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Izuku noticed it first, most would say it was because it was observant but that wasn’t the whole reason at all. He noticed how close Kirishima could get with Katsuki before he started yelling. They had gotten close, closer than Izuku could ever have with Katsuki within the 15 years of being ‘friends’
He knew they were never friends, they were once. A long time ago. But he could say it was one sided after that fateful day of Izuku being quirkless got out.
Izuku always chased after Katsuki even after the abuse he endured for years. He still chased after him, still looked at him with soft eyes he used when they were kids, still had the desire to try to be friends with him.
He never knew why, maybe it was because he had always saw the light in anybody. Saw that goodness. Saw the possibilities that could be reached with the right amount of time.
But yet, Kirishima reached those possibilities in a few days. The possibilities Izuku chased after yet so dearly. The ones he wanted to cherish and keep close to his heart.
It hurt him, made his chest hurt. The feeling he knew so much, the countless of times someone even got so close to Katsuki to even count them as ‘friends’ but this one hurt even more.
Cut even deeper than anyone else. He did so quickly, within days. It took Izuku years. How did he so quickly? How did Kirishima get so close to Katsuki?
He pondered the idea for months. The more he thought about it the more it consumed him day and night. Going on autopilot and just thinking about that. How Kirishima and Katsuki would walk together home as Kirishima talked and talked and Katsuki would just listen.
He knew if he did that, a second into talking he would yelled at to shut up. It irritated him to the point of the him forming a sort of hatred towards the redhead.
Every time he saw them so close he felt the old wounds of Katsuki landing onto him in elementary, middle school, and U.A he could feel them all over his body. They all hurt, and itched. He actively avoided them, mostly Kirishima.
He wondered maybe it was because they all went through traumatic events in a short amount of time when they started to attend U.A no matter what happened they were always together.
Together Together Together
Every where he turned he saw the familiar blond and redhead duo. It started to get to him, seep into his dreams. Barely being able to escape them, every waking moment they were there.
Started to suffocate him, he took his anger out on training. They were always there in the dark corner of his mind he always pushed away and trying to take out. His classmates started to notice he was practically training every hour of everyday no matter how sore he was no matter how hard he went only an hour ago.
After their first year it only seemed that had gotten closer. He couldn’t breathe.
At the start of their second year, he could get close to Katsuki long enough before he yelled or sent a glare for even being that close to him.
He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t take the not sleeping, the constant dreams of them always together, the constant training to get them out of his head for at least a second.
His fingernails digging into his arms or his scalp as he tried to do his homework. He couldn’t read anything on the page, he only saw a blur. A familiar red color drip onto his homework. His fingernails dug so deep into his scalp he drew blood.
Snapping him back into reality he had realized what he had done. After the countless of fights and spars with classmates and villains he had gotten used to the pain. Only a small sting followed after he realized what he had done.
He took a deep breath. His fingers twitched, he was angry. Years filled with rage bubbled inside of him, only bubbling when he was fighting someone serious. He was gonna lose his mind.
He quickly grabbed his phone off his desk, texting Katsuki. “Meet me at Ground Beta. We have to talk. Not fight. Talk.” He knew the consequences that were coming, he didn’t care. He wanted sleep and answers.
His text almost read immediately, then typing bubbles. “Better be fuckin important waking me up like this.” Katsuki’s text read, Izuku could practically hear it in his voice. He rolled his eyes as he started to get ready.
Izuku wore comfortable clothes, he hoped Katsuki did the same and got the message that this was not a fight. Izuku got to Ground Beta first, eager and ready to get this over with and be able to sleep or do anything in peace.
He heard Katsuki’s shoes tap on the pavement with each step, “What the hell are we doing here? Couldn’t have we talked in the dorms?” Katsuki asked as soon as he saw Izuku.
Izuku took another deep breath. Preparing to be yelled at for even asking what he was about to ask. Katsuki stood in front of him. Also in comfortable clothes, thank god he got the message that this wasn’t a fight like they had in their first year at Ground Beta.
