Work Text:
Chanyeol’s come up hadn’t been easy. Not on him, and certainly not on the people around him.
It showed everytime he looked in the mirror and noticed the bags under his eyes were more prominent than the day before, or when his makeup artist had to take extra care to his dehydrated and dull skin.
It showed when the people around him, who used to greet him with smiles and hugs or a pat on the back, would simply nod in his direction and get right back to whatever they were working on. For his sake. For his career.
He tried not to think about it.
He had it all, really, he did.
Millions of fans eager to follow him to the end of the world, a wallet filled with royalty checks and generous tour payments, a beautiful apartment in the high rise building he owned, all the musical equipment he could ever ask for.
To everyone else, Chanyeol was on top of the world.
To Chanyeol, he was merely a shell of the human he used to be, and he wasn’t quite sure he was ever going to become that person again.
The least he could do was try, right?
”Babe, it’s time to sleep.”
Chanyeol looked up from the guitar in his lap for the first time in what was sure to be at least a couple of hours.
He was met with the fond, but visibly tired, expression on his boyfriend’s face. Sehun held his phone up and pointed to the time.
”It’s 4AM Chanyeol. You know I love you, but we both need to rest for tomorrow,” Sehun said, voice calm and already plagued with drowsiness, as if he was about to fall asleep any second.
Chanyeol hadn’t realized he had been going for that long. The composition had come to him earlier in the day, like a lightning strike, setting every single nerve in his body on fire until he got a hold of his guitar and could make it a reality. When this happened, he would play until the callouses on his fingers started bleeding, or until his boyfriend physically forced him to take a break.
As usual, it was Sehun who had inspired him.
And as usual, Sehun had no idea.
The memories plagued his mind more often than usual lately.
He could be lying in his bed, ready to let sleep wash away all the stress and anxiety of his hectic day, but as soon as his head hit the pillow and he allowed his eyes to close, the face of his former lover would appear.
His brain would immediately play a repressed memory of the two of them doing whatever they used to do, and Chanyeol couldn’t help but feel like it was his punishment for letting him go.
If that was the case, he sure did deserve it.
The idea for The Good Side came to him as naturally as any of his other songs did. Or, as naturally as his older songs did. Nowadays, finding inspiration wasn’t as easy as it used to be.
His team had been pestering him for months about the concept for his new album. It was a highly anticipated release, following the oh-so-public ”break up” with his boyfriend, and thanks to Chanyeol’s reputation as a self-writing musician, everyone was eager to hear him spill his guts the only way he knew how.
That wasn’t exactly what Chanyeol had in mind though. Jongin wasn’t his muse, never had been and never would be, and this album was certainly not going to be about him.
When he had mentioned this to his team, they had down right laughed at him.
”Chanyeol, you can’t actually be serious, right?” His lead producer said between chuckles.
Chanyeol glared at them as intimidatingly as he was capable of, hoping they would understand he meant business.
”Of course I’m serious. Why the hell would I write an entire album about Jongin when I don’t have shit to say?” He quipped back.
Stern looks were cast his way from all around the table.
”Chanyeol, this is your moment. This is what the people want to hear. Who cares whether you liked the guy or not, your fans believed you guys were together, and they will believe you if you write an album about your heartbreak.”
It was harsh, but Chanyeol knew it was the truth. He knew this was what people were expecting of him. That didn’t necessarily mean he was going to comply, though.
He took a long moment to think about his answer before he finally replied, ”I will not use the only form of truthful expression I have left to sell a fantasy to my fans. My album will be my story, my experiences, and it will all be real. Gaeko will have my back, and when I come back to you with the best album of my career solely based on my truth, you are going to thank me for not backing down.”
It hadn’t been easy to convince the company to let him release The Good side as the lead single, but it was the most important mission of his life thus far, and he had made it abundantly clear that he wouldn’t have any other song set the tone for this release.
Eventually, everyone agreed it was the best decision. When he had played the song for his team, the people who had been with Chanyeol since the beginning understood exactly why he had fought so hard to release it first, and vouched for him to get his way. He would always be grateful for those people.
His head manager, who had been by his side since he embarked on this journey, had caught his arm as he was heading out of the conference room, a smile and a glint in eye as he looked at him. Chanyeol had smiled back at him.
They had a mutual understanding. His manager could tell he was back on track, that he was in the head space that allowed him to be genuinely inspired, and Chanyeol couldn’t argue with that.
Seeing Sehun up on stage, doing what he loved most in the world, never failed to send Chanyeol into a frenzy of emotions.
While his boyfriend moved to the music, every limb and muscle in his body captivated by the sounds from the speakers, Chanyeol’s mind soared with ideas.
No movie or poem or song could ever compare to the feeling of watching the love of his life in his element, gracefully executing every move. Sehun belonged on stage, and Chanyeol belonged in the front row.
When the performance was over, long after Sehun had taken home the first place prize, when they were tangled up in bed together, Chanyeol listened intently to Sehun’s incoherent babbling.
”–and you know the move when I lock my arm behind my back and have to sync my whole body to accommodate the movement? I was so scared I was gonna mess it up, you know how long I practiced for it, but I didn’t!” Sehun exclaimed excitedly, eyes wide open, all the built up tension in his nerves finally spilling over.
Chanyeol hummed in response, playing with Sehun’s hair.
He could have lied there forever and still be content. To hell with his guitar and his freshly signed contract with the entertainment company, he would be happy as long as he got to listen to Sehun’s rapid heartbeat thrumming against his own chest, forever.
