Archive of Our Own

i. That One Time With Pepper

"Sorry again for stepping on your toes."

Bruce's voice traveled through the common room and Tony immediately sat up from where he'd been lounging alone, nursing a drink and staring mindlessly at a Starkpad. He had been wondering where the other man had gotten to. Tony had been on a mission for a week on behalf of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the army combined - Rhodey had helped. He had returned to the tower to find everybody out doing various things. Clint and Natasha were on their own mission and Steve had apparently tagged along with Jane and Thor for some concert thing... Tony really didn't care.

It was really only weird to him that Bruce had been gone as well. That's what he wanted to know about. He'd asked J.A.R.V.I.S. who had only managed to answer, "He went to a dinner with-" before Tony had muted him in favor of impish curiosity being satisfied firsthand.

But then he heard a familiar laugh and impish curiosity was forgotten as Tony caught sight of them, Pepper in her sapphire blue dress that became sheer just above the knee then down the rest of the way to the floor and Bruce in an honest-to-God tux. His brain nearly spasmed and he was to his feet in a few short seconds.

"It's okay. I'm sure it's been awhile," Pepper said with that laugh still in her tone. "And you got the hang of it again quickly enough."

"Well, I haven't danced since Betty and that wasn't very often so it must have been your help that made that miracle happen," Bruce countered with a soft shrug.

Tony gaped at them for a minute. A minute they didn't even seem to realize he was there, he noted a little begrudgingly. He would certainly be enjoying the view of the gorgeous pair - seriously, I knew he would look good in a tux - if not for the confusion over why they looked gorgeous together.

"Oh, hey, you're back," Bruce's eager greeting upon finally noticing his existence broke through Tony's thoughts.

"Uh, yeah." He eyed them with no small amount of obvious suspicion. Subtlety wasn't always a skill he could muster. "Did I... miss anything while I was gone?" Bruce shrugged.

"Not really. Well, there was one precarious moment in my lab when Dummy came looking for you I think. But..." Bruce paused, seeing the smirk on Pepper's face. Tony could see the instant it clicked for the scientist and not only because of the faint blush. "Oh. Oh, you mean... You thought we...? I, no, I wouldn't-" he paused abruptly and looked Pepper over only semi-discreetly. "Okay, I maybe would, but... Not without talking to you first. I mean, I know you two were... Could somebody else please say something now?" He finished, wilting slightly.

Tony decided to graciously forgive whatever this was if only because Bruce flustered whilst wearing a fitted tux was a good look. Really good look. He shook his head slightly. He would have to log that away with all of the other little random musings and observations he'd been filing away over the past few months with no real inclination to ever introspect on them.

Pepper's smirk became a sympathetic smile and she placed a hand on Bruce's shoulder. "There was a gala that we were invited to that I didn't know about until last minute because of an invite mishap," she began. "I hate going to those things alone just as much as you do, so when I mentioned it to Bruce yesterday when we got lunch together, he offered to join me."

The information was a little too much for the genius. Lunches together? Bruce actually offering to go to one of these things? Would he go with him if he asked... Wait, why would I ask him? He always went with Pepper to these things. Dating or not dating, that had always been the general arrangement even when he tended not to leave with her.

"So... You know," Bruce hazarded awkwardly, "I'm not secretly seeing your ex or anything."

"Well, that's reassuring," Tony responded honestly.

"Is it?" Pepper raised an eyebrow in his direction. "Is this some kind of guy code?"

"What? Women don't have that? You just go after a friend's ex if you're interested?" Tony was glad for a change of subject.

"Depends on the friend. Depends on the ex," Pepper said with a smile. She then turned to Bruce. "I really had a great time. And I hope you did too."

"Uh, you know, actually I did. It wasn't... It was maybe a little weird at first, but not as bad as I imagined it would be. Then again, you had the hard job of mingling while I just stood there like brainless arm candy." He chuckled slightly before wincing. "Hope I didn't make you look bad in that department."

Pepper laughed. "Are you kidding? I had five women ask me if we were an item and if you had a number if we weren't. And three men asked if you played for both teams. And one man just looked me straight in the eye and said, 'honey, he's gay' - if you can believe it." She laughed again as Bruce went flush and ducked his head.

Tony watched this interaction with a number of different emotions before shaking them all off and going for his usual obnoxious methods of deflection and impish badgering. Thus, he sauntered over to Pepper and placed a hand on her shoulder and whistled. "Hey, so does your date play for both teams?" He stage whispered as Bruce looked torn between being amused by his antics and dying of embarrassment. Never any in between for him, really.

Pepper suddenly wore that smile that Tony had come to know as her 'I am a kickass CEO and I'm about to demonstrate why before you even have a chance to see it coming' smile. "Well, I didn't tell the others this, but you seem like an exception. He does." And with that the smile turned sweet and disarming as if she hadn't just semi-outed the physicist and she offered them a friendly good night and left.

As soon as she was gone, Tony looked at Bruce - curious, but also hopeful the man wasn't going to run off to Timbuktu in a fit of rage or something. Bruce took a visible deep breath and nodded sheepishly before turning and heading for the kitchen.

Huh.

ii. That One Time With Rhodey

Tony grumbled as he came into the common room, loosening his tie. He needed a drink. He needed three drinks. Hell, after a shareholders meeting he needed all the drinks.

"Yeah? Cool. It's a date."

Tony froze. What he certainly did not need was James Rhodes and Bruce Banner going on a date. What the hell!?

"No! Hey, no. No, no, no, no. Definitely no." Tony marched straight up to the bar where his two best friends were sat, staring at him in confusion. "Not okay. I forbid it. There are a lot of things I'm cool with, but being a third wheel when my two best friends get together is not one of them so, yeah, don't do that. You guys don't even make sense together so don't do it. Bruce, he's in the military. That's like almost Betty levels of Stockholm Syndrome. And, Rhodey, man you would not be able to handle Bruce's -don't look at me like that, Bruce I'm going to say beautiful brain not condition. But seriously, don't do the dating thing. Not a good idea."

