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Astrid thought about middle school a lot. Some memories just wouldn’t leave her alone. Even four years after graduating eighth grade, she still lied awake at night replaying them in her mind.
Her friend group had the luck to be placed in the same schedule group every semester of middle school. Sometimes they would be with the same people as the previous semester, and without fail one kid was a constant for them.
His name was Hiccup. He was skinny and shy. When he spoke he was snarky but had good grades and answered questions correctly when called on. Snotlout, the ringleader, never took his presence well, leading his group in bullying Hiccup. They’d tease him for being scrawny, a nerd, weird, other middle school insults and accusing him of thinking he was better than them. Sometimes they got violent as well.
Where Snotlout went, the twins would follow. Hiccup had started out entertaining, at least to those three. They were the main bullies, while Astrid and Fishlegs usually had to be told to participate. Truthfully Astrid didn’t like Hiccup much either and she sometimes participated without needing to be asked, throwing in a couple punches and insulting him. She didn’t know why she disliked him, she didn’t know why they chose him specifically to be bullied in the first place. Some people just deserved it, she told herself.
After a year in, Hiccup no longer protested. Just stayed silent and took the assault. When he began to stop resisting and stopped trying to get up, Astrid started to pity him. The guilt grew until an incident in early eighth grade, after which she would no longer participate willingly. Like Fishlegs, she didn’t want a part in it anymore.
Hiccup had always carried a sketchbook that he would doodle in during class and lunch. On a day when Snotlout was particularly bored, he led the group to corner Hiccup in a walkway of the school people never really went through and surrounded him. It was after school, so there was even less of a chance of getting them caught.
“Oh great, gonna beat me up or something? Where they might find my body? What’ll you do then?” Hiccup asked incredulously. A flash of anger appeared on Snotlout’s face. Hiccup’s snark annoyed him to no end, He thought for a second, and smirked before he snatched the sketchbook out of Hiccup’s hands. For the first time in a while, Astrid noticed Hiccup looked genuinely panicked. “Give it back, Snotlout!” He lunged to grab the book but Snotlout was quicker.
“Fishlegs!” Snotlout tossed the book to Fishlegs. Hiccup turned towards him and he held the book above his head. Hiccup tried reaching it but he was too tall and while he was occupied the twins snuck behind Hiccup and grabbed his arms to hold them behind his back. He struggled as hard as he could but he was too weak. Snotlout motioned for the sketchbook back and Fishlegs quickly handed it to him,
Snotlout thumbed through a few pages, a smile crept across his face. “Dragons? Really? You’re not a second grader anymore, shitface.” The twins held Hiccup tighter as he tried to get out of their grasp. After Snotlout got tired of laughing at the drawings he looked up at the struggling boy, gripped the book, and ripped it apart. He started by ripping and tearing the pages, and then destroyed the cover as well. Hiccup looked like he was about to cry as he dropped the remains of the book on the ground.
Hiccup tried to pull down and away from the twins as they laughed. They released their hold, causing Hiccup to fall forward onto the rough asphalt. His knees hit the ground and he stopped for a second, wincing in pain. There would definitely be bruises later, and was that blood he felt? He rubbed his knees and tried to get up and retrieve the pieces of his book, but one of the twins, Tuffnut, punched him in the back and knocked him back down.
All the while, Astrid stood by with conflicted feelings. They’d beaten him and insulted him, but he had gotten used to it. Which was already sad in and of itself. But this was the first time he had been really agitated in a while. Had they gone too far this time?
As soon as Hiccup got closer to Snotlout he kicked him in the stomach, winding Hiccup and making him curl up on the ground. Snotlout turned towards Astrid with barely suppressed excitement. “C’mon Astrid, get his ass!” When Astrid didn’t move, he looked irritated. “Astrid.” He said warningly. He stared hard until she went forwards. She met Hiccup’s eyes and he looked like he was tearing up, even as he was glaring at her. She took a breath and decided to just go up to him and get it over with. She moved toward him and there was a flicker of something in his expression. Astrid didn’t quite know what it was but it made her hesitate even more. She closed her eyes and kicked him in the side.
