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The sunlight was blinding, almost seeming way too bright to his disorientated eyes. He blinked slowly, waiting for his eyes to adjust as a figure came into his view, the sunlight at his back forming a gentle halo over the other’s head.
Changbin didn’t know how he got there but he found himself sitting on a park bench, looking up at the most beautiful man he had ever seen.
He coughed, trying to regain his composure and willing the haze inside his mind to fade away. He didn’t want to miss a chance to talk to this fairy, this angel in front of him. “Hey there, beautiful. Are you alone?”
The beautiful man raised a brow before rolling his eyes and sighing. It was a beautiful sigh that had Changbin wanting to release an admiring sigh of his own. “No, I actually came here with an idiot but it seems as though he has forgotten me again.”
“If it was me, I would never have done such a thing,” Changbin scoffed.
“Is that so?” The man giggled, his eyes turning into endearing crescents. Oh, Changbin could just stare at the other all day. “My name is Hyunjin.”
“Hyunjin,” he breathed. The name felt familiar on the tip of his tongue, almost like it was always meant to be there. “I’m Cha-”
“Grandpa!”
Before Changbin could finish his words, a child’s high-pitched voice interrupted him. He turned around to see what was possibly the cutest child ever running towards them.
“Grandpa, here’s your ice cream!”
Changbin blinked in confusion at the munchkin that was standing in front of him expectantly while holding out a cone of ice cream.
“Huh?” he said dumbly, confusion evident on his face.
The child frowned. “Did you forget again, grandpa?”
“Now, now. Just give your grandpa his ice cream.” Hyunjin reached out to rub the child’s head in comforting motions before turning back to Changbin with a lovely but sad smile. “Come now, husband. We have to get this rascal back to our son before he freaks out again like last time.”
Huh?
Changbin could almost hear the wheels in his head turning as he tried to make sense of the situation. His head started throbbing just as he felt like he was close to unlocking something within his mind that would make everything crystal clear.
Despite still having no idea what was happening, Changbin took the ice cream cone that was being held out to him. It was then that he took a good look at his hands.
Hands that were wrinkled and calloused. The hands of an old person.
“Changbin?” Hyunjin called again, looking back at him. Now that he was really paying attention, Changbin realised that Hyunjin also wasn’t his young self. He had barely noticed it since the other was still so very beautiful. “Let’s go?”
Changbin got up. He was a man of his word; he would not keep his angel waiting.
On their walk, Changbin watched as Hyunjin interacted with their grandson.
He wondered how he could have forgotten such a beautiful person. He thought about how he had suddenly found himself with a son and a grandchild.
He stared at Hyunjin’s features, at the way his shiny beady eyes crinkled as he laughed. At the way he laughed with his whole body as he joked around with the small child. It was all familiar to him as if he had watched it a million times before. He supposed he had, despite not remembering it. He hoped he was a reason for many of those precious laughs.
Looking at their grandchild who had inherited Hyunjin’s beautiful lips and his own eyes, Changbin also hoped that the life they had lived was just as beautiful as his fairy.
His. Hyunjin who looked and felt above everyone else and the world itself. He was his.
“Grandpa! Grandpa!” Their grandson grabbed Changbin’s attention by waving his hands and his lips stretched as he reflexively smiled back at the child. “Look, I’m a butterfly!”
The child was dancing around beneath the sun and twirling in circles on the grass with his arms flapping back and forth in imitation of a butterfly’s wings.
“You make such a cute little butterfly,” Changbin praised, the smile on his lips widening with fondness. That smile felt familiar, almost like it was something that he engaged in every day.
“I’m going to find a flower!” the child announced, zooming and hopping about energetically. “Like a real butterfly.”
Changbin glanced to his side where Hyunjin was standing and watching their grandson play with affectionate eyes and a gentle smile on his lips. This version of Hyunjin no longer had his youthful appearance or naivety but he was still just as alluring as he was when he was younger. It was like he had aged like fine wine, his features more defined by the passing of time and his entire demeanour becoming more mature and lovelier. But the look in those bright eyes filled with the utmost gentleness and sweetness had remained unchanged and was all just pure Hyunjin.
“There’s a flower right here,” Changbin pointed out, placing an arm around Hyunjin and tugging the other towards him. “There’s a pretty little flower right here in my arms.”
Their grandson hopped over and skipped to them with light, bubbly giggles. “Oh, that’s right. There’s a pretty flower over here! But isn’t this grandpa’s flower?”
Chuckling at their antics, Hyunjin slid his own arm around Changbin’s waist as he snuggled into his neck and nuzzled his nose against his skin affectionately. “All these years and you still love to call me your flower.”
