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The coronation had gone off without a hitch. That was the story of how Castti had heard it, at least.
She'd been hoping to see the event but she never expected she'd go and fall asleep right after... everything. What a shame, missing something so momentous!
It took a moment to recall everything. She remembered how tired she'd been when she dragged her feet through the tavern after tending to all the patients that had ingested the poison. Her friends had crowded around her, helping her to a seat. She thanked them, reassured them that she was fine and in that same breath, doubled over and passed out. When she woke, she found herself in a bed, tucked in even.
Osvald was sitting on a bench nearby when she left the inn. He had never been one to speak more than necessary, more than fine with giving her a curt nod when they passed each other in town but he put his book down now, looking her over as he spoke. "Castti. How are you feeling now?"
"I'm... fine," Castti said, rolling her shoulders. "I've just been stuck in bed so I want to go for a walk."
"Mm. The others are in town." Then, he pushed up his glasses, awkwardly clearing his throat. "You have... been through much. I would advise you to rest more, for now."
"Ah... yes, of course." She nodded at him, surprised a bit. She knew underneath his logic, he was kind in his own way. Finding his daughter had certainly softened him right up.
Castti walked through Timberain, stretching her legs out. Her whole body ached, a sign of how hard she pushed herself in the last few days. As it was nighttime now... she must have been asleep for almost a whole day.
She stopped atop the bridge, overlooking the rest of the town. There seemed to be more guards than usual but perhaps they were on edge after Trousseau, in case anyone else wanted to try something, or perhaps they had more security simply because of how many people were around right now. Castti had never been to Timberain (and there was no twinge of familiarity that struck her when she arrived so she knew for certainty she had never been here) but even with it being nighttime, there were still crowds of people wandering around.
These people... if Castti had guessed wrong or if she hesitated, they would all be dead. Trousseau's life against all these people... there had been no choice. She desperately wished, even when the poisoned rain had started, that there had been a better way. Perhaps if she could speak with him again, bring him back to reason before he could start the fire, anything to do things peacefully. But when she stood there on the rooftop and listened to his ranting as the toxic rain poured around them, all she could think of in that moment were all the countless lives in the city, the people who had been ushered into their homes, afraid and unknowing of whether they would live to see the dawn of the next day... all because of Trousseau. In comparison... even Trousseau's life... no matter how kind he had been...
She remembered how gentle Trousseau had been, how he always took care to keep his voice soft and his patience with everyone even when others were impatient with him. She remembered the tears welling in his eyes when his first patient had cried out in pain from her sickness and how quick he'd been to reassure her. She remembered how he would rise in the middle of the night to check on his patients, heedless of his own health. She remembered... how gentle he'd been, how each life they couldn't save struck him personally.
That should have been their warning sign. Someone so kind and empathetic like Trousseau... all it took was a push for him to fall into the darkness.
It hurts, doesn't it? All our friends and colleagues, dead. It hurts, right? It hurts so bad... that's why I'll put them all out of our suffering... it'll never have to hurt like that again, you'll see what I mean, Captain—
He... had not been wrong. Even now, with the memory of her colleagues recovered, knowing what they had sacrificed to get her here, it hurt, deep inside. That she would never see them again, hear the sound of their voices and laughter, feel their touch on her shoulders after a job well done—all of that was gone. She would never be able to apologize to them, call Malaya foolish for saving her life instead of her own, would never be able to thank them for everything they had done for her.
They were all gone, and Castti was still here.
Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes and a quiet sob slipped out of her, unbidden. Perhaps... when their journey was over, she could ask Temenos to visit and give them a prayer. She had passed through the village in a daze while she tried to piece together the fragments of her memories, vaguely recalling the dilapidated buildings, but the others had told her that a stranger had been kind to lay them to rest.
After, then. When their journey was over. There were still so many answers they all needed to seek out. The man that Trousseau had spoken to—it was at the edges of her mind, and somehow, she had gotten the faint notion that she had already seen him even before her memories came back. When she tried to recall exactly though... it was as if the man's face was blank.
