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Cure for me

Summary:

Gusu Lan and Yunmeng Jiang go on a night hunting trip together. Lan Xichen decides to reach for what he gave up many years ago.

Notes:

Hi 💖

This is my part of XiCheng White Day Exchange - gift for @TakanoSenpai1 - I hope you will like it and enjoy 💙💜

 

For everyone:
- English isn't my first language and I'm sorry for any mistakes you'll find

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Lan Xichen needed time in seclusion to somehow deal with the pain of losing two friends. Time that would allow him to realize the enormity of the manipulation he had been subjected to, which he had failed to recognize for years. Realizing this, allowed the man to see what remained the same, what he should focus on above all else. That's what he tried to do, immediately after leaving seclusion - continue leading Gusu Lan, taking the responsibilities off his uncle's shoulders. He could see where he had gone wrong, that he had trusted too much from the start, that he hadn't listened carefully to his long-time friend, believing in the good of someone he had barely met. He should have stopped while there was still an opportunity, questioned his younger friend's intentions, instead of putting his words above Nie Mingjue’s.

Unfortunately, time couldn't be turned back, and wallowing in despair could only reflect on the well-being of the entire sect. Lan Wangji had left with his beloved, so he couldn't take over the leadership, which Lan Qiren also didn't want, while fulfilling his leadership duties when first Qingheng-Jun and then Zewu-Jun were locked away in seclusion. Now Lan Qiren had time when he could rest, to focus only on teaching young minds, straightening their moral spines and eradicating the seeds of heresy. This wasn't easy because of Wei Wuxian's story, showing how much demonic cultivation made things easier, as long as it was used judiciously, in a non-invasive way, if that could be said of this kind of cultivation.

However, simply returning to duty wasn't enough. Not all wounds could be healed by work, and exhaustion only increased the pain, the sense of loneliness and confusion between what was real and what was the result of manipulation. Lan Xichen felt that what he really needed was to return to his old self, the one that had been abandoned, pushed into a corner by Meng Yao's actions. He needed to find what he had wanted years ago, to see if it would be the right course, if that's what he should have followed then, to be able to find out if he could continue to want it. However, after more than thirteen years, everything could change, and Lan Xichen was aware of how difficult a task he faced when everything brought back memories of Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao.

The wind unexpectedly rushed into the library, stirring up dust particles into the air, snatching a few strands of Lan Xichen's long hair to dance. The man smiled softly, noticing how the steam hovering over the tea swirled, billowing seemingly angrily, only to float calmly again a fraction of a second later. At the moment, it resembled the man toward whom Sect Leader Lan had turned his attention.

He didn't know what really reminded him of the feeling that once grew in his heart. A feeling that he was forced to sideline for the sake of his brother, and later by war and alliance with the other great sects. Perhaps it was the color of the evening sky, which he loved to watch, and which could turn a beautiful shade of purple before it plunged into a deep dark blue. However, it wasn't the reason he remembered it that was important. It was the mere memory of the joy, the warmth that spilled into his chest whenever he had the opportunity to watch the younger man in the midst of his teachings.

Jiang Wanyin - a leader considered by many to be aggressive, angry, and who with his intelligence, he surpassed most senior leaders. Someone who grew up in the shadow of his stepbrother, as it might seem, and who grew up to be a leader standing firmly on the ground. There was no denying his impulsiveness, but Lan Xichen got the impression that few actually understood what lay behind that exuberant exterior.

The man smiled warmly as he sipped a bit of tea, recalling the time when Jiang Cheng took lessons from Lan Qiren, when he was starting to become a really attractive young man. Even then, Lan Xichen followed him with his gaze, enjoying every moment of conversation together. He was beginning to take a stronger and stronger interest in him, noticing how smart he was, how carefully he weighed his every action, thinking first of his sect and then of himself. He perceived so many emotions in him, which were as violent as his character through his youth. Later, the young man had to mature quickly, taking the place of his parents and doing better in his leadership position than many expected.

Lan Xichen became convinced that his own interest in Sect Leader Jiang wasn't as gentle and innocent as he initially assumed, during a night-hunt on Mount Baifeng. Seeing how the young man presented himself on horseback, he couldn't stop his thoughts, which then began to rush to the regions he needed to meditate for, trying to calm and soothe his inflamed body. It was then that he felt for the first time that he wanted to court him, but he did nothing to check it out. He knew that Lan Wangji had a crush on Wei Wuxian, and felt that he should first allow his brother to calm his raging heart before reaching for happiness himself. Not much later, however, things began to change, and he put his own dreams aside, devoting himself to helping his friends and working together with Jin Guangyao on lookout towers.

