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Dean parked in the Impala, and waited for Castiel to show up.
“Hello, Dean,” The angel appeared in the passenger seat.
“Dammit, Cas!” Dean panicked, “Quit sneaking up on me like that.”
“I’m sorry,” The angel said, “What did you need?”
The hunter took a deep breath.
“I don’t need anything from you,” Dean said, “Not yet.”
“Then why did you call me here?”
“I think of you like a brother, Cas. You’re family. You know that, right?”
Castiel tilted his head. “What is this about?”
“Please, just answer the question.”
“Of course I know that.”
Dean shook his head.
“Dean?”
“Have you ever gotten tired of me?” He asked, “Tired of helping me and Sam? Tired of coming to our rescue?”
“I never get tired of helping you,” Castiel said, “I think of you two as my brothers as well. By the way, where is Sam?”
“At the bunker.”
“He…doesn’t know you’re here, does he?”
“No,” Dean answered, “But Cas, I know I’m really demanding of you, but can you do me just one favor?”
“Anything.”
“Kill me.”
“What?”
“Sam doesn’t have to know,” Dean explained, “Make it look like an accident…whatever, but please…kill me.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because I asked you to kill me if I ever lost control. I lost control, now kill me.”
“The Mark is gone now,” Castiel said.
“I’m a monster,” Dean said, “It’s not just the Mark. I’ve never been able to do much of anything without getting people killed or hurt or…Hell, ending the world.”
The hunter winced as he waited for Castiel to make a move.
“Not anymore,” Castiel said, “I know you harbor guilt for what you’ve done. Believe me, I understand.”
“Then do it!”
“No!”
“Then I’ll do it myself.”
“I can’t let you do that,” Castiel said, “You’re not killing yourself on my watch.”
Dean stared at the steering wheel and let tears fill his eyes. The angel was patient, and just sat in the passenger seat.
“Do you want to know something, Dean?” Castiel finally asked.
“What?”
“I never had a full range of emotions until I was human,” The angel said, “I could tap in to Jimmy’s emotions, but that was about it. But when I was human, it hit me like a brick wall. I felt terrible, regretted all I’d done; killing all those angels, releasing the Leviathans, making you torture Alastair, breaking Sam’s wall, leaving his soul in Hell…”
“I thought that was an accident…”
“Didn’t stop me from feeling terrible,” Castiel continued, “It kept me awake at night. I missed you, I missed Sam…I missed Bobby…I was hurt that I couldn’t stay in the bunker…I think I cried.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Please stop apologizing,” Castiel said, “I was never resentful, not for a moment.”
“And did the guilt go away?”
“Eventually. Though it was replaced with…something else.”
Dean had forgotten his problems just for a moment, and chuckled.
“Why do I get the feeling that’s Sam related?”
“It was when I felt love for Sam…among other things.”
“Other things?”
“Certain…sexual feelings towards…”
“Okay,” Dean interrupted, “That’s enough of that.”
“I love you, Dean,” Castiel said, “In a brotherly sense.”
“Thanks, Cas.”
“I would do anything for you and Sam. I’ll be there when you need me. But I can’t kill you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, or ever face Sam again. If I leave you here, promise you’ll be okay.”
“I promise. But, Cas?”
“Yes?”
“Wanna hang out for a bit before I head back to the bunker?”
Castiel smiled. “Of course.”