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It’s a wonder how Jingxiang had ever liked Ricky at all, with his sharp tongue yet infuriatingly calm exterior.
He had once loved that about him— the way that he never seemed to be swayed by anything.
But now he hates it— the indifferent way that the other’s eyes seemed to gloss over him, like they had never dated, never shared a past together.
Jingxiang had always been the upfront one, after all.
The one that had made friends first, the one that had confessed first, the one that had always spelt out in clear terms whenever he had an issue or felt hurt, and the one to get his heart broken first.
The only one to get his heart broken, it seemed.
He hadn’t understood it— why anyone would ever agree to go out with a person that they didn’t feel as passionately about.
And yet Ricky had, when Jingxiang confessed.
And just as when Jingxiang asked the other if he even loved him, the other hadn’t responded— only looked back at him with those same calm, unreadable eyes.
That had been more than enough of an indicator on how he felt.
Now here they were, two entire years later, standing across from each other at their ’04 class reunion like nothing had ever happened.
He doesn’t even want to look at Ricky, much less notice how heart-achingly attractive he looked in his motorcycle jacket, or how his hair seemed to be a different shade of blonde now.
But the matter is quickly taken out of his hands when Takuto, the bright young kid that he was, and the volunteer organiser of the event for his upperclassmen, begins to drag the other towards him— and all of a sudden he has no choice but to face his painful reminder of the past. To act as if everything was fine, even though the mere thought of the other was enough to shatter his heart beyond repair.
“Jingxiang hyung! Look who I have here!” the younger beams, while still holding onto the blonde’s sleeve.
Looking up, a pit in his stomach, Jingxiang’s eyes flicker over to finally meet those cool, sharp ones that he had now grown to detest.
“Jingxiang,” Ricky says calmly, as he comes to a stop in front of him.
Jingxiang begins to feel his blood boil at even the sound of his name coming from the other’s mouth.
He takes a deep breath, before looking away.
“Takuto, it’s so great to see you! I’ve really missed you, you know?” Jingxiang says instead, ignoring the blonde in front of him and reaching over to ruffle the giggling boy’s hair. Thankfully, he doesn't have to uphold any pretences about that.
“Me too! It’s been too long, hyung! You know, I didn’t expect you two to actually show up,” Takuto grins with excitement, reaching for his hand.
I wasn't originally going to, Jingxiang thinks to himself with an internal grimace, before smiling back.
Somehow, he had thought that he would be able to avoid the blonde for the whole night— but with Takuto around, who they had practically raised together in their earlier years, he should have known that it would be impossible.
Suddenly, Takuto gasps as his eyes catch onto something in the distance.
“Oh, I see that the punch has arrived! I’m just going to tend to that for a second— will you please pardon me?” he excuses himself, before jogging off.
Blinking, Jingxiang stares at the other’s fading figure incredulously, while clenching onto his plastic cup.
Did Takuto really just leave him behind like that, after forcing the two of them together? Surely he knew what things were like between them?
“Jingxiang,” Ricky says lowly.
Jingxiang closes his eyes. Not this again.
Anything but this.
“Look at me,” the other says, still in the same calm tone, and he finally looks over, meeting eyes with the blonde.
“Ricky,” he replies back, voice dripping with disdain.
The other’s eyes change almost imperceptibly at that, before he neutralises his expression again.
“You seem well,” the blonde comments, before taking a step closer.
Jingxiang stiffens at the movement.
“Right,” he replies with a scoff, before folding his arms.
As if the other had any right to say that, after leaving him behind to pick up the pieces of his broken heart.
"Is there anything else you wanted to say to me?" he finds himself asking.
“Don’t be upset, Xiang-ah,” the other frowns, before reaching out. Between the nickname and the aching familiarity in his actions, something inside Jingxiang breaks.
“Don’t call me that! You have no right— not anymore!” he snaps, stepping back.
Ricky blinks for a moment at the outburst, before his expression shifts again slightly.
“Fine. If you don’t want me to call you that, then I won’t,” he replies calmly.
Jingxiang hates it.
The way that he never seemed to care. He doesn't know why he had expected otherwise.
“Right. I didn’t come here to see you anyway,” Jingxiang shakes his head, before setting his drink down and turning to leave.
He was overreacting. He needed to step away before he did anything rash.