Was it really possible to return to the way one used to be? Of course, not completely, since the events that shaped each person's character couldn't be forgotten just like that, pretend they didn't happen, but Lan Xichen wanted to try. For this reason, he went on a visit to Yunmeng Jiang, which went surprisingly well. Proof of this lay in front of the man on a small table - the invitation to go night-hunting together, which was sent not long after their meeting.

It wasn't often that Yunmeng Jiang invited other sects to join them for joint night-hunts, but this time the circumstances were also favorable. In the areas lying between their sects, more fierce corpses were reported again. So they were able to work together, teaching their disciples to cooperate with other sects during battles. Lan Xichen saw more benefit to the friendship between Gusu Lan and Yunmeng Jiang in this invitation than he wanted to admit, while not being completely indifferent to the fact that he had another reason to see Jiang Wanyin. He again had the opportunity to see how his earlier, he would say youthful, feelings for the younger leader had managed to change, whether they had faded or gained depth, matured. 

Lan Huan smiled slightly at his thoughts, slowly sipping his tea. The excitement that suddenly surged through his body, coursing through his veins, tried to force him to get up from his seat. It tried to force him to go far away, where he could smile as broadly as he wanted, where they wouldn't look at him suspiciously. The sweet anticipation of what was about to happen with uncertainty, a feeling typical of young men, hit him with redoubled force, as if it wanted to make up for lost time. The man closed his eyelids, focusing on the gentle breeze that moved his hair, a ribbon, bringing with it the hope of a better tomorrow, of fully recovering from turbulent times.

 

The order to prepare for the night hunt quickly circulated among all disciples. When it was time to set out for Yunmeng Jiang, everyone stood ready for the journey and the hunt that awaited them. Lan Xichen could see the uncertainty on the faces of the younger, less experienced disciples, as well as the calmness in those who were slowly finishing their training. However, they all gazed at him with confidence, which once again touched the heart of Sect Leader Lan. He had his people, for whom he should do anything to break out of the numbness he had fallen into after discovering the truth about Jin Guangyao. 

Finally, Gusu Lan's group of cultivators set out at dawn to reach the village, which was suffering from numerous attacks by fierce corpses, in the late afternoon. Yunmeng Jiang's cultivators were already waiting on the spot, and they didn't look very eagerly in their direction. One even got the impression that they were looking hostilely at the others, which was all the more strange since their Leader greeted each other politely with a clearly perceived affection.

"According to locals, whoever goes deep into the forest at night usually doesn't come back. If they aren't ordinary firece corpses, we may be dealing with a lesser demon," spoke up quietly, Jiang Wanyin, looking toward the forest. He explained that they took advantage of the traps they had deployed in the forest, as long as it was bright enough for everyone to head toward the source of the trouble. 

Lan Xichen listened to him carefully, noticing the changes that had taken place in the man over time, the differences between an impulsive young man and a grown man who carefully analyzed his behavior. There was something disturbing about him, however, though Sect Leader Lan was unable to immediately tell what. He perceived the younger man's clenched teeth, equally clenched fists whose knuckles had turned white. There was a visible tension that Lan Huan didn't understand. The longer they talked and settled the details of the night-hunt, Yunmeng Jiang's disciples also became silent and looked with equal distrust at Gusu Lan's cultivators as at the forest.

Wasting no more time, the cultivators moved deeper into the forest, listening for sounds indicative of the awakening of more than just nocturnal creatures. Although they were theoretically supposed to face the demons together, Lan Xichen noticed that Yunmeng Jiang's disciples were clearly sticking close to their leader, although they didn't look terrified of what was about to befall them. They remained calm, looking around, reacting to every rustle, efficiently disposing of the fierce corpses slowly attacking them, sending their swords ahead. No mistake or hesitation could be discerned in their movements, although they were surprisingly in formation, as if they were trying to protect Jiang Wanyin, who was clearly annoyed by this, but didn't send them away.

During this time, the Gusu Lan disciples managed to split into pairs and began to check the area, quickly fighting off more ghosts. They moved silently, using their swords, gradually dispersing through the area, still remaining at a sufficient distance to come to the rescue of others if necessary. Which soon became a necessity when the number of fierce corpses became alarming in the middle of the forest, thus explaining the disappearances of the villagers.

