Chapter Text
Cassian stirred beside Nesta, instinctively pulling her closer to him and burying his face in her neck. It was always the same for them - had been for the past three months at least - those first few minutes of the day before they remembered what had happened.
A flurried knocking at the door almost made Cassian groan, until he considered what it could be about. He glanced at Nesta, making sure she was fully covered, and then shouted at their visitor to enter.
It was Azriel.
“There’s been a sighting.” He told Cassian, nodding respectfully at Nesta. She only stared at him, her face paling.
“Where?” Asked Cassian, already pulling on his clothes.
“Border of the Day Court.”
Cassian frowned as he reached for his shirt. “Trying to visit Luci?”
“Difficult to say.” Azriel shrugged. We don’t even know if she knows that Luci is there. I-... Oh…” Azriel’s face paled as he looked towards Nesta again.
Cassian looked too and swore as she lurched over the side of the bed and was violently sick into the plastic bucket she kept there for just such occasions. Cassian mumbled soothing words and rubbed her back. He pulled her hair back from her face, bundling it carefully in one hand as the other traced circles over her spine.
When she finally sat up again, she was nearly green. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and frowned at the sour taste. “This one sure has comedic timing.” She muttered bitterly, taking the glass of water the house had summoned for her from Cassian’s outstretched hand.
The new babe had started to make its presence known just a few weeks after Nova left the Night Court.
When the news had come that Nova had joined forces with the king, Nesta had collapsed with shock and horror. It was during an examination to make sure she hadn’t hit her head too hard when she went down, that Madja discovered that she was pregnant again. The usual joy and nerves came with the news, but there was heaviness weighing over this pregnancy that had not existed since Nesta was pregnant with Sandor. But this was different even from that. During that pregnancy, Nesta had barely moved, terrified that she would dislodge and lose the babe the same way Nova’s twin had been lost to them. This time, she had little worry about the physical problems that might arise. Her body was as ready for this pregnancy as it had been any of the other ten. This difference this time was that, in every other pregnancy, Nova had been there. Even the first, she had followed her brother into the world and helped to heal her broken parents. With Sandor, she had been the light in her mother’s life, letting her know that even if she was to lose that babe, she would at least always have Nova. As she’d grown, she’d become more and more helpful with the younger children, and had even sat in on her mother’s labour for Jinx and Alexios.
And now she was gone.
The babe that Nesta had strapped to her chest to keep her safe as she battled the king, the one she had been torn from for over a month and endured unimaginable things at the hands of the king, the one she had sworn she would do anything to protect from the king… was now his general. Nesta couldn’t reconcile with that.
Cassian checked her over, making sure she was alright, and pressed a kiss to her lips, despite her protests. After all they’d been through together, he wasn’t bothered by the residual bile. On his way out, closely followed by Azriel, he asked the house to wake Maeryn, who would come and sit with her mother until Gwyn and Emerie came to see her, as they did most days, and also to rouse Araxie and Sandor to start their morning training. Their father would join them when he returned.
~
Despite Cassian’s plans, Nesta roused herself only a few minutes later.
As prompted by the house flicking her lights on and off until she got up, Maeryn had wandered into her parents’ bedroom yawning and trailing her blanket behind her and climbed up beside her mother to keep her company. Nesta had cuddled with her for a few blissful minutes, enjoying the chance to spend some one-on-one time with her fourth babe before she realised the little girl had dropped off to sleep again. Smiling gently, Nesta pressed a kiss to the top of her head and left her tucked up in the too-big bed.
She wandered out into the house, heading first for the nursery, where Alexios and Jinx were stirring and began reaching for their mother the moment she peeked her head in the door, and then down the hall to the next youngest.
Rhaegal, at four, had only been promoted to his big boy bedroom when Alexios was born, and was still getting used to sleeping alone. As she had half-expected, Nesta found him curled up in his bed with six-year-old Silverie nestled beside him. She had, no doubt, snuck in to keep him company once the hallway lights had been dimmed. Nesta smiled and did not scold them as she shook them gently awake, balancing Alexios and Jinx on either hip. The slightly older children blinked awake and smiled sleepily at their mother.
“Breakfast time, Little Dragons.” She cooed. Perhaps it was missing Nova that had done it, but the old nickname had come back into fashion in the House of Wind, to great effect. Silverie and Rhaegal immediately began snarling and pretending to breathe fire as they tumbled out of bed and skittered after their mother through the house. She sent them downstairs with Jinx, Silverie holding her small hand as they took to the steps, promising to come and find them in a few minutes.
Oxa was next and he insisted on bringing three different soft toys down to breakfast with him. Too tired to argue, Nesta acquiesced and just smirked as she watched her son amble awkwardly down the stairs with them stuffed under his arms.
Hale was the last to wake. At twelve-years-old, he was the child she saw the most of herself in. He was quiet and reserved, but not without a spark to him. He watched his siblings enacting chaos and rarely joined in, though he loved them with a fierceness that, when he grew into a warrior, Nesta knew would strike fear into his enemies hearts. She leaned down to kiss his brow and he instinctively reached up for her, as if she was still a tiny child. She hugged him close and then let Alexios half-tumble down into his brother’s arms.
