Chapter Text
Ever since you’d come to live in Rivendell you’d been completely smitten with him. It wasn’t just his beautiful hair or his impressive heroics or the soft glow he seemed to emanate, having been born before the light of the Trees was extinguished; those things were wonderful of course, and they seemed to attract everyone to him. What you loved more was the way he gently stroked the muzzle of his horse when sneaking him treats and the way he laughed, bright and loud and often and the way he always had a kind word for anyone who was upset. You loved how he could be quiet and still, offering handfuls of seed to the little chickadees that flitted about in the gardens during the winter. Equally, you loved when he was playful and loud, sparring with the twins or cheerfully singing along with the minstrel’s songs in the Hall of Fire.
You loved him. The only problem was that you didn’t know how to tell him. Even though the two of you had gotten acquainted years ago and had become fast friends, you still weren’t sure how to express the true depth of your feelings. How did you tell someone you were so close with that you wanted to be even closer?
You sighed and stared out the wide window of the library where you had been trying to take your mind off Glorfindel by getting lost in a good book. It wasn’t working.
Thoughts of him consumed your focus to such a degree that you didn’t notice the object of your affections entering the room until he threw himself dramatically onto the seat next to you on the sofa.
“Please tell me you’re not going to stay holed up in here all day. I’ve hardly seen you today! I thought we might go for a ride later,” he said, giving you his most pleading expression.
“Oh! Um, y-yes, that sounds nice,” you stammered. Your cheeks and ears were hot, feeling like you had been caught thinking about him though there was no way he could know that.
“Good! I’d hate to be stuck in here all day with Erestor glaring daggers at me.” He grinned at you and you mustered up your most convincing smile in return. “I’d stay here with you if it’s what you wanted to do, of course, but I’d much rather go on a ride.”
“O-of course. I’ll just go and change into my riding clothes. Shall I meet you at the stable in half an hour?” It was probably longer than you needed to get ready, but you needed some time to compose yourself before you spent the rest of the afternoon with him.
“Perfect,” he said as he winked at you before turning to leave.
He winked at you! What was that supposed to mean? you wondered. Your face was burning as you quickly fled the library and headed home.
Never one to be late, you arrived at the stable thirty minutes later as promised. Having arrived well before you, Glorfindel had already finished brushing Asfaloth. He was braiding a few small sections of the horse’s mane, tying each one off with a little ribbon. You could see the little gold bells he’d strung onto each ribbon. They matched the ones Glorfindel had added to Asfaloth’s headstall and you smiled softly as you watched him weave the delicate braids.
Before you could turn to go retrieve your own horse, Glorfindel looked over his shoulder and saw you. You realized as soon as he caught your eye that you had been staring at him with a very lovesick, fond expression and you quickly turned away, saying you needed to prepare your horse.
After retrieving her from her stall, you stood brushing your horse and trying to forget your embarrassment. The repetitive task of brushing her hair and combing her mane made that easier than you’d expected, at least until you looked up and found Glorfindel standing on the other side of your horse.
“I could help if you want,” he said, holding up another brush. You could tell he was just itching to ride and you were moving too slowly for his liking. It was kind of cute how eager he was.
“Thank you,” you said, smiling. Your nerves were overruled by your feelings for him. And you were starting to suspect he might feel the same. It might have been wishful thinking, but you remembered the way he’d winked at you before and your heart skipped at the memory. Maybe he could feel the same.
Together, you finished the grooming and saddled both horses and headed out of the stables to ride. The evening air was cool and refreshing as you rode out into the forest that bordered Rivendell.
When the horses were sufficiently warmed up, you looked over at Glorfindel and shot him a slightly mischievous look. You’d ridden together enough times that he immediately understood and grinned, squeezing Asfaloth’s sides and urging him into a gallop. Not one to be outdone, you followed quickly behind, chasing the pair until you were right behind them. You pushed your horse faster and faster until you could hardly feel the ground at all.
When the river came into view you were only a beat behind Glorfindel and you leaned forward, urging your horse onward. Just a little more and you would beat him to the water’s edge. You were gaining on him and suddenly he was falling back. You reached the river and pulled around to see Glorfindel trotting up behind you.
“You two have gotten faster,” he said. There was a little smile on his face and his eyes were sparkling blue, his hair was windswept gold.
“I thought for sure you had me! Why did you pull back?” you asked, your eyes narrowing with suspicion. “Did you…did you let me win?”
“I would never,” he said with mock offense. His eyes were still glittering and you could see the mischief in them.
“Yes you did! I want a rematch. A fair rematch.”
He laughed and the sound was so bright and beautiful that for a moment you completely forgot you were pretending to be upset with him and smiled.
“Alright then, a rematch.” He looked around for a moment before pointing to a clearing in the trees. “We’ll race to the large oak at the edge of that meadow.”