“That was weak as hell,” Tuffnut, egged her on. “Kick him harder!” She glanced at them for a second and steeled herself. She closed her eyes again and kicked him on his stomach, harder that time. Close to as hard as she could. That seemed to satisfy the three bullies as Hiccup let out an oomph and a groan . Snotlout and the twins were snickering to themselves while Fishlegs stood there, eyes watering and a look of shame.
“Fucking pathetic,” Ruffnut laughed. “Let’s go to 7/11, I want food.”
“Yeah same, but we’re not going to fucking 7/11.” Tuffnut snapped as they began to leave.
Astrid looked down at the ripped pages as the bickering faded. There were so many dragon drawings, each species looking unique and with incredibly detailed anatomy. She couldn’t deny, he was incredibly talented. She bent down to help Hiccup pick up the remains of his book, but when she tried to hand them to him his eyes snapped up to her and he glared before grabbing them from her.
“Haven’t you done enough?” He said. Astrid put her hands up in the air in surrender.
“I’m sorry-”
“No.” Hiccup cut her off. “Just leave.”
“Come on, let’s just go.” Fishlegs put his hand on Astrid’s shoulder. She turned around with him and started to walk away. She chanced a look back and saw Hiccup still staring at her, expression unreadable.
She’d repeat that moment over and over again every night. She no longer participated at all, but Snotlout liked her so he still kept her as a part of his friend group even when she disobeyed his orders. His flirting made her extremely uncomfortable, and she hated what they did to Hiccup. Honestly, she didn’t know why she still stuck around. She decided to tell herself it was to protect him if they went too far. That was an unselfish reason, so she convinced herself that was it. She had to admit she was a little scared to lose her friends. Sure she had acquaintances in her classes but no real friends, and she felt it would be tough to make new ones. She didn’t think she was all that likeable, and she didn’t want to be completely alone.
After graduating, their class was split up to go to different high schools, Astrid didn’t keep in touch with any of her “friend” group. Snotlout had goaded her into giving him her number, and she blocked him as soon as he sent the first text message. She blocked him on every social media as well, making sure he wouldn’t contact her again. It was a relief to have him out of her life.
Being away from them gave her time to think, and she admitted to herself that her “unselfish reason” was a sham. It was just a way to excuse and distance herself from what she and her friends had done. She had so much guilt building up, and she was looking for ways to work it off. Naturally, she decided to try a gym; exercise was supposed to be good for mental health anyway. And if she pushed herself enough, it was sort of a way to punish herself.
—
The gym was set up so the weight machines were near the back. The cardio equipment was near the entrance, looking over the weight machines. She could nearly see the entire gym while sitting on the bike. Her routine was doing a variety of weight machines targeting different areas each day, followed by an hour on the stationary bike for cardio. It was a lot, but she had built her routine up for four years. It was a 24 hour gym and she usually went late at night to avoid the crowd and not have to wake up early before school. She worked on every part of her body and had built up some good muscle over the years, she wasn’t big but when she flexed the muscles were definitely there.
It was 10:28 pm. She had just started on the bike, looking around the gym as usual while she was pedaling and listening to music. About five minutes in, a man in a green t-shirt and black sweatpants caught her eye. Unremarkable, but she only noticed him because he seemed to be very uncomfortable. Probably his first time at the gym. He was walking around, looking at the people on the machines and hesitating to get on the empty ones. Astrid watched until he finally sat down at the pull down machine.
He started his first set of 10 and she internally cringed a bit, his form was wrong. She debated going over to correct him and maybe give a few tips; she wanted to encourage new people and hoped exercise would help them the way it helped her. The guy finished his second set and was about to start a third one when Astrid decided to get off the bike and help him a bit.
Astrid approached him. “Excuse me,” she said.
He turned toward her and when they made eye contact she realized she knew him, and by the look in his eyes he recognized her too. His eyes were a little wide and he leaned back from her, looking ready to get up and run away.
“Hiccup?” She was caught off guard. They just stared at each other for a couple seconds. It was a little surreal, seeing him older, no longer the thin kid who looked like he could be snapped like a toothpick she knew in middle school. He was still skinny, and not particularly strong looking, but his frame was slightly broader now so he didn’t look as breakable.
