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Her glass of whiskey was almost gone. She swirled the remnants of the golden liquid, her eyes following it’s swirl. The heart shaped ice cubes in the glass clinked with the movement. She plucked an ice cube from the glass and popped it into her mouth, bitting into the crunchy cold, her teeth momentarily losing feeling. But it was satisfying for her, and she had a bad habit of chewing ice cubes. She asked the bartender for a refill. Her looked at her, his eyes flashing an unasked question.
“It’s okay,” she said with a soft laugh. “I’m quite heavyweight you see, even though I don’t look like it.”
“Oh, alright Lady Kochou.” The bartender replied with a smile. He refilled her glass, adding two extra ice cubes. Kochou ate another cube.
“Say, Bert,”
“Yes?” the bartender responded.
“Are you married?”
Bert, stunned by the sudden question eyed Kochou carefully. “No, my lady. Unfortunately I haven’t been either.”
Kochou laughed. “Im sorry for my sudden rudeness. Would you mind lending me your kind listening ear for a while?”
“Of course.”
Kochou chugged the whiskey. It was her second glass. She ate another ice cube, it melted too quickly in her mouth. “My husband and I had a fight before I left home. I’m here on very important business,”
Bert nodded, refilling her glass. Her eyes were focused on her drink. He noticed her eye color was a rich gold, almost matching the drink in her hand. “May I ask what the fight was about?”
“He wants me to… no. His mother wants me to work for their family business. And good naturedly, I refused. My family business doesn’t make room for partnership, and even though I technically bear his name, I still belong to my family.”
“I take it your husband did not like it?”
“He loves me,” Kochou said quietly, more to herself than Bert. “But it’s not so easy to say no to his mother, to his parents. It’s very very complicated but…. I understand that because I can’t say no to my family either.” She felt her throat constricting. She ate an ice cube warning herself not to dare cry. “He tried to reason with me, and I – I said all these hurtful things to him… he didn’t deserve any of it. I know the situation and I still acted like a selfish bitch.”
Bert watched Kochou closely. Being a bartender, he’d had his fair share of people telling him their stories. Kochou was a very regular customer, and so he had a sort of soft spot for her. But seeing her breakdown like this was new for him. He quietly handed her a handkerchief, even though she wasn’t crying. Her eyes had misted. She thanked him quietly. He poured her a cherry sunset.
“On the house,” he said. She smiled warmly at him, her eyes like molten gold, her smile like sunshine. He looked away reminding himself that she was married.
“Thank you, Bert.” She sipped the drink, sighing in satisfaction. “Have I been a bad wife?”
Bert didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like he knew much about her marriage anyway. “Perhaps you should talk to your husband. Communication they say, is key to relationships.”
Kochou wanted to laugh. Talking to Illumi was next to impossible. With him being a professional assassin and her being a specialist assassin, there was hardly time when she had him to herself. More than anything that was what she wanted. Her voice rang in her head Look at me! Just look at me!
“You’re right… I…” her phone beeped with a message. She picked it up and her heart rate doubled. It was Illumi.
Kochou, stop ignoring my calls and texts.
She stared at the screen for a long time. It was just like him, minimal words where minimal words were needed. Her guts twisted. She set her phone on the table and pretended she didn’t see anything. A call came in. It was time to move. She rose and paid her bill.
“Be safe, Lady Kochou.” Bert said.
Kochou nodded. “You too. Thank you for listening to me.” She turned and walked out of the bar. It was late evening and the air was getting cooler. Smoothening her pristine white gown, she headed to her destination. All traces of a smile was wiped from her face, along with her sadness. In it’s place was the emotionless mask of a trained killer.
Stay focused.
The testing gates stood as imposing as ever. Glancing at her watch, it was two minutes to midnight. Her neck hurt. Her back needed to be popped. She would love a luxury spa day, perhaps tomorrow, that sounded swell. She was starving! And to top it all, it was raining heavily. Her pretty white gown stuck to her body and if she squinted she could see her underwear. What an embarrassing situation for her to be in. As she stared at the gates of the Zoldyck estate, her stomach twisted in apprehension. Memories flashed before her mind’s eyes and she suddenly considered turning back. After all her sister was in town for a job interview, she could stay with her and… Kochou shook her head. The longer she ran from her problems the longer the problems persisted. She had to face it. Glancing down, she raised her hand weighed down with the many souvenirs she’d bought, and glanced at her watch. It was midnight.
“Good evening, Lady Kochou.”
