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Maya sighed, for a second hating that her emotions took over. That she almost cried when Carina was literally in her arms feeling miserable.
Diane and her had worked on accepting her feelings, validating them and letting them out, and it worked so far.
Though now, when Carina was visibly more hurt and in pain than her, she hated, that this situation affected her more than she liked.
But Carina had asked, and Maya knew being honest was the healthiest thing to do.
Letting Carina in to her thoughts, showing herself vunerable again around her safe space, just like her wife did right now.
She knew she needed to stay. She couldn't leave, she felt overwhelmed thinking about why she was scared. What had happened, that she was so scared of leaving Carina. That Carina wouldn't come back. It broke her...
But then Carinas words worked like a band-aid on the wound that was about to bleed again.
"Hey...you will..you will and I'm gonna check in in a few hours and let you know, how i'm doing."
Maya let out a shaky breath, feeling relieved. Grateful, that Carina reassured her, that she was staying. That they eventually would be okay. That all of the sadness, despair and loneliness would slowly subside.
"Hey...No crying..." Carina whispered, softly wiping the tear away that was rolling down her cheek. Smiling at her just a little. Maya suddenly felt like her heart warmed up again.
Carina sighed softly, closing her eyes as her forehead rubbed gently onto Mayas cheek.
Just then, Maya pressed a soft kiss on Carinas forehead.
The brunette sighing again, as she felt Mayas lips on her cold forehead. Providing warmth, and comfort.
Just being there. Carina wasn't alone anymore and tho she kind of told Maya to leave again, right now she was so thankful to have her here.
It was the only real comfort Carina had and longed for with all the unfamiliarities this hotel room provided her.
"Do you think your stomach feels a bit better by now?" Maya whispered.
Carina opening her eyes reluctantly, her gaze meeting Mayas blue orbs as she looked at her concerned.
"I don't know... I still feel nauseous." Carina said.
"Do you wanna move to the bed? It might be more comfortable." Maya suggested.
"I don't want to move...It's okay here..." Carina said, shivering again.
"Okay...but you need to hydrate." Maya said demanding.
"I don't want to hydrate, I want my body to stop puking every 10 minutes." Carina said, a little desperate.
"I know, I know...But it might help your stomach to settle a little... and I really don't want you dehydrating." Maya said seriously.
"You're right, but I just-" Carina began, interrupting by another wave of nausea that led to her hovering over the toilet once again.
Mayas hand immediately rubbed circles on Carinas back, until her retching stopped.
"I don't think there's anything left in my stomach really..." Carina said, her voice hoarse.
"Alright...It's okay, breathe in slow and deep and then when you feel ready we'll move to bed." Maya instructed, her hands never leaving Carinas back.
After a few more moment Carina nodded slightly, letting Maya know she was ready to get up.
"Slowly." Maya reminded her, supporting her wife as they walked to the bed.
"How do you feel?" Maya asked.
"I think the nausea is a bit better..." Carina said.
"Okay," Maya said, grabbing her bag as she quickly searched for a bottle of pedialyte they had in there for such cases.
"Here, small sips, alright." Maya said handing the bottle to Carina.
"Grazie." She mumbled, before taking a sip, distorting her face immediately after.
"This tastes not well..." She said putting the bottle on her bed nightstand.
"I know...you'll get used to it after a while eventually."
Maya said softly. Pulling the curtains close. Only leaving a small gap where the sun could illuminate the room slightly.
"You can leave, Maya, you're still on shift. There emergencies out there." Carina said, grabbing the bottle again. As she spoke she realized that her word and how she uttered them were probably contrary because she couldn't keep her voice from being hoarse shaky and emotional.
Even though it was unfamiliar to have Maya here so suddenly, to have her stay and take care of her instead of the other way around.
It was somewhat scary, but also, it was giving Carina hope, and proof, that she mattered.
"I told you I'm staying, for now, you're my emergency," she said intently.
"Literally because I caused this." She added silently, the guilt creeping up inside her for the consequences of her actions.
"Hey, it's okay, I'll survive..." Carina said, holding her stomach as another cramp hit her.
"Let's get you to bed." Maya said, lifting the bedsheets for Carina to crawl under.
"Can you give me my suitcase? I wanna change out of my scrubs."
"Of course." Maya said effortlessly lifting up the suitcase and put it next to Carina on the bed.
"Thanks..." Carina mumbled, searching for her Grey Sloan hoodie and some sweatpants.
Maya put the suitcase back where it was, before she excused her self into the bathroom.
Giving her wife space and privacy.
It was when it hit her, that things were still far from normal. That there weren't together at home, where she would look at her changing clothes, admiring her beauty even though her wife was sick.
Because it was the most normal thing they did. Being a married couple, living life together. It was normal, was.
She sighed, telling herself they would get back there. With time and patience.
When the shuffling of the clothes stopped she flushed, coming out of the bathroom.
"Do you have food here?" Maya asked, stepping to the bed pulling the blanket a bit further up.
"I'm not hungry." Carina said...
"Can I bring you something, after shift or tomorrow morning? Or I can ask Bailey or Ben if you don't want.-
"You can come Maya... just no lasagna." She said dryly.
"No lasagna, I promise you." Maya said, smiling softly as she put the trash can next to the bed.
"And you promise to text me?" Maya asked, her voice smaller as she sat down on the bed again, looking down to Carina.
"I promise you."
"Good, thank you..." Maya said sincerely, trying to conceal her watery eyes.
"No tears, Maya..." Carina reminded, reaching up again to softly stroke her cheek..."
"I'm sor-" Maya began, stopping when she heard Diane telling her to not apologize for what she felt like because a part of her feelings still belong to the three years old Maya.
"It's just... I missed you so much and was, I am scared..." Maya whispered, she didn't need to continue. She knew Carina understood her after their previous conversation.
"I'm here." Carina said.
Maya stood up, not moving away from the bed just yet.
"If you feel worse please, call me." Maya said determinedly.
Are you okay alone? Do you need anything else?" Maya asked again, dreading to go but she knew she could not stay here the whole time even if she wanted to.
"No...Just...exhausted..." Carina mumbled.
"Get some rest please, sleep...you need it okay?" Maya said, her eyes never leaving Carinas.
"Mhmm."
Carina closed her eyes. Mayas hand still resting on her shoulder, the blonde just standing beside the bed.
It was her hand that calmed her down right now. For once she didn't felt alone in the hotel room. Maya was there... she came only for her. Providing her the comfort she knew she needed.
After pressing another soft kiss on Carinas forehead, Maya quietly left. Carina was almost asleep when Maya made her way out, and the blonde was glad her wife was able to rest now that she was leaving.
Though, when she closed the door behind her she felt like she could cry immediately as she was in the elevator that provided a bit of privacy.
She didn't know if she was frustrated with herself for the lasagna incident or worried about her wife, missing her wife more even though she saw her longer than she did a month ago or because she was so happy she could finally comfort Carina the way she wanted to for so long.
Because she felt like Carina began to let her in, how they were both working on each other's trust again.
The bing of the elevator door rang, Maya stepping out of it, wiping her tears away.
She took a deep breath, focusing.
She'd hoped Carina would text, she'd hoped Carina would feel better soon.
She would want to see Carina again immediately, run back into the hotel and snuggle her wife from behind.
But she needed to wait, Carina deserved privacy and the time she needed.
She felt more hopeful than the last time she saw her wife. Every tiny step forward mattered, not the speed of it. Maya reminded herself