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Wonwoo remembers how the waves sounded that day. It was gentle, even as it crashes and dissolves against the rocks and eventually pulls back into the sea. It rings in his ears and brings him to a bittersweet memory of fifteen years ago; something that passed by far too quickly and too slowly at the same time. It was nostalgic and just a little bit scary. But it was also pleasant, at least, he guesses. Thirty-three isn’t all too bad.
He debates whether he should smile. I wonder if you’ve changed too.
The waves call out to him the same way it did fifteen years ago. And he breathes in the salty air and lets the wind blow his hair unruly.
There are footsteps behind him. It could be anyone, or anything.
“Did you hear? There’s a new transfer student,” gossip always travels quickly in a school with less than 200 students in it. “I heard he’s from the city.”
“Really?” and curiosity, always peaks when such gossip presents itself. “Is he handsome?”
The squeals were enough for Wonwoo to tell how exactly the conversation pans out.
“I heard he’s going to be in our year!”
“Yikyung just saw him in the teacher’s lounge and oh my God, he’s gorgeous!”
Somewhere amidst the growing squeals and the squabbling of his classmates, Wonwoo finds the leaf blowing in the wind far more interesting all of the sudden. He’s envious, as silly as it is. It looked free and light and he watches it fly further and further away until it lands somewhere in the middle of the school courtyard and gets swept away by the boys playing football underneath the summer heat.
Even from inside the classroom building, Wonwoo could tell that it was striking hot outside. He had the window open but the wind that was blowing did nothing to help him cool down.
“Holy shit—” Something cold. Pressed against the side of his cheek. And a laugh that he knows far too well. “Kwon Soonyoung.”
“Class president,” Soonyoung is as chipper as always. “It’s not good to daydream. You always scold me when I do.”
There’s a bottle of cold barley tea that Soonyoung places on the corner of his desk and the condensation drips slowly onto the wooden surface below.
He scoffs while loosening his tie. “That’s cause you daydream in the middle of class.”
“Not my fault,” Soonyoung says while stretching his arms up high. “The teacher is boring. Besides,” and continues in his usual cheeky tone. “I have you and Jihoon who can teach me if I don’t understand anything.”
So carefree. He couldn’t help but smile even though Soonyoung should know better. And a rolled-up notebook smacks the top of his head that makes him yelp. Jihoon. Who had just returned from the cafeteria and caught the end tail of their conversation. “You dumbass. What are you going to do when we go to different universities?”
Soonyoung pouts, still nursing the top of his head. “Then I’ll study hard so I can get into the same university as you two.”
The school bell rings and Wonwoo collects himself before the teacher arrives to prepare for the class greeting.
There were two figures that walked into the classroom that afternoon.
“This is Wen Junhui. He just transferred here from Seoul.”
“Hello everyone,” a softspoken voice; but his gaze was sharp, beautiful, menacing.
“I think he’s cuter than the class president.”
“Really? I think they just have different charms.”
Wonwoo has definitely heard this conversation more than twenty times in the past week. He doesn’t pay attention to it and neither does Junhui, who’s miraculously sat at the desk right in front of him.
He wouldn’t necessarily say Junhui is hard to approach. He’s pretty outgoing, greeting him whenever they pass by each other in the corridors and they’re friendly to each other even though Soonyoung is the one who mostly converses with him. Questions about his life and some general joking around.
He watches Junhui laugh at Soonyoung’s joke while tucking a strand of blond hair behind his ear.
“We should totally hang out on the weekend if you’re free,” he hears Soonyoung say. “I’d love to show you around.”
“Sure,” Junhui says back. But somehow, there was something guarded about that reply.
“Wonwoo, right?” the first time Junhui directly addresses him is at the rooftop of their school building. He was feeling nauseous, probably because he didn’t sleep well the night before and he couldn’t stomach down his lunch at all.
He nods at Junhui’s question and Junhui goes back to ignoring him, head bobbing along to whatever is playing on his earphones.
He didn’t know whether he felt relieved or not that Junhui doesn’t initiate any further conversation. He takes a seat by the wall somewhere further away from Junhui and lets his back and head slouch against the surface, finally feeling less lethargic now that he can feel the warmth of the sun against his skin.
There’s a panic that sets in him when he realizes he’s fallen asleep, somewhere around an hour later and he’s so sure that he’s missed a good portion of class now. It’s unlike him. But as he moves, there’s a school blazer that falls off his lap and a bottle of cold barley tea beside him.
“Junhui is so cute,” Soonyoung says. “I think when we’re done with our college entrance exams, I’m going to ask him out.”