She shook her head. Not all of her memories had come back, fragments of them still floating around. Hopefully, with more time, she'd be able to recall more memories. Right now though... Castti rolled up her own sleeves, inspecting herself. The bruise-like splotches on her arms had faded though the skin was still darkened, perhaps as a reminder for their potency. The skin felt rough to the touch but it was healthier than it had been before. She never knew exactly what sort of poison it had been, and she wished that no one would ever come across a formula like that ever again. Where exactly had Trousseau learned to make that, though? She wished there was a chance to ask him... but...
There was nothing more she could do for him. What she could do now was help the people he had tried to hurt.
She took out her journal from her satchel, paging through the contents. All she patients she saw... it had all been a blur after Trousseau. Between dealing with him, putting out the fire and smoke, finding the cure, rushing back to town to aid the townspeople who had fallen ill... she could hardly retrace her steps now, not with how tired she had already been. Perhaps Edmund would remember where they had gone so she could conduct a proper follow-up for any possible side-effects from both the poison and cure. She'd have to find him later, another note to add to her long list of things she needed to check up on.
"Ma?"
Castti looked up—or rather down from the bridge. Ochette was on the level below, waving frantically at her. A second later and both Hikari and Agnea walked into view, holding an armful of things. What they were, Castti could hardly guess but people had an odd habit of giving their things to Agnea during the night.
Ochette left the two, dashing up from the stairs and barreling straight into her. Castti winced, but when Ochette looked up at her, her ears drawn and tail wagging slowly and brow creased with worry, she found she could hardly be mad. "Are you feeling better now?!"
"Yes, a lot better now that I've gotten some rest." Castti reached out, ruffling her ears. Ochette was beaming now, wagging her tail faster.
"Good! Because I've got some delicious meat to help you get your energy back!" She stepped back, reaching into her bag but Castti held up her hand before handfuls of jerky could be inevitably shoved at her.
"Er, I can take those back at the inn. It might be hard to eat it all at once right now!"
Ochette frowned but held out one piece. "Here! Just this one then! It'll get you ready for the main dish later!"
"Ah... thank you," Castti gingerly took it. At least one was manageable.
Agnea and Hikari had caught up then, worrying and fretting over her like the other two. It felt... a little strange, being the one worried over than the one doing it. And though it felt nice and made her feel warm, she still felt bad for worrying all of them so. She could only guess how it must have looked to them, joining them back at the tavern only to collapse where she sat.
The three of them left, with her promising that she would return to the inn to get more rest. Castti ate the jerky Ochette had insisted she take. It was delicious, as it always was, but she thought it tasted far better today than the other days. She hadn't realized how hungry she'd been though, and the jerky filled her up slightly. Perhaps she would have finally have room for all the jerky for once.
She went through her journal again, detailing everything so far. The cure she had used, how many hours it had been since she had used it, what possible side-effects could occur... and of course, how it combatted the poison. What even were the bruises that had appeared on her arm though? That was what she wanted to figure out. Some sort of malignant—
"Hey."
Castti nearly startled, turning her head to see Throné next to her now, a wry smile on her lip. "You working yourself too hard again?" Throné's eyes flickered down to her journal, frowning slightly.
"Well... it's helpful to keep records of everything. This is a new cure that I wasn't able to properly test out before using it on others so I should document it now just in case."
"... hm." Throné looked as if she wanted to argue but said nothing more, turning to lean with her arms against the railing. Castti was grateful for it, quickly scribbling down the rest of her thoughts before putting her journal away.
"And what have you been up to, Throné?" she asked, looking over at the other woman now.
"What else?" There had been nothing in Throné's hand in one moment and in the next, a gold coin was between her fingers now. "Timberain's a richer kingdom than I thought."
"Throné!" A thought crossed her mind, remembering their previous banter. "Wait, is that from the castle?!"
Throné held up her hand, the gold coin now gone. "Hey, hey, I haven't taken anything yet." A corner of her lips curled upward. "But... I may have went ahead and given myself a little tour of the inside."
"... yet?" Castti eyed her suspiciously, and all Throné did was chuckle in return. She'd have to keep a closer eye on her...
