Chapter Text
The house was too quiet, Wylan wasn't used to it. Even when he was still under his, not so caring, father wing as the little spoiled merchling, there were always people coming and going.
Housekeepers, teachers, business men talking about numbers and boring things that he tried to ignore.
Now, it just felt like a big space with his belongings. Sure, Jesper was living with him and they often spent time teasing and bickering and even his mother had her own room but it wasn't the same.
The laughters and soft conversation, the music of his instruments, were nothing compared to the chaos of the barrel.
He knows he should be happy.
He should be really happy to not fall asleep with gunshots and drunks as background noises but sometimes he finds himself almost missing it. Especially since their friends didn't meet as often as he'd like and the house was empty most of the time.
His mother was travelling, finding new inspiration for his paintings. Taking back her freedom, her life.
Jesper was out for missions, chasing the adrenaline even if less needed.
Inej was sealing, hunting human traffickers and other bastards that deserve it.
Nina was with her people, still fighting for her rights and justice.
Matthias...Matthias was gone and even just thinking about it made him wanna cry.
And then, there was Kaz. Kaz was just him.
The same bastard with too hidden layers and one, if it could called like that, soft side.
They met few times, after the audition, and always for business. They spoke more freely now and Wylan stopped being intimidated by him long ago but they weren't as intimate as he was with Jesper or Inej.
With Jesper it was easy, like talking with someone you've always known while with Inej was comforting. Finding a safe place, someone who understood the pain and would help you by talking about it and gentle touches.
Wylan didn't understood Kaz so easily and he definitely never dared to seek him for a warm cuddle.
Still, he couldn't help but miss him and his crude way of living.
He honestly missed all of them and their weird worrying interactions.
He missed the nights spent drinking and playing cards, as teenagers in the barrel, but he also missed the scheming and the adrenaline of adventure. The hysterical laughs after a successful plan that was too dangerous for just six people.
Plans that probably shouldn't have worked but did thanks to intelligence and brave fuckery.
Wylan sighed, simply thinking about their last time together. He longed for those moments and for his friends. His family.
In days were no one was home it was too difficult not to notice the missing pieces in his life.
He looked around his room, scanning the details before stilling his eyes on his music sheets and books.
Without Jesper, reading wasn't even an option. He took the sheets, opting to play something to spend time.
He wasn't even in the main haul that he felt a noise behind him that made him jump and turn around.
'You're still too easy to startle, merchling'.
Kaz was standing in the room, gloved hands on the crow's head of his cane. Hat lowered on his head covering his eyes but Wylan could easily read the slight amusement in his pose.
'You'll never stop using it, would you?'.
The nickname was stuck to him since the first time and no matter how many months passed, he will never stopped being addressed as such.
When Kaz didn't replied, he clicked his tongue.
'Friends usually knock, y'know?'.
Since Kaz didn't look like he was in a rush, Wylan took his time too.
He knew that if the bastard of the barrel was there he needed something but what was him, if not a petty and bored brat?
He would drag the moment for as long as he could.
'That's why I didn't'.
Wylan could detect a smirk on Kaz's shadowed features.
Smug bastard, he thought.
'What businesss, asshole?'.
If he was someone else, Wylan would've been bleeding in less than a second but even with Kaz denial the truth was clear: they were friends.
Not hitting him was just a confirmation.
'Kaz?', pressed when the other didn't answer nor reacted.
The man was staring at the floor with a pained expression that made Wylan worry.
It was unusual of Kaz to show so many emotions.
Wylan felt a bad sensation creeping for inside, a shiver running through his back before swallowing down his spit.
'Did something happen? Is...is Inej alright?'.
The shaky tone must have made the trick because Kaz raised his eyes from the floor and looked at him. Face contracted in frustration but nothing else.
Unreadable like always which didn't calm Wylan down. At all.
'Nothing happened, Inej is not what I came here to talk about'.
Wylan let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Matthias was still an heavy topic and he knew that Inej was capable of defending herself but her goal was hard to achieve and he really didn't want to lose her, too.
'Better terrible truths than kind lies, right?'.
Kaz inclined his head, just enough to let Wylan know that he was listening.
Good, he thought. He had his attention.
'you taught me that.' Wylan continued, 'You all did, so please speak your truth'.
For a moment he was sure that Kaz would laugh in his face but the scene was not absurd enough to pull Kaz into doing something so out of character. Instead, he huffed.
'We did corrupt you, merchling'.
Wylan smiled because he couldn't deny it. He wasn't like them, never could be, but he learnt one thing or two.
Furthermore, he felt proud of himself. Especially under Kaz's attentive and almost amused eyes.
'I think I lost it completely after spitting on my father's face'.
'It's the Barrel, it brings out the worst of you'.
'It's not necessarily a bad thing, Kaz'.
Kaz looked at him in a way that made him feel like the pigeon he was the first time he put his feet in town. Almost with the same pity of months ago.
'You say so because you're not a criminal like us'.
He deserved that, Wylan could see it coming but he shrugs it off.
He's used to him and Kaz throwing their words at each other.
'I'm just flautist that fell with bad company and liked it a lot, right?'.
Kaz stand there, looking at the floor without saying a word while the other could feel the same bad sensation of before creeping inside him once again.
