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Atsushi hesitantly takes a step towards Akutagawa and asks him in a silvery voice: "Ryunosuke, please be honest. Why did you save my life? Back when we were fighting against Fukuchi. You had no reason to.. so why did you? Your body would be fine if you hadn't sacrificed yourself for me. Please stop evading my question."
This is the first time Atushi had used his first name, to no one's suprise.
Akutagawa froze for a moment at the use of his first name from the young man behind him. He sighs, and turns his body to face Atsushi, it's like a pair of dice rolling in the back of his mind determining what Akutagawa is about to say. Then he starts after a few seconds of silence.
"Weretiger, do you remember, way back when you saved Kyouka and we fought on that ship?"
"I do." Atsushi chimed in. "But what does that have to do with my question?"
"I'm getting to that bit Weretiger, be patient. I shouted at Kyouka demanding to know why she was so willing to sacrifice her life for you. I must admit, I sadly understand her now. That is why I decided to save you. Does that satisfy your constant nagging?"
Atsushi stares at him for a second and tilts his head, taken aback by what Akutagawa just said.
"What.. do you mean by that?"
"Are you really that dense Weretiger? Fine. I'll lay it out for you.."
Akutagawa pauses, trying to find where to start.
"You and I, we aren't so different from eachother. You bring out sides in other people that they dont know they have, you want to prove to yourself so badly that you are worthy of living because of the words someone else has engrained in your mind. I am no different, however you manage to prove to others that they are worthy of life aswell. The words that tormented you for years have nothing to do with you as a person, yet you still give your all to be considered "worthy" and to help other people. In reminiscence I realized that. We are on opposite sides, yet are mere hairs apart from each other. You are the sun, while I am the moon. I can only shine when you are gone, however without you at all nobody would ever know I was there... You remind me of aspects that I utterly despised about myself that I have now grown to accept. I am nothing but a pawn, a thirsty bloodhound, the mafias dog, yet sick and frail. There is nothing nice about me, however you on the other hand.. we are two sides of the same coin. You managed to save yourself while I am stuck here. Weretiger, you are way more deserving of life than I am. That is why I chose to save you."
Akutagawa then abruptly turned away from Atsushi, awaiting his reaction, that didn't seem to happen. There was nothing to be heard except his own repeated, heavy breathing filling the air.
"Weretiger? Hello? Earth to Weretiger!"
Akutagawa said loudly, while waving his hand over and over in front of Atsushis face, who seemingly was staring past him into the blue, deeply lost in thought.
Atsushi now with glassy, slightly teary eyes, finally formed a response after a few dreadful minutes of uncomfortable silence in a soft spoken voice "I genuinely don't know what to think about what you said.. Not in a bad sense, I'm just very taken aback.. I'm honored? I.. I'm speechless. Thank you it means a lot.. but you are worthy of living, stop telling yourself that you aren't."
Atsushi smiled at the other man softly.
Akutagawa scoffs, and starts going in the direction of the bathroom.
"I am going to take a shower, don't do anything stupid."
Atsushi had just realized, the entire time he had been staying with Akutagawa, he hadn't seen him wash his coat a single time. "Say Akutagawa.. do you ever wash your coat? I haven't seen you do it ever."
"What kind of foolish question is that? Of course I wash my coat..!"
Akutagawa tensed up slightly, for this was a lie. He felt utterly helpless and frail without his coat and his ability, so he always stayed as close to it as possible. Yet Atsushi caught on and saw his gaze.
"Your reaction says otherwise.!" Atsushi teased, completely oblivious.
"I go out of my way to embarrass myself to answer your stupid question, and now you're being insufferable prying on my cleanliness, in my house, with no idea whatsoever? What a humiliating joke." Akutagawa retaliated flatly and scowled as he went to slam the door.
"WAIT! I'm.. sorry. I didn't think you would get defensive, you're right I shouldn't have pryed. But.. why don't you wash it?"
Atsushi slowly followed the other towards the door, awaiting his response.
Akutagawa huffs, "You aren't going to leave me alone until I tell you, are you?"
Atsushi nodded, Akutagawa contemplated if he should make a lousy excuse, but decided against it since the Weretiger would find out sooner or later anyway, so continued after a short pause.
"It is simply.. because I am helpless without my ability. I've been attacked enough while being in vulnerable yet daily reoccurring situations like showering or sleeping. That is all."
It was like a clock ticking in the back of Atsushis head while trying to form a response, his initial thought was to offer to stand guard in front of the bathroom, however he remembered the big window with nothing but very light curtains to cover it. not to mention in a moment of severe disarray, he didn't want to break down the door if someone did attack the other inside, in fear of accidentally slashing Akutagawa. Then out of the blue he answered.
"I can.. shower with you while your coat is in the wash if you want."
Big mistake. A very big mistake. If Akutagawa was already fed up with his questions how would he react to this one?
Akutagawa stared at the other man in confusion, and answered with an icy sarcastic undertone. "You would do that for me? Trying to warm my cold heart now, are we Weretiger?"
Somehow Atsushi miraculously managed to dodge an outburst on how idiotic and strange his offer was. It was like dice rolling in the back of his head, making him spur these incredibly daring things.