"Well? How are you feeling right now?" Throné asked.
"A little tired, but forgive me if I say I'm not quite ready to go back to bed just yet," Castti said, stretching her arms above her head as she did so. She missed Throné's eyes watching her every movement.
"I don't blame you. Can't stay in bed either. You look a lot better than... the last few days, at least."
Castti smiled thinly, knowing of how urgently she pushed herself. She felt bad, because even Throné worried for her. "I... admit that I do. Rest is a vital part of the healing process, but the hardest one. I'll be sure to do so though for the next few days."
Throné laughed softly at that and said nothing else. They fell into a silence neither seemed willing to break. Castti continued to look toward the town, at the people still wandering around this late at night. Many of them were drunk stragglers now but there was something endearing about the merry way they stumbled around, their faces flush with spirits and their friends exasperatedly but fondly carrying through the streets to wherever they would be going. If Trousseau had gotten his way, none of this would be happening. The kingdom of Timberain, in just a single night, would have been... dead, if not for her hands.
Her gaze lowered. She was used to the sight of her hands covered in blood... never did she think it would become stained with Trousseau's blood. Had he intended for this outcome all along? If he had never told her where his final destination was, she would have never found him. Perhaps, deep down, he had wanted to be stopped... but was death truly the answer for him? He had sounded so broken at the end and even through his mad ravings, Castti still pitied him, still hoped she could reach out to him and make him see the error of his ways even despite all the lives he had already taken. He had been someone who wanted to save people... and his ideals had become twisted. And in his own way, he believed what he was doing too, repeating her own words back at her.
They both believed in saving people but the line between them was blurry... merely a difference in ideology. Was... was there a chance... that she... might end up like him too?
"Are you thinking about what you did?"
Castti blinked. Throné had turned her head toward her slightly, watching her now out of the corner of her eye.
"I..." Castti swallowed. "We walked the same path but he fell astray. His words might amount to the ravings of a mad man, but he had experienced the very loss and pain he spoke about. He had tried to save his sister and was unable to, and had carried that pain with him. When I think about it... it just... it just makes me wonder if... I might possibly fall down that same path he did in the future."
Throné looked at her surprised, as if shocked she would say such a thing. "Wasn't your first thought to save the people in town? That makes you better than him."
"Yes, but he once thought the same as well! It's..."
"It's easy, then. You can't start thinking like him, because that's when you'll fall down that same path. You just have to make your own path and see it to the end, no matter what," Throné spoke, with a hint of finality. There was no doubt as to what else she was referring to, as Castti's eyes flitted to her bare neck.
"You are... right," Castti agreed. She couldn't go down that road, not for the sake of the friends and lives that had been lost along the way. She'd never be able to face Malaya and the others if she did. "I just wish... he had come to his senses before he died." Castti swallowed down the knot in her throat. "I wish... I just merely wish..." she stared at her hands again, breathing deeply as she recalled Trousseau, laying there in the rain as the poison ate through his now motionless body.
"... if he refused to listen, then there was only one choice." Throné looked away. "But I understand it. The stench of blood... is an awful smell."
"You get... used to it," Castti tried to say though her voice was shaky.
"... not like that. This... this reeks. It just stays there, getting into your lungs. It's suffocating." She exhaled softly and looked over at Castti. "For someone like you, though, you shouldn't be smelling something filthy like that."
And Castti understood it, then. Throné never talked much about how she truly felt deep down. She offered her skills to them, and she was scarily competent. Castti noticed that she took pride in being able to steal undetected, and her ability to knock people unconscious with them unaware, however much Castti felt about it, was... a tremendous aid to to parts of their journey. When she talked about killing though, she always mentioned it as a cleaning job. Her hands never trembled when she held her knife but her cuts were always so clean, almost with a near surgical precision that might have even rivaled Castti's own. She had merely thought it of Throné being efficient, because Throné was always about being practical and pragmatic. After all, it was easier to get rid of bodies if there was less of a mess.
"There... may come a time where I am in that situation again," Castti spoke. "I may have to weigh one life against many."
