Archive of Our Own ^beta

Rei felt at peace with being alone. Truthfully, he enjoyed the quiet.

He was an only child. Loneliness was not unfamiliar to him, however, he was never truly alone. The servants at Suwa manor were everything but scarce: Rei had a person who woke him up, another one that passed him a towel after brushing his teeth, another one who opened the doors for him, and dozens of other faces he stopped trying to remember after noticing they only lasted a couple of weeks before being replaced. So, after spending every waking moment with people scrutinizing his every move, Rei learned how to tune everyone around him out and enjoy his quiet moments by –almost– himself.

Ever since Kazuki moved in, those quiet moments became fewer and fewer. He was always doing something, Rei noticed, whether it was ironing, vacuuming, cooking, sweeping, washing the dishes, or simply walking in circles around the living room because he couldn't sit still for a minute.

Rei didn't mind it. He didn't mind many things because he didn't care about anything at all, so a hyperactive blonde man doing the laundry while humming songs from TV was not a nuisance. Yeah, Kazuki stuck his nose where he shouldn't, and usually didn't get the cues Rei gave him about wanting to be alone (they weren't cues at all, Rei recalls telling Kazuki to fuck off several times to which Kazuki scoffed and just played another movie); but after a while Kazuki's presence just became background noise.

If Rei could define it, Kazuki was specifically the kind of background noise that is so constant you barely even register it, but the moment it stops everything becomes uncharacteristically quiet and you are extremely aware of how alone and unsettling the world feels. So, a comforting kind of background noise.

Of course, Miri was not background noise.

She came into their lives and it was impossible to tune her out like Rei did with the rest of people. She engulfed every moment of every day: from the second Rei opened his eyes, Miri was around. Whether it was because she was the one that woke him up or because Rei could hear her humming along with Kazuki while cooking breakfast, Miri's constant presence was hard to ignore.

Rei still enjoyed his odd quiet moments. However, sometimes, in the uncommon occasions where Kazuki and Miri were out doing errands and Rei remained in the house, he noticed his brain tended to occupy the space left by them.

It pulled him under and didn't let him go. Many times, suffocating memories from the past squeezed his lungs so hard he gasped for air in the middle of the night. Others, his brain tormented him with his future and drowned him with gruesome scenarios. When this happened, he learned to quickly grab his game controller and start playing any game, and play until his eyes were red and he didn't recall why he grabbed the controller in the first place.

So now, he was doing just that, with the difference that Kazuki was folding clothes behind him

"You should sleep early, we have a long day tomorrow," Kazuki said absentmindedly.

"We have work tomorrow?" Rei asked while playing, not detaching his eyes from his first person shooter game.

"Not work!" Rei heard the clothing being tossed on the sofa as Kazuki scoffed, "A family day! We talked about it over dinner, Rei," Kazuki whined and Rei could swear he was rolling his eyes, "Were you even listening?"

Not really. The past few days had been a haze, he felt exhausted over work and he could almost feel a clock ticking with his boss' name on it. He knew he had to do something about the situation: go back to his family's manor, simply leave Kazuki and Miri in a better and safer place, think of a way out of this, anything. But he couldn't find an answer, so he played video games and slept in the tub for most of the day.

Instead, he said, "Oh, yeah, sure."

Kazuki paused. Rei could see from the corner of his eyes how his partner stopped folding the clothes as he approached Rei and sat next to him, "We'll go to the amusement park, then the cinema."

"Sounds exhausting," Rei blurted. He blinked several times, his eyes starting to feel dry over staring at the screen for too long.

"Probably," Kazuki let out a soft laugh as he rested his head on the sofa's backplate, "But Miri is excited, so let's do our best," he turned his head to look at Rei and yawned, "Besides, I have a feeling you'll have a good day, too."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rei's head whipped to stare at him, leaving the game running, but received no response. Kazuki was already knocked out.

And that is how Rei ended up in a forty-five minute line to a rollercoaster.

"Miri, are you sure you are tall enough for this ride?" Kazuki asked. He held Miri's backpack and water bottle. Also Miri's new bunny hat that she cried to get. And Miri's new pink sunglasses. And Miri's jacket, because it was actually a very hot, sunny day but Kazuki insisted on bringing jackets because maybe it will rain later.

Rei carried a bag of popcorn and a parasol.

"I am! I am! Look, Kazuki-papa," she raised her arms and stood on her tippy-toes while moving next to the measurement line. Indeed, she was tall enough because it was a short roller coaster made for children. The seats were unicorn themed. Miri was ecstatic over that fact.

"How much longer? How much longer? How much longer?" Miri asked while she jumped in place, her pigtails going up and down with her head.

"Like we told you a minute ago," Kazuki sighed, but he didn't stop smiling. Rei could have smirked about his strained expression if he wasn't about to die from a heatstroke, "We should be next, so maybe five more minutes?"

Miri pouted, "You said that a long time ago," she rested her head on Rei's leg and sighed, "How much longer nooooow?"

It was going to be a long day.

Rei was about to offer Miri some popcorn to entertain her when he noticed Kazuki kneeling down to her level and whispering something in her ear. Miri's pout transformed into a surprised expression and then a big smile. When she turned to see Kazuki, complicity glowed in her eyes. Whatever Kazuki told her seemed to work, because she now stood still as a soldier with a resolute face.

"What did you –"

"Alright, are you three next? C'mon in!"

Rei couldn't ask what had happened because suddenly Kazuki dragged him to sit in the unicorn-themed seat. Miri sat in the middle of them, her legs swaying as they hovered the floor. Kazuki and Rei's legs were very much cramped, and if Rei imagined the scene from outside, he could almost picture how ridiculous it must have looked. Kazuki would surely want a photo of this.