The silence in the forest, which had lasted until then, was abruptly broken by the roar of the ghosts as they moved on the cultivators. With short shouts, the disciples divided tasks among themselves, beginning to work together as a larger group, helping the Yunmeng Jiang members as their formation began to break out. Time and again, the darkness was illuminated by flashes of spirit weapons. The sounds of guqin melodies and flutes broke between the sounds of battle as some Gusu Lan members reached for their instruments, aiding the fight with Eradication Tone, as well as Rest. Whirling in a deadly dance, the disciples of both sects progressively disposed of the fierce corpses. When silence finally fell in the forest for a while, broken only by the faster breathing of the cultivators, the members of Yunmeng Jiang began to look around. In a moment, they realized that they had forgotten to maintain formation, thus allowing Jiang Wanyin to be left alone.

"I'm sure he'll be fine. You should go back to the village, get some rest," replied Lan Xichen calmly as he noticed their growing anxiety. He wasn't even surprised when the disciples, one after another, shook their heads, looking around with more tension.

"With all due respect, Zewu-Jun, we will not return to the village without our Leader," replied one of them, bowing to the man, clearly hesitating whether he should add anything more.

Suddenly a younger boy ran up to them, pale in the face, which was visible in the faint moonlight. Without a word, he extended a hand toward the head disciple, in which rested a clarity bell, whose ornamentation showed that it belonged to Jiang Wanyin. The bell looked as if it had been cut off in the midst of battle, not as if it had been removed of its own accord. A murmur ran between the disciples, but it abruptly quieted, and Yunmeng Jiang's members began to separate, heading deeper into the forest. Lan Xichen hesitated, eventually ordering his disciples to join the search for the other leader, himself approaching Yunmeng Jiang's head disciple.

"From the beginning of the hunt, you kept close to Jiang Wanyin. Now you don't look surprised, more concerned. What's going on?" he asked, and on his face was in vain the gentle smile he usually bestowed on everyone around him.

The young man looked at Zewu-Jun for a moment, clenching his fingers on his leader's clarity bell, clearly unsure if he should reveal anything. But after a moment, his shoulders slumped, betraying resignation, uncertainty, and concern shone in his gaze, which he lifted to the older man.

"Without clarity bell, Sect Leader Jiang isn't quite himself, I'd say he's partly back to the past," he admitted quietly, before bowing and moving behind the others himself.

Lan Xichen didn't hesitate for a moment. Recognizing that the disciples could use some help, especially since they didn't know quite what they were up against. He also didn’t know why the Yunmeng Jiang members were acting as if they wanted to hide what was happening to their Leader, while fearing him. The man suspected that there was something more behind it, something they were unable to deal with, which could affect Yunmeng Jiang's position if only the matter came to light. He also knew that Jiang Wanyin wasn't someone who would leave cultivators inexperienced in combat alone when it wasn't entirely clear what they were about to face and disappeared without a word. Although he tried to drown out the feeling so as not to let his emotions take control of him, he had to admit to himself that he feared what the head disciple meant when he said that his Leader was returning to the past without a clarity bell.

When they reached the place where not much earlier the fighting had taken a turn for the worse, where the most fierce corpses were attacking them, they began to hear crackling and a glow of purple light between the trees - which must have come from Zidian. Disciples Yunmeng Jiang broke into a run in an instant to assist their Leader, but Lan Xichen held back the Gusu Lan members. He didn't like the fact that as they approached the fighting man, all they could hear was his shouting and the crack of Zidian. The typical sounds of battle couldn't be heard, let alone the silence that prevailed from the ghosts.

Eventually they reached a place where the forest was thinning slightly, spotting Jiang Wanyin between the trunks, who, with obvious hatred on his face, was delivering more blows with Zidian, alternating with Sandu's attacks. Unfortunately, each attack hit point-blank, and for a moment Lan Xichen wondered if they were dealing with a more dangerous demon, holding back all the disciples of his sect. Unfortunately, the Yunmeng Jiang members decided to approach their Leader by lowering their weapons, clearly not wanting to provoke him. The effect, however, was the opposite.

