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“I am calling post-it, Zola and Bailey and tumors on the wall, and ferry boat scrub hats. I thought DC was everything… And I was wrong. You… you, you’re everything. I love you and I’m not gonna stop loving you. Meredith, I can’t live without you. I don’t want to live without you and I’m going to do everything in my power to prove it.” Derek rattled off a speech that Meredith knew he must have been rehearsing all day.
She waited to feel the familiar tug on her heart that his dreamy smile always gave her but she came up empty. That’s when she knew for sure that she was making the right decision.
“I want a divorce.”
Meredith’s words were met with a stunned silence. Derek’s mouth was opening and closing in shock and she met his eyes with a steely look, ignoring the urge to look down at her feet.
“Whh what? Did you not hear what I just said?” Derek stuttered out.
“I did.” Meredith nodded once.
“And you want a divorce?”
“I do.”
“I just… I don’t know what to say. This is so out of the blue!”
Meredith looked at him with an incredulous look on her face. “Are you serious?”
“We’ve been going through a rough patch! That doesn’t mean you just give up on us!”
“A rough patch? Derek, I haven’t seen you in six months. The only time we talk is when it’s about the kids! You gave up on us a long time ago.” Meredith said, the frustration clear in her voice.
“But I love you!” Derek cried out in anguish.
Meredith finally averted her eyes. “Maybe, but you haven’t shown it in a long time.”
“I’m here now. I’ll show you now.”
“Derek… It’s too late.”
“How? How is it too late?”
Meredith looked at him again and felt her heart clench painfully at the desperation on his face. “I don’t love you anymore.”
Derek inhaled sharply and sat down with his head in his hands. “I can’t believe this.”
Meredith fought the urge to comfort him, she knew it would only make things harder.
“So you’ve just made up your mind? I don’t get any input into the decision that’s going to destroy my life, our children's lives?” Derek spat out, his anger finally coming out.
“I want to talk about this like rational adults, Derek, please don’t get angry.”
“Oh, so you do want to talk about this? Tell me, Meredith, what is there to talk about? Are you going to tell me to leave? Leave this house I built for you?”
“You left this house a long time ago!” Meredith yelled back, her short fuse finally blowing.
“You told me to go!” Derek yelled back.
“I didn’t tell you not to come back! You left this house six months ago and you haven’t looked back since.”
“Oh, I’m sorry that I’ve been busy working for the president.”
“I didn’t realize that was more important than your family.”
Derek just rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Now we’re back to this. Of course it isn’t more important than my family.”
“Tell that to Zola who was inconsolable 2 weeks ago because her dad had promised her that he was going to come to her dance recital.”
“What? No, I didn’t.”
“Yes you did and when I asked you about your flight you told me you weren’t going to make it because of an important deadline.” Meredith said, emphasizing the last two words.
“That’s not my fault!”
“Then whose fault is it?”
“Oh because you’re so perfect!”
“I never said I was perfect!” Meredith snapped. “But at least I’m fucking here.”
“I just can’t believe you would drop this on me. All these issues are news to me.”
Meredith’s mouth dropped open in disbelief. “It’s not fucking news to you, you’ve been in this relationship. It’s not news to you.” She cried out.
“You have never brought up divorce. Not once, if I had known it was at this point I would’ve done a lot of things differently.”
“But why should it have made a difference? If you wanted to, you would have.”
“God, Meredith, you’re still so immature. You need to communicate.”
Meredith felt her rage rise. “I told you over and over what I needed and you never gave it to me. You want to call me immature? Fine, you can live in your little fantasy world and think that. But at least I’m not fucking selfish.”
Derek just scoffed at her and shook his head. “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this. You’re making a mistake.”
Meredith shrugged. “We’ve both made mistakes Derek, I can admit that but I know that this isn’t one.”
Derek nodded and laughed bitterly. “I don’t even know why I’m surprised. Like mother like daughter right? Next thing I know you’ll be moving the kids across the country and I’ll never see them again.”
“Well actually, I won’t have to because you already moved across the country without them.” Meredith shot back before she could help herself.
Derek stood there open-mouthed for a few moments before regaining his composure. “I’ve had enough of this discussion. I’ll talk to you when you're being rational.”
Meredith rolled her eyes as he stormed off towards the guest bedroom and winced when he slammed the door behind him. The kids wouldn’t have been able to hear their yelling but there was no way they didn’t hear that. On cue, she heard Bailey’s wails start up. She waited a few seconds to see if Derek would deal with it and shook her head ruefully when he didn’t emerge. Of course he would leave it up to her, he always did.