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When Anthy goes to bed that night she lies on her back, staring at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. She’s angry, so angry that she is shocked by the intensity of her own emotion. She hasn’t hated Akio like this, hasn’t felt this kind of burning rage at him, for longer than she can remember. She didn’t even know she still had it in her until today.
He can hurt her all he wants. That’s normal. She’s used to it. She can handle it. But Utena… Poor, sweet Utena, who’s too trusting for her own good, who doesn’t understand the danger or consequences of anything until it’s too late… Anthy can't stand the thought of it. This will break her, whether she realizes it or not.
She knows she has no right to feel like this, not when she’s complicit like she is, and mostly, Anthy just hates herself. For not telling Utena anything, for not warning her. For being such a fucking coward. She knows it doesn’t really make a difference, no matter what she did or didn’t do. Even if she hadn’t helped him with this, hadn’t asked Utena to give him those roses, Akio always gets what he wants in the end. It’s always only a matter of time.
Knowing that doesn’t make the guilt go away, though, and she can feel it gnawing at her. She let this happen. She did nothing to stop it, and now she’s still doing nothing, lying in her bed trying not to think about how the other side of it is empty, trying not to think about where its usual occupant is right now, what she’s doing, what’s being done to her—
Deep breaths, Anthy.
Beside her head Chu-Chu chitters anxiously in his sleep, and she reaches out to scratch behind one of his ears. It helps her to calm down a little.
Sighing, she closes her eyes, and she can't help but think about how much she wishes it was her there with Utena tonight instead. It’s a selfish thought. She isn’t what Utena wants or needs. Of course, neither is Akio, despite how much Utena herself may think so. He’s good at that, making people think they want what he wants, that they want him. How many people, how many children, has he done this exact same thing to, whom Anthy never even gave a second thought, simply because she didn't love them?
But she loves Utena, despite herself, despite everything, and that's what hurts the most. Anthy had thought that because she loved her, Utena was special. That she was different. That Akio’s tricks wouldn't work on her, that she would see through it, see him for what he really is, and—
And what? Save the princess from the monster, and live happily ever after? That's not how this story goes. Utena is not a prince, Anthy is not a princess, and there is no monster.
In the end, Utena is no different from any of the others, just another insignificant young girl caught up in something she doesn’t understand. Anthy can’t help but resent her a little for it, no matter how unfair that might be.
.
.
.
Anthy doesn’t know what time it is when Utena quietly slips into their bedroom. There’s no clock in the room, and even if she could read the stars, they’re all fake anyway.
Either way, it’s late. That’s all that really matters.
She watches Utena intently while the girl’s back is turned as she tries to close the door as quietly as possible. She must think Anthy is asleep, which is a reasonable assumption. She looks tired, Anthy notes, in a way that has nothing to do with coming home long past your bedtime. Her posture is strange and rigid and very unlike herself. Like her body is not quite her own. Anthy knows the feeling well.
When Utena turns around her eyes widen in surprise at seeing that Anthy is not, in fact, asleep. She tries to smile, but it looks all wrong on her face. Anthy clenches her hands into fists underneath the blanket, focuses on the feeling of her nails digging into her palms.
“Hey, Himemiya.” Utena’s voice is quiet, hesitant, slightly hoarse. She clears her throat self-consciously, and Anthy feels her heart clenching painfully in her chest.
“Good evening, Utena-sama.” Anthy makes sure to sound calm. She’s good at that.
“I, uh.” Utena swallows. “I’m sorry I’m back so late. We, uh,” she stares out the window for a moment, “we lost track of time.”
“That’s alright.” She can barely feel her mouth moving. She’s on autopilot. “Come to bed?”
“Of course,” Utena says, slipping under the covers without bothering to change into her pyjamas. “I dunno if I’m up for talking today, though. I’m really tired.”
“That’s alright,” Anthy repeats. She’s not sure what they would talk about tonight anyway.
It doesn’t take long for Utena to fall asleep, but it’s obvious that it isn’t peaceful. Anthy can’t help herself. She leans over to press a kiss to Utena’s forehead, hoping it will comfort her somehow, maybe. She pulls back but stops short when she notices something move in her peripheral vision, and very nearly screams in shock when she sees Akio leaning casually in the doorframe, watching them. She ends up biting her tongue hard enough to draw blood. How long has he been standing there?
His expression is somewhere between a satisfied smirk and a fond smile, and when he sees she’s noticed him, he grins at her, baring his teeth. She feels sick, heart racing in her chest.
They stare at each other for several long moments before Akio cocks his head, and Anthy wordlessly gets to her feet. As she follows him out of the room, she does not turn to look back at Utena’s sleeping form. Akio does.