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In hindsight, asking Chanyeol to meet him at Rodeo Station probably wasn’t Sehun’s brightest idea.
The subway station had in recent years transformed into an increasingly busy hotspot in the city, so the chances of someone recognizing Chanyeol and thus creating an impromptu fan-meet were very high.
But whatever. Chanyeol had texted him back and confirmed the time almost immediately after Sehun had asked to meet, so if he caused a big commotion then that would be Chanyeol’s problem. Being a superstar and all that.
Dodging the truckload of tourists and residents alike, Sehun speed-walked onto a much quieter and all too familiar street.
The street was by far the most run down part of this side of the city, filled with smaller restaurants, thrift shops and family-owned cafés. Sehun was happy to see that some semblance of familiarity was left from his youth, remaining unpolished and home-y, a stark contrast from the shiny new luxury brand stores that had been set up on main street.
It was a bittersweet feeling, Sehun thought, breathing in the mingling scents of street foods and cracked, wet pavement after such a long time, but it lingered in his lungs in a pleasant way.
The little bell above the door rang a tad too high as Sehun stepped into the little café.
Him and Chanyeol would frequent this joint more than a couple nights a week during their high school years, lugging their heavy backpacks and stretching their homework across the table at the corner booth they had practically reserved as their spot. The café had gotten new owners since then, who had done some much needed work on the ragged old interior, but the charm was still very much present, and Sehun’s lips quirked up on their own volition as he settled into the leather booth.
He was nervous, of course.
After having replied to Chanyeol’s text the night before, he had gone into a state of sheer panic.
At first, Sehun had frantically paced around his apartment, mind filled with possible conversations that could take place during their meeting, until he had decided to call Baekhyun and spill everything he had on his mind.
”You’re literally spiralling, Sehun,” Baekhyun had said over the phone. Sehun replied with a helpless whine as he mindlessly fumbled with a few papers strewn out over his desk, hands gravitating to anything to keep him busy.
”I’m still wary of the guy, but all things considered, I think you’re doing the right thing by meeting him. There’s too many things left unsaid between the two of you, and speaking like two adults might be a good start to clearing some things up for the both of you.”
As Sehun replayed Baekhyun’s much-needed insight over and over in his head, he felt his shoulders and back relax against the leather of the booth.
No matter what happened, no matter what excuses or explanations Chanyeol would give him, Sehun would listen, and he would be okay.
He was doing the right thing, and all there was left to do now, was wait.
x
Chanyeol was sure he had pulled a good chunk of his hair out by the time he had parked his car and unbuckled his belt.
He had a bad habit of running his hands through it whenever he was nervous or even the tiniest bit on edge, and that habit had escalated into gratuitous yanking at his scalp as he drove to Rodeo.
His expectations might have been a little higher than he wanted to admit.
The fact that Sehun had even given him a chance to explain himself, face to face nonetheless, had hope blooming in Chanyeol’s chest.
He wasn’t ready to think about what exactly he was hoping for, though.
With one last check in his handheld mirror for any broccoli in his teeth or noticeable snot in his nose, (he was wearing a face mask though, why did he even bother to check?) Chanyeol took a deep breath and got out of the car.
Fortunately, he had parked pretty close to their meeting location, and soon he was standing right outside the quaint little café they used to call theirs. Sehun hadn’t actually told him where exactly they were going to meet, but given the amount of time they had spent in this area for so many years, Chanyeol didn’t need further instructions.
Without giving himself any time to back out, he opened the door and stepped inside.
The rather loud sound of the door bell made his arrival a little too obvious, but fortunately the café was mostly empty, save for one seat of course.
In the back of the café, at the all too familiar booth, sat none other than Oh Sehun, and Chanyeol felt his stomach turn as their eyes met.
To say the atmosphere was awkward was a major, major understatement.
As he approached the booth Sehun was seated at, Chanyeol offered to take their orders. Sehun simply nodded in response. He was timid, restrained, Chanyeol could tell.
”Um, you want a bubble tea?”
Another nod.
”Right, I’ll be right back.”
With a hot chocolate in one hand and a melon flavored bubble tea in the other, Chanyeol sat down at the booth, putting Sehun’s drink in front of him.
As he took a sip of his own drink, he dared a glance in the other’s direction.
His hair was much longer than the last time he had seen him, Chanyeol noticed, bangs pushed back by a pair of sunglasses. An interesting choice considering it was raining outside and had been all day, but whatever floats his boat. Despite the slight fashion faux pas, Sehun looked as gorgeous as he always did. He also looked… buff? Had he been spending time at the gym? The Sehun that Chanyeol remembered was scrawny, small in stature despite his broad shoulders and long legs, and didn’t have the same definition in his chest and arms as the Sehun he was currently faced with had.
