift his left leg to step into the tub, noticing that the younger man was still muttering about the amount of blood he was seeing. Eddie’s eyes became glassy as he heard his boyfriend’s pleading. “We’re gonna get the blood off, okay baby?” Eddie comforted as he settled Buck into a sitting position.
When he moved to strip himself of his own clothes and grab two washrags, he didn’t miss the whimper that escaped Buck’s lips. “Do-don’t go, lease,” Buck pleaded.
And fuck , if that didn’t make Eddie was to break down. “I’m not going anywhere, baby. Just getting some washrags, okay?” Eddie said, careful of his movements so Buck was able to watch him the whole time. After grabbing the washrags and some towels, Eddie placed the rags on the edge of the bathtub as he climbed in behind Buck.
He reached for Buck’s sandalwood soap, lathering it up on the rag before his voice pierced through the silence, “Where is the blood, baby?”
Buck tensed slightly as he sniffled, a sign that he was about to start crying again. “It-it’s on my hands. And my face. And in my hair…” he trailed off as tears began to roll down his face.
“Okay, baby. We’re gonna get it off,” Eddie replied calmly. He reached for Buck’s hands, grabbing his left one first as he began to gently scrub it with the soap-covered rag. He scrubbed around his fingernails, in between his fingers, and up his arm. He made his way up to Buck’s shoulder with the rag before he removed it to add more soap.
“Is it better, less blood?” Eddie asked as he began to work on the right hand.
Buck nodded, a sob slipping past his lips. “It’s getting better, Eds. It is,” he cried. Eddie couldn’t help the tears that slid down his face as he watched his partner in pain.
Eddie repeated the same gesture on his right hand. “I’m gonna wash the rest of you, are you okay with that?” Eddie asked, once again not wanting to make Buck uncomfortable.
“I trust you,” Buck responded quietly. The statement made Eddie’s stomach flip, the weight behind the words heavy between the. He used the rag to gently wash the rest of Buck’s body, focused on making him feel better.
“Gonna wash the blood out of your hair now, then I’ll wash it off of your face, okay?” Eddie whispered as he poured a handful of Buck’s matching shampoo into his left hand. He reached up, carding his hands through the tousled curls. Buck leaned into the touch, tears still slipping down into the water below them. “You’re doing so good, baby,” Eddie praised.
Eddie made sure to thoroughly scrub Buck’s hair before rinsing the shampoo out, careful not to let any slip down into his eyes.
“Can I turn you around now? So I can wash your face.”
Buck turned himself around, facing the older man. Tears were still streaming steadily down his face as Eddie lathered up the face wash that they shared on his hands. He rubbed it on the younger man’s cheeks, He rubbed the dark circles under Buck’s eyes with the pads of his thumbs, knowing that his boyfriend was exhausted.
As he rubbed the face wash in and rinsed it off, their movements stilled. Neither one of them moved or spoke a word, sitting in comfortable silence. Eventually, Buck leaned forward and placed his head in the crook between Eddie’s neck and shoulder.
“I can’t taste it anymore. You made it go away,” he whispered.
“You can’t taste it?”
“Yeah. The blood, your blood. I could taste it, but now I can’t. You-you made it better, Eds,” Buck breathed.
Eddie could swear his heart stopped for a moment as he registered the words that left Buck’s mouth.
“You always make it better.”
Eddie felt more tears slip down his face, landing in Buck’s hair, as he listened to his boyfriend. There was nothing in the world Eddie wouldn’t do for him.
“Always, baby. How about we get out and get in some comfortable clothes?” Eddie asked, his heart swelling when Buck nodded his head in agreement.
Eddie carefully stood, reaching over to the counter to grab one of the towels he’d set out for them, wrapping one around his waist before going to help Buck out of the bathtub. He helped the younger man stand slowly, careful not to let him slip or fall. As he helped Buck cross his legs over the edge of the tub, he placed a kiss along his hairline. Reaching over to grab the towel behind him, he wrapped it around Buck’s waist, just as he had his own.
“I’m gonna finish getting things cleaned up in here, can you go wait in the bedroom? I’ll help you get dressed in something soft and warm,” Eddie suggested. He didn’t miss the way anxiety flashed in Buck’s eyes, a silent plead of please don’t leave me. “Or, you can stay put right there while I finish up,” he offered again, knowing that it would make Buck feel more secure, safe.
As quickly as he could, Eddie pulled the plug in the bathtub, watching as the soap-sud-filled water rushed down the drain. He placed the soap and shampoo back in its original spot and threw the drenched washrags into the dirty clothes. When he was satisfied with the clean-up, he turned back around to face Buck, who had a new line of tears streaming steadily down his face.
“Oh, baby…” Eddie said, reaching up to grab Buck’s face between his hands. “Come on, let’s get you dried off and dressed, then we can talk, if you want?” There was no response from the younger man, to which Eddie just grabbed his hands and led him into the bedroom.
Eddie was careful not to leave him alone for long, grabbing a pair of boxers, a pair of his sweatpants, and an old, oversized t-shirt for Buck. While grabbing the clothes for his distressed boyfriend, he also grabbed himself a change of clothes, pulling on the underwear, sweatpants, and t-shirt on in mere seconds.
Placing the clothes beside Buck on the bed, Eddie placed his hand on the underside of Buck’s jaw, slowly coaxing him to look up at the older man. When he eventually looked up, Eddie could see the thoughts swimming in his eyes, in the tears and the dark blue irises. He smiled sadly as Buck tipped his head back even further, a silent request: kiss me?
