Chapter Text
Although the sun shone where for centuries darkness reigned, pain was always there.
No matter how much he suffered, Aleksander couldn't get used to it.
He forgot how much time passed from the last time he used the Cut on himself.
Being Cut from his Little Saint wasn't something he expected, but he was proud of her.
He watched her crying on Mal's body.
Mal.
A Morozova.
Someone who had someone who was crying for him, while Aleksander was alone.
Always alone.
He pulled himself on his feet, still focusing on Alina.
She just destroyed the Fold. His abomination.
But she was desperate. Because she had to kill her tracker.
"Now..." he said to get her attention "...you know sacrifice".
She glared at him.
"Beyond anything you've ever known. And look what it did".
"Indeed" his eyes moved to rest on Mal "Look what it did".
"Mal and I changed the world. We tore down your Shadow Fold" she said with accusation, but she started sobbing again.
"You have my sympathies for what comes next, when you realize that what you've done solves nothing" how could she not understand it? "The world doesn't need a Saint to protect it. It needs a monster. And while I remain...".
The damn cough interrupted him and a blinding ache ripped his brain.
But he had to keep fighting. For her.
"Let me be your monster".
He saw in her eyes that she still couldn't understand.
"You think that after everything, I'd still stand by you?".
"There is no light without darkness" he reminded "Without me, you have no counter, no balance. Let me carry the hatred of this world".
"Hatred" she repeated "Because of the choices you made".
"Choices you too will make... in time" he assured.
"I will never walk your path".
"I know you believe that now. But soon..." no matter how the pain paralyzed him, he moved to reach for her, to offer his help, even if she hated him "Soon you will have no equal. The years spent alone will grind you down, they will harden you. And who will be there to shield you from it? Who will be there to save you?".
He tried to touch her face, but she blocked him.
"I will save myself. Your legacy is already written. There is no redemption".
She pushed him and he couldn't help but falling on his knees, his darkness slipping out of control.
He felt the monster sucking his powers to attack Alina.
Aleksander screamed. He couldn't see his monster kill someone he cared of again, like it killed his mother. And he had been just helpless, powerless, weak.
"Leave her alone!" he tried to help her, but the monster slapped him hard, shoving him on the sand.
He thought it was the end, that the monster would kill his Sun Summoner, when he felt fire engulfing the monster and then it was gone.
Aleksander forced himself on his feet to check on Alina. She was on her knees, but she was alive.
"You can't control them, can you? You can't control any of it" she realized.
Exposed.
He felt so exposed in front of her. But it was alright. Maybe it would help her understand.
He offered her his hand, his fake hand replacing the one that once had bonded him to her.
"I thought I could control it all, once" he confessed "Find peace".
He looked up, at the blue sky, at the sun and closer his eyes "And for a moment, I swear I did".
He recalled when Alina kissed him for the first time, catching him by surprise.
He tried to linger on that feeling again.
The bliss.
Then he felt something sharp breaking the fabric of his clothes and pressing on his skin.
His eyes snapped open to see Alina standing in front of him, hatred in her eyes instead of the admiration and maybe love of his memories.
She was trying to stab him.
His hands grabbed hers, not to stop her, maybe to help her end the job.
Uncertainty flashed in her eyes.
One moment of hesitation that he could have used to fight against her.
But he was tired of surviving.
If Alina chose to be alone, it was her choice.
At least he would be free from the pain.
No more shadows, no more nichevoya, no more merzost.
He was starting to feel that peace again.
Maybe it was the anticipation of death, of the end of everything.
The sun felt warmer just as warm was the blood that bathed the tip of the sword that Alina just needed to push through him.
But she was petrified.
Aleksander stared at her, seeing conflicting emotions on her face.
Again, he wished to caress that face, to comfort her.
Instead his hands pressed on hers, encouraging her to push the blade.
"No!" she rebelled, stepping back and removing the sword to drop it on the sand.
They both swayed.
Aleksander moved his feet to keep himself up, pressing his hands on the light wound on his stomach.
But he felt no pain.
Also the headache that tormented him for so long was gone.
He was so close to feel the bliss again and wished to hold on that feeling.
But Alina looked no more willing to kill him, to end him right where he created the Fold and now there was just desolation.
She looked furious for her choice.
"I'm not like you" she hissed "End yourself".
She kicked the sword towards him.
He blinked in confusion. Not because he wasn't sure if he wanted to die.
Suddenly he didn't feel peace nor bliss. But something equally valuable.
He felt free.
The wound where she Cut him became a new scar.
The scratch on his abdomen was a faint itch.
But he was free from the monsters. And he didn't feel the shadows whispering to him anymore.
He was blinded by the sunlight. And somewhere in that light stood Alina.
"What are you doing?" someone intervened "After all he did?".
Aleksander didn't care of the other people standing around him.
He focused on Alina, who stared at him and seemed understanding. Finally she understood something. She still had a lot to learn.
"He's not a menace anymore" she said harshly without looking away from him "If you want to bath your hands in his blood, go on".
She turned on her heel sharply and walked back to Mal, hoping to get him back.
Nobody attacked Aleksander, but he felt a pang of envy for the tracker, even if he was dead.
But Alina wouldn't accept it.
She was too stubborn and would get him back.
Aleksander didn't want to watch her make that mistake, so he turned to face the sea of sand surrounding him.
"You're banished from Ravka" Alina shouted at his back before he could step too far away "Don't make me regret letting you go alive".
Aleksander smirked weakly.
He was ready to let her go. Ready to embrace freedom.