They’re at Jihoon’s grandmother’s house and Jihoon doesn’t look up from his exercise book even as Soonyoung professes his grand gesture of romance.
“He’s out of your league.”
That made them quarrel. Wonwoo leaves the room for a quick bathroom break—feeling uneasy when he shouldn’t be.
“You work here?” their second encounter and it was in July and by chance as Wonwoo stumbles out of the backdoor of a bar—stacks of heavy crates in his arms. He must’ve looked terrible, drenched in sweat and wobbly from an eight-hour shift.
He stutters, almost dropping the crates if not for how fast Junhui lunged forward to help him steady himself. It’s the first time he’s been this close to him and he smelt nice.
“Thanks,” he says. It would’ve been redundant of him to ask if Junhui is heading out, so obviously dressed like he is.
“So the class president works at a bar,” Junhui has an amused smirk on his face. “How interesting.”
“Ah this,” he wants to give an explanation. “I’m just helping out a friend. He’s the owner.”
“I see,” Junhui replies, still amused.
“I better get going then—”
“Wonwoo-ya!” they’re both surprised when the backdoor opens and suddenly the loudness of all of the chatter coming from inside the bar is audible. “There you are, I was looking—oh. You’re with a friend.”
“Jeonghan hyung,” Wonwoo says. “Sorry, this is my classmate Junhui. I’ll be back inside soon.”
“No need to rush,” Jeonghan replies. “We’re about to start your birthday celebration. Would you like to join us too?”
Junhui shakes his head and declines politely. “I’d love to but I have somewhere I need to be.”
“Okay then~” Jeonghan singsongs and retreats back inside, leaving the two of them alone.
It’s quiet again outside, a few cars driving by every now and then. The sound of the ocean beside them is subtle. It’s the quaintness of a small town by the sea.
“Happy birthday, class president,” Junhui says to him, bidding his goodbye.
He doesn’t ask Junhui where he’s going.
Junhui is absent during the following week and it causes quite a stir that Wonwoo ends up being summoned to the teacher’s lounge and was assigned a home visit duty.
He didn’t mind it, if it weren’t for Soonyoung begging to tag along only to realize that he has extracurricular activities after school and Jihoon drags him off to the cafeteria before they run out of meat for lunch.
Junhui’s house is up on top of a hill and it would’ve been easy for him if he wasn’t carrying a bag worth of school work for Junhui to catch up on during the week that he missed. Honestly, he doesn’t even know what he’s going to say when he sees the guy—deliberating whether he should scold him or be concerned. He was the last person to have seen Junhui that night by Jeonghan’s bar.
The house is dark when he arrives, no lights, no signs of life. It both scares and worries him now as he rings for the doorbell and calls for Junhui. “Hello? This is Jeon Wonwoo.”
“Junhui?”
The door isn’t locked and he continues to hesitate each step he decides to take inside the house. He’s bracing himself—for God knows what.
“Junhui?” he calls for him again, still so unsure and afraid. The house was practically empty and didn’t seem too lived in.
“Wonwoo?”
The living room was big, spacious, a floor to ceiling glass windows that looked out to an ocean view. The lights were off and there was Junhui, sitting cross-legged on the floor as he faced out the window, but now, he looks at him as he stands in the doorway to the living room. There’s a sadness on his face that’s lit by the moonlight.
He stutters the same way as he did last week. “I, uh, was sent here by our homeroom teacher.”
Junhui gives him a small smile instead and tucks his hair behind his ear. “I figured.”
“Are you alright?” he asks, shuffling awkwardly closer and closer to Junhui, not knowing exactly where and how he should keep his distance.
But Junhui pats the floor and gestures for him to sit down and join him.
“No,” came Junhui’s reply. It’s pained and relieved at the same time. “I went to Seoul to see my father.”
“I’m sorry,” he doesn’t know exactly what he was apologizing for but he senses that Junhui must’ve sensed his awkwardness and that had made him chuckle instead.
“No need to be sorry for me,” Junhui says. “It is what it is.”
“Is there anything that I can do to help?” he asks. He knows it’s impossible, complicated, and private as well but at least he should try to offer.
There’s a glint in Junhui’s eyes that he doesn’t miss when he replies. “Can you just stay here for a while with me?”
He nods, slowly, and takes a seat and turns away to look out the window too. There’s a sniffle and then there’s a complete silence.
It’s no different, whether before or after. Junhui didn’t open up to him nor did he keep his distance from him. He didn’t understand what he was expecting for himself as well.
September rolls in and so does October. And it grew colder and harsher and Junhui had stopped hanging out on the rooftop during lunch and Wonwoo stares out onto the courtyard as the late November snow begins to fall.