"I mean.. yes? If it helps you feel safer, why not? I wanted to shower as well, so we can save water this way."
Saving water was the least of Atsushis concern, he knew Akutagawa was filthy rich and didn't care at all either. It was an attempt to make the situation less awkward and Atsushi drastically failed.
His offer was followed by minutes of uncomfortable silence, Atsushi felt there was a void slowly eating his insides out of embarrassment. He had just offered to shower with Ryunosuke Akutagawa, until the silence was broken.
"Alright. I accept, come join me Weretiger."
Atsushi slowly follows Akutagawa into the bathroom and observes how the other removes his coat and places it on the bathroom sink. They exchange glances;
"Didn't you want to wash it? It has got to be filthy.."
"I am not sure what I want to do.. I would prefer to have it close by, I usually hang it on the door of the shower while I'm in it." Akutagawa replied melancholy.
"Well this time I am here with you, give me your coat I'll go put it in the wash."
Akutagawa hesitated, they were rivals after all, how should he be able to trust the Weretiger? The one who has foiled his plans over and over again, but they've been stuck together for quite a while and Atsushi showed no malicious intent, the exact opposite even.
Akutagawa hands over his coat, "Alright, fine. But be quick or else I'll rip off your head."
Atsushi smiles awkwardly, and sprints to the washroom with Akutagawas coat, throws it in the wash and hurries back.
"If it's too awkward for you i can use the tub? It's right next to the shower."
"What was that about saving water? Or am I hearing things?" Akutagawa said provocatively while turning on the water.
"Alright fine have it your way, just don't get cocky bloodhound." Atsushi teased.
Both of them stared at one another unsure of what to do, they wanted to shower, but merely a few weeks ago they were at the others throat, trying to kill each other yet they somehow ended up in a bathroom together, and were planning to share a shower.
"So... uhm.. should we get in then?"
Atsushi asked as his voice got quieter as he went on.
"I will get in first.. just wait until I'm undressed and in the shower."
Atsushi turns around waiting for Akutagawa to get in the shower, he hears the rastling of Akutagawas clothing and when he opens the shower door and gets in.
"Weretiger you know you can turn around correct? You are going to be standing in here right in front of me in a moment anyway and that is going to be far worse than undressing."
"I guess you're right."
Atsushi turns around and tries not to look at the man standing in the shower, mentally preparing himself for the embarrassment he has to endure in mere moments time. After he finished undressing, Akutagawa hesitantly re-opened the shower door to grant the other entry. He finally fully comprehended that his coat was no where near him and tensed up, trying to hide his frantic and panicked glances scanning the room for it in hopes of somehow catching a glimpse of it. Atsushi noticed when he stepped in and instinctively grabbed Akutagawas hand. He figured it was a risky move, but Atsushi had always comforted Kyouka back at the agency when she first joined and it seemed to work wonders. And it did, Akutagawa relaxed a little bit and they stood there in silence, nothing to be heard except the running water until Atsushi broke the silence.
"...Needles."
"What?"
"I'm afraid of.. needles. Specifically injection needles." Atsushi said quietly, squeezing Akutagawas hand minimally.
"Now where is this coming from? Telling me your fears?" Akutagawa retaliated.
"I figured since you were so open about your fear of helplessness I'd tell you one of mine. Now we are even."
Atsushi loosened his grip on Akutagawas hand, noticing how close together the two of them are, but it strangely almost didn't bother him.
"Well Weretiger, that means you owe me an explanation of your fear aswell. Then we are truly even." Akutagawa finally looked at Atsushis face, all the feelings of hatred he had carried before for the man had completely vanished.
"Back when I was at the orphanage there was no control over the tigers ability, I didn't even know it was there. After blacking out, every single time I remember waking up chained inside of a cell with the director hovering over me holding a syringe. I was never fed for weeks at a time while being down there, I never knew what was in the syringes, I was helpless while he repeatedly jabbed them into me."
Atsushis grip on Akutagawas hand tightened again, and the black haired man inched closer to him, now leaving nothing but mere milimeteres in between them. It was like Akutagawa had lost control over his body. Everything just seemed to happen automatically, he took his free hand, and cupped Atsushis cheek. Atsushi simultaneously closed the gap between them, and instinctively leaned into Akutagawas hand. Both of them had no idea what exactly made them do this, but they definitely didn't want it to end. Their faces slowly inching closer, both unsure of what to do, until Atsushi took the initiative and pressed his lips against Akutagawas. To his suprise, Akutagawa returned the sloppy and inexperienced kiss, their noses softly bumping each other, while their lips continuously brushed against one another. None of the two wanting to stop until they had to break it off for air. Atsushis eyes rested on Akutagawas lips for a moment and he observed how chapped they were.
"Wow.. that surely.. was something.." Atsushi said, inbetween gasps for air.
"Weretiger... you really... are a ... bad kisser..."
Akutagawa huffed, trying to hide his face.
"I know YOU aren't talking!" Atsushi teased while pressing his nose against Akutagawas, which unlocked a small laugh from the black haired man.
Atsushi gasped dramatically, "Was that a LAUGH? The infamous bloodhound of the Port Mafia can LAUGH?"
"Oh, shut it Weretiger!" He smiled indulging Atsushi in another kiss.