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Normally 2 AM would be the hour of people already being asleep, an insomniac and horror fan like Virgil however was doing the complete opposite. The emo was currently playing Outlast on his Nintendo Switch and he was very determined to beat it. Virgil was in the zone and when he was in the zone, he was in the zone. The anxious side loved the rush horror always gave him: the eagerness of wanting to know what's going to happen next, the adrenaline from the challenge of outrunning the enemy, the unexpectancy of what's going to pop out at him, the eerie silence, the dark atmosphere, who-
"Vee Vee!"
Virgil jumped at hearing the whisper yell calling to him quickly catching his Switch in time before it hit the ground and paused the game when he finally saw the source of the surprisingly clothed Side calling his name.
"Remus what the hell it's 2 in the damn morning what are you doing here!?" The startled emo whispered yelled back to his boyfriend so he wouldn't wake anyone.
"I got a little lonely and wanted to see if my Darling Emo Nightmare was awake at 2 AM playing Outlast instead of taking his Melatonin gummies and sleeping." Remus jokingly replied fake pouting.
Virgil playfully rolled his eyes. "Of course you did, but seriously what's going on did something happen?"
"Well nothing really happened... yet." Remus grinned mischievously.
"I know that look, what are you planning Dukey?"
"Me? Planning something? Now why would- I wanna steal shit from Roman's room to cause chaos and wanted to know if my Chaotic Partner In Crime wanted to help me." The Duke immediately admitted smirking.
"Knew that chaotic brain of yours had a plan, but to answer the question about your offer what's in it for me?"
"Depends on what my Emo Spiderling wants~" Remus smirked wiggling his eyebrows as he got closer to Virgil.
"Hmmmm Horror movie marathon and no causing headaches for 3 days after this and you got yourself a deal." Virgil smirked back at his boyfriend. Remus went wide eyed. He can't even go 5 minutes without doing anything to purposely cause problems and Virgil expected him to go that long not to!?
"3 days!?"
"Yup that's what I said. 3 days."
"Oh you are so cruel to me sometimes Scare Bear! But fiiine the horror movie marathon will make up for it anyways." Remus grumbled crossing his arms. Virgil laughed and gave his slightly disappointed Duke a kiss on the lips to which he immediately happily reciprocated getting out of his pouty state. "Perfect let's go." Virgil said as he took Remus' hand and pulled him out of the room.
-
Remus was quietly snickering the moment they were in the hallway and at Roman's door. He always enjoyed doing this on his own but causing any ounce of chaos with Virgil made it 10x even more enjoyable and fun. "After you, my 'Itsy Bitsy Spider'." Remus whispered as he dramatically bowed getting out of the way. "Such a gentleman." Virgil teased whispering back as he carefully and quietly opened the door and entered the room with Remus.
What Virgil saw didn't surprise him, by the amount of posters and merch Roman had of himself he didn't even need to see the Prince sleeping on the bed with his own plushie to know that it's his room.
"I love you Roman. I love you too Roman." The Beast onesied Prince slept talked turning to the other side of the bed snuggling closer with the plush. Virgil rolled his eyes at the sight. "What's next does he have some hidden clone in here we don't know about?" He sarcastically asked whispering. "Oh trust me he would make that far from hidden in more ways than one." Remus whispered back crouching down to crawl on the floor and motioned Virgil to follow him. Virgil grimaced in disgust at the thought and followed the crawling Duke until they reached Roman's nightstand.
"Now this is where the fun starts, but the real question is which one of these lovely little valuables will be our victims?" As the two started scanning the nightstand deciding on an item, Virgil noticed a missing space between the stars that used to look neatly decorated on it.
"I'm assuming you already stole one of his stars?"
Remus quietly snickered at remembering the anger his brother had the morning after that night over him stealing one of his beloved stars and smirked as he whispered back his answer.
"Maybe."
"Figures. How about his katana?"
"Hmmmm Tempting but I want to save that for a more special occasion. Tonight we're going for slightly above moderate rage level not death wish just yet."
Virgil nodded at the response and started scanning the nightstand again. The skeleton onesied Side was slowly running out of ideas until his eyes laid on a stack of different branded, color coded, products that Roman would be enraged for weeks if he caught someone touching.
"What about his skin care products? He cares about his looks more than anything and he'd be pissed if he found it missing." He suggested. Remus quietly gasped and whispered back in excitement. "Scare Bear you sexy little genius that's perfect!" The Duke quickly but carefully picked up the products and handed some to Virgil. "Now let's go I know exactly where to hide these!" Remus excitedly whispered as he quickly and stealthily ran out of the room with Virgil trying to keep up behind him.
"Ree wait up!" Virgil whispered yelled as he carefully tried to close Roman's door with his hands full and sighed when he found the Duke nowhere in sight in the hall afterwards. "You gotta be kidd- Ing!" The emo yelped when he felt himself get pulled into a room and realized whose it was.
