Chapter Text
Olivia: You’re so amazing, Mario! Like Sherlock Homeless!
Mario: IT’S HOLMES!
Scissors: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.
Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.
Colored Pencils: What's my sexuality?! I don't freaking know! I'm not straight, and that's all that matters. Well, maybe that's unfair to the straights. Some of my best friends are straight! Well, one of them. Well, I know them, and Stapler is perfectly tolerable person in small doses!
Tape: *writing a letter*
Tape: Dear Santa,
I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty...
And it was worth it you fat, judgemental bastard.
Olly: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it’s “intelligent” and “really cool”.
Olly: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.
Rubber Band: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.
Olly: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Olly lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Olly: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?
Hole Punch: Woah dude, premarital handholding? That’s just not cool or groovy.
Scissors: Yeah, I'll smoke a joint tonight, but let's not get too crazy.
*The LoS proceeds to get arrested for blocking the road in large traffic cone costumes*
Tape: The only straight I am is a straight-up badass.
Scissors: You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon.
Scissors: It's me.
Olly: All of your existences are confusing.
The LoS: How so?
Olly: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.
Olivia: I mean, sure, I have my bad days, but then I remember what a cute smile I have.
Scissors: I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.
Olivia, on a random band name generator: Oooo! They Might Be Depressed Horses! That about sums up my friend group.
Olly: I will send my army to attack!
Olly: *releases a dumpster of raccoons*
Bobby: I like to play this game called nap roulette. I take a nap and don’t set an alarm. Will it be 20 min or 4 hours? Nobody knows. It’s risky and I like it.
Sorcerer: I give you a cursed amulet!
Olivia: Cool! It’ll make me look cute, and the shadow that follows me will make me more active, I’ll get out more!
Colored Pencils: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable... ...and also assault with a deadly weapon.
Olivia, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-
Tape: Yum, thanks!
Kidnapper: *puts more tape over their mouth* I said stop eating it.
Olly: *trying to buy a Father's Day card at Hallmark*
Olly: Excuse me, do you have any that just say "You are my dad?"
Associate: Well, I-
Olly: How about "You banged my mom?"
Associate: No...
Olly: You know what, I'll just get a blank one.
Olly: *writes* You are a father. This is a day. Here is a card.
Tape: You seem familiar... have I threatened you before?
Colored Pencils: Damn, the power went out.
Hole Punch: Don’t worry, I got this.
Hole Punch: *stomps foot*
Colored Pencils: What-?
Hole Punch: *Sketchers light up*
Olivia: WHY DID YOU KILL HIM?! HE COULD HAVE HAD HOPES AND DREAMS, HE COULD HAVE HAD A FAMILY!!!
Mario: Olivia-
Mario: It- it was just an ant-
Stapler: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!
Tape: Please, just say f***.
*The legion’s thoughts on stabbing*
Colored Pencils: Would never stab anyone.
Hole Punch: Would stab someone in retaliation.
Scissors: Yells "I won't hesitate!" first.
Rubber Band: Would stab without warning.
Tape: Would stab as a warning.