“Jingxiang wait,” he feels a pull on his arm and he turns around, frowning.
Then he sees the expression on Ricky’s face— open and pleading, and he falters.
“What?” he asks.
He doesn’t know what to expect, or how to react.
“Don’t go. Please?” the blonde asks, and he stills.
Ricky had never asked anything from him before— not in any of the time that they had dated.
He feels something within himself crumble.
“Okay,” is all he says, before facing forward again.
They stare at each other, carefully, as if any incorrect movement could set off a landmine.
“I’ve never been good at words,” Ricky starts off slowly, yet differently to his usual calm demeanour.
Jingxiang doesn’t say anything in response.
“But with you I never had to be. You talked enough for the both of us, and I liked listening to you. Whenever we had problems, you were always the first one to point it out and try to fix it. And I liked that about you,” Ricky continues, before taking a breath.
Jingxiang stares back at him, eyebrows knitting together in confusion.
He had always thought that the other simply didn’t care— merely went along with his whims for the sake of it.
“So when you asked me if I even loved you, I thought it was absurd,” the blonde continues, finally looking back at him.
Jingxiang blinks.
“What was?”
“That you ever doubted I did,” Ricky responds.
At the words, Jingxiang stares, going through several emotions at once— surprise, confusion, and then disbelief.
What is he even talking about?
The other had to be lying. There was no way.
“Back then, I didn’t think it needed to be said. I thought it was foolish, even. But then you never spoke to me again— not the next day, nor ever again. It’s been on my mind constantly for the last two years, what I did wrong. But I should’ve known that communication was everything to you. That it wasn’t enough for me to be passively receiving your love. I’m sorry for not realising that sooner,” the blonde says, looking down.
Jingxiang stares at him, feeling like his entire world had been turned upside down.
This entire time, that was what had happened? Not the version of Ricky he had envisioned inside his head, who didn’t care about him enough to say that he loved Jingxiang back?
He stills.
“Why didn’t you reach out to me again between these past two years?” he finally asks, quietly.
The other looks torn.
“I…I didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, in case you didn’t want to see me again. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. But I thought that if we happened to see each other at a reunion...well, that would be unavoidable,” the blonde responds, looking a little embarrassed.
Against his will, Jingxiang's heart flutters.
“You idiot,” he says, voice finally cracking.
The other looks up with a blink.
“That’s all I ever wanted you to do. Reach out to me. Tell me you loved me. That’s all,” he shakes his head, wiping furiously at his oncoming tears.
The blonde’s expression falters as well, as he takes in the words, before it becomes resolute.
“Xiang-ah,” he says, quietly.
Jingxiang looks up.
With quiet yet firm steps, Ricky walks forward, holding out his hand.
Jingxiang blinks, staring at it.
“I love you.”
There were the words— the ones that he had so longed to hear.
As natural as breathing.
His expression crumbles as he looks up, taking the hand in his own, and feels himself being pulled into the arms of the boy he had once loved so intensely before.
That he had always loved, despite telling himself otherwise.
“I hate you,” he gets out, through tears.
“Well I love you,” Ricky responds gently, carding a hand through Jingxiang’s hair.
Jingxiang feels the tears fall even harder at the words, at the softness in his tone.
"Really," he says weakly.
“Really. I always have, and I always will. And I’ll never stop telling you, for as long as I live,” the blonde continues, pressing a kiss into his hair.
At that, Jingxiang can’t help but let out a laugh, feeling a weight lifting off of his shoulders.
“You promise?” he asks, as he holds onto the back of Ricky’s jacket like a lifeline.
“I promise.”
In the distance, standing next to the punchbowl, Takuto watches as his two proxy parents hold each other, murmuring sweet nothings into each other’s ears, before finally leaving the party. At that, he fist pumps with a cheer.
“Yes! We did it, hyungs!” he grins, turning to the two boys standing next to him, who only stare back at him in fatigue.
“Takuto, was it really necessary for us to be here?” Sungmin asks, massaging his temples at the loudness of the music.
“I still think they should’ve kissed,” Hiroto comments with a shrug, as he nurses his drink.
Takuto stares back at the disappearing figures in the distance, who turn to face each other before finally leaning in, and he laughs.
“I don’t think we have to worry about that.”