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In the end, it was just the two of us. The parallels to our situation were comparable to that back at Canaan, except it was even more lame now. There were no rail way tickets out of our situation this time, no lyctoral mega theorem to solve our problem, no last ditch heroic effort to rescue us by one of our friends, this time we were truly going to eat it. I mean, my body was already dead, and if I’m being real honest, you were looking pretty close to death yourself, but we were really going to die for real this time, for good.
God was dead, Alecto was dead, I don’t know where Pyrrha was at, she might have been dead too and Paul was far away, I hope, safely evacuating what they could off the Erebos along with everyone else who came with us. The flashing red lights and recorded feminine voice overhead began repeating emergency evacuation procedures, followed by the start of a countdown, it could hardly distract me from the tragically beautiful situation we were in. I finally had you back Harrow, after all this time, I had you back. You, in your own body, not that imposter who kissed me—which mega weird by the way. Kissing the imposter, that is, I’m not that much of an idiot to deny now that I wouldn’t have minded if it was you—I have you back and I was about to lose you again.
You looked me dead in the eye and smiled, tiny and triumphant, just like at Canaan, as you hobbled over across the cargo hold to where I kneeled, barely holding myself up on my sword—I honestly don’t know how you were still standing. Cam, Pal, and Pyrrha must have really pushed you to work out—well the imposter, but you know what I mean— You reached out your hand, trembling, and cupped my cheek. You whispered so quietly, I almost missed it, “First flower.” you said before your last remaining bit of strength finally gave up and you collapsed into me, both of us falling over. I caught you in my lap and I pulled you in tight, holding your head against my shoulder, I could feel your body shudder and your breath on my neck as you began to sob. “Damn, Nonagesimus, don’t cry, we can’t enjoy our last few moments before dying if you cry.” You laughed a weak laugh through your tears, “Shut up, Nav.” you tilted your head to look at me, eyes red-rimmed and sodden with tears, you reached to wipe my own tears off my face, I didn’t even notice I was crying too, it had been so long since my body was capable of that, “You can’t say anything when you yourself are crying you big idiot.” you sniffled, there wasn’t any bite to your words. You reached your other hand to cup my face and your voice was shaky, “Gideon, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that I—”
I grabbed both your tiny bony wrists, holding you as firm and reassuring as my weak and tired hands could, “No, we're not doing that. We both have a lifetime of shitty things to apologize for that we just don’t have the time for right now.” Letting go one of your wrists, I gently grasped the back of your head, carding my fingers through your sweat and blood ridden hair, I pulled you close. Our foreheads gently touching, I could feel your breath on my face, “Harrowhark Nonagesimus, my Bone Empress, my Crepuscular Queen(“Nav…”), my Midnight Haggette,” you swatted my shoulder, which was only impressive because I was already so tired. “It was the truth when I told you that I only cared about you, I was terrible at the whole duty thing. I was fighting on the front lines and all I could think about was you, Harrow. Getting back to you, wherever you were. I didn’t care about some planet John sent us to do whatever it was he wanted us to, I just wanted to find you. I finally have you now, I want to enjoy it while we can.”
You took a shuddering breath shutting your eyes, “Gideon Nav, you really are the best of us all, you were the better part of me…I was so miserable without your stupid–handsome face(“Handsome, eh?”) and even though we are going to die…I’m overcome that I finally get to see you again, even just for this moment, I can tell you now...” You brought your eyes back to mine, staring earnestly. Your voice was quiet and wavering, “I love you. I have always loved you, with all my heart. You are my heart, Gideon Nav. And I am more than honored to spend my final moments with you.”
I couldn’t help how hard I smiled, it almost hurt, “I'm glad we finally have that settled. I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together.”
It was good to know that you still had the energy to roll your eyes at me as you chuckled, “Shut up and just kiss me already…please.”
“Well since you said please.” I dropped one hand to your waist and the other to caress your jaw, pulling you in, and I kissed you. This time with you, the real you, Harrow. For a brief wonderful moment, all of our surroundings melted away. All I could feel was your warmth against my body, your hands desperately pulling me closer and your lips chapped but soft pressed against mine. It was messy, just like us, and I wouldn't have changed it for anything different. “I love you, Harrow.” I said finally after we pulled away to catch our breath. “I just wanted to make sure that I was clear.” You smiled, it was long and sweet and beautiful.
5 minutes till impact. The warning system reminded us of our imminent doom, killjoy. You looked at me with eyes so wide, full of fear and yet also relief. I understood completely. We've both been through so much in our short lives. Too much for anyone to have to bear. You've carried the weight of all those souls for so long, and then mine. We’ve suffered our whole miserable lives and ended up only learning tragedy. Now we both might finally know even a modicum of peace.
“Gideon,” you started, but you looked almost diffident. “I know we haven't had the opportunity to truly reconcile, and there are things that I understand you still haven't forgiven, nor would I ask you to— Abigail mentioned that there might be somewhere beyond the river...” You paused, working your lip, old habits die hard, huh? “I don't know where it will take us, but if…I…would you…”
“Harrowhark, are you asking me out on an afterlife date?”
Your gaze upon me was so full of tenderness and underlined with doubt, “Wherever it might take us, I would like to find that out together…but I know it might be presumptuous to ask that of you given everything that's happened.”
2 minutes till impact.
I ran my fingers through your short hair and pressed a kiss to your forehead in an attempt to ease your worries, “Wherever you go, I’ll follow my caliginous anpu. There is no me without you. Even if we get separated again, I'll find you. I'll always find my way to you.”
“Promise?” You were shaking, I was shaking too, and so I held you tighter.
30 seconds…
“I swear it. I’ll see you on the flip side…” You rushed to share one last kiss—not even letting me finish—before everything went blank.
Then, I found you again.