Chapter Text
Rain again.
Walking alone at night with it hammering on her hoody and leather jacket and her boots making the only other sound on the pavement, Lara felt oddly at ease. The rain dulled the world around her and she felt almost at peace with herself. Almost. But even that couldn’t dissolve the memories of everything she had been through. 2 years since she had escaped from that living hell. 2 years for the wounds to heal, for the mental trauma to subside, yet the horrors of Yamatai refused to fade into the background of distant memories. And even if they did, which they did on occasion, when she was too preoccupied with a new theory about some myth or possible discovery, the nightmares never faded.
Every night it was as though she was reliving that same week over and over again. The sound of the Endurance breaking apart around her, the sting of salt water in her throat trying to drown her, the shouts and yells of her friends, the sounds of the gunfire and screams of dying men she had killed around her, and every time she would wake up in a cold sweat, screaming at the top of her lungs, feeling the pain as though her side had been freshly punctured by that bar. And she would see their faces every night, of the friends she had lost… Grim, the gruff old Scottish, t-total sea dog, Alex, the nerdy computer genius who never had the courage to tell her how he felt, and Roth…
Roth, her mentor, her uncle, her second father, the man who was there for her and taken her under his wing when her entire world had been pulled asunder and threatened to leave her a ruin as charred and as desolate as Yamatai itself.
She turned the key in her apartment door lock and eased it open. This was home, safe, away from the world with everything she really needed. Simple and threadbare, the walls hadn’t even been decorated, still the same red brick that adorned the external of the building, the same wooden floorboards that built the stairway. The place was full of her gear, the climbing axes, the rope, the longbow and arrows, the pistol; Roth’s pistol… Home, this was her home. Not the manor. She hadn’t been back there in years, not since first coming to London for her first year at university, nor had she any need or want too. That was her parent’s home, full of their accomplishments, full of their memories. Not hers.
She closed the door and leaned against it, pulling her hood down and shaking water droplets from her hair. Gazing around, she felt safe in this place, even though it was against her nature. Nowhere in this world was ever truly safe, she would tell herself. Her exploits and near death experiences had taught her that, and had taught her well. Like a circus with tightrope walkers, even with the safety net, there was still that risk, and more often than not, Lara felt she was on that tightrope, with no net, and hungry lions beneath her should she fall. It was exhausting.
A sharp rap at the door snapped her out of her focus and she jumped back, reaching for the climbing axe. Scooted up against the doorframe, she reached for the handle, axe raised, killing blow prepared…
“SAM!!!” Lara stopped short as her best friend crossed the threshold. She ushered her in quickly “What are you doing here? Were you followed? I could’ve killed you!!!”
The words all came out in a rush, much to her friend’s amusement, “Followed? Really Lara, I’ve got food and beer in my bag and you think I’ve been followed, from a curry house? We’re in London sweetie, no one is trying to get us to join a cult or sacrifice us here.”
Sam smiled at Lara as her friend closed the door and slumped against it, falling to the floor, axe clattering by her side, “Sam I’m so sorry, I thought you were…”
“What, one of the Solarii?” Sam smirked at her as she made her way to the coffee table “Lara sweetie, we left that nightmare years ago, its time you joined us back…” Sam faltered as she looked back to her friend. Lara was still slumped against the door, arms folded, head on her knees. Sam saw her friends shoulders were shaking and she felt instantly terrible, her heart breaking for her best friend.
“Lara,” She put the evening meal on the table, turned back across the room and sat by her friend. Even though Lara was older, tougher, more experienced and physically stronger than Sam in every way possible, the American girl sometimes felt like she was the one who needed to look after the gorgeous introverted bookworm.
“Sam, I… I… I…” Lara was staring into space, but Sam knew she was seeing images of that island again. Her eyes were darting around and she was shaking.