"Kazuki-papa, Rei-papa, are you scared of roller coasters?" Miri asked, turning her head from side to side to look at both of them. The brave and excited look on her face now seemed dimmed with something akin to fear and curiosity, her brows slightly furrowed and her lips in a thin line.

"Nah, they are fun!" Kazuki exclaimed, ruffling Miri's hair, "When we are on it, you can raise your arms like so and scream!" Kazuki showed her how to, and Miri tilted her head.

"Scream?" she questioned.

"Yeah! As loud as you want!" Kazuki seemed even more excited than Miri, his own new hat wobbling with his every move.

Miri seemed to like this, because the furrow on her brows disappeared entirely. Now, her eyes beamed with excitement as she practiced how to raise her arms.

"What about you, Rei-papa?"

"Uh, I dunno," Rei said sincerely, "I have never been to a roller coaster before."

Miri turned to look at Kazuki when Rei spoke, as if looking for an answer. Kazuki only smiled softly at her, raising his brows and looking Miri in the eyes. Rei didn't speak the language Kazuki and Miri did, being able to communicate by looks only. Yes, he learned to understand Kazuki's hundreds of tells and signs while working, but here, in the middle of an amusement park, he couldn't begin to understand what Kazuki wanted to convey.

Miri, on the other hand, nodded resolutely, the complicit look back into her. She turned back to him with a very serious expression, like the one Kazuki used when he needed to explain that no, you can't drink the dish soap even if it smelled like cherries.

"Rei-papa," she began, pointing her little finger at him, "If you are scared, we can hold hands."

Then she extended her palm over him, and smiled widely.

Rei stared at her wide eyed, mouth half open.

It seemed hilarious, how a four year-old had told Japan's most wanted hitman to hold her hand in case he was nervous about riding a unicorn themed rollercoaster. He paused and looked at Kazuki who, according to Rei, could combust at any moment now, his whole expression screaming how proud he was that Miri wanted to help him. It seemed even more hilarious how Rei's first instinct was to extend his hand to hold Miri's tiny one.

"Thank you, Miri," he said, showing her a soft smile that he couldn't even hide, or a ‘Miri smile', as Kazuki named it, the kind of smile Rei only got with Miri-related things. At first Rei felt flustered over it, thinking that Kazuki only wanted to tease him over finally showing some other form to his mouth other than his permanent pout, but in reality, he knew Kazuki was right and he had a smile specially reserved for Miri.

Miri beamed, her eyes almost showing stars out of excitement as she held Rei's hand as hard as her little fingers allowed her to, and extended her other hand to Kazuki.

"You too, Kazuki-papa," she wore a mischievous expression, an eyebrow raised in a comical way. Was she smirking?

"Eh? But I am not scared!" Kazuki whined, bewildered. Then, his gaze softened, but he maintained his pout, "Since when are you two so alike?"

Rei didn't understand Kazuki's complaints until he noticed that he was also smirking, which led to something in his chest feel warm, almost tickling his ribs. He didn't get to speak as the cart suddenly began moving faster and faster.

He held onto Miri's hand.

Miri's eyes gleamed with each passing second, her little feet swinging incessantly as she grabbed both his and Kazuki's hand and tried to stand as tall as possible to see the road. The cart slowly moved upwards.

"Okay, Miri, here comes the drop!" Kazuki said loudly over the wind, "You can raise your arms and scream!"

"Okay!" she nodded, as if she were on a mission, "Kazuki-papa and Rei-papa scream too!"

"Nah, Miri, I won't scream because unlike your Rei-papa I am not scar– AAAAHHHHHHHH!"

The drop was bigger than Rei thought, and he felt his stomach turn as he held onto his seat and Miri's hand. His hair flew up with the wind, his bangs dancing with it as his ears ringed from Kazuki's and Miri's scream, with the difference that Miri's scream was infused with giggles while Kazuki's seemed infested with full-on horror. The unicorn cart tossed and turned several times, and with each passing curve, Rei's stomach began to settle, but it didn't stop butterflies forming inside it. Rei realized that it was a similar sensation to the one he got after playing Morio Kart for too long, a motion-sickness that only made him want to play more and more until he got the first place. It wasn't the most pleasant feeling, but it wasn't disagreeable either. In fact, it was new, and Rei could only compare it to the adrenaline he got working out: a safe rush of excitement through his veins. He enjoyed the wind hitting his face, and couldn't help but stare at the scene next to him: a cackling Miri and a terrified Kazuki as the rollercoaster kept on moving. After many drops and turns, the unicorn cart slowly approached his starting point.

"I think that was it… thank god" Kazuki sighed, his face as white as a ghost. Rei could almost see the bile in Kazuki's throat. He still let out a faint smile, "I see you two liked it?"

"It was so fun!" Miri squealed, her hair a mess and her cheeks flushed red from excitement. She didn't let go of any of their hands on the whole ride, and still held them close now.

Rei still felt lightheaded from it, but he had definitely enjoyed it, the sudden stream of exhilaration still tingling on his skin.

"Who's ready for round two?" a loud, mechanical voice resonated through the ride and the rest of the children screeched with joy.

"Round two?!" Kazuki yelped, now letting go of Miri's hand and gripping the safety bar, "Oi, I thought it was only one lap? Whaddaya mean round two?!" he screamed at the pre-recorded voice.

Rei noticed the other children laughing at panicked Kazuki as the rollercoaster cart slowly started to move faster again and, sooner than later, Miri joined them, roaring with laughter and holding her stomach while pointing her finger at Kazuki, "Kazuki-papa is scared!"