Tony watched as Bruce and Rhodey looked at each other, eyebrows going up simultaneously before they both started laughing. At him obviously. He'd be offended if he wasn't too busy musing over their sudden synchronicity.

"Seriously, Tony?" Rhodey asked once he'd gotten his laughter under control. "What are you talking about? You know damn well I'm straight as a line."

Tony huffed. He knew what he had heard thank you very much. "Well, I thought the same thing about him, but-" He glanced at Bruce and had the sudden inspiration that maybe that wasn't a point he should make at the moment. Or ever. Bruce's glower may have had something to do with it. " Okay, but I heard you just say it was a date," he said instead, looking at Rhodey accusatively.

Bruce snorted like he'd actually choked on a laugh - as if the laugh had actually been liquid. Rhodey just scoffed and rolled his eyes. "This from the man who calls me honeybear and who regularly refers to our hanging together as," he glanced sideways at Bruce with what Tony thought looked like a bit of a conspiratorial expression, "and I quote 'a hot date with my hunky Colonel.' So really, I'm the one who is outta line here?"

Bruce shook his head wearing one of those maddening thin smiles that Tony couldn't always tell whether they were motivated by amusement or exasperation. "Tony, we really need to work on your communication skills. Flirting isn't a recognized second language."

"It should be," Tony clipped just to be stubborn.

"You're never gonna win that battle, Doc."

"No, probably not." Bruce's thin smile quirked up a little indicating that he was most certainly amused now. Tony definitely preferred amused even if at his expense. Bruce met his gaze then. "But I like the challenge."

Tony blinked. He momentarily forgot what they were talking about. Thankfully Rhodey decided to be helpful.

"Look, Tony, I just stopped by to let you know I got leave for the Trekkie convention. You weren't here, but I got talking to Bruce about it."

Bruce smiled and shrugged. "I love Star-" Tony's heart stuttered and he missed the 'Trek' part apparently. Ugh. Something else unusual to file away. He would need to buy an island just to house a server with all this nonsensical data.

"So I told him he should join us. Turns out he's even cosplayed as Spock before. And since your lame ass never wants to do the cosplay competition with me, he offered to be the Spock to my Kirk this year."

Tony suddenly felt inclined to look at Bruce in disbelief. "Wait," the question begged to be asked, "were you flirting with him? Was that a come on?"

Rhodey closed his eyes and shook his head. Bruce took the more direct approach by rolling his. "See this is exactly what happens when you turn everything into a flirtatious quip. You forget that some things can be completely without pretext. Besides," Tony noted the smile that he was quickly learning was Bruce's very attractive 'I can be a troll too' smile, "if I wanted to flirt, I would have made the offer in Kling-on."

Rhodey looked impressed and he should be, Tony thought. "That's hot. Still straight, but that's hot." Then Rhodey looked mischievous. "You know, Tony used to have a Kling-on kink."

Tony blanched. "Ah, t-t-t-t-t we don't need to-"

"He used to pick up one nighters at the con just so he could have them speak Kling-on in the sack."

"-go there," Tony finished, deflating like a balloon.

"Wait. That was you?" Bruce asked with such good timing and sincere curiosity that for a few long seconds Tony had to admit he desperately ran through a mental list of past Kling-on lovers.

"You are a troll." He nodded his head firmly as he said it.

"Perhaps." He smiled. "But, uh, you really don't need to feel bad about that kink. That kind of thing is pretty common actually." And then the troll looked sheepish and Tony had to admit it was an enigmatic dance between the two sides of Bruce. "Betty was a Tolkien fan. She was fluent in Elvish."

A wolfish grin spread across Tony's face. "Oh yeah? That do it for you?"

"Sometimes. But it's not, you know, exclusive in the language-kinks department."

"Really?" Rhodey asked curiously, not shy. "What else you got on that list, Doctor?"

Tony was certain he didn't imagine the sly glance that Bruce aimed at him before he shrugged and said with a smile. "English."

Did he just- Oh, he did.

Tony blinked several times as Rhodey laughed unaware that it wasn't a joke, but rather cleverly disguised flirtation. Maybe there was something to be said for subtlety because that was a million times hotter and more poignant than anything blunt or reaching he typically came up with. Bruce had acquired a target, found an open dialogue and struck with precision. It left Tony feeling a little breathless and definitely pleased to be said target.

Well, well, well. You can flirt with me any time, Dr. Banner.

iii. That One Time With Clint

Tony paced back and forth in the elevator up to the common floor. That was the last time he allowed Pepper to turn his phone off during a weekend board meeting. He'd only agreed because he owed her a favor from making an exceptionally large ass of himself in the last meeting. But he should have known better. Villains had a thing about weekends and he'd missed the alerts for backup from Clint and Natasha.

Both had gone to the circus that was in town and had somehow managed to convince Bruce to tag along. So of course that was the one time Ghostrider had to show his cursed face and cause an incident for the poor physicist. Now they'd likely be back to square one with convincing Bruce to go into public places.

"Damn it!" Tony cursed. What if he got so freaked out he used it as an excuse to run back to Middle-of-Nowhere, population Bruce Banner. He couldn't let that happen. Hopefully Nick Fury would prove useful and not let that happen. If he'd just been able to get there in the suit maybe-

The elevator door opened and he rushed in and looked around for his teammates. He spied the back of Clint's head, the archer sitting on the longest couch they had. He made his way over quickly only to stop short in his tracks. Passed out, clothed only in his Hulk pants, and clinging to Clint was Bruce. Tony's stomach fell.

"Is he okay?" How bad had it been if he still hadn’t woken up yet? The attack had been hours ago, close to the start of the board meeting. Seriously, that was the last time this happened. J.A.R.V.I.S. was getting an immediate protocol added to interrupt any meeting with an alert to assemble. He kicked himself for not having had the protocol in place sooner.

Clint looked down at Bruce and then shrugged as he looked back up at Tony. "I guess so. J-man said there wasn't any sign of a problem."