“It’s ok Lara,” she smoothed Lara’s bangs from her eyes and stroked her hair gently. Even though Sam had been through the ringer on Yamatai, it was nothing compared to the boundaries Lara had crossed in order to save her. The things she had to do, to endure, would’ve sent most people off the deep end. She was sure that Lara had left parts out during her recount of what she had been through. And Sam wondered sometimes how much of her friend had actually come back from that place of nightmares, and how much had been lost there forever.
“It’s ok Lara, you’re safe and I’m here sweetie,” Sam laid her arm over Lara’s shoulders and pulled her close. Lara was tense, she could feel it. The shaking of her shoulders and gripping her arms tight enough to turn her battered knuckles white. Sam pulled her best friend close and Lara finally gave in and leaned into Sam’s shoulder, the young adventurer finally breaking down and crying into her best friends embrace…
They had stayed sat there on the floor for well over an hour, Sam’s arms around Lara’s shaking shoulders and Lara nearly choking on her sobs as she finally gave out the last of the strength she had left, burying her face into her best friends jacket. Lara had never felt more helpless, or more vulnerable. They just stayed there, with Sam occasionally stroking her hair and holding her tightly. Lara felt like part of her died on that island, part that she wouldn’t ever be able to reclaim, part that meant she may never be right again. Sam had suggested counselling when they had finally returned home, but Lara ever being the stoic Brit with a stiff upper lip, had dismissed the idea and thrown herself into her work and her fitness regime. It would appear now, she thought, that maybe her friend actually had a point. She was a worse wreck than the endurance and she needed help, badly.
Eventually they’d gotten up from the floor, with Sam half carrying Lara over to the sofa where she laid her down and covered her in a blanket while she set too with rescuing their dinner. Even though she knew Lara’s appetite was mouse-like at the best of times she still gave her as much as herself. The beer was stored in the fridge for later. No need to add fuel to the fire with a depressant when her friend was already pretty low.
While Sam was busying herself with their food, Lara sat up and looked out the window at the rain. Rain was good, life giving. Unlike her, the thief, the grave robber, the murderer. Even with the immense discovery of the legendary Island, the press hadn’t been forgiving when they had returned home. Not that she cared too much for the tabloids, she wasn’t out to make a name for herself, but it hurt more that her friends and furthermore, her already tarnished family name, was slandered even more. She hadn’t meant for any of it to happen. And yet, even now, 2 years later, she still couldn’t get that sentence Reyes had said out of her memory,
“Seems like anyone around you has a pretty low survival rate Lara…”
She wasn’t wrong. She lost three friends that week, (not to mention the rest of the ships crew) three of the only people in this world that she could count on, and all because she had insisted on going the way that took them all into danger. She couldn’t forgive herself and she would take that self hatred to her grave. Even that glory hound Whitman, no-one deserved to die like that.
They had eaten their food and had some tea, Sam not forgetting that Britishness about her best friend and Sam had tried to cheer Lara up but to little effect. She knew this was going to be a full night of self loathing on her friend’s part, but damned if she was going to let her sit and brood alone. So the two of them sat together on the sofa, with Sam showing Lara her latest video footage of the documentary she was filming. Lara could only admire her best friend’s persistence in trying to take her mind off her depression. She never gave up. Even when Lara thought she was damaged and too far gone to repair, or be any semblance of a normal human, Sam just refused to give in.
“Sam, you don’t have to stay here all night you know, I’ll be fine on my own.”
“Bullshit,” Sam had snorted, “You’re on your own way too much these days. I’ve lost count of the amount of times you’ve said no to a night out with me. And yes, I know you’re way too introverted for proper socialising, but it wouldn’t kill you to get out every now and then. Experience something other than corpses and tombs for a change. Feel something alive and maybe…”
Sam halted and clamped her hands over her mouth, shocked at what she had just said. Lara just looked at her blank faced.
“Oh my god sweetie, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean… I… I only meant…”
Lara laid her hand on her friends shoulder, “It’s ok, I know you didn’t mean too.” Lara’s smile was forgiving but Sam could see that her eyes were almost bottomless in the grief she was still feeling. How could someone last so long with such torment?