She turned her head to face the janitor Gotoh. He held an umbrella over her head. Kochou’s spirits lifted, a pleasant smile graced her face. “Hello, Gotoh-san. Isn’t it morning already?”
Gotoh’s crinkled eyes crinkled even more as he smiled. “Of course, My Lady.” He observed her appearance. She looked rather tired, and her eyes while bright were sad. The cold droplets of rain made her hair stick to her face and her clothes were, he averted his eyes from her body. “You’ll catch a cold, My Lady.” He was being kind. She would never catch a cold. She smiled even brighter.
“Thank you, Gotoh-san. I’m merely collecting my thoughts.” She stared at the gates, her gaze almost sad. Then quickly she lit up. “I got you something!” she exclaimed handing him a bag. “The food was so exquisite! And there was so much to see and do!”
Gotou accepted her gift graciously. He thanked her, but she didn’t stop talking about how awesome her trip was. The rain was increasing in intensity and it was becoming harder to hear her. But he listened. She seemed to notice the rain.
“I’m so sorry for taking your time!” she said, bowing. “I’ll get going now! Have a pleasant shift!”
Gotou smiled to himself. What a kind soul, he thought. She walked closer to the testing gates and pushed. Five gates opened easily. Gotou hid his surprise. Today must be a bad day for her. She turned and waved goodbye before the gates closed, a radiant smile on her face.
What a kind soul indeed. He peered inside the bag and smiled. She remembered his favorite treats. He walked back to his watchpost and continued his work as usual.
There was a butler waiting for her the moment the gates opened. Kochou easily recognized her, Amane, Illumi’s personal butler. Amane had an umbrella tucked under her arm, another large black one over her head. On her face was a smile.
“Welcome home, Lady Kochou.” She greeted warmly. “I trust you had a pleasant trip.”
Kochou nodded, flashing a smile. “Thank you, Amane dear, I had a most wonderful adventure.” Amane offered the umbrella which Kochou declined. “I’m already soaked as it is. There’s no need. Here, I got you something.” She handed a bag over to Amane.
“thank you, my lady. But you didn’t have to.” Amane said as she held the bag tightly. Kochou waved her hand dismissively.
“Hogwash! It’s a gift, my dear. I saw something cute and I instantly thought of you!”
Amane looked like she wanted to say something but held herself. “Very well, My lady. I appreciate your kindness. I shall walk you to the estate then.”
Kochou wanted to ask if Illumi had returned. But she didn’t.
Kochou hated the walk to the Zoldyck estate. It was extremely long and tiring. Why? She asked herself even after all this time. Why did the house have to be on the mountain top?! She hadn’t actually bothered to ask the man of the house, so she didn’t have her answer. So she had to deal with it Everytime she left the estate.
The long walk was soon over. It was nearly two am. The large mansion was deathly quiet. Amane bowed and returned to the butler’s building. Kochou stared at the mansion, the place she called home for months now. And she felt a hand twist in her guts. The front doors opened and Kikyo came to view, the red dot on her visor scanning Kochou’s entire being, pausing for a while at her wet clothes.
“Welcome home,” Kikyo said, her voice soft and toneless. Kochou’s jaw clenched. She remembered their clash just before she left for her job and sighed. Judging by the stern look on her face, Kikyo wasn’t going to let it slide. Even though it had been weeks.
“Mother,” Kochou said in the same tone and walked past her. She could feel Kikyo’s gaze on her till she vanished down the hall. Down the hall she could swear she saw a flash of white hair but it vanished as soon as she sighted it. She chuckled to herself, thinking that Kil must be outgrowing his hide and seek phase. She walked to her room and shut the door behind her.
Once alone, she exhaled a deep breath she was holding. Her room, with it’s colours of soft pastel blue and gold was familiarity. Everything was as she’d left it. The giant white teddy bear made comfy in a nest of pillows, down to the book she was reading before she left. The cotton and apple scent was calming to her nerves. She began to truly feel her exhaustion. Two months away from home had taken quite a toll on her. Two months away from him.
She set her wet souvenir bags on her desk, not caring about the mess it made. Her phone chimed with a message. She picked it up, staring at the screen. The number of zeros confirmed it was her client. Another job well done. Maybe now she’ll finally treat herself to that snack spree she’d been dreaming about. Yes, and also the luxury spa day. Maybe she should ask Kikyo to come with her, as a peace offering. She doubted that that would ever happen. She turned her phone off.