And Rei didn't know what came over him, perhaps it was how giddy and light he felt, or the rush of adrenaline still on his veins, but he blurted through a smirk, "I can hold your hand if you are scared."

"Oh, fuck off– AAHHHH!"

"Kazuki-papa, language!"

Miri exploded with giggles as she screeched in joy when the coaster dropped again, now letting go of both of his hands and putting her arms up in the air like Kazuki had instructed her a few minutes ago. She looked so happy and carefree with her hair flying in the wind and her cheeks so red from laughing, Rei couldn't help but stare at her and ask himself how on Earth can I keep protecting her? How can I stop all the bad things from reaching her? How can I freeze this moment where everything feels so… domestic? His mind started to pull him down again but he had no controller nor game console nearby to keep the thoughts at bay.

"Rei-papa, put your arms up like this!" Miri yelped over the wind, her eyes closed as a big smile adorned her face, "It is so fun!"

Rei didn't react at first, feeling time passing in slow-motion and his thoughts running a race he couldn't quite catch. It was only when he felt Miri's small fist pulling his arm up he snapped back and realized she was trying to help him put his own arms up, so he complied.

Rei's arms were now over his head as he felt the cold breeze against his forearms and shirt, and as the coaster continued to toss and turn, Rei realized he never felt as light before. Yes, gravity played a big part on it as his body moved upwards while the unicorn-themed cart lounged downhill, but the sensation went beyond that. It was as if the stream of unsettling thoughts were blown away by the wind and everything he could feel now was how the butterflies in his stomach flew crazily up to his chest and he almost wanted to laugh at the exhilarating feeling of being tossed by a mechanical unicorn cart, not leaving space for anything else in his head but the scene he lived in that moment. He closed his eyes unconsciously, taking it all in.

Rei only put his arms down when he noticed the coaster coming to a halt, and when he opened his eyes, he found Kazuki staring at him with a soft smile that made Rei's stomach butterflies flutter all around his body. Of course he blamed it on the remnants of how light headed he had felt on the coaster.

Miri screeched with joy, legs swinging as she turned to look at him, eyes beaming, "Did you have fun, Rei-papa?"

Rei tilted his head. The question was not uncommon, Miri was a very observant child and she usually asked how he was in different ways (sometimes through a card slipped under the bathroom door when he slept in the tub too long, sometimes in the form of an extra cookie in his own plate that she gave up to give him, sometimes by cuddling with him in the sofa and squeezing his arm extra-tight), but what surprised Rei was how expectant she looked to get an answer.

Her eyes were wide and her little hands were into fist next to her face, determined for the answer to be yes.

And it wasn't hard to admit, "Yeah, it was nice."

Miri whipped her head to look at Kazuki, who gave her a wink and a thumbs up before ruffling her hair. He sighed and shook his head.

"Well, glad it is over," Kazuki said, standing up and walking towards the exit. He took three steps before Rei saw how his face started to devoid of all color, and he bolted towards a trash can nearby.

And that is how Rei now carried all of Miri's things while she drank a watermelon slushy sitting on a bench and Kazuki was sick in the men's bathroom.

"You alright?" Rei asked when he saw his partner emerge from the stall. He looked not as dead as before, some of the color back on his face.

"Definitely better," Kazuki answered, letting out a yawn while scratching his neck. He walked towards them and sat next to Miri, who was too focused on her drink, "But I still feel a bit dizzy,"

Rei nodded as he grabbed a plastic cup next to Miri, "I got you some shaved ice," he passed it to Kazuki as he sat next to him, settling all the things he was carrying on the floor or on the bench, "It always helps me when I'm nauseous."

Kazuki stared at him, mouth half open, before taking the shaved ice and starting to eat it. It must definitely help, Rei thought, because Kazuki's skin color had turned a lot rosier as soon as he started eating it, "Thanks, Rei."

Rei took a moment to stare at Kazuki, who resembled Miri on how concentrated he looked eating his shaved ice while the girl slurped her slushy. He noticed Kazuki's ears were flushed red, and thought it must have been from the sun and the fact his bunny ear cap had flown in the coaster. He had picked it up while Kazuki was busy in the bathroom, so he shifted to grab it and put it on Kazuki's head.

The blond man didn't tear his mouth away from the shaved ice but his eyes flew to meet Rei's face as he absentmindedly fixed Kazuki's hair so it wouldn't look crushed over the cap, tracing his fingers over Kazuki's forehead to get some unruly golden locks away.

Rei didn't understand the beating of his heart. Kazuki does things like this with Rei all the time, dragging him from place to place, casually putting his hand over his face to check his temperature, sometimes grabbing his hand while crossing the street because he had to show Miri how to do it… It was normal, right?

So why was his heart pounding out of his chest while he simply grazed Kazuki's hair while trying to put on his cap securely? Was he the one about to throw up now? Could roller coasters have a delayed effect on him?

Rei's gaze was too focused on Kazuki's hair, but it was only when his eyes locked with his partner's that he noticed his fingers had lingered way too much and now the palm of his hand lightly touched Kazuki's temple and cheek. They both remained like that, unmoving, and Rei could swear he could feel each second physically pass as his breathing became more and more labored and…

"Kazuki-papa, why is your face so red?"

Miri peaked from where she sat, head tilted as she looked at both of them with a questioning gaze, "Are you about to throw up again?"

Kazuki jumped from where he sat, fixing his cap in a way Rei wasn't able to look at his face, but he still could see the red spots at his neck. Must be from the effort of throwing up earlier. He figured he also needed to drink something cold for his face felt as hot as the sun that scorched them at that moment. Fucking summer, making his face red and his breathing shallow.