You lined the horses up and Glorfindel counted you down. Even your horse seemed determined to win fairly this time. Her legs were a blur beneath the two of you as she ran as fast as she could. Glorfindel was right next to you as you neared the oak tree.
“Noro lim,” you urged and somehow your horse managed to give a final burst of energy as she barreled past the oak tree, a hair's breadth before Asfaloth.
Part of you couldn’t actually believe you’d won. Glorfindel was known for being the fastest rider in Imladris. It was rare for someone to beat him. You could think of only a handful of times he’d lost in the last few hundred years.
“See? I told you that you two have gotten faster.” Glorfindel’s voice came from behind you and you turned around to face him.
“I’m still not sure you didn’t throw the race,” you said.
“I’m not making these poor horses do that again,” he laughed. “This was supposed to be a leisurely ride. You’ll have to trust me when I say you won fairly.”
“Alright then,” you said, dismounting and landing softly on the thick moss of the forest floor. “What is my prize for winning?”
“Oh, I’ll come up with something befitting your grand victory,” he said with a teasing smile.
Glorfindel slid down beside you. You looked up at him as he stepped closer. His entire demeanor had changed. Where before he had been playful, now he seemed serious. An intensity had come over his face as he looked down on you. Your breath caught and you looked up at him completely enraptured.
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to–” He was cut off by the sound of hoofbeats and a loud whinny. Both of you looked around, confused, only to see Elladan riding toward you.
“Did I see that correctly? Did you beat Glorfindel in a race?” he called as he approached.
“Were you following us?” you asked, annoyance seeping into your voice. Glorfindel had looked like he was about to say something important before Elladan had interrupted. You recalled the intensity of his gaze and the way he’d looked at you and huffed in annoyance. The moment was gone.
“No, but I was returning from the border and heard you. I saw you racing, I didn’t think there was any harm in watching.” He narrowed his eyes at you, obviously trying to figure out why you were so agitated. “I hope I wasn’t…interrupting anything.”
Glorfindel frowned and stepped in front of you. “Why don’t you head back to the stable, Elladan. I’m sure you won’t be interrupting anything there.”
Elladan smirked, clearly finding this entire situation amusing. “Of course, my Lord.” He turned his horse and started riding away. “You two have fun,” he called, his voice laced with suggestion.
You stalked off toward the water. Whatever moment you thought you’d been having before was ruined. Tears of frustration filled your eyes as you sat down on a large rock by the water’s edge. You blinked them back, not wanting Glorfindel to see. He’d followed you of course.
“ Mellon…” he said quietly as he approached.
Though you often called each other friend, it suddenly felt like a knife twisting in your heart. You didn’t want to be his friend. You wanted to be more than that. You wanted his love and to give him your own in return.
He sat down beside you. “Ci vaer?” he asked gently. His hand hovered over your back for a moment as if he were going to put his arm around you but he seemed to think better of it.
You didn’t answer for a moment; you knew if you spoke your voice would sound tight with tears.
“I wish it didn’t have to be this way,” you said, your voice hardly a whisper.
“What do you mean?” He sounded concerned and you suppose you couldn’t blame him. You were being awfully cryptic. “Did…something happen with you and Elladan?”
You couldn’t stop the laugh; the thought of you and Elladan was completely ridiculous. “Absolutely not.”
“Then…what’s wrong? You only seemed troubled when he arrived.”
You leaned into Glorfindel’s side. He wouldn’t mind, you knew. As soon as you leaned into him, he put his arm around you, rubbing your side slowly with his thumb.
“It was just rude of him to interrupt is all,” you lied. That was far from the only issue. You were still terrified to tell Glorfindel how you felt. There would be no way you could forgive yourself if you ruined your friendship with him.
Glorfindel’s brows knit in confusion. He knew there was more but he didn’t push you. Instead he continued to stroke your side as the last light of the sun finally slipped away and the first stars made their appearance.
“Maybe we should head home,” he suggested after a while.
You sighed. He was right, but you didn’t want to leave the warmth of his embrace, even if it wasn’t the way you truly wanted. It felt so good to be close to him, as if your soul needed it. Despite that, you pulled away. He stood and offered his hand which you gladly took; a last lingering touch before you had to go back home.
The ride back was quiet. Neither of you spoke much; the tension Elladan’s presence had brought to the evening still lingered. When you arrived, you cleaned your horses and saw that they were fed and watered before putting them in their stalls for the night. You didn’t want to leave him, but you couldn’t find a reasonable excuse to stay with him.
“Good night,” you said reluctantly as you turned to leave.
“Wait!” he said, reaching for your wrist and immediately letting go. “I-I mean, I wondered if I might walk you home. I know it isn’t far, but–”
“I’d like that.” You smiled softly up at him.