Eddie immediately placed his soft lips against Buck’s chapped ones, stiff as he had been chewing on it more recently. “C’mon, baby. Let’s get you dressed, then we can cuddle.” Buck stood slowly, carefully and overly aware of his own movements. He lifted his arms methodically, to which Eddie slipped the shirt over his head. Buck melted into the soft feeling of the worn fabric. Leaning down, Eddie tapped his left knee as a sign to lift his leg, slipping the underwear on. As he pulled them up, he immediately added the sweatpants over them, tying the string in the front as he didn’t want them to slip off of his hips.
“Th-thank you…” Buck trailed off, reaching to wipe his eyes yet again. Eddie pulled the man close to his chest, carding his hands through his hair.
“You don’t have to thank me. You’re one of the most important things to me, ever. I want to take care of you,” Eddie consoled as he placed a kiss atop Buck’s head. “I need to let Chris know you’re okay. Do you wanna come with me or get comfortable in bed?”
“ Fuck. I forgot he saw th-that whole thing…” Buck groaned, pulling back from the hug. “I’ll go talk to him, let him know I’m okay.”
Eddie nodded as he followed Buck down the hall and to the pre-teen’s bedroom. Buck knocked three times, quickly followed by a “Come in!”
The older man noticed that Buck braced himself before he opened the door, a slight tremor in his hands as he turned the knob. “Hey, superman,” Buck whispered to the figure sitting on the bed.
“Buck?” Chris’ broken voice spoke, making both Eddie’s and Buck’s hearts break simultaneously. “You’re okay?”
“Yeah, bud. I’m okay. Your dad made it all better,” Buck assured as he walked toward the twin-sized bed, sitting gently beside the boy. “I’m so, so sorry you had to see that.”
“No, Buck. It’s okay. I’m not a kid anymore. I just… want you to be okay,” Chris replied as he wrapped his arms around Buck. Eddie’s chest filled with sadness and joy at the same time, watching his son, so full of compassion. “I love you, Buck.”
Buck sniffled loudly, clearing his throat before he spoke. “I love you too, Chris.”
Eddie took this as his opportunity to step in, knowing that Chris needed to get to bed. “Alright, superman. It’s time for you to try to sleep, okay? If you need us, you know where we are, yeah?” Eddie coaxed, grabbing Buck’s hand to help lift him off of the bed. He leaned down to press a kiss to Chris’ forehead. “Love you, buddy.”
“I love you too, Dad. Goodnight,” Chris smiled as he stood, lifting his covers and crawling in.
“C’mon,” Eddie guided as they slowly walked to their dim room. He helped Buck settle in on his side of the bed before walking around to the opposite side. He sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, allowing himself time to breathe as so much had happened in such a short amount of time. His chest was filled with sadness at the thought of his boyfriend being in pain. He shook any negative thoughts away and laid down in the bed, pulling the covers up to his shoulders and turning to face the younger man beside him.
Buck was staring at him, remnants of tear tracks still visible and sticky on his cheeks. Eddie stuck his arm out to rest his hand against Buck’s right cheek, rubbing it softly with the pad of his thumb. “How are you feeling, baby?”
The curly-haired man shut his eyes and sucked in a deep, paining breath. His voice wavered as he spoke. “Tired.”
“I bet so… do you wanna talk about what happened?”
“It-it was stupid,” Buck protested. “It was just my stupid fucking brain.”
Eddie immediately shot down his negative thoughts. “Hey. No. You don’t get to talk about yourself like that, baby. You know that. We’ve both been through a lot, we both have PTSD, and things like this are gonna happen.”
“But I scared Chris!” Buck argued, no genuine fight behind his words.
“What, and I didn’t? The night he called you because I took a baseball bat to my room, I didn’t scare him?” It was a rhetorical question, one that Buck knew the answer to. “He’s growing up. He knows that the world is a scary place. He knows bad things are gonna happen, that people are gonna have bad days. But his heart so full of love , Buck. Love, compassion, care, all of it. He may have been scared of what was going on, but he is not scared of you. He was scared for you. He wanted you to be okay… and I did too,” Eddie rambled, the words spilling past his lips like a tidal wave, like a cup that was too full. “We love you, Buck. We want you to be okay.”
Buck began to cry for what felt like the hundredth time that night. “I love you both so, so mu-much. I don’t know where I’d be without you. Promise me I won’t have to find out any-anytime soon.”
“Well, in our line of work, you know I can’t promise that. But I don’t plan on leaving you anytime soon. You’re stuck with me; now, always, and forever,” Eddie whispered as he kissed the tip of Buck’s nose. “You saved me, Buck.”
“ You saved me , Eds,” Buck whispered back, a small smile forming on his face. “You save me every day.”
“I love you so, so, so much, Evan Buckley. I’ll save you forever if it means I get to have you forever.”
“‘M yours, forever and ever,” Buck mumbled, his eyes fluttering closed.
Eddie pulled Buck’s body close to his, Buck’s head resting on Eddie’s chest. The soft rise and fall of Eddie’s chest lulled Buck to sleep, leaving Eddie to listen to the soft snores of his boyfriend.
I’m gonna marry him, one day.
Eddie allowed his eyes to slip closed, succumbing to sleep only mere moments after his boyfriend.
Yeah, we’re gonna be okay.