The guy- Hiccup- nodded and quickly looked away. Astrid’s mind went blank for a second. The memories of Hiccup and her friends in middle school were heavy in the back of her mind, guilt starting to creep in already. Usually she would just let her thoughts spiral, but she couldn’t do that right now and she tried to snap out of it.
“I just noticed your form was a bit off,” she tried. Hiccup turned slightly towards her. She took that as encouragement and kept going, “Your arms are too close together. Holding it like that doesn’t do much for you, you have to have them here.” As she reached up to grab the bar, Hiccup followed her hands with his eyes. She put them around the bend on each side of the bar, around his shoulder width. There was an uncomfortable silence with Astrid holding the bar and Hiccup just looking up at her. After a few seconds Astrid quickly pulled back and cleared her throat, her face burning.
“Thanks,” he mumbled.
“Yeah, uh.. have a good workout!” She didn’t really know what to say. She walked back over to the bike and got back on. Her eyes were still drawn to him, and she decided she was only looking, just in case he needed help.
He continued to do 3 more sets of pull downs before standing up and returned to wandering around again. He walked around for a few more minutes, and decided to leave. Astrid felt a little sad and disappointed, but she tried to push it out of her mind and focus on the rest of her bike ride. He didn’t even like her, there was no point caring and anyway it had been years since middle school. But she hoped she would see him again; she needed a way to make things up, and this might be it.
—
On the way to the gym, Astrid found herself hoping that Hiccup would be there again. She wanted to help him as much as she could to make up for how she treated him. She walked through the doors and walked towards the weight machines, looking around the gym for Hiccup. She spotted him on the pull down machine again (doing it right this time) and decided to talk to him.
“Hey,” she said as she got near him. He turned around. She paused for a second, calming her nerves. Finally she asked him, “Do you want to work out together today? I can show you the machines.”
“Um… yeah, sure.” He agreed. Astrid’s brain did a little happy dance, he was obviously still wary of her, but he was at least talking with her.
“Okay, we’ll do machines and we can trade off whenever the other one is resting after each set, then go for thirty minutes on the bike. Sounds good?” Hiccup looked slightly worried. “What?” She asked.
“30 minutes?”
“It’ll be fine, c’mon.”
They didn’t talk much besides Astrid teaching him how to use the machines and giving tips like what failure was, and which muscles each machine hit. Then they went on the bike, Astrid completing seven miles in the half hour easily while Hiccup was huffing and puffing after doing four and a half miles. She admitted to herself that maybe following her routine may have been too much for Hiccup since it was his first workout. But he did surprisingly well, and she wanted to keep helping him.
“Wanna exchange numbers?” Astrid asked after they finished their workout. Hiccup wiped his face and looked at her incredulously. She continued, “That way we can plan when to go to the gym together.” She didn’t expect Hiccup to agree, but he considered it for a few seconds, before pulling out his phone.
“What’s your number?”
—
As they continued working out with each other, the tension seemed to dissipate mostly. They still didn’t really talk, even over text they only contacted to plan which days they would go to the gym and what time. After a month of doing the routine they were at least familiar with one another. Hiccup improved quickly, and Astrid made sure to let him know and encourage him more.
Astrid planned to go to the gym with Hiccup at 11:00 pm that night. It was lunchtime at school and she was on her phone when she got a text.
Hiccup: hey astrid
Astrid : Hey?
Hiccup: my car got into a crash
Astrid: Are u ok??
Hiccup: yeah, i just need a favor if that’s okay with you
Hiccup: my car’s in the shop right now the crash wasn’t too bad but would you be able to pick me up to go to the gym tonight?
She hesitated for a second, she didn’t think Hiccup would be comfortable with that. But he was the one asking, so it was probably fine.
Astrid: Sure what’s ur address? I’ll pick u up at 10:45
—
They drove in an uneasy silence until Hiccup spoke up. “Why did you start going to the gym?”
Astrid was a little surprised at his question, but she answered. “I wanted to focus on something to better myself. After…” He stared at her. “After middle school. I started in the summer between eighth grade and freshman year.” Hiccup still stayed silent. “How about you?” Astrid asked after a pause. He thought for a second.
