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The leather squealed as Aaron Hotchner twisted the steering wheel between his hands and tried to count to ten. Another glance at the living room window threw him off entirely as he watched his wife slowly dance around the room in the arms of another man. When the blonde mother fucking son of a bitch bent his head and claimed Haley’s lips in a kiss Hotch practically growled but remained seated and started again from one. He couldn’t go in there. He wasn’t afraid of that piece of shit but he was afraid of himself and what he would do once he crossed that threshold. His rage was palpable, pulsing behind his eyes. It felt so good, so empowering, but Hotch couldn’t let it loose. He had to leave but he couldn’t take his eyes off the couple in the window, so absorbed in each other that they hadn’t even heard the car coming up the drive.
His phone rang breaking his endless repetition of four and he answered it without looking at the caller I.D.: “Hotchner.”
“Hotch?” Spencer asked hesitantly and Aaron realised how vicious he must have sounded.
“Reid? What do you want?”
“I—Is this a bad time?”
“No. I just – never mind. Why are you calling?” Hotch made the effort to soften his voice.
“You said that I could call you, you know, if the movie didn’t help. I just was wondering if you’d talk to me for a bit. You know take my mind off it. Um, if you’re busy it’s fine. I’ll clean or, um, something.”
“I’ll come over now.” Hotch was reversing out the drive before he’d even finished speaking but as the tires skid on some gravel he saw Haley’s pale face suddenly appear at the window.
“You don’t have to –“
“I’m on my way.” Hotch disconnected the call and drove as quickly as possible to Reid’s, ignoring his cell phone’s constant ringing.
Spencer looked pale and shaky when he answered the door and Hotch felt his anger dissipate entirely. He reached out a hand and placed it heavily on Spencer’s shoulder. He knew that his subordinate wasn’t a tactile person but Hotch had noticed that he seemed to be the exception to that rule and this time was no different. Spencer seemed to simultaneously still and relax into the firm touch. Hotch wondered if Spencer would relax into an embrace but didn’t want to push it.
“Thanks for coming,” Spencer almost whispered and Hotch followed him into the cramped living room.
“Can I get you a drink? Coffee, iced tea?”
“Do you have anything stronger?”
“There’s some beer that Morgan left.”
“That would be great.” Hotch saw Reid’s slightly concerned look but he wasn’t here to talk about Haley. Even thinking her name made Hotch tense up and he shrugged off his jacket and attempted to knead some of the tension out of his neck.
“Are you alright?” Reid held out the uncapped bottle to Hotch who shrugged and threw himself onto the couch. That made Spencer raise an eyebrow. Hotch was never so sloppy. His movements were always smooth, almost feline. He kept his gaze on Hotch until the older man felt slightly uncomfortable.
“You wanted to talk. Shouldn’t we be talking about you?”
“Not necessarily. I just needed the distraction. We can talk about whatever you want.”
“Golf?”
“Sure, just let me run to the library for an hour to read some books on it,” Reid quipped and Hotch couldn’t help but laugh.
“Reid, it’s the middle of the night. The library’s closed.”
“So it’ll be more of a monologue on your part but I’ll listen. I’m a good listener.” Reid lowered himself into an overstuffed armchair and actually looked ready to hear Hotch talk about a sport in which he had absolutely no interest. Hotch took a long swig of beer in an attempt to swallow the words down but they bubbled out of his throat.
“I saw Haley with another man. Kissing another man. Through the window. In our house. Our house. That’s my – my – territory.” Hotch leant forward, shielding his eyes with his hand though it was too late to un-see what he’d seen.
“Oh God. I’m so sorry, Hotch.”
“Why are you sorry?” Hotch muttered under his breath. “You’re not fucking my wife.”
Spencer choked slightly at the unexpected profanity. “No. No, I think I can safely say that would never happen.” Hotch looked up at him inquisitively. “I mean, she’s pretty. She just isn’t my type.”
“Are you trying to tell me you’re gay?”
“No. I’m not gay.”
“It’s not a problem if you are.”
Spencer smiled softly, “I know. But I’m not gay. I guess bi-sexual but it just really depends on the person.”
Hotch’s brow furrowed in confusion. “I’ve been with Haley since we were practically children. I knew I was going to marry her the minute I saw her. I’ve never thought about being with anyone else, man or woman. Jesus, what am I going to do?” As if on cue, Hotch’s phone rang again from the side-table.
“Is it JJ?” Hotch asked and Spencer shook his head after a glance at the screen. “Leave it.”
“You’ll have to answer it at some point,” Spencer murmured and Hotch scrubbed a hand over his face.
“I can’t deal with it right now. It’s late and I’m exhausted. I just – can I sleep on your couch? I know it’s an imposition.”
“No, it’s really not. Are you sure you don’t want the bed?”
“Reid, you don’t have to give me your bed. We’ve slept worse places.”
“That’s true. That motel in Indiana.”
“Yup. The bed lice were vicious there but that one in New Mexico – “
“With the creepy desk guy?”
“That’s the one. I still think we’ll be going back there to arrest him one day.”
“Nah, he looked smart. He wouldn’t get caught. They’ll bulldoze that motel in a couple of decades and find hundreds of remains under the cabins.” Both men grinned at each other and the air seemed to crackle. Spencer cleared his throat. “I’ll get you a blanket.”