"I'll kill you... I'll kill everyone! Wen-dogs... I'll kill everyone one by one!" Jiang Cheng roared, suddenly hitting one of his disciples with Zidian, only to have the other one wrap around him and jerk towards him, ready to pierce him with his sword. Before the blade could sink into his body, however, Shuoyue deflected it upward, drawing the other leader's attention to Lan Xichen. The gray, usually bright gaze was at this moment darkened from the hatred raging within him, and seemingly blind at the same time. Sect leader Lan saw that his friend didn't recognize any of them and for some reason took them for members of the Qishan Wen, which hadn't existed for a long time.

"Stand back, all of you, and under no circumstances try to approach," he instructed firmly, reaching for Liebing, and after a moment the Purification Tone began to intertwine with Jiang Cheng's loud shouting, which attacked Lan Xichen with all his might. Disciples of both sects came to obeisance as one of the leaders, almost dancing, dodged the blows, playing tones on his flute meant to help calm his thoughts, while the other, using both spiritual weapons, attacked him again and again, sparing no force of attack.

"Wanyin, wake up."

The gentle command, uttered when the melody seemed to be having an effect, was rewarded with a shout from the younger leader - a shout full of pain, grief, hatred, full of all the emotions that consumed an immature heart during the war. Jiang Cheng attacked with increased force, striking Zidian, launching Sandu immediately afterward towards Lan Xichen, who dodged Lan Xichen's blows, and not from every attack managed to dodge. The snow-white robes slowly soaked up blood from wounds that were not deep enough to pose a threat, but bled profusely. They could certainly irritate as well, although this wasn't evident from Leader Gusu Lan, who played Cleansing, putting enough spiritual energy into the music to make it effective, and didn't take his eyes off Jiang Cheng. He seemed to be waiting for the right moment, the moment that would prove that his efforts were not in vain, and when the disciples watching them held their breath, seeing Sect Leader Jiang charging at him, Lan Huan made a move unexpected by anyone.

He interrupted the game to take off the forehead ribbon and tie it in front of the younger man without hesitation. When Jiang Cheng wanted to rip it off, Lan Xichen grabbed him by the wrist, immediately grabbing the other, driving his hands back. The famous strength of Gusu Lan members' arms at this moment was clearly felt by Leader Yunmeng Jiang, who, although he tried to free his hands, was unable to break free from the older man's grasp. Lan Xichen grabbed his wrists with one hand, with the other hand embracing his shoulders, pulling him tightly to himself, not allowing the man to jerk harder.

Zidian's discharges ran through their bodies, but the older man didn't react to them, accepting the pain he felt with calm breathing, not perceiving it as a proper, intentional attack. He had already guessed what had started to happen, helped by Jiang Wanyin's clarity bell, but now he himself had to become a source of calm for him.

"Wanyin... A-Cheng, calm down. Just focus on my voice... Go back to your disciples..."

"What disciples! You killed everyone, from the servants to my parents!"

Jiang Wanyin growled in a low, throaty voice, jerking hard enough that they both hit a tree. However, this didn't allow them to loosen their grip, to free themselves from the older man's arms. The disciples took a step toward them, but stopped abruptly as soon as Lan Xichen looked at them rather sharply, as if he resembled his younger brother in that one moment, making everyone realize that although he had a gentle smile and kindness painted on his face every day, he could be just as firm and confident in his actions.

He was already sure of them, since he understood where he had made mistakes, and since he was sure of what he wanted to return to. He craved a new beginning for himself and the feeling he once shared with the younger leader. A feeling that was perhaps reciprocated, or at least could have been, if the conversation they had that resulted in this night-hunt was to be believed. He wasn't going to let anything get in the way of that, and certainly not to let the demons of the past hinder everything.

Lan Xichen pulled the younger man tighter to him, leaning into his ear to be sure to be heard better, clenching his teeth for a moment as Zidian's discharges ran through his body again, causing his muscles to tense.

"A-Cheng... It's in the past, we've already defeated them, come back to us... Listen to my voice, you know who I am, right?"

Huan-ge, a hoarse whisper mingled with another, stronger crackle of spiritual weapons that responded to the emotions pouring through Jiang Wanyin as fear, pain and hatred, slowly gave way to surprise, uncertainty. The anger didn't go away, it was as if it was a part of him, and at this moment, anger kept him away from emotions he didn't know, that he didn't know if he should let come to the fore.

"Come back to me A-Cheng," the older man spoke quietly again, allowing himself a deeper breath as he sensed Sect Leader Jiang slowly relax, his muscles no longer ready to fight. Finally, Lan Xichen let go of him, watching him take the forehead ribbon off his eyes as he looked at it carefully, finally tightening his fingers on the material.

