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Ever since the moment that he had been introduced to her, Hakuji had taken care of Koyuki without any complaints. He didn’t seem to mind having to stay up in the late hours of the night, seated at her side refreshing the cool cloth draped over her feverish head whenever she’d toss and turn or wince in her sleep. He didn’t seem to mind carrying her around whenever she needed to be anywhere but her bed. He was patient, always keeping a hand hovering over her back whenever she had coughing fits. This treatment was almost overwhelming at times, to have someone so devoted and so willing– it never failed to make her heart swell. ( Luckily, she could blame the way her face always turned red on the fact she constantly had a fever rather than having to admit the sheepishness that truly caused it. )
So it would only be fair for Koyuki to return that favor, right?
As she got older, surely enough, she got stronger. She could get up and walk around on her own, she could take her medicine on her own, she could eat on her own. Sometimes, he would still insist on doing these things for her, but out of protectiveness or out of habit, he was unsure. Probably both. Nonetheless, even just being able to function without the help of another was a freedom that she had long dreamed for. It had felt like nothing but an unattainable hope for her whole life. She had never thought she’d make it to see the next year, so to actually make it to a state where she could plan years ahead? It made all the struggle worth it. With Hakuji, it felt like any struggle was well worth it.
She had heard shuffling in the night, carefully pushing herself up into sitting, and– wait, was that coughing? Did it come from Hakuji or Otousan?
A figure moved past, and without hesitation, she had gotten up to go investigate. Her movements were naturally a bit sluggish. Koyuki had never been very fast, and the weight of drowsiness only slowed her more, but she’d ended up opening the door to see Hakuji preparing himself the very treatments that he used with her so often. “Hakuji–san..?” She asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes with her palms.
“Koyuki–san, you should be in bed–” He tried to start, he didn’t need help,
“You’re sick!” She quickly shuffled over, taking a kneel beside him, hand lifted to feel at his forehead, corners of lips tugged downwards.
“It’s just a cold.” He tried to protest, but his own sniffles failed him. Even through the dimly lit, moon illuminated room, he could see the way her brows had furrowed in worry, feel her cold hand against his flush forehead. She had always been colder than most people. She had always been gentler than most people. He wasn’t. He didn’t deserve her.
Her frown shifted into a pout, hand retracted from his forehead only to pull his away from their current task. “You’re sick,” she repeated in emphasis, clutching at his fingers. “Let me take care of you.”
“But it’s a cold– It could be contagious, and if you caught it..” God, he couldn’t look at her face. Sure, he had been close to her on countless occasions, but there was something so delicate looking about the way the moon gently lit up her soft, pale features. She wore an expectant expression, squeezing his hands, turning her head to maintain eye contact as he’d looked away. He couldn’t escape. He didn’t want to escape.
“Hakuji–san..”
How could he say no to her?
“.. Fine.” He mumbled, trying to sound as begrudging as he could muster, but even just being in her presence made him feel so grossly soft.
Her face erupted into a smile, nodding quickly. She stood to her feet, (trying) to pull him up by his hands. But even with the ache of a cold seeping into his very bones, he was far stronger than her. He still let himself get pulled up. Hell, Hakuji even let himself get guided to the nearest futon by her, trying not to shudder at the way the coldness of her hand touched the back of his gi while she guided him.
“Are you cold? Dizzy? Hungry?” She worked the blankets up his body, carefully smoothing them out, attentive to the way he either nodded or shook his head to answer her questions. “I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere..!”
Not like he could, he wanted to mumble, but decided against it, instead watching as her silhouette vanished.
Koyuki was as fast as she could be about it, quietly shuffling about the estate to gather what she needed; a basin of cool water, a cloth, extra blankets, and some snacks. She returned to the room in a flurry of trips, coming in last with the blankets bundled up in her arms, looking like she was about to fall down from the weight of them. Hakuji wasted no time in popping right up, rushing over to take the load from her. He may have agreed to her caring for him, but like hell was he going to sit by and watch her strain herself for his sake.
And she knew better than to argue about it, as much as she wanted to do it on her own, but insisted on staying right by his side to support him as he carried the extra blankets. She ushered him back under the covers, finding that putting them over his body was far easier than lugging them around.
“You should eat and then get some rest, yeah?” She held out a small bowl of senbei, ecstatic when he accepted it and began munching on one. There was something about taking care of him that made Koyuki so happy. Of course, she wasn’t happy that he was sick, but being able to be the one caring for him made her feel so special. It had always been the other way around, and in due time it would be again (she had flare ups pretty often from exertion), but for now.. Koyuki was Hakuji–san’s caretaker!