"It's nice of you to stay with him like this," Tony offered awkwardly as he tried to bite down that little part of him that even he could recognize as jealousy. He was usually the one there for his best friend. It was a connection that they had, something special he could do for the guy who'd saved his life in the past and a way to prove he cared about keeping the troubled scientist safe. But jealous or not, he also liked that the rest of the team had come to care for Bruce and trust being around Bruce too.

"Well, in this case I didn't have much of a choice," Clint answered.

Tony furrowed his brow. "No one else would help?"

"No, he won't let go," Clint said pointedly, looking Tony straight in the eye.

"You're joking?" Tony wasn't sure why he'd joke about something like that, but it didn't particularly make sense either. He wasn't even sure he wanted it to make sense.

"You wanna try? Be my guest. The others already did. He seriously will not let go. And, you know, not that I have anything against platonic cuddling or being there for a teammate, it started getting a little awkward about an hour ago. So if you have any suggestions, I'm all ears. Especially since this is gonna get even more awkward when he wakes up. It's one thing when he falls asleep on you for a little bit. But three hours on me? The doc's probably not gonna be able to look me in the eye for a month at least."

Tony scratched at the side of his head. There was a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Was something wrong with Bruce that J.A.R.V.I.S. couldn't detect?

And Clint wasn't wrong about how bad Bruce would probably feel. He had to admit if it was him that Bruce had fallen asleep on for this long, it could probably be laughed off or not even thought of at all. They were best friends and spent hours upon hours together. Platonic cuddling probably wouldn't do much to change that. Even if Bruce clung to him, it could make sense as his clinging to his closest friend – a source of comfort. That made sense, right?

But this didn't make sense. He'd never singled Clint out before. Was… Was it subconscious? Was there something that Bruce was keeping to himself? If anything was certain, it was that Clint did not feel the same if it was feelings of that nature. Was that why it was a secret? Tony really, really hoped not. His stomach churned uneasily at the thought. For his friend's sake, of course. At least, he was pretty certain. Then again, he was still a little upset that he couldn't have spared all of this by being the one in Clint's position in the first place. If only he'd been there for his friend in that way, he could maybe have spared him this way.

At a loss with his scattered thoughts, Tony sat down next to Bruce and gently tried to pull him off. Clint was right. He absolutely clung… at first. Then Bruce started to stir and Tony met Clint's worried gaze. Hopefully they could still figure out how to make this less awkward.

"You waking up, Big Guy?" Tony decided maybe if he spoke first, Bruce might think he'd been there for longer than he had been. Moral support or something like that.

Bruce's fingers loosened on Clint's shirt. "Tony?" Bruce's head cocked sideways a little as if confused by the direction of Tony's voice, his face scrunching to mirror that confusion. Then his eyes opened and he slowly took in his surroundings. He looked at his hands and then followed his gaze along the shirt he held on to until he met with Clint's impassive face. "Clint?"

Bruce sat up a little too quickly, proof of the awkwardness Tony and Clint had been afraid of. "Easy there, Bruce," Tony urged, immediately taking the opportunity to latch on to his arm and steady him.

Bruce immediately turned his gaze to look at Tony and for a moment Tony felt relief. There was something in Bruce's expression that read like he was relieved as well, relieved that Tony was there. He would definitely take that for now.

"What happened?" Bruce asked, not taking his eyes from Tony. Tony decided he didn't mind.

"The circus," Clint said.

Bruce then looked back at Clint sharply. "Oh god, you- Clint, you were almost killed," Bruce said in horror and Tony's eyes widened.

Well, that would have been helpful information, Bird Brain.

"Yeah, well, I-" Clint stopped and furrowed his brow. "What?" He cocked his head sideways, looking at them both.

Bruce nodded weakly. "Yeah, I remember now. I was trying to help civilians evacuate, trying to avoid an incident as you know. But I saw it just in time. Ghostrider. He saw you were vulnerable. No one else was near enough and your back was turned. He would have killed you, Clint."

"So that's why Natasha was acting so strange," Clint muttered.

Tony felt whatever the strange, uneasy knot in his stomach uncoil as the gears in his mind began to click. "Not just Natasha," he said knowingly. Now it made sense. He thought Clint was going to die. Hulk must have been worried too. Bruce had become protective of not just Tony, but his entire team.

"What?" Bruce looked back at Tony strangely.

"Well, uh," Clint began hesitantly. "You've kinda been using me for a human pillow for a few hours. The others tried to pull you off so to make you more comfortable, but uh… You kinda wouldn't let go."

Tony could feel the way Bruce tensed. He deliberately ignored any lingering doubts as to why.

"I'm- Oh, god. I'm sorry, I-"

"Hey," Tony interrupted. He wasn't going to let this freak Bruce out more than it needed to. "No harm, no foul, buddy. Clint agrees. You saved him. And you know the Other Guy can be a little clingy and protective. So, you know, when you were still asleep like that, it was probably still a bit of Hulk making sure nothing happened to our favorite archer."

"Yeah, Doc, don't sweat it. One, I'm grateful. Two, I'm flattered both you and Jade Jaws care enough about me as a teammate to look out for me and want me to be okay. A little platonic cuddling never hurt anyone. I know you weren't being fresh," Clint finished with a smirk.

Bruce let out a soft snort of laughter. Tony thought it was beautiful given the circumstances. Which specific circumstances he was referring to was inconsequential. He didn't need to squabble over the details.

"Glad you're not disappointed," Bruce followed the laugh with a teasing remark.

"No, see, that would be the man on your left," Clint replied and Tony bit back a curse.

Way to go and make it awkward again, Barton.

To his relief, Bruce seemed to take it in stride. He patted Tony's knee a few times and said, "Only because Tony's ego is sensitive. It needs to be nurtured from time to time."

Clint's eyebrows shot up and Tony quickly deflected. "Alright, clearly it's food time because you're delusional if you think my ego needs any extra help. Hey, J, order the post-Hulk special."

As you wish, sir.

