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After what feels like years since the war has ended, she finds herself visiting that stone upon the hill every single day.
Today though feels very appropriate to visit him again, for it's his birthday. If he were still here, he would be twenty two years old - pretty much the same age as Mikasa. It's a shame really, she grew special flowers called Bellflowers in her own garden, and she tied them together with a bright red ribbon that matches her scarf - the very one he gave her many years ago. That very day flashes before her eyes once again, as she glances down at the gravestone. Although Mikasa promised herself that she wasn't going to cry over him this time, she can't help but feel like she's getting choked up inside. 'Why?' she thinks to herself, 'Why is this so hard? I'm suppose to be happy today, but...'
She hears soft footsteps approaching behind her, a hand places gently on her right shoulder, it's still enough to make her jump a little. She turns around only to see an old friend of hers - a tall man with finely combed long hair, a stubble and a presumably smart indigo business suit. Mikasa can tell that he has the same sorrowful look in his eyes as she does in this moment.
"Hello Jean, it's... been a while." She softly spoke. Mikasa knew that he and her other friends had returned to Paradis a few days ago, but she's been so worked up about her deceased lover's birthday that she never bought the time to visit them.
"Yeah. It's been over three years now."
The same goes for Jean and the others. They've all been given the task of becoming ambassadors for the rest of the world, so they barely had time for themselves. Jean got lucky enough to leave early to see Mikasa again, with probably Armin or Connie covering for him. Jean now kneels down right next to her and stares sadly at the gravestone, Mikasa can feel exactly what he's feeling right now, opens her mouth slighty but decides not to say anything. But then Jean speaks up himself.
"So this is where you decided to put him?" Jean softly asks the woman next to her. "It's fitting I guess."
"Yes." Mikasa replies with a nod.
"He'll probably like it as well."
"Yeah."
Things are getting pretty awkward already; so Jean sighs, clears his throat and once again places his hand on her left shoulder. "It's okay. I came all the way here to let go of my guilt too. I hate to admit, but even after all my bragging that he was a suicidal maniac, in the end... I can say he was a reliable guy. Despite the piece of shit having to let us ki..." The man stops himself before he can finish that sentence. He should know better about how such an action that was made would hurt her feelings more.
Jean looks over and it was too late; Mikasa may not be crying, but the visual of being ready to cry is plastered on her face. She clutches her scarf tightly and brings it up to try and wipe away the build up of tears, and quiet sobbing can be heard under her breath. Jean immediately feels guilty but tries to stay calm in order not to work her up even more. "God, I'm sorry Mikasa. W-What I meant to say was..."
"N-No. You're right." Mikasa starts with a sorrowful voice. "I could see that the two of you were closer than you liked everyone else to know. I think Eren did too. But in the end... he let all of us save the world in his sted. I understand... but... it... still hurts." Mikasa covers herself with her scarf, again to hide that fact that she is crying. "Why can't I let it go? Why do I still think about him? Even after he told me not to?"
Jean can read her like an open book. He's known her for years now, and he's been aware of how much Eren meant to her since day one. It reminds him of someone that he had been close to in the past, a person that meant a lot to him. Jean takes a moment to think about it and decides to let her know about his true feelings of an old, deceased friend.
"Mikasa... I understand that it hurts to lose the one you care about the most." Jean assures the grieving woman. "I may have not looked like it, but in the past I've been going through a simular moment."
She looks up at the tall, bearded man, tears still build up in her eyes but can see very clearly at his sad, mourning expression. A deep breath is made and a hand runs through his combed hair before beginning to speak.
"Do you... remember Marco?" He begins - he doesn't realize that he started fiddling with his hands on his lap. "Our dear friend from the Training Corps. It was pretty obvious that he and I were really close friends, everyone talked about it. But overtime, I... may have started to feel 'something else' than just a friendship with him. I mean he was the one that told me I would be a great leader some day - and he was right. So... when I found him after the battle in Trost, as a rotting corpse lying on her bloody ground, it... I felt like for a second that my heart just stopped. I felt sad from what was there before me, but I also felt angry at myself for not being there for whatever happened to him. Because of said guilt that I had, I decided to join the Scouts for his honor."
For a second, Mikasa can hear a sob coming from the bottom of Jean's throat. She can tell that he's trying his best to stay strong as he's telling her his lost love story.
"I... I still feel very disgusted with myself for at least not telling him how much I cared about him before, I've lost count of how many times I thought about him in my sleep, and wished that he were still here beside me. But... in the end, I think it's just natural to feel this way." Jean turns over to Mikasa with what appears to be an attempt to smile at her - still had a slight tear in his eye but only visible if you squint.
There is a pause. One that didn't last for long, as Mikasa slowly glances back to Eren's grave and looks back at Jean again. "So... it's really okay that I still think about him?" She remembers back to the vision she had where her and Eren were in a small, wooden cottage they called home, how he told her to throw away the old red scarf and to forget about him. Those words remained in her mind for the past three years - every time it made her feel worse and worse every day. But Jean's confession here makes her wonder 'Maybe it's okay to still miss him, to cry these tears and to still think of all the peaceful times they had together.'
"Of course." Jean replies. "I understand now that everyone goes through the same emotions when they lose someone they love, that you two were so close to one another. If it were you, then Eren would probably feel the same way you are."
Mikasa smiles at him - a very true smile; she slowly moves closer to give what feels like a hug. Jean suddenly looks and feels confused, but comes to realize when his eyes stay on her melancholy smile on her face. He puts a hand around her waist, rests his head on the top of hers, the embrace feels a lot better after having the re-visit such painful memories of his former lover. Mikasa speaks softly to him.
"Thank you."
After one more moment of silence, the two of them release one another from the tender embrace, Mikasa then did something that Jean never thought she would do ever in her life. She kneels near the gravestone of his former rival, unwraps the scarf around her neck and places it around the stone. She appears to either be smiling or frowning - it is hard to tell from the angle Jean is standing in. Mikasa whispers something to the grave before standing up and beginning to walk down the hill; Jean soon follows her from behind. As they make their way down the hill, Jean looks over at Mikasa once again, but this time a little concerned by her sudden decision. He moves his hand a little closer to hers as to hold it, but his brain stops him from doing so.
"Um... Mikasa, about what you just did... Are you sure you're okay with that?" He asks her worriedly. "That was pretty big for you."
"I'm not sure. But... I think I recall Eren telling me to throw it away. It's been a while though. Still, I know I'm going to end up visiting him often, maybe I'll get it back then." Mikasa looks even more radiant then ever from Jean's view. He knows that it's been a while since he last saw her, but he can sense that she definitely has a weight lifted off of her shoulders. He wants to say that he's actually proud of her, until she looks up at him which causes him to break eye contact.
"Jean... would you mind if you come with me during my next visit? Or vice-versa when you visit Marco?"
Jean gasps a little, but remains smiling as to not break this gentle moment between them. "I... would really appreciate that. Thank you."
So the pair continue to chat together; switching between a conversation about how her friends managed to clear up with most of the countries around the world about Eldians and returning civilization back to Marley, to reminiscing old memories about their past loved ones during their more peaceful days together. The two of them barely talked to each other at all before all of this, so it's nice to see the common compassion they share to help in such times of grief. This compassion exchange continues for months, which turned to years, and eventually develops into a blooming relationship.
The old, tattered scarf still remains around that stone on the hill to this very day.