Chapter Text
All Emma could focus on was one thought, repeating over and over in her mind, a music-less earworm she wished would have never taken hold, though now that it had it couldn’t be eradicated. This wasn’t a song she had stuck in her head that listening to a thousand times would end. This was a confirmation of everything for which she had both hoped and dreaded. This was the end of everything she had known.
It’s true .
Magic, curses, time-gone-still. Evil Queens and malevolent imps and princes and princesses. Dwarves, fairies, dragons. Her parents.
It’s all true.
She just broke a curse. A curse. Those things don’t exist. They’re not supposed to exist. And yet she just broke one. A real, live, rainbow-throwing curse. She saw it, lived it, felt it, but she didn’t believe it. Or rather, she didn’t believe that it had been her, that it had been real.
All around her, people were greeting others as if they hadn’t seen them in years even though they had all just spoken within the last couple of days. Some were embracing, calling each other by names Emma didn’t recognize. She wandered down the street with Henry in a daze, overcome with a familiar emotion and overwhelmed by what this meant for her. What it meant for the whole town.
How it changed who she was now.
Emma couldn’t deny the magic, though her brain was at war with her heart over it. She had felt the wave course through her body and outward in a kaleidoscope of colors and sensations. She had seen the dragon with her own eyes, slayed it by throwing a sword at it. She believed in the magic and fairy tales in a way she never had before this. She didn’t want to, but there was no denying that she, like Henry, was now a believer. She accepted that. But believing something and believing in it were two different things.
She still wanted to run.
That ever-present urge to get away, find home, surged through her, stronger than ever, but she couldn’t give in this time. She had promised herself that she would stay here for Henry, be here for him to make up for giving him up, so here she would stay. Her eyes locked with Mary Margaret’s. Mary Margaret: her roommate, friend, and now mother. What were the odds that they would find each other and become friends without ever realizing they were mother and daughter? She wanted to deny the relation, to stay friends and nothing more complicated, but she saw the truth in her mother’s eyes, saw the joy in David’s at finding her at last.
She wished she could share that joy.
Instead, she just felt the sinking sensation of feeling devastated. She had been given the gift she had always wanted, but it was nothing like she thought it would be now that she had it. It hadn’t filled some hole inside her. It hadn’t made her feel found. She felt more lost than she had prior to the curse breaking. She felt off-kilter. She focused on that feeling, wouldn’t allow herself to contemplate on how much more she had suddenly gained.
She had lost too many people in her life before this.
Her mother had cradled Emma’s face in her hands reverently as she murmured, “You found us,” with such wonderment and joy. Then, her parents pulled Emma into a tight embrace. For the first time since she had been born, she knew what it felt like to be held by her parents. She felt the sensation of knowing that her presence meant something to someone. She felt the comfort of those who were supposed to protect her. She pushed that comfort away, wouldn’t let herself feel it. Though she resisted, the foundations of her walls that had been laid with their placing her into a magic wardrobe began to crack.
All Emma could think, would allow herself to think, was ‘Who was supposed to find me?’
At least Henry was excited, calling David “Grandpa” and hugging them. Emma wished she could be more like Henry and see the good in the situation. (She wished she could be more like Henry and allow herself to see the good in the situation.). Henry saw everything as more black and white (thanks to his youth), and in many ways it made it easier for him to roll with the punches.
She wondered if she could forgive easier if she had gotten Henry’s hope.
Of course, the reunions didn’t last long before the next crisis hit. Regina got herself into trouble with the townsfolk now that the curse was broken, and Emma had to save her from the mob. She was loathe to do it, but she was Henry’s mother for the first ten years of his life, so Emma would do anything she could to protect Regina for that simple fact. The best part of this conflict was that it allowed her to push all the stuff out of her mind that she had been dealing with. She could breathe a little bit easier. But before the conflict’s solution could really get underway, there was the problem again.
“Don’t push it Snow,” she heard David chide his wife (his real wife, and God knows that is going to take some getting used to). She saw Mary Margaret nod in agreement.
Of course, the woman doesn’t let it go.
“We’re finally together,” Mary Margaret says after telling Emma she wanted to talk, really talk, “but I can’t help but feel like you’re not happy about it.”
Emma hedged, trying to deny that she was unhappy, just focused on the latest crisis, but she wasn’t sure if she was successful. The thing was, this was a lot for her to take in, and until she could overcome that urge to run when confronted with it, she had no intentions of talking to anyone. The truth behind the matter was that none of this had happened the way Emma had dreamed.
And now, she would have to live with that fact.
After the total chaos of the day in saving Regina from an angry mob and then locking her up in jail, Emma just wanted a grilled cheese, a hot bath, and a show to binge watch on Netflix. She had managed to separate from her parents for some time to herself, but she knew that all too soon they’d be together again, and Emma was low key dreading that. She was glad she had finally found her parents, but they seemed too expect things from her that she wasn’t sure she could give. Emma put her hands in her pockets as she trudged up the steps to the back entry of Granny’s. She could have gone up the front steps to the diner, but people had been stopping her all day to thank her for breaking the curse. She figured she was owed at least these few minutes to herself for Henry nearly dying and leading her breaking it.