"Hmm, food," Bruce hummed contentedly before closing his eyes and falling back again on the couch. Only this time he fell against Tony for support, head almost immediately finding his shoulder. Tony smiled softly.

Better.

iv. That One Time With Steve

"Enough with these games, Amora," Thor bellowed as he stared down the Enchantress. "My heart is not some prize that can be won."

"I always knew Thor was a Disney princess." Clint's smirk was audible over the comms.

"So does that make Jane a street mouse?" Bruce joined in the battle-time banter although he stood by in the wings, hoping to avoid an incident. Amora's weird little army of sprites? didn't really warrant the Hulk.

Tony laughed. Thank goodness for Bruce Banner and his wit because he seriously hated fighting Asgardians. Ugh, magic.

"Really, Stark? That made you laugh?" Clint questioned, tone incredulous.

"Yours was the easy joke, Barton. And it's not new since you always call him that. Banner's was fresh and quick to capitalize off of yours," Tony explained, feeling a little exasperated that he even needed to. It was always less funny when you needed to explain.

"Yeah, whatever," Clint clipped. "Weird little fairy people at your four. Ugh, Asgardians."

Tony snorted. "That we can agree on."

"Uh, hey, is anyone else hearing this-" Bruce started, but was cut off.

Tony immediately ignored the rest of the weird little fairy people and whirled around heading back to the main scene of battle just in time to see the beam of magic headed for Thor. Then there was a bright flash of white as Steve jumped in front of the demigod and deflected the magic with his shield.

Tony squint his eyes just a little, thankful for the protective HUD that filtered these kinds of blasts, and watched as whatever it was hit Bruce instead. "Bruce! Guys, it hit Banner," he said in a slight panic as he hurried over to the physicist. He seemed dizzy, but there was no sign of an appearance from Hulk. Tony was thankful for that for about two seconds before he realized maybe that was a bad thing.

Amora was screeching something else, aimed at Steve now it seemed, but Tony was preoccupied in making sure Bruce was alright. The idiot just had to come into the thick of battle to make sure everything was okay. He just couldn't stay away. And yet he had the audacity to continually deny his being a hero.

"You okay, Big Guy?" Tony asked, his faceplate coming up to study Bruce carefully. "Do you feel anything?"

Bruce furrowed his brow and then looked as though he was trying to see past Tony. His eyes widened and Tony followed his gaze. Was he looking at… Amora? Then Bruce seemed for a moment to try and push past him. Tony attempted to stop whatever this was by holding his hands out in front of him.

Bruce looked distressed. "Move, Tony. I need-" He started, but then stopped short. Tony saw something a strange yellow cloud pass across Bruce's eyes before the man blinked hard. "Steve," he said when he opened them again.

"Steve?" Tony wasn't sure what the hell was going on at this point. He really hated magical Asgardians. "You need Steve?" He tried to get a clearer answer.

"What?" Bruce looked at him like he was a little crazy. And, frankly, at this point maybe he was, Tony mused. "No, Steve just got hit by Amora."

Tony turned on his heel to see their comrade without shield and staring intently at… Bruce? He should probably be helping Thor attempt to take down Amora, but that seemed like Asgardian drama and even if it wasn't this was a much bigger deal. He would know that look on Steve's face anywhere, being a playboy and all. To put it bluntly, Steve looked as though he wanted to get himself a fine piece of physicist. And damn, he was really sick of fighting Asgardians.

Tony turned to look back at Bruce, feeling him shift uncomfortably just behind him. A quick look at the man told Tony he saw it too. "I, uh…" Bruce stammered a few times and then met Tony's gaze. "Please tell me I'm imagining things," he said with a hard swallow. "Steve's not… Is he leering at me?"

Tony looked back over his shoulder and felt his own throat go dry. Steve wasn't a bad guy and, hey, Bruce was definitely the kind of guy you leer at. He'd done it himself unabashedly. But the thought of one, Captain America leering at a man and two, that man being Bruce – well, it didn't compute.

"He's, uh, yeah." Tony nodded, looking back at Bruce. "That's definitely a leer."

Bruce seemed to cower as he glanced around with an expression of extreme discomfort. Tony suddenly felt a twinge of not just protectiveness, but possessiveness. Bruce clearly didn't want Steve's attention in that way – Tony certainly agreed that it was a horrible notion – and he felt the urge to angle himself between them and be a shield for Bruce if need be.

"Didn't know Steve went for guys," Tony reached for a joke and received a glare from Bruce in response.

Okay, had he misjudged this completely then? Was Bruce uncomfortable because he had wanted this attention and didn't know how to react now that he had it? He immediately chastised himself. He really needed to stop jumping to conclusions about who his friend and colleague might secretly be attracted to.

"You really don't know anything about 1930s Brooklyn do you?" Bruce's glare was still in place, but his tone wasn't harsh. "Tony, this isn't consensual," he then said, now with a hint of harshness.

"Uh…" Tony didn't quite know what to do with that. "You being leered at?"

"No, well, yes, but not to the same degree," Bruce fumbled for an answer. "I mean, whatever he's… He's feeling right now… Towards me…" Bruce winced and Tony felt that weird protective-slash-possessive feeling intensify. "I don't think it's him. I think it's something that happened when Amora hit him. Because when I was hit, for a brief moment I wanted to-" He blushed.

Tony smiled in spite of everything. "Yeah, I have a pretty good idea what you wanted to do."

"But obviously that's not normal. I think it's some kind of weird spell that-"

"Yes, an Asgardian love spell," Thor interrupted them. Steve was being kept back by Natasha and Clint.

"Where's the witch?" Tony asked, looking around and not at all using it as an excuse to give Steve a warning glare. Consensual or not, he wasn't getting near Bruce on his watch. Wow, yeah, that's possessive. Add it to the server.

"She has escaped, but I have ascertained which spell I believe she intended to use upon me before Steve stepped in," Thor replied. "If the symptoms are evidence, then it is a one sided spell of a dubious nature. As Amora already cares for me, she needed only to change my feelings for her. It works like a chain. Whoever the spell is used on will fall in love with the last person the spell was used on."

