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The days that followed Solomon's burial were grim, despite Ominis having convinced Anne not to turn Sebastian in. You had told Ominis that Sebastian had truly repented but, repeating the conversation you had with Sebastian in your head, you doubted it.
Did he really think he was protecting you and himself against Solomon by casting Avada Kedavra? You had witnessed that curse being used purely for more dire circumstances… a close relative trying to stop you from being taken in with the darkness didn't seem that bad. Though you did fight against Solomon yourself, you couldn't help but feel Sebastian tried to justify his actions.
An Unforgivable Curse.
Though you agreed to learn Crucio in the Scriptorium, not quite taking in the seriousness of such a responsibility, it was not until you felt the excruciating pain of an Unforgivable Curse being placed upon you… that you realized why it was so unforgivable.
After it all, it only made sense why there was some tension between you, Ominis and Sebastian. You and Ominis, though you sat next to each other during classes, were often void of Sebastian's presence. Neither of you questioned it, figuring that he would return when he felt the circumstances to be right.
You have seen Ominis and Sebastian conversing on the rare occasion you'd see them in the Transfiguration Courtyard or in the Slytherin Common Room.
On both occasions, you had locked eyes with Sebastian and he turned away almost instantly, unknown to Ominis who continued to explain what occurred in the classes Sebastian choosingly missed for two weeks.
You figured Sebastian needed time, despite the pangs in your heart every time you walked past him and he treated you as if you had never met. Perhaps it was best that you tried to fill your mind with other thoughts; speak to other students who wanted your time and do things that weren't as traumatizing as what Sebastian had you do before he seemingly threw your friendship away.
You shook your head - trying to rid your mind of such thoughts. Give him time, give him time, give him time.
In those weeks, you spent time with the students in following order: Poppy Sweeting, Natsai Onai, Ominis Gaunt then Garreth Weasley.
Much of your mornings was spent tending to Highwing with Poppy or walking along the fields on the outskirts of Hogwarts.
Time with Natty was fairly similar, albeit spent indoors; studying in the library and divulging into a gossip session about students minding their business at neighboring desks.
You actually did not intend to spend any time with Ominis, knowing it would only bring back the sore reminder that Sebastian wasn't talking to you. Upon his insistence however, that "there can only be one moping Slytherin at a time" and to "wait for your turn", you gave him the attention and time that he deserved.
Time with Garreth Weasley went as well as it usually did, whenever you spent time with Garreth.
Focused on the vial in front of you , he talks to you, "So, hear me out, if we can just manage to get a Fwooper Feather this time, it might actually work and not explode!"
You gave him an unimpressed look, "Is this the same potion you were trying to concoct earlier this year?"
"The one you didn't help me complete? You would be correct, my friend."
You cross your arms. Despite you both having finished your task for this potions class (Garreth only having you to thank for agreeing to be his potions partner), Garreth opted not to pack up the equipment. Now, you had to listen to him talk about what could happen if you went along with his requests.
"I don't know, Garreth. There really isn't a leftover feather in the Professor's office, you know."
Garreth laughs, catching the attention of the nearby students. You look over, hoping Sharp didn't hear. Okay, he wasn't paying attention. You do manage to glance over the nearby potion station which had Sebastian - glancing between you and Garreth, with a phial in his hand.
"Don't worry about that," Garreth says as you turn back to him. You hear footsteps towards you, causing Garreth to lean in fearing it was Sharp, "I'll go with you. We go together!"
You smile at his insistence, before remarking jokingly, "It's a date."
In an instant, someone lifts Garreth up by his coat hood and you jump back. You turn around, seeing Sharp was still sitting at his desk, looking up at the commotion. Wait. If it wasn't Sharp, then…?
"Still going on about making a new concoction?" Sebastian asks dryly as he looks at the ingredients at your station, none of them being what was needed for today's lesson. "Surely you would have learned from the last time you blew up your potion station."
Garreth just rolled his eyes, pushing Sebastian away. "It's really and truly none of your business what I do. In fact, I'm quite surprised you're even complaining at all, seeing as you've skipped your classes this last week."