Eventually the beer got brought out, with Sam having three to Lara’s one. It made Lara smile inwardly. Even consoling her best friend, Sam was still always up for a drink. Lara, even after only one, started to feel the effects and as she stood, had to grab Sam for support, “Right, bed for you Miss Croft, or do I have to carry you? Hey maybe if I do that it’ll make us even for you carrying me off that mountain?” Sam tried to make light of it but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. Lara fell against her friend exhausted, so Sam walked her to her bedroom where Lara collapsed onto the bed.
“I’m sorry I’m like this around you Sam, You don’t deserve to have to deal with me in this state.” Lara couldn’t hide the self loathing any longer, she hated herself.
Sam was tugging off Lara’s boots, “Lara Croft, I am the luckiest girl ever. I am alive because of you. You literally saved my life so I think I’ve a long way to go before I don’t deserve any of this, don’t you? Not only that, I get to see you at bedtime” Sam winked with a coy smile at her friend.
Blushing and rolling her eyes, Lara couldn’t help but hint at a smile with Sam’s fuax-flirting. Lara didn’t want to argue, but she had to admit, her friend had a point, but Lara’s argument would be that if not for her, she wouldn’t have needed saving in the first place, her and her damned wild theories. Sam threw Lara’s boots in the corner then started on her combat trousers. 4 years of university together and the boundaries were all but gone between the two women. Lara was too exhausted to put up much of a fight anyway so as the trousers came off, she pulled her own top over her head and got under the duvet in her black panties and bra.
She felt like a child, being put to bed like this but she had to admit, it felt good to be looked after and loved so much by someone, especially considering she hadn’t had a real family since she was 12 years old. And she did really love Sam, who at that moment was stripping off her own clothes and getting into bed with her. Lara tried not too but failed, even as she started blushing again, to catch sight of Sam’s flawless body. It felt like the old days, both in a shared university flat, with not enough money for heating in the winter so they’d slept in the same bed for warmth. Lara scooted closer to Sam, and she pulled her best friend close and held her tightly, both girls enjoying the sensation of physical contact and body heat. And yet, a few more traitorous tears escaped Lara’s eyes.
“Sweetie, I can be here for as long as you need me. I’m your girl and I love you.” Sam was stroking Lara’s hair again and as she did, Lara gave up, the memories of everything overcoming her will. Her crying started again, shoulders trembling, body shaking, burying her face into Sam’s naked shoulder, letting go of the grief and pain. Sam just held her until she finally calmed down.
“It’s ok sweetie, just try to sleep Lara…” she said, kissing her forehead.
Closing her eyes and smiling, Lara whispered, “I love you Sam…”
They stayed that way for a long time. Neither of them really knew how much time had passed. With Lara holding onto Sam for dear life, enjoying the closeness and the warmth of her skin and Sam soothing her with carefully placed hands and touches from her fingertips. They both knew that what they had, had developed into something more than friendship, but it was a wordless acceptance, a bond that neither woman needed to even say. They just knew. And as Lara looked up into Sam’s eyes again, with her friend smiling at her as she stroked her hair, she leaned up and kissed her gently on the lips.
Sam was almost expecting it, but that didn’t stop the butterflies appearing and sending her heart rate through the roof. In her adrenaline filled state she kissed Lara back in the same manner. It felt right, it felt safe, and it felt like there weren’t any words needed to describe or confirm what they both knew and felt.
They loved each other and far more than platonically. They knew they were safe with each other. As long as they were together, nothing could ever go wrong again. Yamatai be damned. Lara nestled into Sam’s shoulder and Sam continued to hold her tightly, stroking her long brown hair to keep her calm and soothed. It was right and it was what they both wanted and needed from each other. Wordlessly happy in the love they both felt for each other.
Finally, the tomb raider slept, safe in the arms of the person she loved more than anyone in the world.