"Slow poke." Remus teased hugging Virgil closer from behind, resting his chin on the top of his boyfriend's head. "Asshole." Virgil playfully hit a cackling Remus' shoulder when he turned around. "Whaaaat I thought you were good at keeping up at a lot of things Vee Vee~" Remus smirked wiggling his eyebrows. Virgil playfully rolled his eyes blushing slightly at the suggestive comment.
"Yeah yeah anyways where do I put these?"
"Right this way." Remus said as he led Virgil to the source of where he hides all the things he steals.
"Your closet?"
"Would you dare look in there at 3 in the morning if you were Roman?"
"Touché. Alright let's get this over with-"
"Wait wait hold on!" Remus stopped Virgil before he could throw the rest of the products inside. "What-" When Virgil turned to look at Remus again all he could do was blink repeatedly at trying to process the image of seeing his boyfriend munching on one of the products.
"Mmmm Strawberry! Okay now quick throw it in!"
"I- Y'know what why am I not even surprised by that?" The skeleton onesied Side shook his head and quickly threw the products in the closet and closed it. "Simple, because you love me." Remus smiled innocently batting his lashes "You know I do but you still owe me for leaving me back there." Virgil crossed his arms.
"Oh where are my manners what can I possibly do to make it up to my Chaotic Partner In Crime?"
"I think you know." Virgil smirked as he wrapped his arms around Remus' neck. "Maybe I do." Remus smirked back and wrapped his arms around Virgil's waist leaning closer. Just before the eyeshadowed couple could break the space between them and kiss they heard a familiar high pitched loud scream in the distance.
"Who in Aphrodites' name stole my skin care products!?"
They both laughed at hearing the rage in Roman's voice from the other room. "Guess he woke up earlier than expected and a new record too!" Remus cackled.
-
Roman could not believe this was happening to him. One moment he was sleeping peacefully and dreaming about being praised in his royal glory and next thing he knows he hears a sound and wakes up just to find his second most prized possession stolen! The Beast onesied Prince was currently pacing around his room trying to calm down both his anger and distress.
'Relax Roman it's fine you'll catch the sneaky little bandit you just need some help doing it while everyone else is a suspect but who?'
Roman wondered to himself but soon knew the exact Side to go to. Logan. His beloved nerd was known for being skilled in the mystery department and he was the only one he knew for certain was innocent so he was just the Side he needed for this. He made up his mind and quickly ran to Logan's room and frantically knocked on his door.
"Roman it's the middle of the night what's going on?" Logan asked as he opened the door adjusting his glasses.
"I know it's late Starling but this is an emergency and I really need your Detective skills."
Logan immediately summoned his Sherlock outfit on himself upon hearing one of his favorite words. Finally a real mystery he get's to solve, he's waited for this moment his whole life.
"You had me at 'Detective' what do you need?"
"Someone stole my beauty products and I need your help finding the culprit."
"Well I can certainly help with that Dear. Perhaps we can start by finding some evidence from the location of the crime scene?"
"Good idea."
They both made sure to be quick about going back to Roman's room. The Prince had already been robbed once and he's certainly going to make sure it doesn't happen twice.
"Alright Roman can you tell me when you first noticed your belongings stolen?" Logan asked summoning a pen and notepad.
"Well I heard a noise that rudely interrupted both my dream and beauty sleep and that's when I saw they were gone."
Logan nodded writing down the response. It was a start but he needed to know a little more information.
"Interesting. Do you know where you last had them?"
"On my nightstand." Roman answered and pointed at the spot where the items used to be on the dresser.
The Detective leaned closer to the spot and summoned a small brush and fingerprint dust and started to use it on the nightstand but found nothing. "Fascinating, there's not a single fingerprint on here." Logan wrote down the results intrigued. He was impressed that the thief managed to take all of the products in a short period of time without leaving a single trace of evidence let alone before Roman could even wake up.
"Maybe they used gloves?" Roman suggested.
"That or they're very experienced in swiftly stealing things in a careful manner like seriously there's literally not a single footprint here either." Logan replied using his magnifying glass on the floor.
"What!? Who could it possibly-"
Roman went wide eyed in realization putting the clues together he knew exactly who it led to but at the same time it could've been anyone and he knew just the thing to do to get his answers.
"Starling I think we've found our culprit. Everyone living room meeting! Now!"
-
"You all probably know why I've called you here or mostly one of you for that matter." Roman said pacing slowly back and forth infront of a sideways line he made the other sides form. "Ah yes clearly you called us here at 4 AM to practice our kickline routine for your next upcoming musical." Janus sarcastically said rolling his eyes.
"No...! But that's not a bad idea for another time! Anyways I've called you all here because someone stole my skin care products and I know exactly who it is!" Roman declared stealing a glance at Janus.
"If that's the case then why did you call all of us instead of the person you knew who did it?"
"Because if I did that and end up being wrong I wouldn't get to freely interrogate the rest of you in one room to find the real culprit."
