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Kaito doesn’t think much of it at first when Shuichi shows up to training holding a nondescript leatherbound journal. Journaling in general isn’t really his speed, but he still respects it as a means of expressing your emotions, and it seems just like something Shuichi would do. If anything, Kaito is proud of him. So he doesn’t ask, and by the time they’ve run through their set like usual, Kaito’s forgotten about it almost completely.
Until Shuichi picks the journal back up, turns it over in his hands, and muses, “This is Ouma-kun’s diary.”
Blinking slowly, Kaito stares at the book Shuichi is holding. It looks no different than it had before Shuichi gave it a name, but for some reason Kaito feels differently about it now; his nerves tingle, like his arm hairs are standing up on end. He hadn’t even realised Kokichi kept a diary—it doesn’t exactly seem to be in his character. Kokichi is a secretive, elusive person. At times, during their chases, Kaito feels as though Kokichi genuinely wants to be understood—but Kaito didn’t think he would put all the answers out there where someone could just pick them up and read them.
Which begs the question.
“Okay,” says Kaito. “So why do you have it?”
Shuichi presses his lips together, gaze darting off to the side. “Um, well…”
“Who cares?” Maki sighs. “About how he got it, and what he’s going to do with it… really, who cares.” She’s stretched out in the grass, arms over her head, eyes closed. Looks peaceful. She always gets through the reps more quickly than Kaito or Shuichi, so she’s had some time to relax. “That thing’s probably full of lies, anyhow. You might as well just give it back to him.”
“Ah… yes. Of course.” Shuichi fiddles with the binding. “I mean, I’m sure I can’t take anything in here at face value, but… aren’t you a little bit curious?”
“No,” Maki says flatly.
Yes, Kaito thinks, before scrunching up his face. He is curious, of course, because anything to do with Kokichi interests him—but it’s not really like that, either. Kaito wants to know Kokichi on a deeper level, learn all his secrets and what makes him tick… but he kind of wants Kokichi to tell him. Something like this feels… underhanded.
Rubbing his neck, Kaito says, “Hah, geez, sidekick. You’re not actually gonna read that thing, are you?”
Shuichi’s face flushes. Kaito hadn’t meant to embarrass him, but his wording is a little judgemental in hindsight. Kaito clears his throat and hurriedly self-corrects.
“I mean, y’know, I get you’re curious about him and all… but isn’t that kind of a privacy violation?”
“I… I know.” Shuichi looks down at the diary, his brow knitting. “I just… Momota-kun, you want to know too, don’t you? Why he acts the way he does… he’s just so confusing.” As always, Shuichi seems equal parts fascinated and bothered by this. Kaito doesn’t pretend to understand the relationship they have. It’s not like Kaito and Kokichi’s rivalry, where there’s mutual back and forth and a fair amount of chasing around the school… Shuichi seems to view Kokichi more like a really irritating puzzle he hasn’t solved yet.
Kaito is pretty sure Kokichi enjoys being looked at like that, but that doesn’t make it any less incomprehensible. Detectives are so weird.
“I guess so,” Kaito admits, rubbing his neck. It’s too tepid to be a completely honest description of how he actually feels towards Kokichi; he wants to puzzle Kokichi out too, bit by bit, and then keep chasing him down even after that. Not only that, but Kaito wants Kokichi to understand him— as much as anyone is even capable of understanding him, anyway. Kaito’s hand stills on the back of his neck. “I just, I think you could probably ask him, y’know? Instead of uh… reading that.”
Shuichi squints his eyes. “Do you really believe he would give an honest answer?”
Well, obviously not. But that’s the game, isn’t it? Kaito shifts his weight, struggling to articulate why this bothers him so much. Maki speaks again before he gets the chance to.
“No. He wouldn’t.” Maki closes her eyes and wrinkles her brow. “I don’t see why you care. But if you want to read it, then read it. It’s not like he gives a damn about the rest of our privacy.”
She has a point, and Shuichi definitely seems relieved by it, but Kaito still feels a squirming in his gut. It’s just—wrong, isn’t it? It’s just wrong.