“The others are in the dining room.” She stroked back Hale’s hair. “I’ll meet you down there in a few minutes.” Hale nodded, understanding his instructions, and carried the babe downstairs.
Nesta crept back to her bedroom and pulled on a pair of slacks and a loose jumper, which she knew gave no illusion that she was anything but pregnant. Her entire family knew that she was expecting again, but in case she had to venture out into Velaris without too much warning, she made an attempt to hide it.
She and Cassian had garnered something of a minor celebrity in Velaris. Not only was she the sister to the High Lady and the mate of the General, but their powers of fertility, rare amongst High Fae, was almost legendary. The people of Velaris doted on the entirety of her brood, often reaching out to pat the dark heads of her children for good luck. Once, it had bothered her, but she had learned to appreciate it as an act of faith and good will. She knew they would be overjoyed with the news of the pregnancy, but she was not ready to receive the well wishes, not when they all knew what had become of her eldest child.
She ignored the pangs in her chest at the thought of where Nova was now, what she was doing, and roused Maeryn. She took her hand and walked her down to the dining room, where her siblings were all patiently waiting.
At her arrival in the room, the house summoned mountains of breakfast food for her hungry warriors to gorge themselves on. Nesta left Maeryn to find a chair and moved towards the doors that opened out into the garden, where she could see Sandor and Araxie training in the ring.
“Take a break, darlings.” She called to them and they happily dropped their weapons and made their way toward the house. Nesta halted Araxie, frowning at the drying blood under her nose.
“Sandor caught me with his elbow.”
“It was an accident!” Her older brother protested.
“You’re a clumsy fool.” Araxie scowled at him, squirming out of her mother’s worried grip. After eighteen years of tending to the minor wounds her children always seemed to gather in the training ring, Nesta was surprised that the sight of their blood still made her panic. But it did. The exact same way as when her father walked in with any trace of it on him, whether it was his own or otherwise.
She let the issue go and sank down into one of the head chairs, helping herself to tea. She couldn’t stomach food so early in the morning.
It was Silverie who asked first. “Mama, where’s Daddy?”
“He is with your Uncle Azriel.” Nesta replied simply, cutting up a piece of melon for Jinx to spear on her fork.
“Where?” Silverie frowned at her mother.
“I’m not sure exactly.” True.
Rhaegal’s eyes were wide as he looked his mother. “Are they fighting bad guys?”
“Not so early in the morning, I wouldn’t have thought.” Nesta smiled placidly at him. “Eat your eggs, Rhae.”
Maeryn blinked at Nesta, her small pretty face unusually worried. “Are they looking for Nova?”
“No, darling.” Lie.
“When is she coming home?” The little girl pressed.
“I’m not sure. Nova is very busy at the moment. I’m sure she’ll come back when she can.”
Lie. Lie. Lie.
Nesta avoided looking at Sandor, Araxie and Hale. They were the only ones who knew the truth, although Nesta didn’t think Hale really knew the extent of the problem.
But Maeryn had moved on. “Mama, can I go to the river house to see Sol and Evera today?”
“I don’t see why not.” Nesta nodded, relieved that the topic had changed.
“Me too! Me too!” Oxa sang out, pretending to feed a slice of toast to one of the toys he had brought to breakfast.
“I think we’ll all go.” Nesta said, taking a sip of tea. “It will be nice to get out of the house. After morning drills, though.” She added before the kids could get too excited. “Let your breakfast go down and then go and change into your leathers, all of you.” Only Alexios and Jinx were excused, although Jinx was getting close to the age where she would be placed in the ring too. Cassian had devised the perfect training plan for the young children - both fun and focused on building the kind of strength and agility that the teenagers now held as natural within them. The foundations of a warrior. “Sandor, you train Maeryn and up. Araxie, you train Oxa and down.”
“Yes, Mama.” The two eldest chorused. She was grateful for their lack of complaint. They had helped hold everything together in their family unit, big as it was, when she had been unable to. She would never forget that.
Two hours later, Nesta watched from a metal chair on the patio looking over the training ring as Gwyn and Emerie, who had, as promised, shown up to see Nesta, helped wrangle the children in the training ring so that Sandor and Araxie could do some proper training themselves without worrying about their siblings.
Feyre sat beside her, having winnowed her twin girls up to the training ring and letting them join in with Araxie’s group of students.
“Any news?” She asked her sister, quiet enough that none of the children heard anything.
Nesta rubbed her belly slowly. She was not too big yet, but she could feel the babe already squirming inside. She loved that feeling, had always loved it. “Nothing yet, but Cass went out with Azriel to follow up on a tip-off this morning. I’m too frightened to start hoping, though.”
“Probably wise. We will find her, Nesta.” Feyre said firmly.
“It’s not about finding her.” Nesta reminded her, not meeting Feyre’s gaze. “It’s about bringing her home, and her wanting to be here when we do.”
As if they had been summoned by the female’s voices, Nesta heard wings coming from behind her and turned to see Azriel and Cassian landing gently on the outskirts of the training ring. They wore matching grins as they looked at the children, who chorused excited greetings at them, but Nesta could see that sadness still edged her mate’s eyes.
No Nova.
A sad nod in her direction from Cassian confirmed her suspicions. Without so much as goodbye to her sister, Nesta retreated into the house to seek comfort in the library.