Despite Garreth's attempt at diffusing the situation, you were still affronted and quite offended on Garreth's behalf, especially since you were his potions partner. You pipe up, "I'll have you know Sebastian, that we already finished our task for today. Maybe you should focus on completing yours before preaching to us."
That'll … defeat any rumor that you were slacking off at least, given that Professor Sharp was definitely listening now.
"Defending Garreth and going on a date with him? You have truly hit a new low. Unbelievable."
"Sebastian–" you hear Ominis, not even noticing that he had stepped up with his wand and a hand on Sebastian's shoulder.
You see red - heat filling your cheeks as Garreth tries to stand up for you, "Hey, calm down– don't take it out on her, we were just going to–"
Before Garreth could fully attempt to defend you, a resounding slap filled the room.
The potions room goes silent. You had just slapped Sebastian Sallow across the face.
Ominis had stepped back from feeling the sudden jolt of Sebastian's body. Garreth just looks at you in awe. The rest of your classmates try to pay attention to you and their abandoned Invisibility potions simultaneously.
You see the boy place a hand on his cheek, looking absolutely betrayed. What ever for? Shouldn't that be what you were supposed to feel?
"That's enough," Sharp's voice resounds in the room, the sound his chair being pushed back cutting through the tension as he walked closer to you and Sebastian. He sternly towers over the both of you, looking cross and quite unimpressed, "You two, pack up for the day and leave my classroom. Sort out what ridiculous nonsense you are arguing about before you even think about coming back."
You both grab your things in silence and, without hesitation, walk out of the classroom. Sebastian walks ahead of you but doesn't try to run off. You both walk in silence towards the Slytherin common room, Sebastian's voice hoarse when he mutters "Aspiration" under his breath, letting you both enter the common room.
"What was that?" You ask immediately in your descent of the stairs, voice echoing.
Sebastian ruffles his hair in irritation and sighs as he follows, knowing this was a conversation he could not avoid, "It wasn't anything. You're being dramatic, I was just trying to pick on Weasley."
"Really?" You say, incredulously. Your steps are aggressive as you walk towards the couch, hands gripping at the headrest, much too upset to sit down.
"Yeah," this time he does look at you with so much confidence and nonchalance, you were amazed at how quickly he put his expressions together. "You're just making a big deal out of it."
If you hadn't just seen Sebastian's broken expression after you had slapped him, you might have believed that you had simply developed a selfish misconception that he was upset because of you.
"So you wouldn't care at all that if I was going on a date with Garreth?"
"Not at all."
"Nor if I kissed him if he asked?"
Sebastian's eye twitches and he scoffs, "Of course not."
"If he wanted to be my boyfriend?"
"That's not up to me to decide!" He bites back, with a heated look.
"What if I told him that I liked him? That I think of him every waking hour and that I dream of him?"
"Do you?"
"Would you?" You bite back instantly.
Sebastian goes quiet, face going pale as he goes quiet. He breathes out, looking down at the floor. For a moment, the two of you stand in silence, hearing nothing but the muffled voices in the neighbouring classrooms.
"Forget I said anything. I'll get out of your way. Sorry I said those things about him." His voice was void of emotion, no longer held those hints of anger and jealousy you so longed to hold onto. Any hint that he might have been thinking of you in agony, in the same you you did about him.
He turns to walk away. Something inside of you snaps.
"So that's it? Use me to find a cure for your sister and now that you've given up, you've decided to throw me away too?"
His head snaps up and he looks at you incredulously, seemingly offended.
You don't stop, however, "I should have known there was nothing unconditional about our friendship. 'Glad to have met you' has never sounded so empty. These days you can't even greet me in the mornings or wish me a good night."
Sebastian is still quiet but you notice that his eyes have gone a bit wider, stammering over his next words. You would have felt bad if he didn't look so affronted and… slightly angry at your words.
There is no reason for you to be upset with me, truly, you thought.
"I don't even expect you to treat me the same way you did before." You say, almost begging, "I just want you to acknowledge that, at some point, I was in your life and that I existed. Not… not what you're doing right now. Pretending I am nothing until I try to move on and then suddenly I matter."