“I know you don’t care about me, not in the slightest” Izuku started, his eyes on the ground. Missing the small change of expression on Katsuki’s face at the words.
“But this has been consuming me night and day.” Izuku continued, his fist balled up. His fingernails digging deep into his skin drawing blood already. Katsuki watched a drop of blood hit the pavement. He realized this was important.
“Well? Get on with it!” Katsuki yelled, trying not to let the worry in his voice show. Izuku scoffed quietly as he raised his head and made eye contact with Katsuki. His green eyes showing no light as they usually do.
“All I’ve ever wanted was to be your friend. It has taken me years to even get close enough to you without you yelling or sending a glare. But Kirishima did it in what? A month? Even if that.”
All Katsuki could do is stare into those green eyes filled with confusion. He opened his mouth to answer, but he can’t. He can’t even mutter or form a word to sentence. His mind filled with years regret and guilt as memories played. His eyes tracing over Izuku’s body, remembering each blow he landed on him.
“God, everywhere I fucking turn I see you both. Close as ever, closer than I’ll ever be. I’ve wanted to stand by your side and be a hero with you, ever since we were kids. I’ve wanted to be able to have conversations with you, be able to hang out with you. He’s been doing that since our first year! I’ve craved it for years, and he does it so simply and he did in such a short amount of time.” Izuku shouted. Anger filling his eyes.
A look Katsuki has never seen so clearly. A look he’s only seen a glimpse of in fights and spars. Izuku let out a laugh, not one filled with joy or excitement but filled with rage. Years worth of rage.
“I can’t even sleep! I can’t focus! All because of you two. All because of how easy and quickly he became your friend. It’s driving me insane” Izuku panted, his years of raged filled eyes staring back into Katsuki’s guilt filled red eyes.
“Answer me! So I can sleep, please…” Izuku pleaded, Katsuki stands there. “I…” Katsuki started.
After a few minutes a very silent “I don’t know” Came out of Katsuki’s mouth. That was all Katsuki could muster up against his dry mouth and empty and guilt ridden mind. Izuku let out a laugh.
“You don’t know?” Izuku asked, walking towards Katsuki. “Are you kidding me? You always know what to say, but that’s all you can say? When I need you the most to actually say something?” Izuku stopped walking, mere feet away from Katsuki.
“I’m sorry.” Katsuki muttered, eyes looking away from Izuku’s. A couple of minutes passed of silence, only their breaths could be heard. “What?” Izuku asked breathlessly.
“I’m sorry, for everything.” Katsuki spoke up more clearly, hesitantly making eye contact with Izuku. “You’re kidding right?” Izuku asked, more confusion in his eyes but now on his face.
Confusion taking over Katsuki’s face as well. “That’s your answer? I’ve been getting eaten alive by these thoughts and that’s all you can say? Not even answering my question that has been eating me up for over a year?” Izuku hunched as his heart started to hurt.
“What the hell else do you want me to say” Katsuki asked angrily. “To answer my question! Not apologize!” Izuku shouted. Katsuki’s face constructed into his normal snarl. “Because he’s not you!” Katsuki shouted back as he pushed Izuku away.
Izuku only being pushed back another foot. “You’ve been following me my entire fucking life, always there and always apologizing and crying no matter what I did. I was tired of you! So I guess it was a nice change of scenery when I met Shitty Hair! He might be like you but he’s different!” Katsuki argued back as his hand lit up with small sparks.
Izuku’s face was not constructed into a confused expression but a blank one. “That’s it?” Izuku asked quietly, Katsuki’s top lip twitched. “Yes?” Katsuki yelled. Izuku had felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, a weight he had been carrying around for years.
“It was so simple” Izuku muttered to himself. Katsuki’s face was a mix of a snarl and confusion. “What the hell are you talking about, Deku?” Katsuki asked. “The thing that had been eating me up, the answer to it was so simple.” Izuku replied.
Izuku’s voice no longer hoarse or filled with an irritation. His phantom wounds and itchiness was gone. His voice was no light, sounding like how he when he started at U.A filled with relief.
He had been answered, and he felt so happy.