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This is fucking stupid, Blitzo thought as he rolled into Stolas’s driveway, staring up at the familiar mansion before him. He rubbed his arms, fighting the urge to turn around and head back home, burrow himself in a ball in his bed and pretend to sleep. After they’d gotten home from Greed, Blitzo had spent the remainder of the day in a funk, watching Millie try to coax Moxxie back to his normal self, before he’d just sent the two of them home. Loona had watched, trying very hard to look like she didn’t care, but rounding on him once the couple had gone and demanding to know what the fuck had happened. Blitzo tried to give her a short answer, and he’d watched as her brow continuously furrowed deeper and deeper as he went on. When she tried to ask questions, Blitzo just shut her down. He was too tired to explain anything in a way that made sense to her. They’d driven home with Loona fuming, and a look in her eye that told Blitzo that she really did care.
He’d sat in bed long after his daughter had fallen asleep, absently scrolling through his photos. He paused on one he’d taken with Stolas in the early morning after a full moon. Stolas was turned on his side, half asleep, mid-yawn, while Blitzo kissed the back of his neck, his face buried in the soft feathers as he snapped the picture. Blitzo lingered on the sheer contentment in Stolas’s face. The picture didn’t do him justice.
Next thing he knew, he was in the van, going to Stolas’s house in the buttfuck middle of the night for some fucking reason.
By the time he got there, it was so deep into the night that the sky had gone from a deep, dark burgundy to a mixture of inky, dull red and the muted purple the same shade as Stolas’s favourite button down. The velvet sky cast tall shadows that Blitzo hid under as he scaled the wall up the Stolas’s balcony. He really didn’t know why he was here. It wasn’t a full moon. He wasn’t even particularly horny. He just… wanted to be with Stolas, for some reason.
When he tried the handle to the balcony, he was pleased to find it unlocked. He pushed it open slowly, trying to keep the creak to a minimum.
The blinds were all drawn inside, leaving the balcony doors as the only source of light in the room. Blitzo shut the door behind him and stood awkwardly at the entrance for a moment. He could see Stolas’s slim form curled up on the bed, hands tucked under the pillow as he breathed easily. The sight made Blitzo’s heart twinge. Why was he here?
They’d only just started to get back to normal. They hadn’t seen each other for three months after Ozzie’s, and then Stolas had reached out one full moon, asking if they could meet. Then they’d just begun again, getting back to the status quo. But something felt different now. Blitzo just didn’t know what. If it was good or bad. It was just off .
He didn’t want to wake Stolas, so he walked around silently to the other side of the bed. He was still only dressed in that fuck-awful jacket he’d stolen from Chaz, that insufferable horsefucker.
Despite the jacket itself, something in him twinged at the fact that he was wearing Chaz’s clothes and not Stolas’s. Maybe that was why he had come. Did he feel bad for fucking someone that wasn’t Stolas?
He sat down on the bed feebly, curling his tail around himself as he silently picked at his claws and watched the prince sleep.
His feathers moved slightly as he breathed. There was a soft shine to his beak, glinting from the small amount of light that had slipped into the room.
He was so beautiful.
Those kinds of thoughts were ones that Blitzo would usually smash down, try to ignore, but what was the harm of them when Stolas wasn’t even awake to see the look on his face?
Blitzo reached down and halfheartedly stroked Stolas’s feathers. They were soft, and warm. The quiet, unimaginable power that thrummed just beneath Stolas’s skin pulsed under his touch.
WIth a sigh, Blitzo stripped off the jacket, leaving it in a heap at the foot of the bed. Then he slowly lay down beside Stolas’s sleeping form. He stared at him for a long moment, and then scooted over so that he could rest his head against the center of his chest. He felt it rise and fall below him, and he carefully put his arm over Stolas’s waist, lightly brushing the feathers at his bare back. His eyes threatened to droop. He was getting comfortable.
“Blitz?” His voice was soft, hoarse from sleep. Blitzo tensed and then slowly pulled away.
“No, no, come back,” Stolas murmured, and buried his face in the top of Blitzo’s head. Blitzo tried to ignore the rush of relief that came with his words. He nestled himself closer, holding Stolas tighter.