Conjuring a mini orchestra out of her aura, the air soon filled with the sound of calming piano music. She walked to the adjoined bathroom and prepared a hot bath with her favorite bubble bath. She threw in rose petals, the bathroom filled with the calming scent of roses and candy. After a quick shower, she soaked in the bath, exhaling all her stress into steam.
It felt good to be back. Two months of room service and sleeping in a strange bed made her miss home even more.
Steam filled the bathroom. Kochou always preferred her baths very hot, once joking that she was preparing herself for hell. She could feel her muscles relaxing, the stress of the past weeks dissolved by the soft fragrant bubbles. She exhaled all the air in her lungs, a small smile tugging on her lips. The hot water almost lured her to sleep. She toyed absentmindedly with the rose petals dancing on the water surface, her mind wandering to her empty stomach. She cursed silently, wishing she’d eaten something before she took the airship home. But her snack drawer was fully stocked, she’d just have a few snacks.
She made the orchestra play an upbeat song.
“Kochou?” a voice called from her room, above the music. Her heart skipped a beat.
“D-don’t come in!” she called, she tried to hide herself under the bubbly water. Big failure, because she choked on a rose petal, bubbles tickling her nose. It did not taste good. Water splashed out of the tub and spilled on the tile floors. “I’m naked!” she yelled, instantly cursing herself. Wow. What a genius excuse.
There was no response from the other side. The door swung open and he walked in. Her eyes glared at him, her cheeks red. She decided it was the hot water and not the sight of him in nothing but pajama pants that hung dangerously low on his hips. She raised her head and met his dark eyes.
“You didn’t tell me you’d returned.” His dark eyes searched her face, she guessed he was looking for injuries. His voice sounded flat.
“I told you not to come in.” she mumbled with a pout.
“Really?” he asked, without a trace of humour, raising a brow. Kochou didn’t lessen her glare. Her cheeks burned. She hadn’t seen him in a while, and for goodness sake where was his shirt?!
“Well I didn’t know you’d be home either!”
He tilted his head to the side, long black hair swaying with the movement. “I left you a message on your phone. You didn’t read it?” he blinked.
Kochou blushed a darker shade of red. She didn’t read it. She saw the message but she didn’t read it. Then her phone had gotten lost and she had to replace it and then she totally forgot about the message. To be honest, she didn’t want to talk to him at all. She sighed softly and leaned in the tub. Why was she even shy to begin with? He was her husband. And she had her reasons for ignoring his texts. She didn’t know how to face him.
“I’m sorry, Lumi” she said quietly.
He didn’t say anything for a while. She could feel his eyes on her. Searching for something he alone knew. She met his eyes, dark emotionless eyes. Or wait, there was an emotion there. But she refused to name it. She flashed a goofy smile, sticking out her tongue. His eyes softened.
“I’ll make a snack for you.” He said at last. “What would you like?
He has just said the magic words. “Toast. Tuna mayo. She would’ve jumped out the tub and hugged him. But she didn’t.
“Okay,”
She blew him a kiss. “I love youuu!”
He didn’t reply. She wasn’t expecting one. He left her to continue her bath.
She soaked in the tub till the water became lukewarm. She stepped out of the tub, drying her body. She drained the water and cleaned up the bathroom floor. She wore a pair of pale blue silk pajamas, her shoulder length hair flowing down her back. She left her room and headed for the kitchen. Their Wing of the estate was quiet, Illumi must have dismissed the servants. In the kitchen was Illumi, making a snack like he’d said. She stood in the doorway and watched him, her face a mask of her true emotions.
How long had it been since she became Kochou Zoldyck? Thirteen months. A while. Her husband had his back turned to her. His long black hair flowed freely down his bare back, swaying with every movement of his head, it was slightly longer than she’d remembered. A memory came to her, one where she’d threatened to cut his hair off if he didn’t let her have her snacks in peace. He’d left her and her snacks alone after that. Had he sensed her yet? She wondered. She was overwhelmed with a sudden urge to touch him. Her hand crept up to her neck, still feeling the choker she wore early that night. She hugged herself, inhaling deeply and silently.
Fuck it.
She hugged him from behind. His hair felt soft and smelled good. Her hands snaked around his slim waist, trying to hold him as close to her as possible. He was warm. He was comfort. He was home. He raised a hand and held her forearm, slim fingers burning her skin with their light touch.
“I missed you, Lumi.” She whispered, her throat tightening. She wouldn’t cry. She absolutely wouldn’t cry. She remembered the fight they had, the real one, and not the one she told Bert about. She remembered the reason she had to spend two months on a mission that should have taken two weeks. She remembered the fear of not coming back to him, the fear of never seeing him again. It was a shitty feeling, and she never wanted to feel it again.
