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They ride home in silence. Rei usually doesn't mind it, generally prefers it even but right now, it feels wrong somehow, full of something that he can't quite put his finger on. He nearly opens his mouth a few times (to say what exactly, he doesn't know) but always decides better of it. Kazuki is the talker. If he wanted to, they'd be talking, Rei decides.
They get home and Rei still hasn't figured out what to do, if he should even be trying to do something at all, when Kazuki suddenly says, "I'm just gonna… go to bed." Sharp and sudden, like a gunshot.
Rei watches him go. That's probably a good idea for him. Better than the alternatives. Rei, for his part though, has no intention of going to sleep. He can't think of any better way to spend this night than a gaming marathon. He's been so busy recently, he's barely gotten to crack into that massive RPG he'd bought a few months ago.
He's just settling in, starting to get a handle of the rhythm of the combat when he hears a sudden, sharp noise. In an instant, he's jumped over the back the couch, gun at the ready as he starts to survey the area. Living room: clear. He dashes to the kitchen entrance and cuts the pie down the hallway. No obvious signs of entry. He thinks about the sound again. It had sounded like it came from upstairs really. Like he's on cue, Kazuki cries out, cursing. That's Miri's room!
Rei dashes up the stairs and bursts open the door. He has just enough time to think, this is stupid, you know better than this , before his eyes take in the entire small room and see that there is no one in there but Kazuki. It looks like a poster frame had just fallen off the wall and shattered.
He lowers his gun and sighs. Someday, he's going to get punished for stunts like that, but not today at least.
He looks at Kazuki and he's sitting on Miri's bed, surrounded by boxes and piles of clothes.
Rei's stomach sinks. "What are you doing?"
Kazuki just shrugs. "It would be a waste for us to just toss all this stuff so I'm packing it up to send to Misaki." He smiles sadly down at the shirt he's currently holding. It had been one of her favorites. "Maybe Miri will even like to see some of her things again, ya know? Remind her of the good times?"
Rei can see the tears starting to well up in Kazuki's eyes. He swallows the lump in his throat. "Stop it."
"Stop what? I'm just being practical."
Rei growls. "Stop doing this right now. You're being stupid."
"It's not gonna change, Rei. You know that right? She's gone and it's the best thing we ever did for her-"
"Shut up," Rei says, surging forward and dropping his gun to grab the front of Kazuki's shirt, forcing him to look up at him.
"She's not coming back," Kazuki says, voice cracking a little, raw and broken.
"I know," Rei shouts. He looks at Kazuki's face and says quieter, "I know. But you're still just-" He growls as he gestures at the boxes with his free hand. Ahhh fuck it , he thinks and pulls Kazuki up and into his arms, determined to make him stop doing this by any means necessary. "Don't do this right now, alright?"
Kazuki stiffens instantly, shocked as the shirts on his lap tumble to the ground.
Rei just squeezes harder, desperate to get his meaning across. After a moment, Kazuki starts to deflate, all his sharp edges melting at once.
"Alright, alright," Kazuki says, dropping the last shirt in his hand and wrapping his arms around Rei in return. His voice is soft, like he's the one comforting Rei but as he grips the back of Rei's shirt tightly, Rei can feel his tears in his shoulder.
They stay like that for a while, with Kazuki crying and Rei rubbing circles into his back. And Rei isn't used to stuff like this but his chest feels warm and tight and good as Kazuki leans into him, arms tight around Rei, trusting him with his whole weight. This is nice. They should do this more.
Kazuki eventually sniffles loudly and starts to pull away, laughing as he says, "Boy, I'm a mess, aren't I?"
Rei stops him before he can pull all the way away, reaching up with one hand to wipe at his tears. "Yeah," he says, before leaving his hand on Kazuki's cheek. He likes it there, he decides.
"Rei?" Kazuki looks confused but he leans his check into the touch.
Rei rubs that cheek with his thumb and then leans his forehead against Kazuki's. This feels right too. "Kazuki, I-" He doesn't know what he'd intended to say, can just feel himself getting closer and closer. And Kazuki is leaning in too, nearly there when suddenly, Rei is being pushed away again.
"Come on Rei, not now." Kazuki frowns. "Don't you remember what I said before?"
Rei tilts his head as he tries to think, his thoughts slow like mud. He's pretty sure that they hadn't talked about anything like this, had been avoiding the ever growing… thing between them like the plague. Rei frowns. "No."
Kazuki sighs. "I said don't take people into your life if you aren't going to stick around until the very end. We can't just," he gestures between them, "hook up and then forget it." He looks down at his feet and then says quietly, "Or atleast I can't. Not with you."
He looks back up at Rei and his face is now a pleasant mask but it's still a bit wet from before. "I know we're both upset about... what just happened but this isn't the solution, alright?"
Rei grimaces and looks away. All this is too complicated for him. He's not made for stuff like this, he's certain.
He knows objectively that he's almost out of time. That the boss wants him back and running the business. That his time with these people should be coming to an end. But whenever he thinks about it, saying goodbye forever, he feels like his stomach is falling out. It's too late for Miri, she's… gone and it's for the best, right? Their jobs are just too dangerous.
But Kazuki isn't different from him. He's just as unsafe, just as much of a killer. Surely if Rei's careful, if he does this right, he doesn't have to lose them both? Rei feels his chest clench painfully. Maybe he can just hide Kazuki until he's in charge? Or hell, Kazuki always loves a big, elaborate (stupid) plan, maybe if Rei tells him what's going on, he'll know what to do, what would be the best way to deal with the boss for good. Either way, he and Kazuki can do this, can keep being dangerous, horrible people together until this life kills them. He'll make sure of it. He has to. "Who says I won't?"
Kazuki turns to look at him, eyes wet and confusion painted across his face. "What?"
Rei meets his eyes. "I'll stick with you until the end."
Kazuki's eyes light up. "What? R-really?"
"Sure." Rei nods.
Kazuki chuckles nervously. "Not giving me a lot of confidence here, Rei," he singsongs but the corners of his lips are starting to turn up.
Rei frowns a little and then reaches up to cup Kazuki's wet face again, his thumb wiping at his tears. "I'm picking you, alright? What more do you want from me?"
The smile that had been threatening to appear finally breaks across Kazuki's face and suddenly he's beaming at Rei. He laughs. "Fuck, you're the worst at this. I can't believe I'm in love with you. I have literally the worst taste in men."
Rei starts a little. In love. Rei hadn't said it, hadn't even wanted to think about it but there is was. The cold truth. The big unspoken thing that had been slowly unfurling between them. He wants to push it away but he knows it's too late, that he's probably been in love for awhile if he really thought about it. I mean hell, he'd just tried to kiss Kazuki and then promised to stay with him forever. That's gotta be love right? Maybe Kazuki is right that he's an idiot . He sighs. "Like my taste is any better."
"Oy, don't ruin this any more than you already have," Kazuki grouches but he's still smiling. "Come on, just get over here and kiss me already, will ya? We'll work on learning how to talk about our feelings later."
Rei rolls his eyes but then he looks at Kazuki and he's all soft and warm and radiating something (probably love) and it makes Rei's chest warm and tight and maybe feel like he's drowning just a little bit but in a good way. And he can't help but smile back before finally leaning in for a kiss.