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Milgram prison. It truly wasn’t like anything else Mikoto had ever seen. A place where one can be judged for their crimes, not by law but by the nature of it as a whole. It was a place where someone like him—someone who was apparently a murderer but didn’t know it could get forgiveness, even if the law would have had him punished for it. It was strange to imagine such a place really existed, but the proof was right in front of his eyes. Milgram was real. And forgiveness WAS a very true possibility. Even the worst of the worst had a chance to be forgiven here, if Milgram so allowed it. But he hadn’t gotten it. Forgiveness was not something Mikoto deserved, even by Milgram standards of judging people, so when it came to Kotoko attacking everyone... he was not excluded. He too, got ripped to shreds by this woman, who believed she was above everybody else, together with all the others who shared his fate of a guilty verdict. It was a fairly even fight, but no matter how skilled a fighter he was, he was still human, and sometimes injuries were inevitable, leaving Mikoto black and bruised after his encounter with Kotoko.
He was severely injured. Cuts and bruises lining his otherwise perfect skin. Mikoto was someone who valued his looks quite a bit; always making sure to look presentable and well kept. So when Mikoto woke up one day, memory lost but skin laced with imperfections, Shidou rushed to his side, ignoring his own worries for a bit, and helped him to safety.
Once they were back at Shidou’s cell, Shidou set to work tending to Mikoto's wounds. Being a doctor, he had everything he needed prepared. Bandages, plasters, antiseptics, and even some painkillers if desired. During his time at Milgram, Shidou had turned his cell into his own workplace, where he provided care for everyone who needed it, innocent or not. He attentively cleansed and treated the wounds, his hands gentle as he worked. He had always been a careful man, but even more so now that he had gotten his own verdict of innocence. If he were to be spared, the very least the doctor could do was be there for those who couldn’t treat themselves. He would not and couldn’t allow anyone to die under his care again. Mikoto winced as Shidou applied some antiseptic to a particularly deep cut, but he knew it was necessary to prevent infection. He was biting away at the skin of his lip, a lesser pain inflicted on himself to replace the burning of the antiseptic on his wrists. Even though it only took a few seconds at most, it felt like way too long. He had always had a low pain tolerance.
"Thanks," Mikoto said, looking up at Shidou with a grateful expression.
Shidou smiled down at him, "It's my job to take care of those in need as a doctor."
A silence fell between the two men. It was cold in prison. Even with someone this close to his body, and with the warmth of the blood streaming over his arms, Mikoto still felt cold. He let out a sigh, feeling it leave his lungs in small breaths, choppy and quick. It seemed like his body still hadn’t completely recovered from the shock of waking up in pain, but unable to recall why. He only then noticed that his hands were trembling. What did Kotoko do to him? He gasped for air, feeling something press against his skin again. More antiseptic? Perhaps a numbing cream to stop the pain? He held his breath, almost pulling back his arm from shock. Shidou leaned in to place a gentle kiss on one of Mikoto's wounds, specifically the one on his wrist. His lips felt soft against the skin, Mikoto looking down, eyes wide. He felt his heart skip a beat. So no more antiseptic after all, huh? It was a small gesture, but it felt intimate and affectionate. He couldn't help but blush, even though it stung a little.
Days passed, and Mikoto recovered from his injuries with Shidou's help. But he couldn't shake the memory of that kiss. He found himself looking at Shidou differently, seeing him not just as a partner but as someone he cared about deeply. That wasn’t the plan at all. Mikoto knew that his relationships with others were superficial. It was what he had done ever since he first came here. Everyone, even those who he considered friends now, were just to climb his way up the social ladder. A way to get those at home, who he still believed were watching him, to like him. So why was Shidou different? Why was it that when he kissed his wounds that one time, his lips soft against the skin…. Seeing them trail over the red that streamed from his wrists like tears from his eyes... Why was it that that small gesture a mother often made to a child made him feel so incredibly loved and cared for? He felt his cheeks heat up again, like they had done back then. He shouldn’t think about it much. It probably was nothing, and the reason it made him feel so odd was just because he never got that sort of care before. It was just because he was embarrassed—nothing less, nothing more.