"Let's go back to the inn. Disciples need rest," Jiang Cheng spoke up quietly, getting up from the ground, not remembering at what point they wrapped themselves on the ground. He looked only briefly at Lan Xichen, clearly wanting and asking something, but before he could speak, his head disciple ran up to him, extending a hand with a clarity bell in his direction. The younger leader picked it up and strapped it to his belt, along with the forehead ribbon from Lan Xichen, looking at it once more before finally summoning his disciples and setting off with them toward the village.

Lan Huan didn't know how he should react, only when the figures in purple robes disappeared between the trees did he smile softly. He rose from the ground, signaling the Gusu Lan members to also head toward the village, to the rooms they had rented earlier. He himself, however, stayed outside, noticing Jiang Cheng standing nearby, turning a clarity bell in his fingers. The older man slowly approached him, discreetly making his presence known, being ready at a moment's notice if his presence wasn't pleasing to the younger man.

Lan Xichen's gaze moved involuntarily over the other leader's silhouette, but stopped, noticing his forehead ribbon still attached to his belt. It was as if it was supposed to be there, as if this was where it belonged. The man's heart pounded harder in his chest, flooding him suddenly with a wave of heat that he hadn't felt in so long, and which definitely testified that certain things hadn't passed with the passage of time. He felt that he would have liked most to put his arms around him gently, but it wasn't appropriate. The fact that he hadn't yet returned the ribbon to him didn't necessarily immediately mean that his own feelings, revived after thirteen years, were reciprocated.

"Even in the darkest night you can see true beauty, as long as you look up," he said quietly, standing shoulder to shoulder with Jiang Wanyin, who furrowed his brow while smiling almost mockingly. Everything, however, told the older man that this was just a shell, an attitude that had allowed him to survive for so long between other people ready to judge him at every turn. Even now he looked as if he was ready to face an unfair assessment, a sign of pity, or another lack of understanding. However, none of these things happened, and Lan Xichen simply fell silent, standing beside him with his hands clasped behind his back, gazing up at the sky.

He involuntarily returned his thoughts to the moments in the forest, to the expression on his companion's face, that of hatred, but also of pain. Questions loomed in his head, demanding that he finally speak them, but the man preferred to wait, paying no attention to how much time had passed that the sky was slowly losing its darkest hue, betraying the slow approach of dawn.

"My disciples were certainly not happy to see me in this state. They act around me like I need a babysitter, brats..." the quiet, angry voice of Jiang Wanyin betrayed the man's irritation, but also his fatigue. He didn't look at Lan Xichen, who was standing next to him, turning the clarity bell still in his fingers, unsure whether he regretted losing it in the midst of the fight or was happy about this turn of events. He finally reached for the forehead ribbon, untying it from his belt, but not yet handing it over to the older man.

"How often does this happen to you?" the question was asked in a soft tone, and yet, Jiang Cheng tensed up anyway, letting out a quiet snort. He clenched his fingers momentarily on the material he was holding, with such force that his knuckles turned white, but just as quickly relaxed, too tired to give in to the wave of anger.

"Every night-hunt causes nightmares on waking. Clarity bell allows me to keep myself in reality, but when I accidentally lose it..." he replied quietly, barely audibly, finally turning toward Lan Xichen, smiling half mockingly, half with challenge. "It seemed to me that Gusu Lan has a forehead ribbon to regulate oneself and no one can touch it. You shouldn't show your disciples that they can remove it to bind others' eyes."

Saying this, Jiang Cheng still held the ribbon in his fingers, apparently waiting for an explanation, or at least that's how Lan Huan understood it, who didn't take his gaze away from the bright eyes. It also seemed to him that the man was trying to change the subject, to move the conversation away from his problem, which wasn't appropriate. He smiled warmly, leaning in slightly, while grasping the end of the ribbon in his hand, but without taking it from the hands of the younger leader.

"I can help clear your thoughts, get rid of nightmares. Help keep your mind clear with more than a clarity bell before I begin a proper courtship, proving that the ribbon was used with full awareness," Lan Xichen said quietly, not taking his gaze off Jiang Cheng, who snarled under his breath, turning his head away for a moment before finally grabbing the older man by the front of his robes, pulling him closer.

"I don't need a cure for me," he growled, before smiling at the corner of his mouth. "But you can try," he added, before kissing him, thus answering all unasked questions.