"So she had used it on herself and then intended to use it on you," Tony said, scrunching his face as he did. Thor liked to talk about how magic and science were the same thing in Asgard, but sex pollen was pretty much still the mythos of fanboys and fangirls on the internet. And love potions? There was certainly no way to create that kind of thing in a lab.

"That would explain why when I got hit I suddenly had feelings for Amora," Bruce added with a shrug.

"Perhaps," Thor agreed. "But I must be certain. Dr. Banner, do you have any feelings for Steve? Either before or since being hit by Amora's magic?"

"Not that I'm aware of," Bruce answered and Tony felt like he could let out a breath he hadn't even known he'd been holding, but he didn't. "In fact…" Bruce glanced very briefly at Steve and then took a step towards Tony. He wondered if it was just a coincidence or if he was silently asking for a wingman to help him with this. Either way, Tony was still volunteering for the job. "Yeah, in fact, I'm really uncomfortable with the idea," Bruce said. "I really don't like Steve that way. And… Let's just say I've never had any reason to think he feels that way about me."

Thor let out a sigh of relief. "That's good. That makes me feel more certain of the spell."

"Okay, so how do we go about breaking it?" Tony wanted this done and over with. "And the sooner the better because Cap's starting to look a little desperate over there. And I'm not letting him anywhere near Bruce right now so unless we want some kind of team Civil War on our hands, we better be able to fix this before it gets ugly. He makes one wrong move towards-"

"Thank you," Bruce interrupted him. "But we should be more concerned about Steve."

"How can you stand there and say that?" Tony asked in disbelief. "What if this is like… Oh god, what if it's like sex pollen and you have to-" He stopped when Bruce looked suddenly sick. "Sorry, that was…"

Bruce took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. "Tony, he's the one who's feeling things against his consent. I'm fully, one hundred percent aware of what's going on."

"That doesn't make it better," Tony pointed out.

"Maybe not completely, no," he agreed. "But think about it. If he does do something… Well, something and the Other Guy feels threatened… I don't think the Hulk would really understand the subtle nuances of dubious consent, now do you? He would hurt Steve and, honestly, Steve doesn't deserve that."

Tony felt a little sick now as well. It was a mixture of things. It was knowing Bruce was right, but it was also thinking about the circumstances that would lead to that possible scenario.

"So is there a way to reverse it?" Bruce asked Thor gravely and Tony blanched.

Damn it, he's resigned himself to anything. He could tell. It was written all over the physicist's face. Fucking hero. Stop doing this.

Thor didn't answer right away. "There are two ways. If someone else were to be hit by the magic, the chain would break on one end, but only for Steve to be the new target of desire. So it is not ideal. It's only used in rare cases to lessen the awkwardness of the second cure."

Tony glowered at him. "I swear if you say he has to let Steve fuck him I-"

"No, no," Thor held up his hands and it was only then Tony realized Bruce was looking at him strangely. "It is not that extreme, I assure you both. It is as cliché as your Midgardian fairy tales have led you to believe."

"A kiss," Bruce said knowingly, head falling into his hand as he rubbed at his forehead. He snorted softly. "Of course. Well, it could be worse I guess." At that, he glanced at Tony with a wry smile in spite of everything.

"You're taking this well," Tony eyed him with exaggerated suspicion.

Bruce shrugged. "I think I can handle kissing Captain America. I can't say it's ever been on my bucket list, but I'm sure he'll feel much worse about it when he comes to. I'll have the comfort of having done my good deed for the day. That and I really don't enjoy being leered at by him," he finished with a chuckle.

"Aye, it is strange," Thor agreed.

Tony stood back and watched as Thor led Bruce over to Steve and attempted to explain to the super soldier that he was not himself and that Bruce had agreed to kiss him. Steve, clearly not in his right mind, was all too eager for that acquiescence and awkwardly attacked Bruce's lips for a moment before the same yellow cloud that had passed over Bruce's eyes passed over his and he pushed away with shock and embarrassment.

Bruce, being Bruce, was the one to apologize for kissing him under means of dubious consent and then backed away to give him some space to be consoled by the others. Tony immediately moved to console the physicist instead. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm? Yeah. I mean, I don't enjoy kissing people who aren't in their right minds, but he still feels worse about it."

"It definitely looked awkward from here," Tony offered. It had looked wrong, if he were being honest.

Bruce gave a small huff of a laugh and glanced sideways at Tony. "He could use some lessons," he teased softly.

Tony blinked, surprised by the joke. "Is that so?"

Bruce licked his lips, a thoughtful expression on his face, and Tony looked over just in time to be taken off guard by it. "Yeah, definitely could use some lessons." Tony laughed at the jab at their friend, but his mind was elsewhere, wandering down hazy paths.

As long as you're not the one doing the teaching.

v. That One Time With Natasha

"He's spotted Dr. Banner," Clint said from where he was scoping out the room packed to the brim with scientists. "And he's headed your way, Doc."

Tony took that as his cue to turn from his spot at the bar and observe should the situation require him to step in. Not that Bruce and Natasha couldn't handle themselves, but they were using Bruce, in laymen's terms, as live bait and it made Tony uncomfortable as much as he knew it made Bruce uncomfortable. An incident here at a conference full of some of the best and brightest in the scientific community would be a cruel and ironic blow to the physicist.

"Dr. Banner, is that really you?" Aldrich Killian's distinct voice came over the comms that both Bruce and Natasha wore.

Bruce looked at him in delighted surprise. "Aldrich Killian? I haven't seen you in years. How have you been? You look pretty amazing. I didn't catch your lecture, but is this a result of the Extremis miracle I've heard buzzing around?"

The blonde scientist offered him a wide smile. "It is. Looks good right? But what about you? You disappeared right off the map it seemed. Are you well?"

Tony smiled at the calculating look Bruce gave the man before licking his lips in a show of uncertainty. "I'm well aware of the murmurings in the scientific community about where I've been."