“I mean… c’mon, sidekick. Where’d you even get that?” Kaito asks, with a nervous chuckle. He sweeps his hand through his hair. “Don’t tell me he just carries it around…”
Shuichi’s temporary relief is replaced for a more bashful look. “Ah, no… I found it in his room while we were working on a class project.”
And he took it. Shuichi doesn’t say it, but that’s what he means; he found it and he took it. Maybe while Kokichi wasn’t looking. Kaito bites at his thumb nail, infuriated but again unsure how to put it into words. The creeping feeling from under his skin is starting to burn a little, which is only making it more difficult to speak. This is usually the part where Kaito would excuse himself and go punch a wall, but he doesn’t want to do that—not when Shuichi is genuinely thinking about violating Kokichi’s privacy so severely.
Kaito takes a measured breath. Says, “I can’t support it. You know that, right? No sidekick of mine does somethin’ that underhanded. You ought’a give him that back and apologise.”
Rather than acquiesce—which Kaito hadn’t been expecting, he supposes—Shuichi just turns his head away. His brow is knit, and he’s still flushed with embarrassment, but from the tick in his jaw, Kaito can tell he’s upset. Maki’s looking between them both with a more bewildered look on her face, like she can’t possibly fathom why this would be a problem. Idly, Kaito wonders if he’d be okay with this if it was someone he had less respect for—someone like Hiyoko from the third year class, who only manages to piss Kaito off every single time she opens her mouth.
But… no. No, Kaito wouldn’t cross that line no matter what. Even if it’s Kokichi, it’s still wrong. Kaito won’t change his mind on this, just because these two don’t see it away.
“Shuichi—” Kaito starts to say again.
“Just let me think on it, alright?” Shuichi interjects. His voice isn’t particularly loud or cutting, but the look he shoots Kaito is stone-cold. For a second, Kaito freezes, but then he scowls.
“Fine! Read the damn diary. Violate someone’s privacy. See if I care.”
Kaito gathers his jacket and water bottle, ignoring the stunned looks from his sidekicks as he turns to leave. Could he be wrong about this? How can these two not see this as a big issue? Is it just because it’s Kokichi? Is it something else?
Why is Kaito even so bothered by it? He yanks his jacket over his shoulder and grunts out a good night before turning on his heel. It’s not like he’s going to do something like tell Kokichi. That’d be a violation of the bro code, no matter how much it pisses Kaito off that Shuichi is doing it. He just—ugh. Kokichi is so deliberate and composed, the kind of person who delicately selects each and every piece of information before he shares it. Kaito is certain he doesn’t know anything about Kokichi that Kokichi hasn’t consciously let on about himself.
Wouldn’t he be angry, if he knew? Wouldn’t it feel violating? Kaito returns to his dorm and shuts the door with a loud slam that seems to shake the walls. He’s too angry even to cringe at the noise, shucking his jacket and water bottle to the side and stomping into the bathroom.
For a moment, as Kaito strips and climbs into the shower, his mind drifts to how he would feel, if he kept a diary, if Shuichi decided to read it. Or—no. Shuichi reading it wouldn’t really be an apt comparison. It would be a violation, but Shuichi is his friend. How would Kaito feel if Kokichi decided to read it?
…Hurt, probably. The hurt that hits him as he steps under the hot water is so strong that Kaito nearly flinches, even though it hasn’t actually happened. Hurt, because he’d been robbed of his say in sharing that private information, and in because… in time, he does want Kokichi to know. In time, Kaito wants Kokichi to know everything, his secrets, his thoughts and fears. He wants Kokichi to see every part of him… but Kaito wants to make sure he knows the parts that Kaito is proud of first, before he starts revealing anything more shameful. If the choice just got taken away, he…
Ugh. Kaito’s making this too personal. This is just, another one of their games, probably. Kokichi seems to get a kick out of issuing challenges to everyone, Shuichi is no different. Kaito has always thought that Kokichi seems to get the most fun out of their challenges, with all the rules and lines they won’t cross… but maybe he doesn’t care. Maybe he’s just overreacting, as Maki had implied.
Kaito turns off the water. It sure doesn’t feel like he’s overreacting, but he’s not sure what to do about it.
When he exits the bathroom, Kaito finds that his phone is blinking with two text messages. One, from Maki, telling him not to rile himself up too much. Classic Maki. The other is from Shuichi, a concise apology for setting him off.