Saviors’ wishes should be respected, after all.
Opening the door as quietly as she could, she glanced inside the diner even though she couldn’t see much. No one seemed to notice her presence, so she slunk inside the foyer, stopping just by the jukebox. She could see that Mary Margaret and David were sitting in a booth, clearly waiting for her. Henry was across from them, chattering about something that caused David to laugh and Mary Margaret to smile. Emma took a deep breath to fortify herself into taking that first step to join them.
Time to face the music.
Just as she took that first step, she stopped. Kathryn and a blond man (wasn’t that Jim, the gym teacher at the school? Emma rolled her eyes at the pun) entered the diner, and Emma watched as a determined look came over Kathryn’s face. She decided to hang back and watch in case there was trouble. Savior though she may be, she was still the sheriff of this town and old habits died hard.
There’s always trouble in this place.
David looked up and his eyes widened at seeing Kathryn and Jim. Mary Margaret and Henry watched as the two newcomers approached. David stood as they got closer to the table. To Emma’s complete surprise, Kathryn hugged David tightly as Jim looked on, a small smile on his face.
When they separated, Kathryn said, “I’m so sorry for everything! I was wrong for trying to make you stay with me and fight for our marriage. It didn’t even exist! I can’t believe I was so blind.”
David chuckled and gave her a gentle, reassuring smile. “We were cursed,” he responded, then continuing, “It’s alright. I’m just glad we’re all back to normal.” He reached out a hand to Jim, which the man shook eagerly. “I’m sorry for ‘cheating’ on you during it.”
Kathryn shook her head, smiling. “It’s alright. As you said, we were cursed.”
“We owe you and your family so much,” Jim said. “First you helped to de-goldify me in the Enchanted Forest, and now your daughter broke the curse to reunite Abigail and me. I can never repay you. If you ever need anything-” he broke off as Mary Margaret interuppted.
“You owe us nothing,” she said gently but firmly. “We know what it is to be separated. Your happy reunion is thanks enough.” She smiled softly at them before continuing, “I’m sorry for causing you so much anguish, Abigail, with the affair David and I had carried on.”
Kathryn laughed. “We were cursed,” she responded, giggling. “Have I mentioned that?”
Everyone at the table laughed, with Kathryn adding after the laughter had calmed, “Besides, I’ve got something better now. My true love.” She beamed up at Jim, who smiled just as largely back.
“We’re very happy for you,” David said. Everyone smiled once more and the couple said their goodbyes before moving to another table for dinner.
Mary Margaret beamed at David as he sat back down. He leaned over and kissed her gently in response.
When he pulled away, he murmured softly, “I’m just glad I get to do this again.” Emma couldn’t hear his words, though she did read his lips and so got the gist of what he had said to her roommate turned mother.
Her mind wandered back to the person she had been at sixteen, young and in love for the first time. She had had that once, or she thought she had, and it had torn away all of her hope and confidence in herself. That love had been a large part of the reason why she always ran, having learned the hard way to never trust love again.
She wondered what Neal was doing now, if he had been able to find his Tallahassee without her. But after a moment, she slammed the lid shut on those thoughts. It was foolish to dwell on him and what could have been. She would never know his happy ending; all she would know was that she wasn’t a part of it. Her thoughts turned to that brief interaction with Cleo, but she slammed the lid on that just as hard. “You’re holding on too tightly,” had been Cleo’s admonishment to her, but when you didn’t have much, you had no choice but to cling too hard to the little bit you did have. Besides, it was clear to Emma that she had never had Neal, and you couldn’t hold onto what you had never had.
Sighing, she allowed herself one final rumination before resolving to put all this behind her. She thought about what she would do if Neal ever did come back into her life, if she would give him a second chance. Her gut reaction was to refuse the notion, but she was just aware enough of the state of her heart that she would wish for that with all her might. It had to have been an accident, or a misunderstanding. If he were sorry, then she would have her answer. It would be hard, but they could get through it. A smaller voice deeper in her gut told her that he wasn’t sorry and it wasn’t a misunderstanding, and that she would have to do whatever she could to keep Henry’s heart safe (for that was all that would matter). Briefly, she allowed herself to dream of a happy reunion between them. Then, she shook her head and shook of the daydreaming.
It didn’t matter what she would do in that situation; it was never going to happen.
In the end, all she was left with were what-could-have-been, bittersweet memories, bone-deep regrets, and a juvenile record she couldn’t shake no matter what she did. It didn’t matter at all what she would do. As she finally left the back room where she had been lurking, her heart gave one last painful lurch as she witnessed the easy affection her parents shared as they kissed one more time. For a fleeting moment, her heart yearned for the same chance to be that for someone, to finally be enough and not be left behind. She yearned for that same kind of affection from someone and the ability to give that kind of affection back. But as she greeted her parents and Henry, she tamped that yearning down, slamming yet another brick on her walls. True love wasn’t in the cards for her. She wasn’t the kind of girl to have a fated true love waiting in the wings to find her.
All she was was broken.