"Yes, well, I didn't mean to presume. You did disappear around the same time and now I hear you're working with-"

That was Natasha's cue to distract him temporarily – they needed to keep the ball in their own court for a little longer – and she walked over gracefully, outfitted as a blonde, and linked her arm with Bruce's. Tony rolled his eyes slightly at the performance as he took a drink.

"Not as good as your Natalie act," he muttered, knowing they could hear him.

"Well, well, Dr. Banner, who is this beautiful woman you have here with you?" Killian asked with another wide smile as he looked at Natasha. "And don't tell me you picked her up over at the bar," he added with a congenial, but very obviously fake laugh.

Bruce's lips quirked upward and he hazarded a glimpse at the bar, casual enough that Killian didn't do the same. "No," he said with a small, obviously genuine laugh of his own. "Certainly no one worth picking up over there."

Tony smiled wide at that, twisting his head slightly. Even from across a crowded room and without giving away anything, the man knew how to banter with a perfected wit that left him in awe.

"Troll," he intoned.

"This beautiful woman happens to be my fiancé," Bruce continued and then Tony's smile fell a little. "If you can believe it," he finished with a much less genuine laugh.

"I can't," Tony mumbled. "Really, was this part of the plan necessary? It's incredibly awkward to watch. I think I might need a few more stiff drinks to get through it."

"Shut it, Stark," Clint clipped.

"Oh, fiancé?" Killian looked surprised. "Well, then, congratulations. Us nerdy scientists have to stick together so," he nodded toward Natasha, "you'll please excuse me if I say kudos to Dr. Banner for picking up somebody clearly out of his league."

"You're excused," Natasha said with a single bat of her eyelashes and a smile that could charm a snake into thinking she herself wasn't a snake poised to strike.

"It's true after all," Bruce replied. "And very, very lucky for me." He looked down at Natasha in a display of blissful intimacy. "I always was attracted to rich, smart, and incredibly needy." Tony felt his throat tighten and he nearly dropped his glass.

"Oh, stop it," Natasha cooed at him.

"Oh my god," Clint suddenly said. "Are you flirting with Stark right now? Is that what's happening here?"

Tony gave a quick glance toward where Clint was positioned and saw the man staring at him in disbelief. He offered him a shrug and broad smile before raising his glass. Of course, on the inside his heart hammered slightly at the accusation. True, he was two out of three of those… Okay, yeah, he was all three of those things, but that would have been more like a blatant come-on than a simple flirtatious quip to amuse a friend.

"So may I ask where you've been hiding out, Dr. Banner?" Killian asked. "You've been sorely missed in the community after all."

"Me? Missed?" Bruce probably only half-feigned his disbelief, Tony thought. "I have a hard time believing that's the case. But after the craziness at Culver, I needed to take a step back from the community to get my bearings. I felt partially responsible for the disaster, after all. I wasn't sure if I could continue after a mistake like that in good conscience. So, I did a little traveling and met this wonderful lady here." He looked down at Natasha, who scrunched her nose cutely.

Clint snorted at all of the half-truths, but Tony on the other hand clinched his jaw at the continued closeness between the two Avengers. Bruce didn't even seem awkward about it. The man was awkward with everything and anything that implied a relationship that wasn't really existent. So what the hell was going on here that he didn't know about? Why was he so easy around her?

"So then how'd you wind up working for Stark Industries?" Killian looked calculating and Tony didn't like his tone. "A man like Stark isn't exactly someone I'd think you'd take up with."

Bruce gave a small frown and Tony momentarily wondered if it was for show or in his defense. "Well, the finer details are classified so you'll forgive me if I give you a vague overview. I was asked to help during the Battle of Manhattan. There was an object that opened that portal over Stark Tower which emitted a gamma signature. When the object went missing, I was asked to track it. After the fact, I was hired on by Mr. Stark. He seemed," Bruce shrugged, "impressed by my work."

"You have no idea, Dr. Banner," Tony purred. Two could play this game.

Clint groaned. "Oh, great. Now you've got Stark doing it."

"Now if you'll forgive me," Killian started, "I'm just a tad bit skeptical. You just happen to go to work for Stark at the same time the Hulk reappears?"

Bruce smiled as if not threatened, but Tony clearly saw the subtle way his fingers twitched as though he wanted to wring his hands. "I can understand your skepticism. But, you see, that's precisely why I became an asset for Stark. He's got quite a rapport with the Hulk, who happens to be the result of the gamma accident at Culver. I'm working with him to understand the monster a little better. See what makes him tick."

"Is that so?" Killian's smooth voice took on a dangerous undertone and before Natasha could make any kind of signal, Tony set down his drink and bounded over to them on his own accord.

"Ah, Aldrich Killian," he said by way of greeting. "I sincerely hope A.I.M. isn't trying to poach another one of my favorite scientists." He flashed Killian a shark-like grin and placed an intentionally possessive hand on Bruce's shoulder.

"No, no. Definitely not," Killian said, clearly startled.

"Well, I do hope you'll understand if I don't quite believe you," Tony replied with a curt expression.

"Ah, so you're still hung up on Miss Hansen then I take it? She was phenomenal in bed," Killian said so conversationally that Tony wondered if Natasha wouldn't drop kick him right then and there for his comments. She merely rolled her eyes slightly. "But she was phenomenal in other ways that you never would have appreciated if not for her little tricks with the… Was it zip ties? I can't quite remember. But no matter." He paused and then his previously friendly façade was entirely gone as he leered at the physicist in a way that made Tony want to drop kick him if Natasha wouldn't. "Anyway, I certainly hope for the future Mrs. Banner here it's not a similar arrangement with Dr. Banner. Does he have any little tricks in bed I should know about?"

Tony wasn't sure if the tension he felt in Bruce's shoulder was the physicist's or due to the way he squeezed his shoulder all the tighter. He wasn't sure which of them needed the grounding at this point since he was about to deck Killian.

"Listen here, Killian," Tony bristled. "I suggest you leave Dr. Banner out of this."