A couple days later, as they were walking back from the dining hall, just having had dinner, a simple dish of potatoes with vegetables on the side, Mikoto turned to Shidou and took his hand. The sudden movement surprised the younger man just a little. It was like he wasn’t in control of his movements, his body seemingly moving on its own to reach for the touch of his superior. "Thank you for taking care of me that one time," Mikoto said, looking up at Shidou with a soft smile. "You really didn’t have to do that…. Koto-chan…." Mikoto paused, averting his eyes. He didn’t remember the fight well. If it weren’t for the cuts and bruises all over his body, and his ripped clothes, he probably wouldn’t have remembered it at all. It was hard to make sense of it all. Shidou had told him what happened, but it was still hard to believe. Kotoko... attacked him. And he couldn’t remember it at all. If anyone else told him this, he would’ve laughed in their face, telling them to stop messing around. But it was Shidou who told him what had happened, and Mikoto knew better than to doubt a doctor. It was in their policy not to lie to their patients. So Mikoto liked to believe he wasn’t, despite the fact Shidou was here exactly BECAUSE he had violated the policy before. "The others are just as badly hurt, but you choose to still help me. Thank you, Shidou." Silence yet again. Shidou had always been a man of few words. That was exactly why Mikoto hadn’t nicknamed him. Children, Fuuta, and those who were hard to talk to didn’t get a nickname. Shidou belonged to the last category, though talking to him became easier with every day that passed.
Shidou's eyes met his; they always had this slight sadness to them, as if he could start crying any second. Maybe that was what seeing so many people die did to someone. You carried their sadness with you in the way you carried yourself. Body, soul, and mind. Every part reflected this suppressed sadness for a lost life. Mikoto leaned in, closing the distance between them. Like his eyes looked sad, so did his lips, which always turned downward in a slight frown. Even when he smiled, it seemed to be done with struggle. A sad doctor, that was what he was. Yet Mikoto hoped that this thing, this kiss, would curl his lips upwards for just a second. A smile. Wasn’t that a great gift? The concept was so daring that it was already worth the risk. As their lips met, Mikoto felt a rush of emotions: gratitude, affection, and something more, though he couldn’t quite tell what it was. Maybe it was thankfulness for Shidou’s time and effort in taking care of him the past couple of days. He deepened the kiss, pouring his feelings into it. This was his thank-you. His thank you to Shidou for taking care of him all this time, his thank you for being his friend. He never quite learned to show his appreciation to others; after all, he treated everyone the same. But a kiss... a kiss, he didn’t give those to many people. Let alone a guy. It meant that whatever these feelings were that Mikoto felt, Shidou really was special. And Mikoto wanted nothing more than for Shidou to know he was. A good, sad doctor and his willing patient, Mikoto Kayano.
When they finally pulled apart, they were both breathless. Shidou had frozen into the kiss, clearly surprised, but he hadn’t pulled back. When Mikoto’s lips, surprisingly cold and chapped for someone so well kept, met his, he couldn’t help but appreciate the gesture; it was an out of the box way to thank someone. It was endearing. "I care about you too," Shidou said, clearly teasing the younger boy. Care, he said. As if Mikoto kissing him had anything to do with that. Shidou couldn’t help but chuckle softly.
Mikoto smiled, feeling happier than he had in a long time. He knew that he and Shidou had a tough job ahead of them, but as long as they had each other, they could face anything. Guilty or not, the good, sad doc here would have his back. He was safe here, with Shidou, someone who he had come to appreciate as more than just a friend lately.
As they walked back to their cell, Mikoto felt a sense of nervousness creeping up on him. He wasn't sure what he was feeling, but he knew it was different than what he had felt before. He had never been in a romantic relationship with anyone before, let alone a guy. He wasn't sure how he felt about that, but he knew he liked Shidou. As in, liked liked. Like, he liked him in the same way he had liked his girlfriend. Deep, romantic, passionate.
Mikoto couldn't stop thinking about the kiss, and he found himself getting lost in his thoughts. Did Shidou smile? Did Mikoto, just for a second, make Shidou forget about all that worried him? Was he even a good kisser? What if it sucked and Shidou, being the polite guy he was, just didn’t say anything about it…. Oh, god that would just... No! He couldn’t think about it—that would just be awful! He was so deep in thought that he didn't realize they had stopped walking until Shidou gently squeezed his hand, bringing him back to reality. Ah. They were at his cell, weren’t they? Shidou had walked him all the way back, and he hadn’t noticed. Talk about disrespect.