"Noo, Miri-chan, I am alright now!" he exclaimed, his voice overly enthusiastic as he picked up all the things they carried, "We should get going to the cinema, it is only a few blocks away!"

And so in a swift movement, he got Miri up his shoulders as she squealed in joy and held onto Kazuki's collar when he bolted towards the exit, leaving a Rei bewildered behind with Miri's half drank watermelon slushy.

It was only 2 p.m. Rei could swear he had lived a thousand days in one.

When he finally arrived at the cinema, he saw Kazuki and Miri muttering, his partner kneeling to Miri's level while he whispered something in her ear. She nodded resolutely, her cheeks filled with popcorn. Her eyes lighted up as soon as she crossed glances with Rei, and waved her arm repeatedly at him.

"Rei-papa!" she squealed, "Guess what movie we'll see!"

Rei approached them and shrugged, "I don't know of any new movies…" he looked around to see the posters, but none of them sounded familiar, "A horror one?"

"Of course not," Kazuki had his hands on his hip as he spoke, shaking his head. He still wore the cap, even indoors, "Think of something Miri-appropriate."

"We are going to see the Morio Kart movie!" she exclaimed, raising her arms in celebration and tossing more than a few popcorn on the floor. Kazuki gasped and apologized to the cinema worker who looked as tired as Rei on a good day.

"There's a Morio Kart movie?" Rei blurted, genuinely surprised. It was only then he noticed the popcorn box had the video game characters' design all over them and the soda cans had the movie title in big, bold letters.

"Today's the premiere," Kazuki said, shifting his weight and ruffling Miri's hair. "Miri saw the ad on TV, she was the one who wanted to come see it with you."

"Rei-papa, it looks so cool!" she grabbed his hand as she pulled him down to show him all the characters that appeared on the popcorn box, "This one is your favorite," she pointed her finger at a cartoon black wolf with goofy eyes, "this one is my favorite, and this one is Kazuki-papa's favorite, and this one is Taiga-kun's favorite, and…"

She continued to explain why she selected that design specifically while they walked towards the cinema, taking their seats. Rei sat in the middle as he was the designated popcorn holder (Kazuki didn't want another accident if Miri got overly excited and threw their snacks again, and Miri wanted to sit next to Rei).

"Miri," Kazuki explained, "we can talk now, but when the lights are turned off we need to be quiet," he put his finger on his lips and shushed, "those are the cinema's rules."

"Okay, Kazuki-papa," Miri whispered even though the lights were still on, imitating his shushing sign. Kazuki laughed and planted a kiss on her cheek, making her giggle.

"Also," he continued, now raising a finger in emphasis, "the cinema is quite loud, so you can get startled at first, but you'll soon get used to it."

Kazuki told the instructions looking at Miri, but also giving Rei side glances. Truth is, Rei was paying close attention because he'd never been to the cinema before, so he didn't know what to expect. Yes, he knew what a cinema was because he had taken a few jobs in a cinema before, but he never attended an actual movie. He even felt a little taken aback by the size of the screen, and how comfortable the seats were. Kazuki had lifted the armrest between all their seats so they could all reach easily for the popcorn, and now Rei was extra aware of how close Kazuki truly was, their legs flushed together and Kazuki's arm over his lap as he continued to explain Miri (and him?) the cinema's rules.

"Also, there are some trailers at the beginning. If you see something scary, just close your eyes," he looked at Miri while he spoke with a strict voice that somehow still sounded soft, "Especially you, little lady. I don't want intruders on my bed in the middle of the night."

Rei snorted at that, even if Kazuki wanted to convey sternness, it was not a secret to anyone he enjoyed when Miri crawled to cuddle at night. Miri tried to hide her giggle, but to no avail. He was still a lousy actor, after all.

The lights started to dim and Miri let out a screech before Kazuki reminded her the rules and she nodded several times, quieting back down. Her little legs didn't even reach the end of the seat where her feet wobbled in excitement as she grabbed a handful of popcorn and shoved them into her mouth. With her bunny cap and her full-of-popcorn cheeks, she truly resembled the little animal she loved so much.

A loud noise made him jump, the cinema suddenly being swamped by it as a bright light engulfed them.

The trailers had started, and Kazuki was right, they were loud as fuck.

Rei was accustomed to loud noises, and he wasn't easily startled, but somehow he still jumped along with Kazuki and Miri.

"Told you so, it always happens," Kazuki murmured to both of them, "You'll get used to it soon, don't worry."

Rei looked at Miri, who seemed already used to it, and sat back on his seat while eating popcorn. Indeed, after a few minutes, the noise became less and less startling and he could pay attention to the screen without being on edge.

It was hard not to be on edge all the time, even more when he himself had taken out a few people at a cinema before. It was overly easy: everything was dark, the loud movie sounds usually hid any weapon being fired, and he could leave effortlessly without being noticed through the vents or simply by being dressed as another worker. The memories made Rei feel even more agitated, now hyper aware of his surroundings. He whipped his head to look around him, study if there were any suspicious faces or anything that seemed out of place, but found nothing more than excited children and families eating snacks and slurping sodas.

Suddenly, a creepy voice started to speak along with an eerie music. Rei instinctively covered Miri's eyes with one hand while he held the popcorn box with the other, and only when Kazuki snorted did he notice that he had done the same thing, his partner's hand over his own while they both prevented Miri from looking at the screen.

"Papas, I can't see anything!" she protested, pouting, as she tried to free herself from their hand-barrier.

Kazuki's arm crossed Rei's chest while he kept his hand over his, "That's the idea, silly. It's a scary trailer."