"Guys, this is what he wants," Clint warned over the comm. "It's a distraction. He wants to see if Bruce will…"

"Well, well, Mr. Stark. This is a surprise. Finally found yourself a keeper? Or will he wake up with a formula for how to fix his little problem after you've had your way with him like all the others?"

"Oh shit, Banner's eyes," Clint shouted.

Before anything else could be said, Tony made to hit Killian before Bruce could have the chance while behind him Natasha gently urged Bruce away from the situation. However, one of Killian's lackeys had approached from behind in the middle of the distraction and before Natasha could react, a needle was inserted into Bruce's neck and a small amount of blood withdrawn.

Bruce growled angrily at the infliction and Natasha went after the A.I.M. lackey immediately. Bruce's growl getting Tony's attention, he turned to see him struggling against an incident and the A.I.M. leader was quickly forgotten. While he rushed to Bruce's side, Clint rushed past him and after Killian.

"Bruce? Bruce, you with me, buddy?" Tony purposely ignored the way others were watching and murmuring. "Clint and Tasha will get the blood. Don't worry. But let's not do this here, okay? You definitely don't want to do this here."

Bruce exhaled sharply and held onto his arm with a painfully tight grip, but Tony muscled through it. "I'm okay," he said finally. "I'll be fine."

"Blood acquired and we've got Killian in custody," Natasha said over the comm.

"Thank goodness," Bruce sighed heavily and let go of Tony's arm. Tony sighed as well.

"Ditto." There was a moment of silence between them as he allowed Bruce to catch his breath and gather himself without interruption. Seeing that he probably still needed a wider berth away from the crowded conference he said, "You're obviously still tense. Sure you don't wanna get out of here?" Tony offered.

"Yeah, maybe I do," Bruce answered with a nod.

"Ugh, more flirting?" Clint's unexpected question and groan caused Tony to flinch slightly. "Just as a warning, anything you two get up to before debrief will have to be reported on. Have fun."

"Wait, what?" Tony stopped and looked at Bruce in confusion.

To his surprise, the other man laughed, letting out another shaky exhalation as he did. "He means because you specifically said let's get out of here," he explained.

Tony's eyes widened, but not out of embarrassment. "Get your head out of the gutter, Barton." He then cut the comm. Bruce followed suit. "But, uh, you know," Tony began tentatively when another moment had passed, "about the flirting thing… Were you? Flirting. You know, with me?"

Bruce frowned. "You flirted back. I thought you already knew I was bantering with you."

"Ah, yeah, well, you also were pretty comfortable with Romanov so I wasn't quite sure what was real and fake tonight. I mean, you did seem very comfortable with her. That's… A little odd. Gotta admit that. Incidentally, I'm wondering why you were so comfortable with her." He knew he was rambling.

Bruce pursed his lips, raising an incredulous eyebrow at him as he did. "Smart guy like you can't figure that out?"

Tony's stomach fell slightly. Bruce was a painfully attractive man, something Tony never once denied even a little, and Natasha was a painfully attractive woman, also never denied in the slightest. Bruce had known her the longest if only by a few hours. There was that. They seemed to have a nice, budding sort of friendship, but at the same time Tony hadn't assumed it would turn to, well, that.

And to be fair most of his conclusions lately had been to wonder just exactly who Bruce might be romantically interested in and all had turned up null. But that wasn't exactly a deterrent either. Statistically, he'd have to be right eventually, unless of course Bruce was never romantically interested in anyone ever again and-

Suddenly, Tony didn't like this line of thinking so he blurted, "Dating?"

Bruce laughed genuinely and shook his head as he did. "You sure seem preoccupied with figuring out my nonexistent love life lately."

"You noticed?" Tony asked, reaching for humor in an attempt for deflection.

"A little bit," Bruce answered with another laugh. "In fact, I'm starting to wonder if you'll wake up one of these days and suspect I'm dating you," the physicist said with a casual smile before turning to leave.

Tony laughed automatically at that as he moved to follow, but then suddenly stopped sharply in place as his face flickered with clarity.

Oh.

+1 That One Time With Betty

The team had done a quick debrief the night of the Killian mission and interrogation had led to the confirmation that he had indeed wanted Bruce's blood as a possible missing variable in making Extremis even more powerful. Tony had then decided that after all of that red tape and espionage drama it would be fun to stick around for the rest of the conference...because, hello, science. Nobody had thought that to be their idea of fun excepting Bruce. So only Bruce stayed. Tony had immediately decided that made his idea an even better one. Until it wasn't.

Dr. Betty Ross had spotted them at the formal dinner that second night and had asked if she could join them, saying her friend had left her earlier in the day in favor of scoring a possible grant from an interested party. Tony understood her meaning. Ah, the fickle competitiveness of science, he mused briefly before settling into the role of awkward third wheel.

He was forced to listen as Bruce conversed with just as much ease and passion about science as he did with him. He was forced to listen as they discussed past things they'd been working on together, current things they were working on, and future endeavors. He was forced to listen as they talked about very random memories from college that Tony was keenly aware he had absolutely no part in. He could force in a comment here and there when it came to science, after all.

But then Bruce asked Betty if she'd like to dance and Tony felt his heart freeze up.

He watched them as they moved to do so. He saw the smile on Bruce's face. He looked content. He looked at peace even. It took Tony all of a minute to come to the conclusion that if she were to say he could run away with her right then and there, barring no outside obstacles, Bruce would. It took all of two minutes for Tony to realize he'd be the dumbest man in existence and a certain 'smartest man in the world' would finally have a reason to own that title if he were to let Bruce even consider it without telling him how he felt first.

So he picked himself up from his seat and marched across the small expanse from the tables to the small section of dance floor and with all the Stark-ness he could manage just blurted, "Go out with me."

Bruce and Betty stopped immediately and broke apart a little startled by his sudden appearance. They looked back and forth at one another for a moment and then Betty gave a small smile. "You don't mean me, do you?" She asked cleverly.