You walked side by side through Imladris, close enough that your shoulders brushed frequently. It took all your strength to resist reaching for his hand.The warmth he radiated was addicting and you were drawn closer to him like a moth to a flame but you had to keep at least a little distance between you.
When you arrived at your door, neither of you seemed to want to part.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” you asked hopefully.
He opened his mouth to respond but Erestor chose that moment to come marching up the path. “There’s an urgent message for you,” he said with a huff.
Glorfindel frowned. “Surely it can wait a moment.”
“It has waited all afternoon. You must come with me.” Erestor turned and started briskly down the path, clearly expecting Glorfindel to follow.
Glorfindel gave you a helpless, floundering look. “I’m so sorry,” he said.
“It’s alright,” you said, though it felt far from alright.
“Tomorrow,” he promised before turning and following Erestor.
You nodded slightly and watched him disappear down the path before going inside. It seemed everyone was conspiring against you today. All you wanted was to spend time with Glorfindel but the interruptions were ceaseless.
The next morning, you made your way to breakfast, hoping that perhaps you would see Glorfindel and could ask him to talk privately later. Not knowing what was going on between the two of you had created a twisting knot in your stomach. When you arrived, there was no sign of him. Sighing in defeat, you went to sit down at the table with Lindir.
“Good morning,” he said.
You nodded in acknowledgement.
“Is…everything alright?” he asked. It was unlike you not to say hello.
Your eyes stung and you blinked the gathering tears away quickly before you spoke. “I don’t think so,” you said, your voice tight. “Have you seen Glorfindel this morning?”
Lindir gave you a perplexed look. “He was called to the border last night. I thought you knew.”
You whipped your head toward him. “What?”
Your heart sank. Patrols could last days, sometimes weeks. There was no way to be certain how long it would take for him to return.
“I’m sure he’ll be alright, mellon,” Lindir said, trying to comfort you.
You nodded quickly, not even wanting to entertain the thought of him getting hurt. You needed to leave before you broke down in the middle of breakfast.
“I’m sorry, Lindir, I don’t think I’m feeling well enough for breakfast. Novaer.” You hurried from the table and out of the hall, leaving Lindir sitting at the table with a confused expression on his face. You needed some fresh air and to be alone for a moment to think.
Up ahead there was a small secluded alcove and you headed straight for it. Your legs gave out and you sat down hard on the stone bench as the tears finally came. You buried your face in your hands and did nothing to stop them. There was no point in trying; Glorfindel was off at the border facing danger and you hadn’t even told him how you felt before he left. You couldn’t recall a time when your heart had hurt this badly.
Through your tears, you could hear someone approaching. You hoped they’d ignore you, leave you alone to your heartbreak, but they stopped in front of you.
You heard your name, spoken gently but with a note of pity, and looked up. Elrohir was standing before you, a folded piece of paper in his hand and a sad look on his face.
“He asked me to give you this…” he said, holding the paper out to you.
You looked up at him with wide, wet eyes and slowly reached out to take the letter.
“Did he say anything else?” you asked.
“Only that he was sorry he couldn’t give it to you himself,” Elrohir said. “And that he hoped to return soon.”
You stood up and wrapped your arms around Elrohir’s waist. “Hannon le,” you said, your voice muffled in his tunic.
Always the more gentle of the two twins, he returned your hug, softly rubbing your back before releasing you. “It’ll be alright,” he said gently. “He’ll come home soon.”
“It’s more than that. Something’s been off lately and I just wanted to talk to him but…every time I try, something gets in the way, your brother included.”
Elrohir looked down at you with a gentle expression. “Perhaps that letter will put your mind at ease. And I’m sorry about Elladan. He doesn’t mean anything by it, I promise. I’ll talk to him.”
Thanking him, you made your way back home to read the letter where you wouldn’t be interrupted.
I am so sorry to leave you like this, mellon nín. It’s not fair to you and it hurts my heart to not be able to keep my promise to you. Instead, I’ll make a new promise: I will return soon and when I do I promise I will explain everything.
–Glorfindel
You read and reread the letter, trying to glean any new information from the few short lines. It was clear he’d been forced to leave in a hurry and you were thankful he’d even had time to write to you, but now you knew for certain there was something he hadn’t had a chance to tell you and that only made you even more eager to speak with him.
Five days had passed and each day only made you more anxious than the last. You hardly ate and the only sleep you found was when your body finally surrendered to exhaustion. Soon, you reminded yourself.
That evening, you were pushing your dinner around your plate with your fork when you heard a horn sounding in the distance. Your head snapped up and you pushed your chair back, running for the gate. The border patrol had returned.
When you reached the gate, you looked for Glorfindel in the crowd of horses and riders. Finally you spotted his golden hair at the rear of the group. A grin spread across your face as you hurried toward him. Only when you got closer could you see the blood staining his tunic and the grimace of pain on his fair face.