Chanyeol could admit to himself that he felt lonely. That, paired with the guilt, was the reason behind the constant waves of nostalgia and the un-welcome flashbacks tormenting him.
Contrary to what the public thought, Chanyeol had been riding very much solo since his break up with Sehun. Jongin coming into his life was merely a coincidence, which didn’t help his case at all.
He had met Jongin at an event hosted by a fashion house Chanyeol was endorsing at the time. Jongin was young, charming, undeniably handsome and radiated charisma and potential all across the venue. They had fallen into conversation easily, sharing little glimpses of their lives to each other, but never too much. It was the easy going kind of chatter between two guys who were equally as nervous to be where they were, neither brave enough to voice their concerns.
As pictures from the event spread, as well as the news of the two publicly becoming mutuals on Instagram, people started talking. Their names trended together on various social medias and the tabloids didn’t pass on the opportunity to feed into fan’s delusions, creating rumors that became increasingly ridiculous the further they spread.
Apparently, the idea of the two of them being an actual couple wasn’t as ridiculous as Chanyeol thought. At least not to their separate agencies, who were delighted by the buzz surrounding their talents names.
”We have discussed things with the PR team at Kim Jongin’s agency, and we have decided to take the route that the public have expressed interest in,” The leader of PR at his company said.
Chanyeol looked at the man, stunned.
”What? What ”route” are you referring to?” Chanyeol questioned, already fearing the response.
A contract slid onto his side of the table. Kim Jongin’s signature was neatly written on one side, the only one missing being Chanyeol’s own.
”It is in both of your best interests to go through with this, Chanyeol.” His newly supplied manager told him, placing a pen in his hand.
”Jongin is getting a lot of good press lately, even moreso than you, there’s no reason for us to put a stop to that. All you need to do is smile, make sure to get some pictures with him out and about, and sign the contract.”
Chanyeol’s hand was shaking, tears blurring his vision as he listened to the insane proposal.
This couldn’t be real, right? They weren’t asking him to fake a relationship with a man he had just met, only a few months after…
”Think about your career, Chanyeol. Only good things will come out of this.”
And so, with expectant eyes boring into his soul and the firm grip of his manager’s hand on his shoulder keeping him in place, Chanyeol signed the contract, wet tears spilling onto the paper.
Jongin had been quite civil through it all, keeping his end of the promise and hanging out with Chanyeol whenever he had to. He was a good guy, albeit a little lost in the fame, and Chanyeol was miserable.
He knew Sehun would have seen the news of them confirming their relationship. It was everywhere, on every news paper, trending on every social media platform, the consistent hot topic of every weekend variety show.
That stung more than anything. The fact that Sehun probably believed Chanyeol had happily moved on after him as if nothing had happened. Chanyeol knew how it looked, and he wished he could tell him it wasn’t the plan.
Hoped that he would someday understand.
Chanyeol had kept going though. Kept smiling, kept working, kept doing everything he had to in order to keep his career afloat. Jongin had unfortunately not kept the same mindset, straying a bit too far, resulting in the both of them getting caught up in a cheating scandal when the paparazzi had captured him bringing a rookie actress into a hotel.
It was exhausting, having to keep off of social media to make the fans believe he was sulking, after both his and Jongin’s companies agreed there was no reason to keep the jig up and ultimately putting out a statement the two were no longer seeing eachother.
While the situation was annoying, it was a relief at the same time. The deep, bone-settling kind.
Because the break up meant he didn’t have to pretend anymore.
He could finally breathe, could finally try and set things right.
”What are you talking about Chanyeol?” Sehun said, voice audibly wavering, hand clutching the jewelry store bag tighter and tighter for every word he spoke.
”It’s done, Sehun. I’m breaking up with you,” Chanyeol replied, and the words tasted like poison on his tongue.
Sehun stared at him, and Chanyeol looked away. Couldn’t bear the visible hurt on his face as he continued,
”I can’t do this anymore, being with you is too distracting. I need to focus on my career.”
With a loud bang, the door slammed behind Sehun as he stormed out of the apartment for what was surely the last time.
Chanyeol let the tears that had been welling up in his eyes fall freely as he curled in on himself, shaking hands wrapped around his knees.
It was done.
They were done.
No more Sehun and Chanyeol.
His other half had just walked out of his life, per Chanyeol’s request, and he had watched him do so.
And for what? The fame? The money? The fans? Did any of it really matter if he couldn’t have Sehun, too?
The instructions from his label had been clear.
”Break up with your boyfriend before he becomes a problem.”
And Chanyeol had obliged, too scared of what would happen to Sehun if he didn’t.
Atleast that’s what he told himself everytime he ignored his texts and calls. All of it was for Sehun.
He would just never know that.
Mere minutes had passed since the song was released when Chanyeol decided to press send on the text message he had written out for Sehun.
There was no telling whether he had heard the song or not, Chanyeol didn’t even know if Sehun had kept listening to his songs after their break up, but all he could do was hope.
On release days he would normally search every social media for his fans reactions to his songs, but today was different. The Good Side wasn’t just a song, and today wasn’t just a release day, it was the first step to repair something that had been broken too long ago.
Chanyeol sat on the edge of his couch, leg bouncing and knuckles cracking, staring at his phone screen like it held the answer to the universe.
7 minutes after the text had been sent his phone chimed, and Chanyeol knew that whatever he was about to read was the answer to the universe. At least to Chanyeol’s universe.
From: Oh Sehun
im free tomorrow after 5
meet me at rodeo station