Chanyeol was all for self love and improvement, but the tiniest of knots formed in his chest as unwanted thoughts of Sehun wanting to look good for a potential lover clouded his brain. Not that Sehun needed to make an effort, Chanyeol thought, he always looked good.
”So?”
He flinched as Sehun suddenly spoke, a single word that was obviously loaded with all kinds of underlying questions.
”Right– right,” Chanyeol replied, trying to collect himself. Where did he even begin?
Sehun looked at him expectantly.
”How have you been?” He managed to croak out, taking a sip of his warm drink to try and cover up the sound of his dry throat. Sehun stared at him, right into his eyes, all harsh eyebrows and pretty lips pressed into a thin line. He looked kind of confused, maybe even in disbelief, and Chanyeol couldn’t blame him for that. It was a stupid question, but atleast it was a start.
”Fine, I guess?”
It sounded more like a question than an answer, and definitely not genuine to Chanyeol’s ears. He frowned a little.
”That’s, that’s good to hear Sehun,” Chanyeol replied, hands playing with his styrofoam cup.
He looked up at the younger man, trying out a timid smile in his direction.
”What do you do? Like, what do you work with?” Chanyeol asked him, and Sehun, again, looked right at him with the same confused expression as before.
Chanyeol could feel his hands getting clammy with sweat. How did he manage to fuck this up so royally in the first 10 minutes of their meet up?
Sehun let out a sigh, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands.
”What does it matter, Chanyeol? Are we here to make small talk? Like old military buddies catching up over a pint of beer? You told me you wanted to explain, you called me baby for Christ’s sake, I don’t want to sit here and tell you what I ate for dinner last night, Chanyeol, I—”
”Stop, Sehun, I get it,” Chanyeol interrupted him with a hand gesturing for him to stop and Sehun shut up instantly.
Sehun was right of course. He should get to the point, even though his ears were flushing at the reminder that he had called Sehun baby in both the song and the text message he had sent.
”You’re right, you’re completely right, I’m nervous and I’m scared but you deserve to hear the truth.”
Sehun gave him a tiny nod, averting his gaze for a second. It was obviously hard for him, too. Chanyeol understood that.
And with that, Chanyeol took a deep breath and began explaining where he had gone wrong, to the person he had done wrong.
They were certainly going to be there for a while.
x
Seeing Chanyeol again felt… strange.
He looked much the same as he did when Sehun had seen him last, but there was something odd to his exterior.
Chanyeol had the same pretty, dark brown mop of hair, but the shine and color seemed dull. The same big, round, expressive eyes that Sehun was so fond of were very much present, but they were adorned with dark bags underneath and the kind of redness only exhaustion could cause.
Realization hit Sehun like a truck.
Of course, he was aware Chanyeol had a busy schedule and the overall pace of his life was much faster and much more of a whirlwind than Sehun’s own, but he couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness settle into his chest. No matter how much resentment Sehun felt for the man before him, seeing him so worn and torn, ripped at the edges almost, made him concerned.
He wasn’t about to back down so easily though, so Sehun didn’t drop his strained facade the entire time he was listening to Chanyeol talk, posture impossibly straight and face carefully calm.
And talk, he did. For several hours actually, Sehun not once interrupting him, too enraptured in every single word Chanyeol spoke.
When they parted ways that evening, both of their stomach’s filled with the several orders of bubble tea and coffee they had gone through, (The last few being on the house, either as a thank you or a cue for them to get the hell out of there,) Sehun felt strange.
Sleep didn’t come easy that night, barely came at all actually, and the streak continued the next few nights. On Thursday afternoon, Sehun realized he was spiralling once again.
As had become custom lately, Sehun had dialed Baekhyun, stating that it was ”an emergency” and that he was in dire need of Baekhyun’s trademark ”cuddles and bullshit”.
And there he was, sprawled out on the living room couch of his moderately sized apartment, rapidly spooning through a tub of chocolate ice cream as he listened to Baekhyun’s loud chatter.
”What I’m most surprised by,” Baekhyun started as he plunged his own spoon into the ice cream tub, ”Is that his relationship with Kim Kai wasn’t real!”
Sehun shrugged.
”I mean, celebrities date for PR all the time.”
Baekhyun munched loudly on his ice cream, mulling it over.