Throné said nothing at first but Castti watched as she pushed her lips together, setting her jaw as if she were coming to a decision. "Then, I'll offer to you it again. If you find yourself in that position... then I can be the one to do it for you. Unlike mine, your hands are meant for healing."
Castti felt herself at a loss for words. For Throné to offer that to her... it spoke more than any other offer she'd been given in the world. But... that wasn't... that wasn't right, either. Not with what she had finally figured out.
"No, you can't speak about yourself like that too, Throné." Before she knew what she was doing, she reached out, taking one of Throné's hands with both of hers. She felt Throné stiffen, the confusion all over both her face and body... but she didn't pull away. She watched Castti, almost warily. "You only have more experience with it, but"—she finally understood—"you don't like it any more than I do."
Throné blinked at her, surprised. She looked down at their hands, opened her mouth, no doubt to protest, but Castti continued. "Your hands, they're more than just for killing. They've saved me, and our friends, countless times. I have seen them do more good than bad... so I don't want to hear you talk about yourself like that too."
It was as if a piece of the puzzle had been fitted together. Throné wasn't enigmatic but she could still be so reserved with them (but at least she certainly wasn't purposefully obfuscating the way Temenos could be). Castti knew there was a softness underneath all the sharpness though. After all, their first meeting had been her thanking Castti for saving a stray puppy. She also never refused Ochette's offers to play with her tail, and when watching Agnea's dances, there was always a smile, however small. And there were the number of times Castti had caught her in a part of a town they were currently in, feeding the strays with the bits of jerky Ochette was always more than happy to split with them.
And there was a tenacity to her that Castti found herself admiring, how she pushed forward even despite all the obstacles she faced, no matter the cost. Even if her road was bloody, Throné was committed to it. Some would call it obstinate and foolish, but the same could be said of Castti as well. Perhaps... it was also why Castti often found her eyes and thoughts wandering toward her often.
Throné had still said nothing, looking at Castti with that same mixture of confusion and disbelief. Castti looked down at their hands and realized she had inadvertently grabbed the one that had the Blacksnakes tattoo on it, the same hand that Throné also preferred to use.
"It's because you've gone through so many hardships that you're able to be so gentle now. You're willing to bear the horrible ordeals so that others do not have to, willing to dirty your own hands for the sake of others. It takes a certain kindness for that, you know. It's a part of you that I like, Throné."
She heard a choked sound come out of Throné.
"How... how can you say..." Throné trailed off, looked as if she were struggling to figure out what else to say. "I've... killed so many. How can you say that about..."
"You have. And now, so have I."
"Those circumstances are different!" Throné said with a hiss. "That wasn't something you should have—"
"But under the eyes of the law, we are the same, aren't we? But that's not what matters right now. What matters is I will never ask you to bear that responsibility for me, Throné, and you should never think to have to shield me from that burden either." Castti gave a brief squeeze to Throné's hand and met her gaze. She felt it then, the sudden urge to reach out for her—she pushed it down, a strange urge to have, she thought, because Throné wasn't one for physical touch. But it was the way Throné continued to look at her in disbelief that made Castti want to soothe that look away.
"You're... you're..." Throné shook her head, "unbelievable," she breathed. She stared down at their hands, her lips pushed together. When she finally met Castti's gaze though, Castti offered her a smile, and Throné sighed deeply. "Fine. Have it your way." And maybe, for just a moment, she could feel Throné's fingers curl slightly too. "You're... far stronger than I've thought you really were."
When Throné spoke about her like that, even Castti felt embarrassed. "All I want... is to simply help as many people as I can. That's just it."
"I know."
They stood there, watching each other, until Castti offered her a smile, one that Throné returned. Castti's heart felt light, and she hoped Throné felt the same way. It was then that she realized that she still held onto Throné's hand... and it was strange that Throné hadn't already pulled back by now. And if Castti wanted to honest... it felt nice, holding that warmth in her hand.
"Well? What are you going to do now?" Throné asked suddenly.
"I haven't thought that far ahead yet... but I suppose the same thing I always do, find where I can extend a helping hand to those in need."