“I wanted to get stronger and less like this,” he gestured to himself. Astrid quirked an eyebrow.
“You just gestured to all of you…”
Hiccup nodded. She didn’t know what to say to that.
“Well, you are getting stronger. Look at how much you’ve improved in only a month!” Hiccup only picked at his cuticles and his leg bounced up and down. It was understandable he was nervous, but she could tell the compliments only made him shake his leg harder. She tried to change the subject.
“What are you going to do when you graduate?” She asked. Hiccup’s leg slowed down and he looked up from his hands.
“I’m going to college, aiming for a master’s in prosthetics.”
“Prosthetics? That’s really cool! What made you want to get into that?”
“When I was 15 I found a stray cat with three legs, and I wanted to make him a prosthetic so he could walk normally. I didn’t have the money to get an actual real prosthetic. Studying that stuff got me interested and I’d like to do human prosthetics mainly. My uncle Gobber has a peg leg.” Astrid laughed at that. Hiccup laughed too. “No, I’m serious! He’s got a peg leg and one hand!” Astrid stopped laughing at that.
“Oh jeez.. sorry for laughing, that sounds rough,” Astrid felt bad but Hiccup reassured her.
“It’s alright to laugh, he thinks it’s pretty funny. He’s like a pirate! He manages well, so he never saw the point in getting a better prosthetic leg. Besides, his hand is actually pretty cool.” He told Astrid how his uncle was a blacksmith, and how his hand had interchangeable tools. Hiccup was even learning from Gobber and had made a couple swords.
Astrid noticed that Hiccup didn’t seem as nervous, and she realized this was the first actual conversation they’d had. Hiccup seemed to realize at the same time, and he went silent. There was a pause, and Hiccup asked her what she was going to do when she graduated.
“I’d like to become a personal trainer, I just need my high school diploma and to get AED/CPR certified and then I can start working towards that.”
“Not going to college?”
“Maybe in the future, but as of right now I don’t really have any plans for that.” Hiccup nodded.
“I think you’d be a good personal trainer. You’ve done a great job coaching me. Like you said, I’ve made a lot of progress.”
Astrid’s face heated up and her stomach fluttered. She didn’t expect the compliment from him and for some reason it affected her a lot. She was too flustered to say anything but luckily they had already arrived at the gym. She could work off this nervous energy, and why was she so nervous? It was just a compliment. A compliment from Hiccup, her mind supplied. It meant more, in her eyes, considering their past. Hiccup may not be ready to forgive her, she still didn’t know, but it seemed like a step in the right direction. They got out of the car and headed inside.
—
Ever since that first conversation, things had gotten significantly less uncomfortable between them, except it was getting weirder in a different way. They seemed on much better terms, one could even call them friends. They continued carpooling even after Hiccup’s car was done, neither of them wanting to bring up going in separate cars. They both enjoyed the conversations and it made them closer.
After one particular workout, months into their gym buddy-ship they were sitting in the car catching their breaths. Hiccup cleared his throat and Astrid looked at him. He was staring at her.
“Astrid.”
“Hm?”
“I, uh,” he breathed in. “I’ve had a… crush on you since middle school.” He admitted, completely out of nowhere. Astrid stopped before she turned the car on.
“What? Even when I…”
“Yeah. And that made it hurt worse.”
Astrid looked down, ashamed. “I didn’t know… I’m sorry.” Hiccup scoffed.
“You’re only sorry because I told you I liked you while you kicked me and made fun of me? Or when you stood by and let Snotlout, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut beat me up?”
Astrid sighed. She didn’t want to make excuses for herself. “I just.. I felt bad, after Snotlout ripped up your sketchbook. You’re really talented, and they destroyed your work.” Hiccup raised an eyebrow. Astrid continued before he could speak. “And I didn’t feel bad just because you were talented, but I had finally seen how it affected you. I admit I was fucking shitty, and I should have stopped immediately, or not done anything at all. I should have stood up to Snotlout.” She took a deep breath. “I wanted to apologize to you after that incident but I never got up the nerve, and then we graduated, and then you went to a different high school and I don’t know how to make it up to you-”
Hiccup held up a hand. “Stop. Just.. stop.” He didn’t sound angry, but Astrid’s mouth snapped shut anyway. She avoided his eyes. Hiccup slowly blinked and continued speaking after a few seconds, his voice softer.