Tony realized it would probably be a good idea to make that a bit clearer by inclining his head towards Bruce. "One date at least. Dinner? Movie? Something else cliché. Hell, you pick anything and I'll go along with it. Just, don't… I know you have history with Betty and Dr. Ross seems like an amazing woman." He spared a glimpse at the woman in question and noted the amused smile on her face, but elected to ignore it until he was finished with what he had to say. "I get why you'd pick her, I do. But- I think… I think you and I have been dancing around this for a little while now and if you agree don't give up on it yet. Give me a chance before you…" He looked at Betty again and the woman now had a hand covering her mouth and looked like she was trying very hard to hold in laughter. He finally allowed himself to consider her reaction.

"Bruce," she said between giggles, looking over at the physicist who Tony now realized looked somewhere between embarrassed and exasperated. "I hope you're going to say yes."

"Ah…"

"Wait, you're okay with this, Dr. Ross?" Tony could feel the title of second-smartest man hang over his head a little heavier than before.

"It's Betty, please," she started, still trying to school her mirth. "And, yes, I'm definitely okay with it."

"Poly?" Tony asked before he could even consider the forwardness of that question. Bruce made a strangled noise in response, head falling into his hands and Betty was lost to another fit of giggles.

"Tony, everyone is staring," Bruce said, slightly muffled as he still had his hand on his face. "We'll be the gossip of the scientific community for at least the next three conferences," he muttered.

"Relax, Bruce," Betty urged him and suddenly Tony took a pretty good liking to this woman's way of thinking. "You showed up with Tony Stark. They were already talking. Besides, most of them will just be jealous of you. That's never a bad thing," she then winked at Tony and, yes, he definitely liked her – provided she was serious about backing off of Bruce and oh, right, he was the jealous one.

He could definitely admit that this time. And he was suddenly aware he'd been jealous for the past few months. When did he turn into the jealous type?

"Jealous. Right." Bruce nodded and gave him a look that Tony knew he had seen right through him in that moment.

Tony clicked his teeth a little and then glanced around awkwardly. "Ah, so I'd maybe like an answer on the poly thing because-"

"I'm married," Betty said, interrupting him gently. "And I'm happy."

"And I'm happy that she's happy," Bruce said with a shrug. Then with a good deal of exasperation added, "And for some reason that I can't exactly understand I'm happy where I'm at."

Tony knew his face probably looked a little bit goofy at that confession. "Some reason you can't understand?"

"I think I have a few ideas," Betty said with a sweet, but still impish smile.

Bruce sighed heavily. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure the entire scientific community does now," he replied, glancing around the room.

"And I'm happy for you both, really," Betty offered. "See, remember when you used to say I could do better and I told you it was the other way? There's your proof I'm always right," she said with an easy laugh as she nodded toward Tony.

"You haven't lived with him." Bruce shook his head, but he had that thin smile that Tony knew meant he said what he did out of fondness. It suddenly occurred to him just how often that smile had been reserved for him and felt even more foolish he hadn't noticed sooner. "But, thank you, Betty. I am happy. And if you'll excuse me, I have a rich, smart, incredibly needy man to talk to."

"Don't let me stop you," she said with a smile. "Good luck. Don't leave without saying goodbye," she warned. "And I want an invitation."

"Um, you might be jumping the gun a little," Bruce admonished.

Tony saw the way she looked them both over with a twinkle in her eye that vaguely reminded him of Pepper. "If I'm not a bridesmaid, I will hunt you down myself, Bruce Banner."

"Well, she's something," Tony said, unsure what to do with any of that, as he watched her leave.

"No, she's incredible. You're something," Bruce countered and started to walk away as well, but Tony wouldn't have that just yet.

"Ah, ah, ah," he grabbed his wrist and pulled him close, "we're dancing now."

"Oh, well, yes, I guess we might as well give them the complete show," Bruce said with no small amount of sarcasm.

"Also, I'm not letting you go without an answer to my previous question."

"It was more like a declaration," Bruce replied. "Or a verbal assault. I never can tell with you."

"Aha, yes, it's that biting wit of yours that has me thinking of picking out curtains, Doctor so play the rest of your cards very carefully." Tony was rewarded with a small smile.

"There is no doing things carefully with you around, Tony. Not when you're the kind of guy who likes to make love to someone in the middle of a science conference."

"Make love?" Tony lifted an eyebrow at that. "I mean, yeah, I guess we could. But we should at least wait until after the third date since I'm pretty serious about trying this thing we've got."

Bruce snorted and rolled his eyes. "I was using the archaic meaning of that term."

"Been hanging out with Rogers again?"

"If I say yes, will you be jealous?" Bruce smirked and Tony couldn't hold back a laugh.

"The way it's been going, probably. So, still waiting for an answer."

Bruce knitted his brow comically as he stared at him incredulously. "Tony, I'm dancing with you. You don't think I want to give this a shot? Really?"

"Well, one you danced with Pepper and Betty so... And, you know, you never really did answer the question about Natasha last night," Tony pointed out, teasingly.

Bruce looked sheepish all of a sudden. "You'll laugh when I tell you. Or resent me. Not sure."

"Trust me," Tony assured him, "not possible."

"I wanted to test a theory," he said it with a tilt of his head and expression that Tony immediately read.

He didn't squeak, he told himself. "You- You wanted to make me jealous."

"Yeah, sorry," Bruce replied with light shrug. "Juvenile, I know. Well, I mean, I didn't want to make you jealous, but I wanted to see how you would react. I wanted to see if you would get jealous since I was starting to think maybe that's what had been happening lately. And… I kind of wanted it to be that," he admitted softly.

A wide smile spread across Tony's face at the confession. "And the results of that experiment, Dr. Banner?" He asked in a dignified, objective tone.

"Last night's results were favorable, but required further testing. The results of tonight's follow-up are conclusive of the original hypothesis," Bruce said matter-of-factly and Tony laughed slightly to cover up the fact that he was definitely a little turned on at the moment. "Jealous."

Tony smiled and moved closer so that their lips were a breath apart. "In my defense, you're pretty good motivation."

Bruce hummed noncommittally before Tony swallowed the sound with his lips.