It was all her fault. Two months ago she’d fixed a picnic. She had been planning it for days. It was to be just the two of them, as husband and wife on a romantic picnic. On the day of the picnic, Illumi got a call saying he was needed.
“You could just tell them you’re busy,” Kochou had said, pleading. It was supposed to be a good day. But nothing she said had moved Illumi. At that moment she lost it. She didn’t know exactly what it was that caused her to snap. Was it his stone exterior, was it the months of playing hot and cold with her? Was it just her frustration of not having her husband to herself? Was it the fact that she’d taken extra time on her makeup and the first thing he said to her was, ‘I’m sorry I have to leave?’ What exactly was it, Kochou wondered. She concluded it was a little of everything. But in that moment she exploded
“It’s not fair” she screamed. “I’m your wife!”
“Yes, you are. What’s the problem?”
Kochou was infuriated. “The problem?! The problem is that we’ve been planning today for a long time, Lumi. I’m also your priority! Tell them to pick someone else!”
Illumi blinked, the gesture looked painfully innocent. “Kochou, that’s not possible. I’ll be gone three days, we’ll have the picnic when I return.”
Kochou didn’t want to hear any of it. She slammed the picnic basket on the floor, all the food she spent meticulous time preparing went to waste. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to strangle her husband. He stared at her, his gaze soft and apologetic. His beautiful face causing an ache in her heart.
“You’re making me a lonely wife,” she sniffed, biting back tears. So many words rushed to the tip of her tongue, she bit them down. “And a lonely wife will seek company outside.”
His eyes hardened. Kochou knew she’d crossed a line. “if that happens I’ll have no choice but to kill you.”
She scoffed. “Really?” She unzipped her gown and pulled it off her body. The pretty baby pink and teal gown she’d worn specially for him. “Like I’ll just sit back and let that happen.”
He sighed heavily. “I’ll be back soon, I’ll make it up to you.”
“Look at me! Look at me!” she matched up to him, completely ignoring the fact that she was only wearing her underwear. Tears filled her eyes. “I want this to work. Just one day off, that’s all.”
Illumi’s eyes trailed slowly over her body then back to her face. “I would love to stay, but I can’t.”
The tears came. One treacherous tear after another. “I hate you.” She sobbed. “why is it so hard for you to spend time with me? It was just one fucking picnic, I wasn’t asking you to take a vacation. Why?”
She was being uncharacteristic. This behaviour would be called “needy” by her sister. Kochou didn’t care. Let her be needy alright. She stared at Illumi through tearful eyes. He made a move to touch her cheek she knocked his hand off. “Don’t touch me.” She spat with vitriol, her golden eyes flashing.
“I’m sorry,”
“You know,” she wiped her eyes. She walked to her wardrobe and threw it open. She selected a white gown out of the many she had. “I had a job offer too. But I turned it down for today. Guess I don’t have to anymore.” She wore the gown, her eyes shooting daggers at her husband.
“We don’t have to do this now…”
“Its like I’m married to a robot.” She rang for a servant to come and clean in up the wasted food. Grabbing her wallet and phone, she turned to leave the room. Illumi tried to stop her, talk to her. She pointedly ignored him. On the way out she met Kikyo. And she just had to chose the wrongest time to talk about Kochou taking assassinations on behalf of the Zoldyck family. Kochou lost it then. She talked back to her mother-in-law. She said things she shouldn’t have said. And she left the estate without looking back.
What a foolish foolish thing to do.
Who would have thought that a simple mission almost cost her life. At the point of death all she could think of was Illumi and the sad look in his eyes. All she could hear was the hurtful things she said. She cursed herself.
Thankfully she survived. She survived and came home to her husband. She never felt so safe with him before.
“Kochou…” Illumi’s voice was soothing. Soft and soothing. He smelled good. His skin was cool to the touch, as always.
She held him tighter, her teeth capturing her lower lip hard. “I’m so sorry for all the things I said to you before I left. Are...Are you still mad at me?”
He sighed softly. “No, I couldn’t be.” His voice vibrated against her cheek. She could feel the muscles of his back, muscles that were trained for years. She could hear his heartbeats.
“Will you stay the night with me?” deep down she knew it wasn’t up to him. Either of them could get a call anytime of the day. The fact hurt, but there was nothing she could do. He was the eldest Zoldyck after all. But still it didn’t hurt to dream.