"But I am brave!" she whined.

"You sure are," Kazuki whispered, now tilting his body over her. His head was now close to Rei's chest as he tried to speak in a low voice to Miri's ear, "but it is not for children, just be a little patient."

Kazuki's hair grazed his chin as he spoke to Miri. He didn't move his hand from over Rei's, and with that, their thighs touching, and now Kazuki's head almost laying on his chest, Rei felt his heart was about to jump out of it. Or perhaps it was because the trailer was definitely terrifying. Or because of his earlier thoughts that still made laps around his head.

"Hey," Rei murmured, his voice sounding very thin all of the sudden, "I can cover her eyes."

"What? Oh," Kazuki turned to look at him, and when they were face to face, Rei could see in detail how Kazuki's eyes almost jumped out of their orbit when he noticed how close they were. He cleared his throat and pulled his arm away, "yeah, ha-ha, sorry, just, y'know, parental instinct and stuff, didn't mean to–"

A chilling, bloodcurdling, high-pitched scream emerged from the cinema's speakers.

"Holy fucking shit what the fuck–" Kazuki exclaimed on a regular voice, which granted dozens of heads to whipped around and look at him with a disapproving expression.

"Shhhhhhhhh!"

"Sorry, sorry, geez," he said, and he was about to raise his hands in a sign of peace when he noticed one of them was tangled.

Rei didn't know who reached for who first. All he knew is that his left hand was still busy covering Miri's eyes, and his right one held Kazuki's hand tightly on his own while they laid on his thigh.

And somehow, Rei's pounding heart didn't explode out of his chest but unexpectedly started to slow down. He felt how the stream of thoughts that rushed on his brain gradually diminished, the feeling of electricity on his skin leisurely lessening, and his agitated breathing that he didn't even notice he had going back to normal.

Kazuki, on the other hand, looked like a deer in headlights.

If it weren't for Rei's hold and the fact that they were in a closed space, he was certain Kazuki would have bolted the second he noticed their intertwined hands.

"Sorry, I–"

"It's okay," Rei blurted, his mouth moving faster than his brain, "I did offer it earlier."

The memory of a braver version of himself that existed mere hours ago appeared in his brain, a lightheaded and adrenaline filled Rei that said I can hold your hand if you're scared to a terrified Kazuki on a unicorn-themed roller coaster. This time, there was not a scorching sun he could blame for how hot his face felt.

"Oh," Kazuki said, voice no louder than a whisper, "right, you did."

"Can I see now, Rei-papa?"

Oh, right. His left hand still covered Miri's eyes. He swiftly removed it, fixing Miri's unruly hair as a consequence of their hands. She blinked several times, adjusting to the screen again that now showed an ad for ice-cream.

Kazuki's and Rei's hand stayed intertwined on Rei's thigh. They made no further comments about it.

The movie started and all the children gasped excitedly, including Miri, who lost no time in whispering all her impressions to Rei while she munched on popcorn.

"The princess has to win the race," she commented while chewing, "If not, the bad guy will take her away, but she doesn't want to…"

And so, Rei was unpredictably and un-ironically hooked. The familiar characters and music piqued his interest immediately and he stared entranced at the screen as he watched the movie take place.

He even learned new tricks to use while racing in his game, and found himself murmuring his own opinions to Miri who listened attentively and glowed each time Rei spoke to her.

"Rei-papa, look! Look! It is the bad guy!" Miri screamed, and it was Rei who reminded her to keep her voice low. She gasped and nodded, "Rei-papa, look, it is the bad guy," she repeated in a whisper.

Rei wondered why Kazuki didn't also remind Miri to be quiet, and when he turned his head to see, his breath hitched.

He was so absorbed by the plot, animations and special effects that he didn't notice Kazuki had fallen asleep on his shoulder.

His breathing was slow and rhythmic, his mouth half open and his hair falling and grazing Rei's neck. It tickled each time he took a particularly deep breath, but Rei didn't mind at all. Kazuki seldom looked this relaxed, his brows a soft line and his lips sometimes mumbling something Rei couldn't comprehend. With each loud noise, all he did was nuzzle closer to the crook of Rei's neck.

Rei figured Kazuki must have still been tired from the amusement park, after all, he had been sick. The times Rei had been sick, Kazuki always guaranteed he felt better by cooking chicken broth (which was starting to grow on Rei, honestly) or just being extra-attentive to his needs. One time, a few months ago, Rei had gotten a bone-breaking cold, and Kazuki made sure to take care of him by helping with the most basic tasks like washing his hair or holding him while walking. Looking back, he still felt a bit embarrassed over it, but he couldn't lie to himself by saying he didn't enjoy being someone Kazuki found worthy to take care of.

So now, when he settled back in a way Kazuki was more comfortable, he told himself he was just returning the favor. When he pulled Kazuki closer so their arms were now linked together, it was because he wanted Kazuki's back not to hurt when he woke up. And when he started softly stroking Kazuki's palm with his thumb, it was to let an unconscious Kazuki know that he was safe there, that he was someone Rei wanted to protect.

"Rei-papa, is that real?" Miri murmured as she pointed at the screen, where the characters were racing inside an aquarium, the fishes rooting for them.

"Not the track," Rei whispered, now being mindful to not wake Kazuki up, "but the place exists. It is called an aquarium."

"It exists?!" Miri whispered excitedly, "with all of the little fishes?"

Rei nodded, "Yeah, small and big ones."

Miri's eyes glowed, Rei could swear her eyes shone more than the cinema screen, "Can we go toda–"

She cut herself off, closing her mouth shut as a thinking expression veiled her gaze, brows furrowed and lips in a thin line.