Some of the anger drains out of him then. Shuichi is still Shuichi; it must’ve upset him seeing Kaito so infuriated. Kaito types out a quick acceptance and an apology of his own, and drops into bed.
He’ll think about it in the morning. If Shuichi’s apologised, maybe that means he’s not going to read it. Kaito will help him figure out what to do about it in the morning… it’s a hero’s job to help his sidekick right his mistakes, after all.
Kaito sees Shuichi again the next morning at breakfast, where he enters with Maki. The two of them seem immersed in conversation—or rather, Shuichi seems to be telling Maki something important from the look on his face, but Maki seems bored at best, outright disinterested at most. As the two of them make their way over to the usual table, Kaede scoots her tray to the side, waving.
“Good morning, you two! Sleep well, Saihara-kun?”
“Ah, morning, Akamatsu-san,” Shuichi greets. He smiles warmly as he always does when he sees her, sweeping a hand through his hair and glancing away. “Um… a bit? I was up kind of late.”
Kaede sighs, but her next smile is a bit sheepish. “I was too, so don’t worry about it. Got another case to keep you up?”
“You could call it that.” Maki takes her seat with a sigh, sweeping her hair off her shoulder. “Saihara found a piece of evidence yesterday and he hasn’t stopped talking about it since.”
Shuichi blushes, his eyes darting, tellingly, over to Kaito. “Harukawa-san…”
“What?” Maki asks, brow furrowing. “Am I supposed to—”
“You read it?” Kaito interrupts, before Maki can finish. It gets a glare out of her, and Kaito lifts his hands in an apologetic gesture, but his attention is soon back on Shuichi. “Really?”
At once, Shuichi lowers his gaze, fiddling with the front of his uniform. “Ah, well, I… I thought I’d just read the first few pages, to figure out whether it was some kind of prank, but a few things I read in there—”
“Wait, wait wait, hold up,” Kaede says, putting both of her hands up too. “Slow down. What are we talking about?”
Shuichi goes quiet, eyes still affixed firmly to whatever it is he’s looking at in his lap, apparently not eager about the prospect of telling Kaede what he got up to yesterday. Kaito doesn’t speak either, mostly because he’s trying to keep himself from blowing up again. It’s a bit difficult with the blood rushing in his ears, but he manages to steady his breathing enough to keep his face from reddening.
Maki, as always, seems exasperated. “Ouma’s diary. He read it.”
“Huh?” Kaede’s eyes widen. “What? Wait, how? He keeps a diary?”
“A-Ah, yes,” Shuichi stammers, determinedly avoiding even turning his head Kaito’s way. “I thought it might not be legitimate, but what I read in there… I have a hard time believing it was insincere. It, um…” His face reddens, and he pulls at his collar. “Ouma-kun surprised me.”
Kaede’s lips press into a thin line. “Okay, I shouldn’t even be asking, because this is so completely wrong I don’t even know how to lecture you.” Shuichi shrinks in on himself like a kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “But—and don’t say what it is!—whatever was in there was really enough to make you… make that kind of face? Do you like him more now?”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Shuichi says, turning away. “Ouma-kun still causes too many problems for my taste, but… I have some perspective on them now. I’d been hoping for it. I… actually feel a bit bad for him.” His gaze lowers. “Especially because…”
Whatever it is that really makes Shuichi sympathetic towards Kokichi, he doesn’t add, but Kaito can tell from how red Shuichi’s face is that it was probably something extremely personal. He scoffs, turning his head away and folding his arms over his chest. He doesn’t even know how he can look at Shuichi right now.
“Well, I always said he was our friend,” Kaede says, brow furrowed. “Even if he can be annoying sometimes, Ouma-kun is a good person. But Saihara-kun, you need to give that diary back and say you’re sorry right away. Even if it’s Ouma-kun, it’s definitely not okay to just go poking through his private business.”
Rolling her eyes, Maki says, “There you go again. Momota went on the same spiel last night before having a temper tantrum. Who cares? The little brat probably wanted him to find it. He’s obsessed with Saihara.”
