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Bo-Katan Kryze was used to being alone. In fact she spent more time these days alone than she did around other people, but for some reason in the cold, dark night the feeling of loneliness was really weighing on her.
She was doing her best to understand the Children of the Watch, but she couldn’t quite understand why these people would choose to spend so much of their time alone. They had accepted her so willingly into their covert, and they seemed like good people, but ones she didn’t understand at all.
At least it was giving her some kind of insight into the world Din grew up in.
Her mind drifted to him, wondering where exactly he and the others had wandered off to eat on their own. To her it seemed unsafe, this planet was clearly full of large creatures that could attack them at any moment, and splitting up to eat felt dangerous. Even with Mandalorian armor.
The distinctive sound of a footstep crunched on the ground nearby and she jumped to her feet, ready to fight.
‘It’s just me,’ Din’s voice cut through the darkness. ‘I’m not looking in case you don’t have your helmet on.’
‘Oh, thank you,’ she replied.
Turning around she picked up the helmet and hesitated for a moment before putting it back on. She found it tiresome, wearing the heavy metal all the time, but if she was going to spend time on this planet with these people then it’s what she had to do.
Although the real question she felt she should be asking herself was why she was bothering.
Did she so desperately feel the need to belong somewhere that she had chosen to join this cult?
Her eyes finally made out Din as he stepped into the light from the shadows and she felt a slight jolt of joy in her chest.
Perhaps her reason for staying was something a little closer to her heart.
Although that was something she wasn’t sure she was ready to admit to herself.
‘I was wondering when you would all return,’ she commented.
‘Actually most of the group will stay and sleep where they are, that allows anyone who wants to sleep with their helmet off to do so,’ Din explained.
‘And you prefer sleeping with your helmet on?’ she joked.
He didn’t respond for a few moments and she wondered if she had upset him somehow. Watching carefully as he took a seat she observed he seemed serious. Not that it was super easy to tell through the helmet, but there was a certain vibe coming off him.
‘Is the boy someone you’re close to?’ she asked carefully.
He shook his head slowly. ‘No, I know him as well as you do.’
‘If you don’t mind me saying, you don’t seem particularly close to your people,’ she observed.
‘I have spent many years living on my own, travelling the galaxy,’ he replied. ‘While I grew up with many of them, we have drifted apart.’
‘Do you find it lonely?’
He turned to her, the fire reflecting off his helmet, and it gave the effect of believing he was considering his answer deeply before he responded.
Or perhaps he was.
‘I didn’t,’ he replied. ‘But when Grogu was with the Jedi I remembered how that felt.’
‘I guess growing up in the Children of the Watch you would be used to loneliness,’ she observed.
‘How so?’ he questioned.
She was surprised. To her it seemed obvious that their way of life bred loneliness. She indicated the shadows around them.
‘We are on a mission in a large group and yet I don’t see anyone but you. They eat every meal alone, sleep alone, often travel alone – it seems like they take independence a few steps too far,’ she spoke carefully, not wanting to offend him.
‘This is the way,’ he responded simply.
They both fell silent for a few moments, her brain buzzing with questions she wasn’t sure how to ask. It was hard for her to tell exactly how close they were, where the line in their relationship stood. She was probably the only person there who had seen him as an adult with his helmet off. The only one he had interacted with much in the past few years.
But he was hard to read, therefore impossible to judge how he felt about her. Although she suspected he was beginning to think of her as a friend.
The same way she was beginning to think of him as one.
And there was a slight niggling of something more there too, but that one she was trying to push away. Despite her little experiment in learning ‘The Way’ she had no intention of living in his cult forever, and she didn’t imagine he had any intention of leaving it. It was an obstacle she wasn’t sure their relationship could ever overcome.
Smiling to herself she realised now how Satine had felt dealing with Obi-Wan. It was a different religion and a different time in the Galaxy, but the dilemma was the same.
‘Have you ever considered leaving the covert?’ she asked carefully, watching the flames reflected on his helmet.
‘No,’ he replied simply.
‘Why not?’
Her curiosity was winning out against her decision to respect his privacy. If they were going to spend this much time together she couldn’t see any reason why they shouldn’t get to know each other better.
‘They are the only family I have,’ he responded. ‘And they have accepted Grogu and you with ease. I see no reason to leave.’
She couldn’t help but note his inclusion of her in that.
‘You know I have no intention of staying here forever,’ she spoke carefully. ‘I do not wish to walk the way for the rest of my life.’
He was quiet as he took in her words.
‘I know,’ he replied. ‘But I appreciate you respecting them enough to abide by their rules until we leave.’
The two of them fell silent again, listening to the crackling of the fire in front of them, the silence of the planet around them. She wished in this moment she could read his face as a small smile crept across her lips.
We leave.
The wording didn’t pass her by. He was expecting them to move on together. She wasn’t sure what that meant, but she was warmed at the idea of travelling around with him and Grogu, going on adventures together.
Was she that lonely or did this man really fill some kind of hole in her life she hadn’t realised was missing?
‘Thank you,’ she spoke quietly.
‘You don’t have to thank me,’ he seemed to assume that she was responding to his previous comment.
But it was more than that.
He was effortlessly standing by her side, helping her when he didn’t have to. He had immediately offered to come with her on this mission, and he had protected her against herself when she had tried to go after those Imperial bombers.
‘For everything, Din,’ she was surprised at the tone of her own voice.
Seemingly so was he as he looked to her.
‘You’re the one who saved my life twice,’ he mused.
‘Ah but you returned the favour pretty soon after.’
‘Then we are equal.’
‘Hey, what are friends for’, she joked.
‘Friends,’ he repeated, as though he hadn’t really considered that option.
She wasn’t sure if the tone was hopeful or sad. Had she just complimented their relationship or shot it down?
‘If that’s what you want to be, of course,’ she spoke carefully.
‘I would like that,’ he responded, standing up. ‘I will leave you be so that you may sleep in peace.
As he began to walk away she felt a slight panic, not wanting him to leave. She tried to justify it to herself as fear for her safety, but deep down she knew it was something more.
Jumping to her feet she found herself calling out, ‘Din.’
He stopped, turning to face her. ‘Yes?’
‘Stay.’
She felt her breath catch in her throat as she said it, wondering if she had crossed a line, revealed a little too much of her softer side. Now he either thought she was a coward or would realise she had feelings for him.
‘Okay,’ he responded.
Taking a few steps back towards the fire he found a spot to lie down on the rocks.
She lay down a few feet from him, leaving enough distance that it wasn’t anything suspicious, but not so much that he was far away.
Neither of them spoke as the fire dimmed nearby.
‘Good night, Bo,’ he finally said quietly.
‘Good night,’ she responded.
And inside she felt her heart warm a little. The awkward exchange the closest thing she had felt to a real connection in years.
Whether that was friendship or something more was something only the future would know.
But for now she was enjoying whatever this was far more than she would ever admit to anyone.
One thing she knew for sure was that knowing he was so close, the feeling of loneliness wasn't there anymore.