There was the quiet sound of water sploshing while she rung out the damp cloth, a hand cupping the back of his head so that she could carefully place it against his forehead. She giggled, noting how drips of water beaded down his face, making that oh so familiar scowl appear. “Oopsies..!”
“You’re gonna get the crackers all soggy,” he complained, crumbs littering the blanket. Koyuki thought that he looked cute like this– All pouty. (He wouldn’t be caught dead calling his own expression pouty.)
“Sorryy, Hakuji–san.” Considering the little grin she wore, her apology wasn’t very genuine.
He coughed, making her almost flinch away, and making himself wince at the way it had hurt his throat. But she didn’t leave his side for even a moment, rubbing at his back gently. “Ah..! Are those too– too dry–? I’m sorry! I should’ve gotten something else for you..” She trailed off when she noticed the expression on his face, knowing all too well that it meant she didn’t need to apologize. Still, she felt bad.
“You’re too hard on yourself.” Hakuji commented. She always had been. She apologized so often, she was so easily brought to tears, she felt too guilty about things out of her control. There was a delicacy to her that he’d never seen in anyone before, and he found himself wanting to protect both that and her from any harm. “You’re just trying to help.”
“R–Right.” She nodded. The way he always managed to reassure her, how he always brushed away her insecurities with ease.. It served as proof to his previous observation in the way her eyes had welled up with tears. Koyuki sniffled, quickly wiping away at her eyes. Right now was no time for crying..!
“U.. Uhm, you should.. Probably lay down now.” She suggested, pulling her hands away so that he could shuffle down under the covers, hastily refreshing the cool water of the cloth to set it back onto his forehead. Her treatment may be a bit overboard, but the only basis she had on feeling sick was her own experience. And if his cold was anything like that, then this wasn’t even enough treatment.
She cleared her throat.
“Hakuji–san?” Koyuki sounded nervous.
“Yeah?”
“Do you want me.. to stay here with you?”
“Do you want to stay here with me?” He watched as she nervously fiddled with her fingertips, his own brows furrowing. Reaching over, he replaced her hand with his, and was secretly glad it was dark enough to hide the way his entire face erupted, red painting all the way to the tips of his ears. “Scratch that– Stay, Koyuki–san.”
And at this point, her face matched his.
She shifted a little, seated just beside his futon.
What was she doing?
“Hey.” He squeezed her hand. “It’s not good for you to exert yourself this much and not rest, come on.”
And again, she knew he was right, and did end up climbing underneath the covers, but that did nothing to help the way she’d grown so sheepish. They were so close, able to hear the way the other breathed, feel the heat radiating off of their bodies. It made her tense with anticipation, trying to keep her gaze literally anywhere but on him.
The silence was broken up when Hakuji would occasionally sniffle or cough, which was followed by some annoyed grumble and the sound of fabric rustling as he rubbed vigorously at his nose.
“You’re gonna irritate your nose.” Koyuki had finally commented, pulling his hand away to take into her own as well. “Take gentle breaths.”
He didn’t say anything, but she could tell he had listened by the sound of his breathing shifting, more conscious in action. He trusted her. That fact made her feel more warm inside than she already did. She scooted closer to him, tucked away at his side. The tug of sleepiness was coming back, but she didn’t want to go to sleep just yet. She wanted to make sure he fell asleep first, blinking away the exhaustion taking over to keep an eye on Hakuji. She expected to be met with the look of him at least trying to sleep, but instead peered right up into those blue eyes of his. Her own widened a little at the sight. He looked beautiful. This realization wasn’t new by any means, but the reminder of it made her shy away. Luckily for her, he’d looked away first, head turning in the other direction to cough into his elbow.
He didn’t look back at her, and when she heard the sound of his breathing settle and slow down, it was safe to assume that he’d finally fallen asleep. Relaxing, she leaned inward, resting her head atop his shoulder. It felt like the whole world had stopped in that moment. All of a sudden, the only thing that mattered was Koyuki. She exerted a kindness that was so delicate, he almost feared holding on too tight and breaking it. Breaking her. She had become his world, his everything – and that was fucking terrifying. A criminal like him didn't deserve someone like her. He could've never dreamed of a future so bright.. Could he really oppose something so.. promising?
Koyuki was easily pulled into sleep, enough so that she couldn’t tell that he’d turned his head to gaze back down at her now sleeping form. By definition, she hadn't done much – just taking care of him for one night – but that much was more than adequate.
“Thank you, Koyuki–san. You’ve done enough.” He whispered softly, brushing some hair away from her forehead and finally letting his own eyes droop shut.