“Why are you here? It’s not a full moon.” Stolas said softly. Blitzo shifted.
“I can go if you want,” his voice came out muffled. He felt Stolas shake his head.
“Please don’t.” the owl whispered.
“Okay.” was all Blitzo could manage.
“Did you have a bad day?” he asked after a moment. Blitzo sighed in exasperation. But he nodded.
“A couple bad days.” Understatement .
“What happened?”
“Long story. Don’t want to tell it all.”
Stolas nodded. “Do you want…?” the hand that was resting at Blitzo’s back trailed down to the root of his tail, where Stolas knew he was sensitive. Blitzo sucked in a breath through his teeth, but pushed against the prince’s chest.
“Fuck. Yeah. Always. But stop.” he said softly. The pressure ceased immediately, and Blitzo had to bite back the small whine that trailed up his throat. Stolas pressed a kiss into the top of his head, almost like an afterthought.
“Why are you here, then?”
“I just-” Blitzo groaned inwardly.
I missed you, his stupid brain supplied.
“I fucked someone,” he said instead, and felt a sick kind of satisfaction when Stolas tensed up against him.
“Hmm.” Stolas said quietly. He sat up drowsily, forcing Blitzo to move away. He didn’t want to meet Stolas’s eyes. But why would he feel bad? Sure, the sex with Chaz had been less than mediocre, but it was still his right . They weren’t in a relationship.
“Why would you tell me that?” Stolas asked, his voice monotone. He was curled in on himself, knees drawn to his chest, his eyes the brightest glow in the dark room. Fuck, he was the most beautiful thing Blitzo had ever seen.
“I don’t know,” Blitzo answered honestly. He finally looked up. Stolas looked… disappointed. But not surprised. That made his heart twist painfully.
“I… I suppose I just thought…” Stolas trailed off, seemingly remembering something. “Never mind.”
“What?” Blitzo pressed. Stolas shifted. “It’s nothing. Truly.” he paused. “Was it… good?”
Blitzo had to fight the urge to bark a laugh. “It was awful.” he told him with a smirk. “He had no idea what he was doing.”
And he wasn’t you.
Blitzo shifted uncomfortably.
“And… why…?” Stolas rubbed the back of his neck. Blitzo sighed. He supposed he at least owed him that.
“It’s stupid. He’s dated Millie and Moxxie before, so I just…” he shrugged. For some reason, bringing up his fascination with the M&M’s didn’t seem like the best move. He just threw his hands up, feeling stupid.
“I’m sorry,” he said dumbly. Stolas shook his head. He smiled, but it looked painful.
“I’m the one who’s sorry, Blitz. I’m jealous when I don’t have the right to be,” he grimaced. He rubbed his arms absently. “Did… Am I not enough to satisfy you?”
Blitzo wanted to cringe. He felt so fucking shitty. He didn’t want to tell Stolas how in those few moments when he’d laid there afterwards, all he’d been able to think about was how much he missed him.
“Can you just…” Blitzo gestured for him to lie back down. Stolas hesitated, but he did. Blitzo followed, trying to stay a respectable distance away from him. There was no way the owl would want him near him after what he’d just told him.
“Fuck. I’m not good at this. You…” Blitzo clicked his tongue in annoyance. Stolas waited, watching him with his dark, glowing eyes.
“You don’t have… to worry.” Blitzo said, with some struggle. “About me fucking other people. Mostly.”
Stolas bristled slightly. He glanced away, then back. “Do you? Fuck other people?”
“Not regularly. This was a one off. And with this guy- it is not going to happen again.” Blitzo assured him sharply. “I just…”
He fidgeted. And then he turned over and scooted backwards until he was flush against Stolas’s body. He nestled himself close, reaching from behind him and taking one of Stolas’s arms, pulling it over himself.
“Just…” he muttered. “Please.”
Stolas was stiff against him for a moment. Then the tension bled out of him slowly, and he brought one leg up to cocoon himself around Blitzo’s smaller body. He gently pulled Blitzo closer, swiping his thumb across his navel lightly. It made him shiver.
“It was bad,” Blitzo mumbled. “Because it wasn’t you.”