"Is everything okay?" Shidou asked, looking at Mikoto with concern. It wasn’t like him to just doze off like this.
Mikoto nodded, a little embarrassed that he had been lost in thought. "Sorry, I was just thinking."
"About what?" Shidou asked, his voice soft and gentle.
Mikoto hesitated for a moment before answering. "About us. I mean, I don't know what this is or where it's going, but I know I want to explore it. I think..." That unsureness yet again.
Shidou smiled. Mikoto was weird, that was for sure. But it was a kind of weird that he didn’t really mind. He found it strangely endearing, finding his lips curling into a smile with every word the younger man spoke. "I want that too, Mikoto. I care a lot about you, and I want to see where this goes. Do you want to try kissing me again? A kiss between two guys who are unsure... Not a thank you kiss."
Mikoto felt a warmth spreading through his chest at Shidou's words. He knew he cared about Shidou, but he didn't realize how much until now. Even though every word he spoke was laced with this almost degrading playfulness, he didn’t really mind it. Shidou's teasing him like this showed that the older man saw him as a person rather than a patient, or worse, a murderer. Mikoto Kayano was being taken care of by Shidou, not because he felt obliged to do so, but because he wanted to. It felt truly special, making his cheeks feel warm. He leaned in and kissed Shidou again, this time with a little more confidence. As they kissed, Mikoto's heart swelled with emotion. He felt a sense of happiness and contentment that he had never experienced before. Shidou had kissed him back this time. Just this little detail made this moment that much more special. Shidou had wanted to kiss Mikoto just as much as Mikoto had wanted to kiss him. The young artist smiled into the kiss, feeling Shidou’s breath warm against his lips. He wondered if the doctor could feel him smile. He wondered if his... whatever it was, would be feeling the same rush of endorphins and dopamine as he was in this moment. He wondered about a lot of things, but he didn’t dare utter a word, scared to ruin the moment.
As they pulled away from the kiss, Shidou wrapped his arms around Mikoto and pulled him close. Mikoto could feel Shidou's heart beating against his chest, slightly racing, and it made him feel safe and secure. He rested his head against Shidou's chest, closing his eyes and savoring the moment. He flinched at the smell. Shidou smelled exactly like what he had expected, cheap medical alcohol and unwashed clothes. It hurt his nose just a bit.
"I'm glad we have each other," Mikoto whispered. His arms felt sore because of the embrace. It seemed like his wounds hadn’t healed completely just yet. He bit his lip, fighting against the slight pain, wanting to stay in the doctor's embrace for as long as he possibly could, even if it hurt.
"Me too," Shidou replied, his voice filled with emotion. "I never thought I could find someone like you in a place like this."
Mikoto smiled, feeling a sense of peace wash over him. He knew they had a lot of obstacles to overcome, but as long as they had each other, they could face anything. He chuckled at the thought. How cliché. He never would have expected himself to be caught in such a cliche love story. Two murderers who met in prison—two guys—slowly falling in love over the course of their sentence. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought it was the plot of one of those romance books you can buy at the convenience store for a couple of bucks. Those with titles such as "Forbidden love, prison passion" or something like that. He laughed yet again. Shidou could feel the movement of Mikoto’s laughter through his chest, rocking the younger’s body ever so slightly.
"I think I love you," Mikoto said, surprising even himself. He sounded confident in himself, even when he spoke the words I think.
Shidou's eyes widened in shock, but then he smiled. "I think I love you too, Mikoto. More than anything."
Mikoto felt tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, maybe because he was happy, maybe because he was surprised... he couldn’t quite tell. But he had never felt this kind of emotion before, and it was overwhelming. God, if he wasn’t confused before, he sure is now. Love... did he even know what that meant!? I mean, back when he dated his girlfriend, they didn’t stay together for very long... Was Shidou sure that of all people… he wanted to date him!? He showed the other man a soft smile, nodding away the tears just as quickly as they had appeared. It was beautiful, and he knew he had found something special with Shidou. Something worth fighting for, because the way he smiled and the words he spoke almost made the pain from before seem all worth it. Thanks for the care, Shidou.