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He hasn’t seen Jake in almost three years - about six months post-mission, not that he’s counting or anything. He doesn’t think about him at all anymore. Never. But Bradley’s never been very good at lying, especially to himself.
So when Bradley got the invite in the mail he wasn’t sure if he was being pranked. But a quick phone call to Natasha confirmed that he wasn’t and that he was invited. She spent weeks convincing him to respond to the RSVP, ignoring the shattering of his heart as he ticked the “attending” box.
“Fuck,” Bradley curses as he collides with something solid as he steps into the bathroom.
He reaches out to steal himself and he realizes that the solid mass he’s just collided with is not a thing, but a person.
It’s Jake. In his wedding suit. He should leave now before he makes any bad decisions. When they’re alone in a bathroom it only seems to end one way. He puffs his chest out, ready for whatever insult Jake is going to hurl his way.
“Hi,” Jake says. They look at each other in the mirror. “Glad you could make it.”
Bradley just shrugs and turns his attention to Jake. He motions to the fabric in Jake’s hand. Jake looks down and laughs, “Yeah. Some things never change.”
Bradley’s shoulders fall and he relaxes his clenched fists. So they’re not going to fight, not right now at least. “You want some help?” Bradley blurts before he can stop himself.
Jake laughs and holds the tie out. “Please. I’d ask my sisters or my mom but they’re…” He pauses, unwilling to complete the rest of the sentence.
“They’re all out there, waiting for you to get married,” Bradley finishes for him.
Neither of them says anything else and Bradley is grateful as he turns Jake to face him. The touch is innocent enough, moving the other man by the shoulders, but the electricity that zips down his spine is unmistakable. Touching Jake still feels so normal, so right, like he’s meant to live in the feeling. And for a brief moment, Bradley swears he’s been transported back in time. Back to three years ago. Except he was undressing Jake in his bedroom and not helping him fix his tie to get married to someone else.
Bradley is acutely aware of how warm Jake is, even through the layers of his tuxedo. His hand slips as he tries to loop the fabric over itself. “Shit.”
“Do you think it could have been you?” Jake asks, his voice a hushed whisper.
This is the question that Bradley’s been avoiding for the past few years, since they broke up. And he thinks about it every day when he sees the empty space in his bed, the empty side of the bathroom cabinet he hasn’t bothered to fill with his own stuff, the permanent dip in the couch that Jake used to occupy.
“I don’t understand,” Bradley lies. The tie slips between his fingers again and he has to start over. He loops the tie around Jake’s neck and pulls both ends a little harder than he meant to, forcing Jake to take a step closer.
Jake swallows and Bradley feels the movement against his hand. It takes everything in him not to cup Jake’s chin and… no. Bradley shakes his head and tries to focus on the task at hand. He loops the tie together and finishes the knot. He runs his hand up the length of the fabric to tighten the tie, securing it in place around Jake’s neck.
“Do you think it could have been you out there, waiting for me. Instead of in here.” Jake says. But it’s not a question. It’s a statement. The truth.
Bradley doesn’t let go of the tie, clutching it tightly between them. Their chests are pressed together now. Jake’s breathing picks up as Bradley places his free hand against Jake’s chest as a barrier. Bradley refuses to close his eyes because he knows if he does he’ll press his lips to Jake’s and everything will explode. He’s not a homewrecker - and if Jake invited him to his wedding for this - then it’s on Jake.
The familiar smell of Jake’s musky cologne mixed with the smell of his toothpaste is a reminder of what could have been, what he could have woken up to every day instead of his own loneliness. Bradley hates that he recognizes the toothpaste - Jake insisted on buying a specific brand because the other ones were too minty. It’s another painful reminder of when things were different between them and they were in love, happy. It had deteriorated quickly one night, Jake leaving in a rush. Bradley had waited for hours on the other side of the door. But Jake never returned, at least not to stay. He picked up his stuff the next morning and they settled on an unspoken agreement to keep the animosity between them and not their friends.
(Lost in the turbulence of his own thoughts, Bradley doesn’t notice the door open behind them. It’s Javy, who catches Jake’s eye in the mirror and quickly backs out of the bathroom. Jake’s not entirely sure if he imagines Javy dangling a set of keys in front of him as he leaves, a sort of signal that he’s ready to start the getaway car for them. But, Javy never brings up this moment again, another secret that Jake carries with him forever.)
The pounding of Jake’s heart against his chest quickly reminds Bradley of their reality. Where they are. In a hotel bathroom with Jake’s soon-to-be-husband several feet away, standing at the end of the aisle. Bradley feels Jake’s breath falter again when he runs his hand up to the collar of Jake’s shirt, adjusting it and smoothing down the collar around his tie. All it would take is for Bradley to tug once on the tie and he could stop the whole wedding in thirty seconds. This doesn’t have to be their reality - he could alter their whole timeline in a millisecond. But he refuses to, no matter how bad he wants Jake.
Because Jake broke them and it’s up to him to fix them. Bradley’s locked the target and it’s up to Jake to fire.
Bradley blinks at Jake and suddenly Jake breaks their eye contact, inhaling deeply. He’s made the decision. Bradley drops Jake’s tie and shoves his hands in his pocket. There’s no going back, there’s no fixing the timeline, there’s no running out the back door of the church. Just Bradley’s broken heart and false hope.
“All done.” Bradley whispers, taking a step back.
“Thanks,” Jake replies, voice barely audible. He nods and shuffles around Bradley, moving towards the door. He falters for a moment, his hand against the door. Like he’s going to turn around.
Bradley wills himself to speak (or forever hold his peace). “I do.”
He fucking hates as soon as the words leave his mouth. Because Jake was right after all. It could have been him up there, no, should have been him up there. With Natasha beside him as the best woman and Javy as Jake’s best man. But it’s not. Never will be because Jake won’t let it and Bradley won’t push for it.
Jake turns around and Bradley doesn’t care that he’s letting Jake see him cry like this. In the blink of an eye, Jake disappears out the bathroom door, leaving Bradley alone again.
Waiting for what feels like a lifetime, Bradley waits until he hears the band strike up the wedding march and exits the bathroom into the empty hallway. He takes his phone out of his pocket and sees several text messages from Natasha. He throws his phone into the backseat as he climbs into the driver seat of the Bronco. And he doesn’t look back, not even once.
-
And if Bradley had attended... he would have seen Jake looking for him in the crowd when the officiant jokingly asked if there are any objections to the wedding. Would have seen the way his eyes lit up just a bit brighter at the thought. Natasha shakes her head when she catches Jake looking at the empty seat next to her. ‘Too late’ she mouths at him as the officiant moves on, prompting them to start the vows.
“I do,” Jake chokes through his tears. He regrets it for the rest of his life.