"Rei-papa, have you ever gone to an aquarium?" she asked, her eyes staring intensely at him. The way she looked at him reminded Rei of the look Kazuki used when he asked Rei if he had eaten that day: accusatory, but also full of concern.

"I haven't," Rei responded sincerely.

It seemed to be the right answer because Miri smiled widely, "We can go after this!"

It wasn't a question, but he still whispered, "I don't know, Miri. Kazuki seems very tired, maybe another day?"

Miri pouted, and shook her head. Still, she sat back down and mumbled, "Kazuki-papa will agree with me…"

Rei didn't think much of that comment, although his brain started to connect some dots.

When the movie ended, Miri had more energy than ever. She jumped up and down on the aisle, talking excitedly about a new space princess that will appear in the next game.

Rei didn't know (nor he wanted, honestly) to wake Kazuki up, but Miri took matters into her own hands.

"Kazuki-papa!" she screamed, and jumped in his lap.

Kazuki, of course, yelped as he woke up, gasping as he looked around him. When he did, he let go of Rei's hand and arm, and Rei was almost certain he had woken up so suddenly that he didn't notice the position he had slept in. Rei didn't know if to feel relieved or disappointed by it.

"Miri!" he cried, regaining his breath as he held Miri so she didn't fall, "oh, crap, for how long was I out?"

There were barely any people around them now, mainly workers cleaning and picking up trash.

"Long," Miri stated, swinging his legs on Kazuki's lap as she placed her tiny hands on his cheek and stared at him intensely, demanding, "Kazuki-papa, I want to go to the aquarium."

"Huh?" Kazuki tilted his head, and looked at Rei for answers, "where did that come from?"

"The movie," Rei shrugged. He still was a bit giddy from the movie (it was amazing?) and from having been in such proximity to Kazuki over it. His thighs, arms, and shoulders felt overly cold now, as if a puzzle piece had been forcefully separated from him.

"I see," Kazuki replied, "I don't know Miri, maybe your Rei-papa is tired from the day…"

"But Rei-papa had never been to an aquarium!" Miri exclaimed, her face now inches away from Kazuki and staring at him powerfully. Again, communicating with their eyes in a language Rei still struggled to understand.

Miri's comment made Kazuki's expression change slightly. It went from surprise, to something akin to alarm as his gaze shifted from Rei to Miri, and then back to the complicity one Rei had observed back at the amusement park. He grinned at Miri, bopping her nose and sighing with a defeated smile.

"If that's so, guess we have to go now, don't we?"

And so, they now were at the aquarium door buying the tickets to enter.

Rei had connected the dots, in his mind. But he didn't understand why.

So, when they entered and Miri ran to look at the penguin exhibition, he sat next to Kazuki on a bench and gathered the courage to ask.

"Kazuki," he started, a tentative statement.

"Yeah?" Kazuki didn't look at him but stared at Miri, who ran from side to side trying to get a better look at a specific penguin that caught her eye.

"Why did you plan this ‘family day'?" Rei asked, looking for Kazuki's gaze. The blond man turned his head and crossed eyes with his partner.

"I told you," He started, tilting his head in confusion, "Miri was excited about going to the amusement park and–"

"Kazuki," Rei repeated, and tried to communicate himself in the language he tried so hard to become fluent in. Rei stared at Kazuki's eyes, not wavering, but intently and determinately making an effort to let Kazuki know. He arched an eyebrow as he waited for an answer.

Kazuki scoffed, and let out a defeated smile as he shook his head and laid back on the bench. He closed his eyes, "You figured it out?"

Rei nodded, and mirrored Kazuki's pose, now also laying his head back on the bench. He didn't get his eyes off Miri, who managed to find the perfect spot and now stared at the penguin she wanted to see. He felt a strange pride filling his chest when he realized that Kazuki understood his gaze, "Yup."

Kazuki laughed, "Miri tried her best to hide it, but you are more observant than I give you credit for."

Truth is, while Miri was definitely an essential puzzle piece to decipher the reasoning behind today's destinations, it was Kazuki who gave it away for Rei whenever he started mumbling in Miri's ear. He knew Kazuki. Rei could be certain while being blindfolded how Kazuki's steps sounded, how his clothing felt, the rhythm of his breathing, the smell of his shampoo. Of course he recognized his partner when he planned something with their adoptive daughter.

While Rei didn't have a normal childhood by any way, shape or form, it was still not a coincidence the places they went to today were places Rei had never been before. At first he didn't suspect anything, thinking Kazuki and Miri were playing a game he just wasn't a part of, but as the day passed he traced more and more connections between their complicit looks and hushed words. When Kazuki accepted to go to the aquarium because Miri reminded him that Rei had never been to one only solidified Rei's theory: they specifically catered places he's never visited in his life.

While he understood what they did, that wasn't the question he intended to ask.

Rei didn't detach his eyes from Miri, looking straight ahead when he asked, "But why?"

Kazuki took his time to answer. He now tilted his body forwards, resting his forearms on his knees as he also stared at Miri, "I am not dumb, y'know."

"Huh?" Rei asked, now feeling more confused than before, "Never said you were,"

"I also notice… you. And I know you've been having a rough couple of days," Kazuki spoke, gaze fixed ahead. Rei couldn't see his expression for his hair covered it, but he could imagine it from the way Kazuki's voice sounded: soft and full of tenderness, with a pang of worry, "Miri's noticed, too."

Their adoptive daughter smiled widely as she waved at them and turned back to see the penguin. She talked to the worker, and it seemed they were answering the many questions Miri asked.