“Well, that definitely isn’t true,” Kaede scoffs. Shuichi, on the other hand, turns cherry red and pulls his jacket over his face. It gets Kaede’s eyebrows to shoot right up. “Uh, Saihara-kun…?”
“U-Um…” Shuichi toys with a button on his jacket. “Well, based on what I read, Harukawa-san’s assessment might not be… entirely off-base. Not the wanting me to read it thing, Ouma-kun definitely didn’t make it out like he intended for any of what he read to reach anyone’s eyes, but—”
The implications of that are already clear enough. Kaito grinds his teeth and slams his hands down on the table, standing up. Shuichi jumps, stopping mid-sentence, and Kaede shoots him a worried look.
“Momota-kun,” Kaede starts, “are you—”
“Fine,” Kaito grits out. “I’m fucking fine.”
No he isn’t. And he’s going to regret speaking so bitterly to Kaede later. But right now all he can do is turn around and leave, shoving his hands into his pockets as he goes. He can feel their eyes burning into his back, but none of them follow him, which is probably for the best; Kaito’s heart is racing so hard it’s almost painful, and his own face has begun to redden despite his best efforts.
He’s not upset that Kokichi apparently has a crush on Shuichi. He isn’t. Why the hell would Kaito care about that? It’s their business. Besides, there’s no way Shuichi would ever give the dude a shot, so it doesn’t matter. Even if Kokichi is exciting, and intelligent, and perceptive, and handsome (in certain lighting)… he’s just not Shuichi’s type. So regardless of how he feels, it’s not going to happen. Kaito doesn’t have to worry about it.
Not that he fucking would! It doesn’t make a difference to him either way. But even if it did, and even if Shuichi would entertain Kokichi’s feelings, none of that matters. What matters is that apparently Kokichi did use that diary as a place to vent private emotion—private emotion that Shuichi admittedly noticed Kokichi didn’t want getting out to anyone—and now not only did Shuichi find out before he was supposed to, but he just went and told Kaede, and Maki who Kokichi hates, and Kaito who didn’t want to know, and—
Kaito nearly ploughs someone over, he’s going so quickly on his way out of the building. He just barely manages to stumble backwards and right himself, all his senses suddenly returning to full attention as he looks down into Kokichi’s eyes.
Shit. Shit. Of all people to run into right now.
“Wow, in a hurry I see!” Kokichi chirps, completely oblivious, a sunny smile on his face. “Problems with the missus, Momota-chan? You know, I hear a healthy dose of extra-marital sex is a great solution to the worst of spousal quarrels—as long as she doesn’t find out, nishishi. Might I recommend Iruma-chan? I bet she’d bend over right now if you a—”
“Shuichi read your diary,” Kaito blurts.
Kokichi blinks up at him. Smiles. “I know.”
“You—” Kaito blinks back, hard, and struggles for a moment to wrap his head around what Kokichi just said. “Huh?”
“I said I know,” Kokichi says, letting out a giggle. “We were forced to work together on that dumb project, and Saihara-chan insisted we go to my room to study since he didn’t trust me not to steal his things. Smart! I’ve had my eye on his emo-boy hat ever since I first saw it.” Kokichi’s expression doesn’t change. “Took me a whole night to write up enough to be convincing, but I did it, then left it hanging out of my undies drawer before taking ten minutes in the bathroom. I knew Saihara-chan couldn’t resist, nishishi.”
With that, though, Kokichi’s smile immediately wipes from his face, and he heaves a dramatic sigh, studying his nails.
“Of course, I would’ve been more impressed if he hadn’t taken it, but I guess some he’s as nosy as he is predictable… how boring.” Kokichi grins again. “So, that’s what got Momota-chan’s knickers are in a twist?”
Kaito’s not sure how to feel. Relieved, maybe? Annoyed that he bothered to get so upset over one of Kokichi’s pranks? The angry energy drains out of him, but he doesn’t feel any less tense, just staring down at Kokichi with his jaw slacked. That’s pretty far to go for a lie, but Kokichi’s giving none of the signs he would if he was genuinely upset. And Kaito knows better than to think Kokichi would actually write out his feelings for someone, or leave the diary in a place Shuichi of all people could find it unless he was just doing a bit.