Something that could have been a shudder ran through Stolas. He leaned down and kissed the side of Blitzo’s neck gently.
“What do I do? That you missed?” he whispered. Blitzo willed himself not to sigh. He rubbed his shoulder against the softness of Stolas’s chest.
“He didn’t hold me,” Blitzo muttered, feeling so idiotic that he was afraid he would melt into a messy puddle.
“Hmm,” Stolas kissed up to his horns gently. “Like I am now?”
“Yeah.” Blitzo mumbled.
“What else?”
“He didn’t… shit , he didn’t…” Blitzo’s eyes closed subconsciously as Stolas hummed and his hands wandered below his hips. “He wasn’t careful,”
“I am?” Stolas sounded genuinely curious.
“Yeah,” Blitzo grabbed his wrist, forcing him to slow down. “When you want to be, yeah.”
“Hmm.”
Stolas seemed to be taking in everything he was saying. He gently trailed a hand up and down Blitzo’s stomach, tracing the outline of every scar he knew was there, the shape of each white blot. Blitzo pressed back against him.
“Blitz,” Stolas said softly.
“Mm,” Blitzo murmured.
“Did he… take care of you?”
Blitzo tried to remember. He’d honestly not even gotten that hard to begin with. He truly did not know how Chaz had fucked both Millie and Moxxie. The demon had been selfish in some ways, borderline cruel in others. And not in a fun way.
“Does it matter?” he said, a hand reaching up to stroke those soft feathers at Stolas’s neck. Stolas scoffed, but there was a breathiness to his voice that Blitzo would not admit he loved. Stolas gently took hold of Blitzo’s chin, making him look up and over his shoulder.
He hesitated, and then slowly kissed his mouth. It soothed Blitzo somehow. It was the softest kiss they’d ever exchanged. It made his head spin.
It was in moments like this that he thought Stolas might want him for more than what he was. A fucktoy imp, always ready to give him what he needed. But then he’d do things like this. Kiss him like he really wanted him. Get jealous. Jealous of what? That someone else might be fucking his plaything?
Or that someone else was fucking the person he loved?
It was annoying. Confusing. But Blitzo pulled him closer anyway, loving the sharp tang of blood that was still there from when Chaz split his lip the night before. Stolas hummed in surprise when he tasted it, but he didn’t pull away. Good.
Blitzo tried to think about what he would do if Stolas had fucked someone else. He tried to tell himself he wouldn’t care, but the truth was that he’d probably collapse in a pathetic miserable heap if that were the case. Whatever that might say about him. He just liked to pretend, sometimes, that Stolas loved him.
“Stolas,” he mumbled. “You can tell me to go after I say this, but-”
“Never,” Stolas whispered. “No matter what it is.”
Blitzo sighed- or groaned, maybe. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re seriously turning me on right now and all… but I don’t want to have sex tonight.”
He didn’t think he imagined the smile against his mouth.
“Oh,” Stolas murmured, the sound almost pleased.
“I can go,” Blitzo said quietly. Stolas squeezed him around the torso. “Don’t be absurd.”
Blitzo shifted in his arms, turning over to face him completely. “You sure?” he asked. “I know that’s not what this is. I just-”
“ Blitz .” Stolas looked at him with such a delighted smile that he wanted to die. It was still somehow tinged with bitterness, but Blitzo chose to ignore that.
He shifted again, then twined his tail up Stolas’s leg.
“Okay then. I’m gonna sleep.” he mumbled. “I’m fucking spent.”
Stolas grinned then. Full on grinned, like a fucking kid. He was probably still half asleep.
Blitzo buried himself in his chest before it was too much. Maybe it was anyway. Confusion clouded his mind, but he was too tired, too comfortable to care. He’d worry about it later. In the morning. Stolas was still half smiling as Blitzo glanced up at him. He sniffed, watching as the prince gradually relaxed back into unconsciousness. He felt it pull at him as well.
He gave up eventually, drifting asleep with the thought just fading on the edge of his consciousness.
I love him.
Just a halfhearted revelation. Maybe he could convince himself he didn’t mean it tomorrow. But it was enough to make him terrified out of his mind.