”I know that, but they kind of seemed like a power couple. Like, everyone talked about them.”
When Sehun had listened to his ex boyfriend talk about his relationship with the guy, relief had come over him like a tsunami.
Prior to that subject of their conversation, Chanyeol had explained that he had been ”heavily influenced” by his label to break up with Sehun, which, although it stung to know he was regarded as a liability instead of an asset, made Sehun feel a little better knowing Chanyeol hadn’t thrown him away by choice.
It was true what Baekhyun said, they were very well liked by the public and Chanyeol’s fans alike as far as Sehun could tell, although he was still a little pissy (and mildly jealous) over Chanyeol breaking up with him in favor of some young, hotshot model.
”Sehun?”
He was broken out of his thoughts by Baekhyun poking him in the ribs.
”What?”
”I asked when you were going to meet up again.”
Sehun took another large spoonful of ice cream, melting it in his mouth. ”We haven’t actually set another date, he’s gonna be busy with promotions now for a while so I’ll just wait until he texts–”
”Date.”
Sehun paused, looking at Baekhyun who had a very wicked grin plastered onto his face.
”No, wait, stop, I used the wrong word–”
It was too late, Baekhyun was shrieking like a hyena. Sehun barely had time to set the ice cream on the coffee table before he was pounced upon by his menace of a best friend, tackling him down into the couch cushions.
”You’re regarding your meetings as dates now!?”
Baekhyun scream-shouted into Sehun’s ear. If he was a dog, his tail would be wagging faster than the speed of light.
”No I’m not,” Sehun tried to defend, ”I just meant we didn’t plan to meet again! He’ll text me when he’s free!”
Baekhyun blinked at him a few times.
”You’re turning all red like a cute little cherry tomato,” Baekhyun pointed at his ears. ”You definitely want to date him!”
Sehun just sighed, defeated, as Baekhyun continued teasing him about his ”drama-esque romantic life”, as if Sehun would run into Chanyeol’s arms the second he saw him again.
Pfft, Sehun wouldn’t be swayed that easily.
Definitely, definitely not.
x
As anticipated, Chanyeol had not managed to see Sehun again for a good while after their reunion.
Even though his schedule had been jam packed with various promotional activities and other work that one needed to tend to when an album release was on the horizon, Chanyeol had made sure to text Sehun as frequently as possible. At first his replies had been short and curt, simple yes’es and no’s in response to Chanyeol’s shallow and safe questions about his days, but as time went by, Sehun became more responsive. More comfortable. It showed in his increased use of emoticons, the slightly whiny tone in the words he chose, but most important of all (and much to Chanyeol’s delight), he had started sending pictures.
When Chanyeol sent a picture of Zzar on their morning walk, Sehun would occasionally reply with a picture of his own dog, Vivi. Getting bolder as the familiarity between them grew, Chanyeol started sending pictures of himself, too.
He had sent one earlier in the day, a mirror selfie of his freshly dyed silver hair. He knew Sehun wasn’t a frequent texter so he hadn’t been anticipating any particular reply, but as Chanyeol was brushing his teeth before bed that night, it came. In the form of a picture of Sehun himself, eyes closed, faint smirk and sporting a thumbs up pose, captioned “sweet dreams”.
In true Chanyeol fashion, he dropped his phone and managed to spit toothpaste all over the sink, before retrieving the phone again and clutching it in his hands like his life depended on it as he stared at the picture for a good while. Probably longer than was considered necessary. Or normal.
Chanyeol couldn’t remember the last time he had fallen asleep with a smile on his face, but this time was the only time that mattered anyway.
x
They were at Chanyeol’s apartment, the one in the building he had bought and moved into after their break up. It was a bit obnoxious in Sehun’s opinion, with the floor to ceiling windows and the giant grand piano in the middle of the living room, but Sehun would probably buy an unnecessarily huge penthouse himself if he had access to the same amount of wealth as his ex.
Ex.
It was still strange to think about Chanyeol as his ex. Especially in that moment, when they were eating take out on the couch and talking as if nothing had changed. It didn’t help that Chanyeol looked particularly cozy in his old gray hoodie, bare-faced and hair unruly, Sehun’s favorite version of him. Not to mention that it seemed like he had been getting more sleep lately, if the lack of bags under his eyes were any indication. He looked more… alive, than he had during their reunion.
Thankfully, Sehun didn’t get to mull over that thought for long before Chanyeol spoke up.
“So… my album is coming out tomorrow.”
Sehun looked up at him.
“I know, I can’t wait to hear it,” he smiled around his pair of chopsticks.