“I already forgave you.”
“What?” She was surprised. Whatever she thought he was going to say next, that definitely wasn’t it.
“I forgive you. Maybe just because I like you, but you’ve helped me to become stronger. And I like having you as a friend.”
“You still like me?”
“I might even like you more than I did, after meeting each other again in the gym and you offering to help me, I forgave you because you genuinely seem like a good, changed person.You are making it up to me.”
Astrid’s eyes watered. It took a huge burden off her shoulders, hearing that. She thought about middle school every night, filled with regret, and he had not only forgiven her but also admitted he actually liked her. It made her feel worse about the bullying, but she also felt better because they were connecting again, this time on better terms. And Hiccup was a cool guy, she was glad she got a chance to find that out for herself.
“Thank you for forgiving me.” She said quietly. Hiccup nodded.
“Yeah. Hey, do you want to go somewhere and just chill?” he asked.
“Mhm,” She accepted, opening her phone to find directions to a nearby park.
They sat in the car in the parking lot of the park, a certain tension palpable in the air. Astrid didn’t quite know what it was but it made her stomach flip flop and her face hot. They both avoided looking at each other, which they seemed to do quite a bit. But this time felt… different.
After a good couple minutes of silence, Hiccup spoke,
“Could we um, try maybe…kissing?” He trailed off. Astrid felt her face reach the boiling point.
“Sure, let’s just go to the back seat. It would be more comfortable there” Her voice was calmer than she felt. She got out of the car and moved her seat forward all the way, Hiccup following her lead. They closed the front doors and climbed into the back seat. They sat next to each other, still avoiding meeting eyes. Astrid didn’t know what to say or do. Were they going to kiss? Or had she imagined the tension between them? What if he hated her?
He literally just confessed his love. If he hated you, he wouldn’t be here, she reminded herself. Astrid’s heart was beating fast, and she could faintly hear Hiccup’s heart thumping as well. They were equally nervous, at least. She faced him and scooted slightly closer while he looked everywhere but at her. She decided to just go for it. Slowly, she brought her hand up towards his face, giving him time to reject it if he wanted. But he made no sign if he was against it. So she cupped his cheek with her right hand and pulled him in. His eyes were still wandering around the car, until their lips met. Hiccup closed his eyes and didn’t move, and Astrid pulled away quickly.
“I’m sorry, I- was it- I shouldn’t have-”
“No no, don’t worry about it,” he grabbed her hands without thinking. “It was my uh, first kiss,” he admitted. “I didn’t really know what to do.” Astrid let out a relieved sigh.
“Don’t worry, this is only my second time,” she reassured.
“Again?” Hiccup asked quietly. Astrid giggled and dove in for another kiss. It was much nicer than just kissing unmoving lips as he copied what she was doing. After a couple more kisses he seemed to get the hang of it. He was a natural, moving his hand up to tangle in the hair at the base of her neck as they continued making out. Astrid’s stomach was fluttering so much, it felt like it was going to come up through her throat and fly away. They continued kissing for a bit, until Astrid checked her phone and it was 1:06 am. They both had school, and they needed to get to sleep. They pulled away from each other, sharing a smile, blushing and breathing slightly fast. Astrid patted him on the shoulder. “Let’s continue this tomorrow,” she half joked. They stepped out of the car and moved their seats back to sit in the front and hopped back into the front seats. Astrid drove Hiccup home, neither of them talking, although this silence wasn’t bad or weird. It was a comfortable silence.
They arrived at Hiccup’s home, and she dropped him off. They both didn’t know what to say.
“Bye.”
“Bye, Hiccup.”
Despite the awkwardness, as he was getting out, they shared a quick kiss. Hiccup closed the door and walked to his house, looking back at Astrid and waving with a goofy grin on his face.