“Of course.” Changbin smiled sadly. “How could I forget?”
Hyunjin hummed in response.
They continued walking through the park with their loveable grandson until they met their son and his wife. All of them sat down together and Changbin listened attentively to the conversation that was being exchanged, trying his best to see if he could remember any of the things that were being mentioned.
At some point, a hand found its way into Changbin’s hand and gave it a little squeeze.
Changbin looked to his side, at Hyunjin who was gazing up at him from where he had his head resting on the older’s shoulder. How had they gotten into this position? He couldn’t remember, but his body seemed to.
“Are you feeling okay?” Hyunjin whispered to him, concern flashing in his eyes.
Changbin stared at the other for a little while more, then looked at their son, their grandson, and then around him at the beautiful morning that he was enjoying. This was his life.
He looked back at his husband. How many years have they been together? How did they manage to make such a beautiful family? It made him feel so many things.
“Are you okay?” he asked instead.
Hyunjin’s eyes widened. Such transparent eyes that held so many emotions. Hurt, sadness and love. The other closed his eyes as he snuggled close to Changbin. “As long as you’re with me, I’m happy.”
Happiness? The situation felt grim. The day was beautiful and yet, Changbin wasn’t sure if he would remember it. Would he remember the man in his arms tomorrow? Would he remember this love?
“Papa, are you crying?” their son asked.
Changbin flinched and quickly looked over at Hyunjin. “Oh, it’s alright. Don’t worry about me! It’s probably just pollen allergy.”
Hyunjin chimed in and the two of them tried to laugh things off.
After a moment, Changbin frowned. A frown that was mirrored right across the table on the face of his son. He coughed and stood up, facing his husband. His beautiful, kind husband. “Hyunjin, would you take a walk with me?”
Stunned for a moment, Hyunjin agreed with a flustered smile. “Of course.”
The two of them slowly walked off on their own. They were some distance away from the bench where the rest of their family were having their picnic when Hyunjin spoke up.
“Changbin? Was there something you wanted to say to me?”
Changbin stopped walking and gazed at Hyunjin. He grasped both of the other’s hands in his own and looked into the reflection of himself in the other’s eyes.
There was happiness evident within Hyunjin’s eyes and Changbin wondered if he had made Hyunjin happy during their time together.
“Hyunjin,” he breathed. “I don’t remember a lot of things.”
Hyunjin frowned but before he could say anything, Changbin continued his words.
“I don’t remember how many times I’ve held you, or called your name, or kissed your lips. I don’t remember our wedding, or our son, or our life. I wish I could. I’m sorry if the only thing I know right now is how to make you cry. But thank you for keeping someone like me in your life. You being here, me being here… I hope… I hope it’s alright for me to ask you for more. I hope it’s alright with you if I take advantage of this situation and fall in love with you, over and over and over again, as if it was the first time even if it is really the hundredth.”
“Oh, Binnie,” Hyunjin said with a shaky voice as he leaned in to kiss Changbin.
Their lips connected, intertwining like the lives they had built together with each other. It felt right, like it was always meant to be.
Changbin was the one who broke the kiss to gaze at Hyunjin. He held the teary man in his arms and he couldn’t help but acknowledge their perfect fit. It was like his whole being was moulded alongside Hyunjin’s as one. He stared into the other’s eyes and felt like he could drown in them until the sun set and rose again and again.
“Hyunjinnie, I may not remember a lot of things but this,” Changbin brought Hyunjin’s hand to his chest, placing it right over where his heart was, “knows who you are and feels safe with you. I think you know the reason why.”
Shining in Hyunjin’s eyes were a night sky’s worth of unshed tears. He was biting down on his lip, trying his hardest to stop himself from bursting into tears. “I can’t believe you forget so many things but you still always say the same thing to comfort me each time.”
“My fairy Jinnie, please don’t cry.” Changbin lightly caressed his husband’s face.
“Can you… hold me for a little while longer?” Hyunjin asked, tucking his head into Changbin’s neck, arms tightening their embrace around it.
“Of course, darling,” Changbin replied softly.
He did not know when he would forget again. He did not know if he would ever remember this moment or the past or the next. But somehow, holding his Hyunjin in his arms, he knew that everything would be alright. He knew that even if his mind didn’t remember this man or this life, his body did.
His arms would remember the feeling of holding Hyunjin in his embrace and his fingers would remember the sensation of Hyunjin’s long ones entangled between them. His lips would remember how right it felt to have Hyunjin’s pressed against them as if they were made to be there forever. His soul would remember. He was sure of it.
And with that, Changbin closed his eyes. He knew that the next time he opened them, he would find his love in his arms. Everything was going to be alright.
This love would remember.