He was quiet for a while. “Careful now, or breakfast will be burned.” His tone was light.
Kochou chuckled. “Fuck breakfast,” she raised her head and kissed his hair. “We’ll order takeout.” Obviously she was being sarcastic.
“Hmmm,” he seemed to be considering her request. She jumped inside. Finally he was picking on her humor. “Would that be okay for you? I mean won’t you worry if the delivery guy takes long on the trail?”
“Who cares?” she said in-between kisses to his back. He pried her hands off his waist and turned so he was facing her. She stared up at him, framing her eyes to look innocent. He raised a hand to her chin, she held his hand and kissed him palm.
Thirteen months of being married to the eldest Zoldyck. And barely spending a night with each other.
He leaned in, his lips meeting hers softly almost experimental. She returned the kiss, her desire for him apparent in the way she put her hands around his neck, pushing her body against his. Her pajamas were sheer, and he was shirtless. She threaded her fingers through his long hair as he deepened the kiss. His lips were soft, molded perfectly for hers. The aroma of burnt toast wafted through the air. They pulled away from each other, Kochou muffling her laughter. He quickly removed the very black pieces of toast from the toaster, a brow raised.
“I read somewhere that burnt toast is good for you,” she said cheerily. He chuckled.
“Guess it’s the drawer, right?” he was referring to her snack drawer. She blinked innocently.
“if you say so. But let’s watch a movie first.”
“Which one?” he carried the play of burnt toast with him as they walked to her room.
“How about a horror film? Something about ghosts.”
“I thought you hated horror films,”
“No.” she pulled open her secret snack drawer selecting movie night snacks. Under her secret stash was a mini fridge. Kochou squealed in excitement. Every jenny spent on this drawer was so worth it. “I hate watching horror movies alone.”
She selected a movie and pressed play.
“Will you mind braiding my hair?” Illumi asked as they made themselves comfy on the floor. Kochou nodded.
“Of course! Lemme get some stuff! You can start without me.” She went to her vanity, picking a hairbrush and some hair oil. It wasn’t like he needed it, Illumi’s hair was perfectly healthy but still, Kochou sometimes liked to be extra. She returned to her husband. The movie had started and it looked interesting. She sat behind him, her legs on both sides of his body, his head craddled between her thighs. He turned and gave her a small smile which made her heart flutter.
“You didn’t miss much,” he said
“Its okay.”
She began by massaging some oil into his scalp. He leaned into her touch, his shoulders relaxing. He opened a bag of chips, feeding one to her then eating one slowly. Kochou knew he wasn’t too keen with junk food, his taste in food was on the refined, more expensive end.
On the TV the main character of the film was on the receiving end of a ghost’s affection.
Kochou brushed his hair, first with her fingers then the brush. As she did she ran a mental slideshow of the different hairstyles she’ll like to try. Maybe a french braid?
“Kochou,”
“Hmm?”
“What took you so long?”
Kochou paused. She wasn’t expecting that question. He fed her another crisp. “I ran into some trouble.” She said vaguely. Details about jobs weren’t exactly essential whenever they talked about jobs.
“what kind?”
She brushed all the tangles out of his hair. She started the french braid. “I ran into some members of the Troupe.” She shrugged. “it wasn’t a big deal anyway.” She didn’t want to talk about the psycho joker clown that threatened to cut her tongue out. What was his name again?
“I missed you.” He ate a crisp. “when you didn’t come home…I wasn’t exactly worried. But then I didn’t hear a word from you and I thought something had happened.”
Kochou finished off his braid. She put her arms around his neck her chin resting on his shoulder.
“I’m so sorry I made you worry,” she whispered softly. She kissed his neck and shoulder, peppering his skin with soft kisses. Guilt was sitting heavily in her stomach. She didn’t stop to think that he could be worried about her.
The girl on the TV was screaming.
Illumi hummed thoughtfully. “Did you mean what you said?”
“What was that?”
“When you said you’ll seek company outside.”
Kochou didn’t pause. “No. How could I? I was angry and frustrated and said a lot of stuff I shouldn’t have.” She twisted her body so she could face him. He cupped her face, his thumb caressing her plump lips. He leaned in and kissed her.
“I love you.” He said in-between kisses. “So fucking much.” Kochou giggled hearing him curse.
“I love you too.” She nestled between his legs, he wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned into his warmth, exhaling all her stress away. The movie night continued. Although she fell asleep halfway, she had the best sleep in a long time.