"I won't ask what's going on," Kazuki continued as he cleared his throat, calmly, as if he talked to a little kid that needed to understand a basic concept, "but we wanted to help," he sat straight, and whipped his head to finally look at Rei, "I wanted to help."

Rei was right, he thought. Kazuki's expression was just like he imagined it: tender and soft. But he couldn't help his breath hitching at the massive wave of fondness Kazuki transmitted with only one look. Rei found himself understanding more of Kazuki's unspoken language, however, what his eyes conveyed were too much for Rei to comprehend, even if he knew that the warmth and kindness were directed especially at him.

No matter how many times Kazuki dedicated this type of look at him, Rei still felt unworthy of it. How come Kazuki saw him as a human being deserving of those kinds of emotions?

"So, we planned a fun day out," he shrugged and scratched the nape of his neck. Rei noticed the tip of his ears were red, "If you are busy running around, then your brain can't annoy you as much as it could if you let it consume you."

Rei couldn't answer, but he knew Kazuki was right. He… didn't think as much, today. And usually that would be an issue, for he always had to be at least two steps ahead of his boss and the organization, but lately he admitted he had become obsessed over it. He didn't eat, drink, or sleep unless he was secluded in his own world, unconscious to everything around him, the background noise that Kazuki represented still sounding constantly but nothing else. He had tuned everything and everyone out.

None of today had been background noise. Instead, Rei felt he experienced his own day in the first row, being able to appreciate every detail without his brain inevitably pulling him away somewhere Kazuki nor Miri could reach.

"But I screwed up a lot," Kazuki admitted, a crooked smile on his face, "I wasn't planning on throwing up… or falling asleep in the movies. Sorry about that."

So he remembered. Huh. If Rei didn't feel as dizzy as he did now, or if he wasn't at the other end of his own joke, he could even tease Kazuki over it. But it would be like shooting himself on the foot, so he didn't. Instead, he went for the most obvious alternative.

"You are dumb." He said matter-of-factly.

"Huh?" a bewildered Kazuki answered, his mouth opened with a strained expression. Rei could almost snort at how ruffled he looked.

Rei's gaze didn't waver as he said "You don't have to apologize for that, dimwit."

Kazuki closed his mouth, his bewildered expression coming down a notch to a slightly confused one, "Oh."

"I had fun today. Thank you," Rei stated, but didn't feel the need to fill his lungs with air to admit it, because it wasn't a confession. It was a fact, and one that he wanted Kazuki to know. He only hoped he had become fluent enough to convey everything he wanted to say but still couldn't through his eyes as he looked fixedly at his partner.

Rei could've sworn he could've gone blind over how bright Kazuki's smile was the moment he heard what he had said. He could see how his partner gleamed, his eyes showing stars like Miri's whenever she felt proud of herself.

Kazuki stood up like a spring as he extended his hand towards Rei, "The day's not over!" he announced, and tilted his head as he spoke with a welcoming tone, "Come, there's something I want to show you."

And so, he took Kazuki's hand to stand up. But he didn't let go, and neither did Kazuki, as they approached Miri.

"Miri-chan, come here," Kazuki called her sweetly, and Miri ran towards him. He didn't let go of Rei's hand, not even when he kneeled down to her level once more, "What don't we show Rei-papa the…"

But Rei couldn't listen to the rest of the sentence as Kazuki lowered his tone back to a whisper. Rei felt amused at the situation, he already knew what they planned, why did Kazuki still insist on keeping it a secret?

When he saw how serious Miri looked while she received instructions from Kazuki, he understood. Miri was part of the plan as much as Kazuki was, and she was determined to make Rei have a good day.

If he struggled to understand how Kazuki made him feel human, it was impossible for him to comprehend how Miri looked up to him.

It was one thing for Kazuki, who already knew the worst of him and decided to stay by his side, to take care of him in more ways that Rei could count or admit. But Miri, who was as tiny as mighty, swept him off his feet one Christmas and continued to do so every day after that. She was blissfully unaware of his true self, and Rei could burn down entire cities to maintain that. If it took a village, he would destroy it all in one breath to keep her from truly knowing him.

But Miri knew him well enough to notice he wasn't feeling well, and she loved him enough to help Kazuki plan a day just for him.

Rei understood, but he still couldn't comprehend how after everything he had done, this was his life.

He didn't have much time to articulate another thought because he was soon being dragged by both Kazuki and Miri to a darker room.

"Close your eyes," Kazuki whispered close to his ear and Rei could feel his skin tingling from head to toe. Closing your eyes in a public space? As a hitman, that was just having a death wish.

He complied as soon as Kazuki instructed him to, feeling grounded only by Miri's little fingers that held onto his right hand, and Kazuki's rough and calloused one that held his left hand tightly. It was a contrast to how his thumb moved up and down and caressed the back of Rei's hand, a reflection of how Rei had done the same earlier at the cinema. He could almost sway at the rhythm of it, the butterflies in his stomach transforming into hummingbirds whose wings fluttered furiously against his ribcage.

"One, two, three..."

Miri squealed, opening her eyes as soon as Kazuki said ‘three'. Rei lingered a bit more, but when he opened his eyes, he felt inside a dream.

Before him stood a wall full of water, a vertical tank that extended from the ceiling to the floor of the aquarium and occupied the whole room. Everywhere he looked, he was surrounded by water, a soft blue hue illuminating the scene.

Nobody spoke a word, not them nor the rest of the people standing there. Everyone was spellbound by the oscillating movement of the fishes and the way the water reflected all over the area, making it feel more and more like a scene out of a movie.

It was so… quiet.

Everything.

Even his mind.