Still, though, Kaito…
“Uhhh, hellooooo?” Kokichi waves his hand a little in front of Kaito’s face. “Earth to Space Boy? You with me, Momota-chan? You launch three years early or so—”
“Ouma, that’s fucking insane,” Kaito blurts.
Kokichi giggles. “Wow, you think so? I’m flattered.”
“I don’t think you should be flattered by that,” Kaito sighs out, running both his hands through his hair. He takes a moment to compose himself, breaths still coming in a bit shaky, and watches as Kokichi’s expression goes carefully neutral. Kokichi tilts his head to the side, apparently scrutinising Kaito with an eyebrow raised.
“You were really upset about it, huh?”
When he says it like that, it sounds embarrassing. “No! I mean—of course I was! Why wouldn’t I have been?”
“It’s not like I’ve ever done much to respect anyone else’s privacy, Momota-chan. If I found Harukawa-chan had a diary, I’d read the whole thing and spill all her dirty little secrets to the entire class. Not the one about her crush on you though. That one’s not a secret.”
Kaito assumes Kokichi is just saying nonsense as he always does and scoffs. “I don’t care about that. It doesn’t matter what you’d do. You have a basic right to reveal whatever you want when you want to, and it’s fucked up that Shuichi took that from you.” He knits his brow and looks away. “Or… tried to, since you were one step ahead as always, but…”
That gets a small smile out of Kokichi. “Aww, you really think I’m always one step ahead? That’s sweet, Momota-chan.”
“Don’t call me sweet right now,” Kaito grumbles, his face warming nonetheless. “I’m not being sweet, I’m treating you with decency— which by the way you are making it extremely fucking difficult to do.”
Kokichi giggles. “Oh, I know. I always do. But…”
He waltzes closer then, stopping right in front of Kaito and reaching up for his face. Before Kaito can react, Kokichi’s darted in close and pecked him on the cheek.
What had been an embarrassed blush at being complimented turns into an outright flush for reasons completely separate from his earlier anger. Kaito sputters, any words he’d tried to formulate completely dying in his throat as he looks down at Kokichi. His heart is going really hard, and half-baked shouts and questions all form in his mind, but… all Kaito can really, truly register is that he wishes Kokichi would do that again.
“It’s still nice that you always do, Momota-chan. It’d be pretty lame if my real rival had such shitty morals!” Kokichi grins. A little softer, he adds, “But don’t hold yourself accountable for anyone else’s actions, okay? Next time Saihara-chan does something like that, just let him blurt it out himself. He’s an awful liar. It’s not Momota-chan’s job to clean up his messes, especially if they’re ones I set him up to make.”
Embarrassment aside, that still doesn’t sit quite right with Kaito. “You know I can’t do that… not if you’re involved.”
“It was worth a shot,” Kokichi says with a shrug. He pats Kaito on the cheek, offering a coy smile before he brushes past. “See you in class, my beloved Momota-chan! Maybe use the time before then to cool off a little? You’re super ugly when you’re angry.”
This guy! “Why the hell did you kiss me if you think I’m ugly?!” Kaito shouts after him. Kokichi only winks as he slips inside the main building, and Kaito groans, raking his hands down his face. That guy is just unbelievable, and impossible to understand, and a massive pain in Kaito’s ass…
…And, he’d appreciated what Kaito did. He called Kaito sweet. Kaito’s fingers trail over the place on his cheek where Kokichi kissed him, still warm, and he feels his heart flutter in his chest. If the diary was a lie, does that mean that Kokichi doesn’t have feelings for Shuichi…?
Well, it’d make sense. They don’t exactly get along.
Kaito realises belatedly that he’s smiling, despite the way his head still spins from the rush of emotions. He’s going to have to deal with the Shuichi thing later—let him know that even if it was a setup and Kokichi thought it was funny, what he did still isn’t okay. That Kaito won’t abide by it.
For now, though, Kaito decides to just take Kokichi’s advice, lingering in the courtyard until his face has cooled and his nerves have settled. Easier said than done, but it comes eventually. Time alone always does that for Kaito.
His chest doesn’t lose that fluttering, weightless feeling for the rest of the morning, though. Kaito doesn’t mind it so much; he doesn’t want to speak too soon, but right now, Kaito thinks he’d be alright with it if that became more of a permanent fixture.