A small smile graced Throné's lips. "That's just like you. You're always running around taking care of everyone... so who's going to take care of you?"
"Are you offering?" Castti had spoken it in jest, the tease coming easily to her, but she watched as Throné's eyes widened instead. The expression stayed for a second longer before Throné smoothed her face over. For as reserved as she could be, there were even moments where she couldn't hide her surprise. If she were to be honest, Castti liked surprising her, liked seeing her expression change.
... but perhaps this was going too far. Throné's brow had furrowed, and she was looking at Castti strangely, as if... contemplating something. Perhaps how to retort something teasing back, she thought. Castti waited, but when it seemed as if Throné was intent on keeping silent, she opened her mouth to explain she had been joking—
"You're... too nice," Throné finally spoke, "too kind, too... foolish for your own damn good. Maybe..." Her eyes flitted around before they landed back on Castti, "that's why I feel like I can't leave you alone."
And now Castti was the one blinking in surprise, caught off guard. She looked at Throné, and her expression betrayed nothing... save for the slight color Castti could see blossoming on her face under the light of the moon. She felt it again, that strange urge, and an unusual fluttering inside of her that, were it any other moment, might have been mistaken for illness. This time, she allowed herself to listen, reaching out with her hand toward Throné's face. She watched as Throné's eyes snapped toward it, sharp eyes honed, almost as like a snake watching. Castti felt herself hesitate as well, hand hovering in the air just above her shoulder. Throné slowly brought her gaze back and Castti that same uncertainty inside, that same hesitation... and perhaps disbelief. That cool confidence of hers that Castti was used to was gone, and it felt as if Throné was allowing herself to be... open, in front of her. Open, in that someone like Castti would dare call her kind.
A quiet laugh came out of Castti instead, pushing forward as she cupped Throné's face. "You know... I feel the same way about you too, Throné. I feel as if I can't leave you alone either."
"... hmm." Throné raised an eyebrow at her. "I take care of myself perfectly fine."
"Yes, well... you have to remember to be gentle on yourself as well."
Throné blinked and she let a quick breath, like a laugh. "There's no arguing with you, is there?"
Castti made to answer back but she felt a hand cover her own, and found all her words suddenly forgotten when Throné softened her expression. She found herself stepping closer instead. Throné didn't pull away but there was that same hesitancy again, her pause telling Castti everything she needed to know.
"Throné," she murmured, and listened as Throné inhaled sharply. They watched each other, waiting with bated breath, and it was Castti who stood up on the tips of her toes, leaning up and though she felt Throné tense again for the quickest second, Throné ducked her head, pressing her lips against Castti's.
It was only a brush, Throné unexpectedly shy and still hesitant but Castti felt... all too aware suddenly, like a bolt of electricity surging through her. She pressed against Throné a bit firmer, her hand sliding toward the back of her head to pull her in a little further. She tasted raspberries, and the thought of Throné tasting of sweetness made her giggle but grounded her, and she loosened her hold, enough for Throné to move away if she wanted—and all Throné did press against her again.
When they broke apart, they stared at each other, breaths heavier than usual. Somehow in the middle of that, Throné had wrapped an arm around her, keeping her steady. She was grateful for it, because she was sure it was the only reason why she hadn't backed away out of sheer surprise. Even her own... enthusiasm surprised her, and Throné too, who had done nothing but look at her in wonder.
"... ah," was all Throné breathed out. Her face was flushed, and Castti was sure hers didn't look any better either but it still made her giggle at the sight. Throné frowned, and Castti slid her hand back to her face, stroking her cheek with her thumb.
"That... might have been too forward of me. Are you okay, Throné?" Castti asked. Throné seemed to struggle to figure out what to say until she slowly nodded.
"It's... it's just warm. You're... warmer than I expected, Castti," she murmured, pulling her closer, and Castti wanted to laugh, because she wanted to say the same of Throné. She held onto Castti as if she were afraid, still awkward, with a strange sort of tenderness that made it clear she was unfamiliar... but to Castti, nothing else felt warmer.