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It seemed like these days, Chung Myung's regretful expression was the only image that came to Baek Cheon's mind every time he closed his eyes.
That time Chung Myung gently waved the liquor bottle in his hand, staring off into the distance, silently reminiscing on something Baek Cheon couldn't begin to comprehend. Faced with such a pitiful sight, Baek Cheon stood beside him holding the umbrella over the small figure, brushing the small bit of accumulated snow off his shoulders.
Or when he took the lead in the war, without him being able to do anything about it. Chung Myung's rhythm was relentless, and Baek Cheon was too weak, even if there was no better swordsman after Chung Myung himself. It couldn't even be said that Chung Myung was on the front lines, he simply threw himself into the enemy ranks to start a massacre that put him at a disadvantage to let others cover him.
He had seen that person suffer too many times carrying an inordinate amount of responsibilities and expectations on his narrow shoulders. When he saw his figure trace the path, he inexplicably knew that everything would work out, he could follow him to the depths of hell. Baek Cheon wondered if there was anything he could have done to share his load, even if it was just a little, but Chung Myung's personal pace was too fast.
It was too late, he thought, as he held Chung Myung's dying body. Those injuries were not at the level that could be fixed with a miracle, not even if the god himself decided to descend to grant some kind of miracle. On the blood-smeared face, the same expression of remorse that haunted Baek Cheon's dreams slowly began to form, with those piercing eyes fixed on him.
"Sasuk..." Chung Myung murmured in a small voice. "Don't make that face..."
What kind of expression was Baek Cheon making? He didn't know it at the time, nor did he realize it until much later as he fixed his headband in the mirror that now reflected the regretful expression he hated to see on Chung Myung.
"Now, I understand a little. Chung Myung-ah, who couldn't you save?"
This was not the way Baek Cheon, as the role model of the younger ones, should behave. However, Mount Hua had not been the same without Chung Myung. An aura of solemn silence covered every corner, even the wind did not dare to blow too hard nor did the plum trees blossom so splendidly in any other spring, as if the mountains themselves were wailing in his way. Or perhaps, as if these notions had become insipid.
So when Baek Cheon woke up in the past one day, the morning they marched off to the final battle throwing words back and forth as if playing a tug of war, his will to change the outcome was clear.
He wanted a world where everyone could come home safely, but it seems like things can never work out for them.
"If you dare to die, I'll kill you!"
"Chung..."
"Don't speak! You have to keep your energy up.” Chung Myung shot him a scolding look. "It all happened because a certain someone had to play the hero and jump to the rescue. You are so weak but you have time to look away on the battlefield, weren't you looking for death?"
Baek Cheon fell silent, smiling softly at Chung Myung's frustration-filled tirade. He had missed these sermons that had helped them grow almost as much as it made his ears bleed. Consciousness slowly faded away, as if Baek Cheon was lured into a dream under the soothing timbre of voice that used to put him on alert.
"Sasuk, open your eyes!"
Baek Cheon's eyelashes fluttered, trying to fix his gaze on Chung Myung's face. Ah, again it was that face full of regret...
Don't make that expression, he thought. And the words on the tip of his tongue seemed familiar.
I'm sorry, Chung Myung-ah.
This Sasuk can't stand next to you.
"Sasuk!"