"Okay but how come Logan isn't in the line?" Virgil asked.
"Because my Starling would never do something like this."
"How would you know that?" Remus asked.
"Are we really going to have that discussion?" Logan replied giving the Duke a look as if the answer to his own question was obvious. "You may never know." Remus shrugged his shoulders.
"As much as I'm enjoying this slumber party, I would like to go back to bed so Roman please do share who you believe this mysterious thief is."
"Very interesting that you're so eager on that information when it was actually no one other than you Janaconda!" Roman exclaimed pointing an accusing finger at Janus.
"Me?"
"Don't play innocent Lyin' King yes you! From the evidence Logan and I've gathered there was not a single fingerprint or footprint in sight and who do we know is experienced in carefully stealing things, wears gloves, and can easily turn into a snake? That's right the Self Care King himself! Those scales are perfectly smooth for a reason and it certainly isn't from shedding!"
Janus blinked trying to process the Prince's accusations. He didn't know whether the sleep deprivation was kicking in or if he was genuinely losing braincells.
"Congratulations you figured him out can we all go to sleep now?" A fake irritated Virgil asked.
"Not yet I wanna hear him out."
Janus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Roman I'm going to be honest here with you for once because I'm too tired to deal with this right now, there's this thing called lotion and it's why I would have no reason to steal your products."
"Bullshit it takes more than just lotion for smooth skin! I've also had multiple products and you're the only one with extra hands to carry them unless-" Roman suddenly gasped having a realization. No it couldn't be but it all came together.
"It was you too wasn't it Patton!?"
"W-What?" Patton asked nervously confused.
"Only you would be kind enough to help your beloved husband in the act and cover for him!"
Patton didn't know what to say or think. Did he and Janus slept walk and somehow did it? Was he the one who stole it without realizing? Did he borrow it and forgot to give it back to Roman? Whatever it was he certainly wasn't going to let his husband be punished for it.
"Yes it was me! I did it! Take me instead!"
Janus facepalmed at hearing Patton try to take the blame for him. This whole situation felt like an endless fever dream he couldn't wake up from.
"Patton I trusted you and expected this from him but from you of all people-"
"Roman chill out." Virgil cut in before Roman could scold Patton further and unintentionally make the cat onesied Side have a mental breakdown for something he didn't even do. "Why are you defending them!? Maybe it was really you who stole it because we're all well aware of how you take pride in your whole emo persona! I bet you did it for a cleaner pale look!" Roman accused glaring at Virgil.
All the skeleton onesied Side could do was blink and raise an eyebrow. Despite actually being partially guilty of doing it that would be the last reason for something to be his motive.
'He should really just leave the Detective stuff to Logan'
"Roman when have I ever gave a shit about hygiene for the sake of beauty let alone to look more 'emo' for it?"
Roman opened and closed his mouth hesitating on his response. Virgil was right. The emo never cared for being the center of attention let alone look more appealing to others especially when he was dating someone like Remus. "I- Y'know what yeah fair that alone makes you automatically innocent."
Roman turned and his eyes then laid on Remus. If someone had a history of stealing things his twin was definitely one of them.
"I don't know why you're looking at me Romano when you know I'm the dirtiest out of all of us for a reason."
"That's true and you wouldn't have any use for them anyways." Roman squinted suspiciously at his brother.
"Well one..." He side eyed Janus and Patton. "Or two of you could be lying and I'm going to find out who-"
Roman suddenly cut himself off when he smelt a familiar strawberry scent as he faced his twin again. "What? Have you finally appreciated my new fragrance 'Sweet Sewage Delight' brother dearest?" Remus asked feigning innocence. Roman glared at the response.
"Starling magnifying glass!"
Once Logan handed the magnifying glass to Roman, The Prince immediately hovered it over Remus' mouth and gasped at seeing the tiny pink crumbs around it.
"I knew it!"
"Clearly you didn't because you were so confident in it being Janny and Patty!" Remus cackled. Roman took a deep breath in and out to contain his anger at his brother so he can properly apologize to Janus and Patton for the misunderstanding.
"Apologies on my part for that you two."
"It's alright Ro."
"Accuse me of something in the middle of the night again and I'll sue you for slander." Janus tiredly threatened. "Noted. Now that I've caught the real culprit..." Roman summoned a rolled up newspaper and started repeatedly hitting his cackling brother on the head with it. "Stop stealing my stuff you heathen! You owe me a new one and if you even dare try to do this again I'm making a soap barrier on both mine and your front door!" He summoned the newspaper away and jumped into Logan's arms.
"Starling carry me back to bed please."
"Yes Dear." Logan sighed doing just that with Patton and Janus following behind holding hands as they walked back to their respective rooms as well, leaving the eyeshadowed couple in the living room.
"Thanks for still taking the full blame back there, you didn't have to."
"Oh y'know it was nothing." Remus waved his hand dismissively.
"Still not reducing your chaos days."
"Damn it!"