Your voice goes soft, and Sebastian finally looks at you unmasked. "Hey…".
Under any other circumstance, you would have taken comfort in the kindness of his voice. But now, it felt like an insult. "Don't you dare say I am imagining anything. If I hear you say that–!"
"I won't. I am sorry." This time, he sounded like he meant it. "I acted childishly, I know."
He comes closer to you and hesitantly puts his arms around you to bring you closer to his chest. The tension leaves your body as you rest your head against his chest. You speak, voice muffled, "I'm still mad."
"I know. You can hit me again later if it helps."
"You know I wouldn't like to do that." You say, voice tense.
"I know."
The silence that envelops you this time is comfortable and cooling. Sebastian speaks, "I am sorry. I didn't mean to avoid you the past few weeks. I… just. I don't think it truly dawned on me; what happened. But when Ominis told me what you had convinced him to do- or well, what not to do- it made me wonder whether I was worthy of that at all."
"Sebastian…"
"I have done nothing but drag you into the dark arts, despite you and Ominis recommending against it." He mutters, "I killed my own uncle and I expect you to agree that it was unavoidable. It wasn't. I could have just let myself be hurt, and still have an uncle, a sister who didn't hate me, a best friend who didn't force himself to speak with me and–" He looks at you, eyes darting between your own, "I have half the mind of just turning myself in."
Your heart stops. Surely, he wasn't going to…?
"Sebastian, please. You must understand that Anne doesn't deserve to be alone." You say softly, "But you must also understand the gravity of your crime. I can't say I feel a certain type of way towards your uncle's death but… I just wish you would have shared the burden with me. Or told me how you were feeling after it all. Instead of making me believe it was all okay."
"I know," he says, his voice solemn, "I couldn't- I can't look you in the eye these days. When I saw the way you looked at me in the tomb, I couldn't forgive myself. No matter how much I tried to justify it myself. After all you had done for me, I ended up ruining it all."
Finally, you began to tear up, stepping away so you could see his face more clearly. True to his word, he evades your gaze, eyes trained outside the common room window. "Sebastian… you could be so much more than this. There is so much more than the dark arts; those things that curse our lives. Atonement does not have to be done in solace, especially if you don't know where to go."
Sebastian looks at you hesitantly, his expression soft. "I am… I am sorry."
He sounded like a broken record.
"I know." You say softly. No matter how much you wanted to hate him, it was impossible.
"I truly care about you."
"I know." Because deep down, you cared for each other, even if it wasn't always obvious.
"Even before I knew about how powerful you were. Before I could even think about Anne. That's why I brought you with me to Feldcroft. I… I care about you deeply."
"I know."
"Do you?"
"I do." And you believed it.
"How would you know? You said it yourself, I was only using you for Anne." Sebastian looks smaller, despite having been the one to comfort you first. The accusatory tone was not left unnoticed. But like a deceptive charm, the tone seemed ingenuine. If anything, he needed reassurance that you really did know about his feelings.
"If you didn't care about me," you say softly, wiping your own tears away, "why… I would be on a date with Garreth by now."
Sebastian laughs, choked on the tears he hadn't realized escaped his eyes. "You're right."
You look at him with a small smile, and he looks at you with less hesitation.
"It won't be easy. My recovery. I still have to look out for Anne, you know." Sebastian says, "I cannot promise I won't do this to you again. I might even question whether you like me again, or that I'll be out of bed to make it on time to our plans."
"Mhm." You lean your head against his shoulder. Your heart weighs heavily at his words, knowing that he was struggling to hold himself together in the aftermath. "I'll lay with you if you would let me."
"I could be the worst version of myself ever tomorrow." "Perfect. I get to look forward to seeing you become the best version of yourself."
Sebastian chuckles, not bothering to hide the sniffling or his soft sobs. That was the moment it dawned on you. You were both so young. You had each lost so much.
"I don't deserve you," Sebastian mumbles.
"Some might agree with you," you say softly, laying your head against his chest again as he hides his own face in your hair, "but I deserve to have a say,"
"...and I say I want you."