He could tell Junhui said no by the sunken look on Soonyoung’s face. But they don’t bring it up, neither he or Jihoon. Soonyoung always tries his best to stay cheerful—suggesting that they go out and have some seolleongtang to warm up against the winter cold.
They trod through the snow and Wonwoo falls behind momentarily and lets Soonyoung and Jihoon walk ahead. A figure; tall, blond hair that could never go unmissed, a thick red scarf that contrasts against the black puffer jacket. He watches Junhui cross the street hurriedly but ends up losing him as a bus drives past.
At the start of the new year, he finds a gift in the shelf of his desk. It’s small, wrapped neatly in blue wrapping paper with a small note attached. Congratulations and thank you, class president. He knew the handwriting.
“Wonwoo-ya, who’s that from?” Soonyoung is confused as he watches the expression on his face. “Are you okay?”
He storms out of the classroom and heads towards the stairs by the far end of the third floor, uncaring that he was being told to stop running. He didn’t. He sprints all the way up and barges through the creaking doors that leads all the way to the rooftop. He admits that he was under wishful thinking.
“Wonwoo?”
The red scarf still wraps around him.
“The gift.”
Junhui smiles at him. “Do you like it?”
He’s out of breath. “I—thank you.”
“After this,” Junhui says. “I’m moving back to Seoul.”
“I see,” he answers, even though it aches. But it aches because Junhui is smiling the brightest smile that he’s ever seen in the past year.
“Thank you,” Junhui says again. “I really mean it.”
His heart aches and aches like the prickling wind of the winter sea. “You’re welcome.”
They graduate at the end of spring and summer arrives with promises to stay in contact and one last commemorative event to celebrate the conclusion of their senior year. A gathering, organized by the student representatives of each class. Soonyoung is more than ecstatic with Junhui, the winter confession seemingly forgotten between the two as they plan out what they would each bring. Jihoon is also excited—offering to bring some watermelons from his family garden.
It's a happy event to celebrate their graduation and welcome the next chapter of their life.
There’s a calmness to the sound of the waves; it was gentle, even as it breaks against the rocks and pulls back out to the sea. Wonwoo stands there by the edge of the stone pavement and there’s footsteps that approach behind him.
“Hey,” it’s Jihoon, joining him by his side with a cold drink in his hand. “You’re pretty stupid for someone who got into Seoul National.”
The remark catches him both off guard and makes him laugh. “Whatever you’re referring to,” he says back to Jihoon even though he knows that Jihoon is observant.
“I knew you’d be out here again,” Jihoon calls for him. “Soonyoung is settling the bill and then we’re going to get a cab.”
He waves him off. “I think I’m just going to stay here and enjoy the view for a while. I don’t get to see this kind of view often in Seoul, you know.”
“Alright then,” replies Jihoon and he’s left on his own again.
The memories of fifteen years ago came flooding back to him the moment he received the invite for his high school reunion, in disbelief at how so much time has passed since he was 18 and stood at this very same spot with Jihoon in the summer after their graduation. A lot of things have changed since then. For one, he grew taller, and broader, even though his eyesight worsened from the amount of time he spends in front of a screen each day.
But he’s content and he’s happy. The wind and sunshine feel nice against his skin.
There are some regrets but he tries to not dwell on them as much.
It’s human nature to always to wonder. To wonder on what ifs and what nots. There are a lot of things that he wonders on but eventually he comes to a conclusion that it shall stay as a wonder that won’t ever be fulfilled. It itches him sometimes.
But his wonders never ever stray far away from Junhui, admittedly so. He wonders if in fifteen years Junhui has changed, how he was. He knows how Junhui is. That the fall he moved to Seoul for university, Junhui had accepted a casting offer in Beijing and left Korea altogether. He was a star; face grazing every magazine, billboard and big screen there is out there.
He only knows that Soonyoung keeps in touch but nothing more than that, especially nothing about this reunion. He knew Junhui was unhappy during his year here. He doesn’t forget sitting in the living room in the middle of the dark with him and the smile on his face when he told him he was leaving. It was like the first bloom of spring after a long, harsh winter. Junhui had his reasons to leave.
He’s ready to leave to head back home when he turns around to see a familiar face.
Wow, he stops and thinks. He really is beautiful.
It’s the same smile that he remembers from fifteen years ago. And unlike fifteen years ago, he runs to him without a second thought.
“When Soonyoung told me that Junhui rejected him,” Jihoon says. “He said that he had a feeling Junhui might’ve liked someone else.”
“I see,” he doesn’t really know how to reply.
“And I think Soonyoung would really hate it if he knew that you were holding back your own happiness for his sake.”
It really struck him then, that Jihoon really is observant.