Rei was having one of his unusual quiet moments, but he wasn't alone at all. There was no background noise, nothing he needed to tune out, for in that moment he felt truly accompanied and seen.

Rei felt at peace with being alone. Truthfully, he enjoyed the quiet. But in that moment, holding Miri's and Kazuki's hands as they gazed mesmerized at the jellyfishes dancing above them, he realized he never fancied being lonely.

Loneliness was not unfamiliar to him, but no matter how many people surrounded him at all times, it was a feeling that had a permanent residency on Rei's chest. Loneliness, Rei thought, was the only constant in his life until a certain background noise decided to appear when he turned 22 years-old. It was all he'd ever known.

It was a way to protect himself, Rei recognized. He couldn't get hurt if he didn't get attached, so as long as he co-existed with people but never connected with them, he would be okay. Of course, there is only so much coexisting you can do before the alienation from every single person around you leaves a gaping wound that felt as fresh as it did when he was a kid. Loneliness was the consequence of living through a tinted glass. Rei lived, yes, but he felt like a passenger to his own experiences, looking through a blurry screen that more often than not felt like a concrete wall that vetoed him from forming any kind of attachment to any other human being.

When Rei saw fishes bigger than him casually swimming before his eyes, he felt indescribably small. It was very quiet. But he wasn't lonely now.

Kazuki looked breathtakingly captivating as he explained to Miri the names of the many fishes that swam around them. He had swiftly taken her into his arms as he pointed and murmured facts at her while she nodded, her pupils reflecting the soft blue light and the water ripples. His hair moved up and down, soft curls grazing his own from time to time. Kazuki noticed him staring, and smiled in compliance. Rei wished with everything he had to stay right here. He begged anyone who would listen to let him have this, for at least a while longer. He didn't know life could be lived like this, without a blurry glass that kept him from touching what he yearned for since he was a kid.

He's never felt more present than now, in the middle of a water-surrounded room, with the two people he understood as his only family.

"Kazuki," he breathed, and squeezed his hand lightly to get his attention. His partner quickly turned his head to meet his gaze, soft eyes expecting, "Thank you."

He had said it earlier, but right now, the meaning had only grown more. If he could convey a millionth of Kazuki's usual fondness through his eyes, Rei would feel satisfied. His brows were raised, not a line or shadow over his forehead, and he noticed his lips weren't turned downwards on their usual pout form, but now they curved in a way he rarely ever felt them curve before.

It felt like a ‘Miri smile', but by the way his chest swayed at Kazuki smiling back at him, he knew the smile had a blond man's name over it.

"Now you are the dumb one," Kazuki whispered, squeezing his hand back. "Don't mention it."

Maybe later today they would go back to their usual banter, but Rei knew that the invisible barrier he had created only for himself would be lifted. And they didn't have to talk about it yet, although by this point Rei understood there was no going back on his own feelings. He had no words to explain them, and he doubted he ever would have that type of vocabulary. So he just stood there, and allowed his eyes to speak for once. Kazuki seemed to understand.

Miri continued to point to every single fish she saw, and Rei listened attentively as she tried to explain how she could place a Morio Kart track across the ray's exhibition.

Rei lost track of how much time had passed, but when they walked towards the exit, it was already nighttime and droplets of rain fell onto the pavement.

"You see!" Kazuki exclaimed with a smug expression on his face as he took out Miri's jacket from her backpack. She had fallen asleep some time ago, and Rei now carried her in his arms, "I told you it would rain later."

Kazuki covered Miri with the jacket, and as he was about to get the umbrella, he fumbled with its pocket.

"What's this?" he asked, pulling a white envelope out of it and opening it swiftly.

"Oh, right," Rei said, "It's a picture from the roller coaster. I didn't know they took pictures there, but I got all the copies just in case, y'know…"

He didn't want to finish the sentence, and he knew Kazuki completed it in his mind, too.

Kazuki tossed the envelope as he showed Rei the picture.

Kazuki, Rei and Miri were on the rollercoaster. Miri, who sat in the middle, had her arms raised over her head as she screamed in joy, eyes closed at how big her smile was, her hair all over her face. Next to her, Kazuki's knuckles were almost as white as his face as he gripped the safety bar, his eyes also closed but with a horrified expression all over his visage. Rei, on the other hand, had his arms slightly raised upwards. He wasn't screaming in joy or terror, but was staring at Kazuki and Miri with a soft, candid smile adorning his lips. His hair flew up with the wind so his eyes were overly clear, not a trace of any shadow in them. He looked… young, and healthy, and if anyone looked at the picture, they would find just another normal family.

Kazuki pouted next to him, "I hated that roller coaster, it made me look so lame," he whined.

"You were genuinely terrified," Rei stated with a smirk, but his eyes remained soft from looking at the picture, "Who would have thought unicorns would be your demise?"

"Are not!" Kazuki complained as he opened the umbrella and casually hooked an arm around Rei's waist to pull him close as they walked onto the rainy night, "Seriously, Rei, I know it's healthy for kids being tossed and turned for their vestibular system to develop correctly, but enough is enough! I could talk to the manager about…"

And so, Kazuki continued rambling on, and Rei listened attentively as he tried not to focus too much on the hand that rested on the small of his back.

Later, when he was putting Miri down on her bed, she grasped his finger as she mumbled sleepily, "Rei-papa, did you have a good day?"

Rei lowered himself to caress Miri's hair as he pulled unruly strands out of her forehead, and whispered in the softest voice he could produce, "The best."

Afterwards, he went downstairs to beat Kazuki at Morio Kart. He had already hung the roller coaster picture on the fridge. It had been a very good day, indeed.