“Thank you,” Hotch murmured as Spencer left the room. He started to remove his tie, slacks, shoes and socks before taking the blanket from Spencer with a soft smile. Spencer lingered, shifting uncertainly.
“I really am sorry, Aaron. You’re a good man. You don’t deserve this.” Hotch wanted to scoff at the platitude but Spencer said it so earnestly that he couldn’t. When he looked up, Spencer had already retreated to his room.
A noise in the night had Aaron on his feet and heading for Jack’s room before he had even opened his eyes. When he did he looked around in confusion, unsure of where he was, before the whole evening came rushing back to him. Haley. Blonde guy. Reid. Reid? Hotch heard the muffled sob and headed in the direction of his subordinate’s bedroom. Reid was on top on the covers in just boxers and a T-shirt, all long coltish limbs and pale skin but Hotch’s attention was diverted by another strangled sob as Reid shook and clutched at his pillow. He stepped over and reached out a tentative hand to shake Reid’s shoulder.
“Reid, hey Reid? Wake up. You’re having a nightmare.” Spencer shot up and looked wildly around the room before squinting at Hotch. “Hey, it’s me.” The older man handed him his glasses.
“Sorry. I had a bad dream. I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Hotch shifted. “You want to talk about it?” Spencer shook his head. “Okay.”
“Wait.” Spencer called out even though Hotch had made no attempt to leave. “Sit with me? Just for a minute.”
“Sure,” Hotch climbed on the bed and leaned against the headboard. Spencer settled beside him, their shoulders just touching. The silence was only broken by Spencer’s soft sniffling. Eventually Hotch laid a careful arm over the younger man’s shoulders and pulled him into a half-embrace. Spencer turned his face into Hotch’s shirt and inhaled deeply. Hotch felt his own breath cut off suddenly.
“Sorry, that was – you smell nice.” Spencer mumbled and backed out of the embrace.
“I’m wearing yesterday’s shirt that I also slept in.” Hotch supplied with a wry smile. Spencer just shrugged.
“You always smell nice.”
Hotch didn’t know what to reply to that and they sat in silence for a while longer until he worked up the courage to ask: “Spencer, are you making a pass at me?”
“Um, yes?”
“I’m flattered.”
“No, it’s okay. Hotch, don’t. I apologize. It was inappropriate.”
“Wait, I didn’t say I’m not interested.” Hotch ruffled his already tousled hair and Spencer felt himself harden in his boxers. He’d never seen Aaron Hotchner look so boyish and unsure of himself. It was bizarre and devastatingly sexy. “I just, like I said before, I’ve never really thought about anyone other than Haley. And I’m still married, for all that matters.”
“It does matter. It matters to you.”
Hotch nodded slowly. “I don’t know why. I know two wrongs don’t make a right but it seems stupid to care about my vows when Haley is so blatantly flaunting hers. And –“ Hotch paused and Reid looked over to catch his eye. In the dimly lit room Aaron’s eyes seemed like fathomless black pools and Spencer was leaning towards him before he could catch himself. “And I’d really like to kiss you right now.”
Spencer’s tongue darted out to wet his lips. “Why? I mean, you’ve never shown any interest in me before.”
A small, harsh laugh left Hotch as he studied his hands, twisting his ring around his finger, “I’ve never let myself feel interest in anyone other than my wife. I didn’t even look.” Hotch suddenly focused entirely on Spencer who shivered slightly under that intense gaze. “I’m looking now.”
“Aaron,” Spencer sighed and Hotch shifted closer. “If we did this, you’d regret it in the morning. I know you.”
Hotch huffed out a frustrated breath, “As much as I’d love to say that I wouldn’t, you’re right. I’m sorry, Spencer.”
“That’s okay. You should, you know, sort things out with Haley and, well, I mean maybe you’ll reconcile,” Hotch shook his head fiercely and Spencer couldn’t help but smile slightly. “Well, if you don’t then I’ll be here and we can try that kissing thing.”
Hotch looked slightly perplexed. “Why would you wait for me?”
“Like I said, you’re a good man, Aaron, and I’ve been looking at you for a very long time. Wait, that sounds creepy. I didn’t mean that to be creepy. It was meant to be a reversal of what you said earlier.” Hotch laughed and Spencer almost pouted. “It sounded sexy when you said it.”
“I’m glad I didn’t sound creepy. I should go back to the couch.”
“You can sleep here. I probably won’t get back to sleep anyway.”
“The nightmares are bad?”
“They always are when I’m craving. Go to sleep, Aaron.”
“Are you going to watch me sleep? Because that’s a little creepy.” Hotch grinned at Spencer who definitely pouted this time.
“Just for that, yes. Yes, I am going to watch you sleep.”
“Okay.” Aaron shifted down onto the pillow and Spencer grabbed a book off the nightstand and flicked on a small bedside lamp. Hotch rolled further away from the light. “Does that bother you?”
“No,” Hotch already sounded sort of mumbly and sleepy, “you need light to see me by.”
“I really don’t,” Spencer whispered but the only answer was a soft snore. Wait, that was totally creepy as well, he muttered to himself, God damn it.