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floridian meets his texan malewife (in his normal pissed off fashion)

Summary:

ughhhhhh high school stuck and humanstuck???

ive had this idea for so long and need to bring it into the world

everything is beta read by my dearest father say hi

update your least favorite child figured out how to format pesterlogs

Chapter 1: I HATE THIS.

Summary:

here we go folks

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The painful 16 hours were coming to a close. Stuck in your dad’s 2008 Jeep Grand Cherokee since 11 last night and switching an entire damn time zone, you finally arrive in Houston. You slept for half the ride so you didn’t get sick, but ended up throwing up at a gas station in Alabama, anyways. You’re sick and tired of the car, and are planning to walk in the door of your new house and passing out on the kitchen counter if you have to. You didn’t even WANT to move, but your dad had a job offer in Texas so you moved anyway. Stupid fucking job and stupid fucking car, ugh. Whatever.

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, you are 16 YEARS OLD and are wasting away in the backseat because you are moving to HOUSTON, TEXAS. Apparently, there’s a lot more to do here than in Miami, but whatever. You’re tired and sick to your stomach. Your brother, Kankri, looks behind him at your sickly figure staring out the car window.

“You know, this is a very good opportunity for you. You’ve been holed up in the house for so long and need to start getting out again. It’s not good for your health, it can lead to-”

“Ughhhhh.. Yeah, I get it. Thanks a ton.” You interrupt him. He rolls his eyes and turns back around. You peek over the passenger seat to get a look at what’s in front of you and… holy shit. There’s nothing but huge buildings and cars. The sun is brightly shining down on everything with enough heat to cook a damn egg. Your dad turns up the A/C and points something out.

“This is Downtown. We’re just going through. The suburbs are supposed to be much calmer. They’re near your school, too.” He adjusts the rearview and takes a sip of his drink. You roll your eyes and scoff.

“Yeah, like I have the choice of where we live.”

“I know, you’re upset.” Dad sighs. “Look on the bright side, Kat. You get to finally meet real life people instead of your friends you met at camp. Not that they aren’t polite. That Maryam girl was nice enough.” He pulls the car to a stop. “But at least you’ll make some new friends that you can see whenever you want. Maybe you’ll coincidentally meet some of your other pals.”

“Don’t jinx him, Dad. They’re all unbelievably impolite.” Kankri retorts.

“They’re decent.” Dad replies. You make a noncommittal noise and continue staring out the window. You have some online friends, yes. You met them all at a summer retreat camp when you were 13 and now they’re like the only people besides your family who you socialize with. Your phone buzzes. Speaking of, here comes one now.

– grimAuxiliatrix [GA] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 15:23 –

GA: So Hows Houston So Far

CG: IT’S ALRIGHT, I GUESS. WE’RE STILL IN THE DAMN CAR FOR NOW, BUT WE’RE ALMOST AT OUR NEW HOUSE.

GA: Still?

CG: YEAH. I’M SICK TO MY STOMACH AND I’M READY TO PASS OUT. BUT, WE’VE MADE IT TO HOUSTON AT LEAST. DOWNTOWN, I THINK?

GA: Interesting

GA: Let Me Know When You Get Home

CG: OKAY. TALK LATER, KANAYA.

– grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 15:27 –

You sigh and turn off your phone. Kanaya has always been there for you. She feels more like your mom than your friend, but you see her as your friend anyways. She keeps your friend group in check, when it gets chaotic. For reference, that’s literally always. It’s always chaotic. You have the group chat on mute 24/7 because of how batshit it drives you.

****

The car passes through the busy roads and after a while arrives in your new neighborhood. It’s decent looking, calmer than downtown, that’s for sure. All the grass is pretty much dead, which you expected. It’s yellow and flat and kind of sick looking. Not like you give a crap, you have no lawn care experience whatsoever. After listening to the directions of the GPS you eventually pull up in a nice looking, light grey painted, two story house.
None of your boxes are here yet, your dad said they would arrive tomorrow. You’re just so exhausted and could really care less. So why not leave the unpacking and moving unmentioned, yeah? Let’s be someone else now.

>Be Dave Strider.

Notes:

yay??