Chanyeol averted his gaze, scratched his neck.
“I thought, maybe, you would want to hear it? Before the official release?”
Sehun was definitely not expecting that. The very obvious display of nervousness from Chanyeol made Sehun a bit suspicious, or concerned? He couldn’t really tell the difference. Nonetheless, he would never pass on the opportunity to hear Chanyeol’s music.
“Sure, why not?”
Chanyeol met his eyes again and smiled softly, relieved. Sehun smiled right back at him.
Before long, the coffee table was cleared of food and replaced with Chanyeol’s laptop and a small speaker. He poked around on it for a few minutes, looking for the folder containing the finalized version of the album, and then pressed play.
The first song was, predictably, The Good Side.
Sehun instinctually curled in on himself as the song played. Even after their reconciliation, the song still evoked a lot of emotions in him, and he didn’t want to spoil this experience by welling up in the middle of the listening session. He instead focused on Chanyeol’s voice, the smooth vocals and his underrated higher register. It was as beautiful as it had been back in the day, when it was just the two of them in the music room at school, and Chanyeol would sing his heart out while playing an out of tune guitar.
The next few songs are just as good, a gorgeous mix of piercing electric guitars with sultry R&B elements and Chanyeol’s signature acoustic sound. He was definitely taking a more liberal approach to this album with such a diverse track list. It was a pleasant listening experience, and Sehun told him as much as they ventured deeper into the album. Chanyeol was hyper focused on Sehun’s reaction to every song, staring at him with slightly furrowed eyebrows everytime Sehun made a sound of acknowledgement or moved his head to the beat of the more uplifting tracks.
He had also moved a bit closer to him on the couch, thighs almost touching by now, but Sehun was so entranced by the music he didn’t even notice. Or maybe he did, but he didn’t mind it either way.
“Last song now,” Chanyeol said as the former song started fading out. “This one is called Butterfly Effect, and it’s really special to me.”
That definitely made Sehun perk up. He sat up a little straighter, moved a bit closer to the speaker (and subsequently to Chanyeol. Their thighs were definitely touching now), and got ready for whatever he was about to hear.
On a night where even the air is silent
My exhausted heart can’t fall asleep
At the end of the tunnel, I wandered alone
A warm breath reached me
Your breath, ooh-ooh, yeah
He closed his eyes.
At the soft touch of your breath
My heart finds a place to rest
And you surround me
Sehun could feel Chanyeol starting to fidget next to him, leg bouncing up and down as they got closer to the chorus. He sharpened his ears a tiny bit more.
An angel blowing into me like the wind
The warmth I gained from you changes me
I’m not afraid anymore, because you’re by my side
Because you won’t let go of my hand
You’re saving my life (Oh-oh-oh, yeah-yeah)
My life (Oh-oh-oh, yeah-yeah)
Saving my life (Oh-oh-oh, yeah-yeah)
Don’t disappear
It was beautiful. There was no doubt about that. The lyrics confused him, but he kept quiet and kept listening.
It feels like I’ve been dyed in your colors
The longer I’m with you
The stronger I become in every way
A renewed dream after the time I spent alone
A dream of you, ooh-ooh, yeah
What was this song about, exactly? Or rather, who was it about? Sehun opened his eyes as the chorus came back around. Surely it couldn’t be…
The faint light on a dark night
Has a precious meaning to me
The dizzying embers of my heart, who?
You flew to me like out of a dream
The only one who could change me, you!
You melt my exhausted heart and take me into your arms
And I’m taken away in the warmth of your embrace
Now, so I won’t grow tired alone
Whenever I become lost or wander off
I’ll remember you, angel of my life
(Angel of my life)
The rap was an unexpected but welcome surprise in the structure of the song, but that wasn’t what had Sehun raising his eyebrows. The lyrics were… incredible. Incredibly personal. Sehun glanced over at Chanyeol, who was already looking at him like he was waiting for something. Waiting for Sehun to do something, or say something, or…
Realize something.
As the last chorus played, Sehun stared right back at his ex. They were sitting so close together that Sehun could clearly see every lash on his eyelids, the constellation that was deeply hidden in his irises, the beautiful curve of his mouth.
Chanyeol moved impossibly closer, faces barely a few millimeters apart. Sehun could feel every breath he exhaled. His arm rested on the back of the couch, hand gripping the material. The song was over, but the silence somehow felt way too loud.
He echoed the last phrase of the song, voice barely above a whisper, eyes fluttering shut.
“Don’t disappear.”
Sehun closed the distance between them.