Something wasn't right. Kaz was usually quiet but never like this, never after one of their exchanges.
'I need a favor'.
Wylan blinked, not registering the words for a moment. Then, he nodded.
That's why Kaz was there, then.
He probably needed something really dangerous.
Wylan could totally deal with it.
The only thing he found weird was the time he took to ask for it, Kaz was blunt and something wasn't right.
'A bomb? What's the plan?'.
'Not a bomb, I'm not here for a plan'.
'Kaz Brekker without a plan? That's not possible'.
If Kaz catched the sarcasm, and he did, he didn't show it. He barely rolled his eyes mocking his stupidity.
'I said I'm not here for I plan, not that i don't have one'.
'What businesss then, Kaz?'.
Kaz took another second and for a moment Wylan was sure to catch fear in eyes.
He observed the way his body was repressing a shudder and how he was breathing from his mouth.
His jaw clenched and Wylan was sure that under the gloves his knuckles were white from the tight grip on his cane.
He missed the moment where Kaz spoke and blinked.
'sorry, what?'.
Every traces of fear were replaced with pure and honest annoyance.
'I said' the tone harsh, an hiss 'I want you to help me with touching'.
Wylan choked out a 'what', looking like an idiot, before swallowing back down his spit.
'We should sit down'.
'I don't need to sit, Wylan'.
He was speaking between clenched teeth, radiating tension and nervousness from all his body.
Wylan never saw it like this, he didn't know what to say. How to act.
He took a deep breath.
'I really do and I need you to elaborate'.
Wylan blinked a few times, absorbing the information. It didn't take long with Kaz cutting the explanation as short as possible.
He said what needed to be said, not a word used in the wrong way or something pronounced just to ease the tension.
He spoke without leaving Wylan's eyes, looking straight into them and never showing anything.
It was unnerving, Wylan felt almost uncomfortable but didn't comment on it. Not yet and, especially, not when Kaz was speaking.
He knew when to stay silent.
When Kaz stopped, he spoke.
'That's it?'.
He almost cringed at himself, he didn't mean to say it but he had to say something. The silence was becoming awkward.
While Wylan was a chaos of emotion, Kaz was collected and calm. Simply raising an eyebrow at the stupid question.
The mocking 'Are you serious?' clear as ever, in his expression.
The younger was, in fact, not. The whole thing wasn't difficult, per se, but it was a lot.
'Sorry', he finally said, 'What I meant to say is, all you need from me is to help you get used to touch others?'.
Kaz nodded, still not doing more than necessary.
'Okay, good'.
It was not, Wylan had no idea how to help him but he knew he would find a way.
He moved aside patting the spot near him on the couch.
'Sit'.
Kaz analysed him, eyes moving from Wylan to his side. He narrowed his eyes a little before taking one single step from his standing position.
'Please? We need to talk more about it, I need to know where to start. We need rules'.
This seemed to convince Kaz to sit on the far end of the couch.
Not exactly the spot Wylan patted but it was something.
'I'm not gonna talk about me more than necessary'.
It was the first thing that Kaz said after so long and Wylan was so glad. It was a piece of information he could work with.
'I'm obviously not gonna force you to'.
Wylan smiled, a simple and little smile. He wanted to comfort him.
Kaz huffed. 'As if you could, Merchling'.
The boy felt the stupid urge to stick his tongue at him, like a petulant kid. Instead he shaked his head, still smiling.
He could take some teasing.
'Rules, let's go back to them. The first one is simple enough: not too much personal information. No one forces no one to talk about it, we can ask but if we don't want to answer we'll simply say 'pass'. What do you think?'.
Kaz nodded and Wylan couldn't help but notice that he was wearing his business expression. He was concentrated, hearing and memorising everything as if his life dependent on it.
In some way, Wylan felt like it did.
'This one is settled then. What about a safe word? To let me know when you're not comfortable'.
'Trust me, Wylan, you'd know if I'm not'.
'Yes, I probably would but I'd prefer to use a word than to be punched on the face'.
At this, Kaz smirked. Just a tiny movement of the corner of his lip but it was there.
Wylan couldn't help but stare, Kaz looked so much his age when he let loose like this.
It was hypnotic, so fascinating that made him mirror his expression.
'I'd probably use my cane to smash your jaw but fine. We'll use a word. Choose one'.
Wylan wrinkled his nose, he remember being a second away to have his jaw wrecked by Kaz, back in the days.
It was definitely an experience he didn't wanna have again.
Then, it hit him.
'Crow'.
'Crow' the older said, slowly, as if he was just hearing the word for the first time.
Wylan guessed that it was a weird choice but it felt perfect.
'Crows have an amazing memory, they remember who treated them well and who didn't. They even speak and are quite literally our symbol'.
Kaz seemed to bit down the urge to say 'I know', face twisted into an emotion the other couldn't pint point.
'Fine. Crow, then. We'll meet here and it's not negotiable'.
'Oh, okay'.
Wylan didn't meant to say it but he hoped to have an excuse to go back to the pub.
He shook his head, it was not the time to think about it.
'Whenever you're ready, you already know how to enter here'.
Kaz tapped his hat, covering the simil smile on his face.
'Nothing is truly locked, for me'.