Chapter Text
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Tim sat in the shop gripping the steering wheel tightly. His knuckles had turned white and he suddenly felt speechless and flustered.
Lucy had just confessed that she had feelings for him.
He really hadn’t seen that coming.
He started to speak, “Lucy….I…” and the words seemed to escape him.
He didn't know what to say that wouldn’t hurt her feelings but he had to nip this in the bud and be very clear with her and leave no room for misunderstandings.
“I’m flattered…you’re a great girl…woman…you’re a great woman and one day you’re going to meet a great guy who will be perfect for you…but…I’m not him”.
Lucy looked away from him as she felt her cheeks burning. She lowered her head and fixed her gaze on the hands she had been wringing nervously while she told him what she’d been psyching herself to say for weeks.
“Listen, it’s normal for rookies to sometimes misread the attention and support from your TOs as something…more. But I’m just doing my job…I didn't mean to mislead you.”
He held his breath and kept his eyes trained on the road in front of him as he waited for Lucy to say something. After an awkward silence, he glanced over to see her small body was now slightly slumped in the passenger seat.
Suddenly the shop seemed too crowded and Lucy desperately wished she could take back what she had just confessed.
She felt her nose tickle and then her vision started to blur as she fought back humiliating tears.
Don’t let him see you cry, Lucy.
Dammit! He doesn’t deserve to see you cry.
Lucy had known it was a long shot so she was really surprised at her emotional reaction to Tim’s rejection. When she made the decision to talk to him about her feelings, she was half expecting him to reject her…
So why did it hurt so damn much?
They had been through a lot together. Tim had saved her life on multiple occasions and had talked her through her PTSD after her kidnapping and near death experience. She supposed he was right. It was probably normal that she had developed feelings in the confused state she had been in that past year.
Still…it hurt like hell .
Her one saving grace was that at least tomorrow she was a P2 and would no longer have to ride with him. Thank God she had waited until her last day to tell him. She couldn’t imagine the humiliation of riding with him everyday after being rejected.
After taking a deep breath she found her voice again.
“I understand…I think maybe you’re right…and maybe some of these feelings are just confusing emotions after what’s been a rather strange and stressful year…at least it has been for me. I hope…I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable…” she said.
“...and I have no hard feelings” she whispered at the end and it broke Tim’s heart a little to hear his normally sunny and self-assured rookie sound so timid.
He’d never heard her sound like this before and he wished they hadn’t ended their last shift together on such an awkward and somber note.
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An entire weekend had not been enough to soften the pain of humiliation Lucy was still feeling on Monday morning.
It was a strange feeling. She’d been riding by Tim’s side for an entire year and had grown accustomed to looking to him for strength and support. She knew she probably shouldn’t have relied on him so much that year but given that her parents had practically disowned her when she joined the police academy, his support had been like a life-line.
In many ways, she wished they could go back to the five minutes before she had opened her big mouth and made their relationship so awkward. She had no idea if they could ever go back to the way they had been…to the ease of interactions and to the friendship they had started to develop.
Still, one thing she couldn’t lie to herself about was the fact that she was going to miss him.
Lucy made her way into the roll call room after she entered through the back door. She could see Tim, Angela and Nyla standing around their table laughing and joking.
Today was rookie day.
They were about to be assigned the newest batch of rookies and she knew this was a special day of bonding between the TOs.
Seeing Tim laughing and smiling after what had been a miserable weekend for her made her feel empty.
She shook her head and told herself to move on. She took a leap and was wrong and there was nothing wrong with that. Better she found out than to live with a lifetime of regret for never having taken the chance. That’s how she would look at this.
By the time roll call was over, Sergeant Grey had paired all three TOs with their newest rookies. Angela got a female recruit named Katie, Nyla got another young recruit, this one male, named Aaron and Tim ended up with the ‘new Nolan’.
They called him the “Badger” he’d said and he was middle-aged, a bit overweight and also a little bit over eager.
Lucy couldn’t help but smile at the thought.
Tim is going to love him.
Lucy’s first day as a P2 was not without challenges, still she had a good day. She and Jackson got to ride together and actually had fun on their first day on patrol without supervision. By the end of her shift Lucy was ready to head home. All she wanted to do was take a nice warm bubble bath, order some Chinese takeout and binge some brainless TV shows.
She got dressed in a hurry and as she was headed out to the parking garage, she saw something that made her stop abruptly.
A few feet ahead, Tim was talking to a tall blonde in the bullpen. He was sitting on the edge of his desk and looked clearly smitten with the pretty woman. He laughed and his smile was so wide, the fine lines around his eyes crinkled.
Lucy shook her head and she was angry.
She wasn’t angry at Tim though. She was mad at herself for ever being so foolish to think that Tim might ever reciprocate feelings for her.
How could she have gotten it so wrong?
She shut her eyes and shook her head.
Fuuck
There was nothing to do but continue on her present path to the parking garage.
Oh the humiliation.
She took a deep breath and hoped for a second that Tim wouldn’t make eye contact with her. But of course, her luck these days, well let’s just say wasn’t just bad…it was downright cruel.
She walked with rushed, clipped steps as she neared his desk and suddenly Tim paused his conversation, turned and called out, “Hey, Lucy, how’d your first day go?”
And Lucy hated him for being so relaxed in a moment where all she wanted to do was disintegrate into a pile of ashes and evaporate from the Earth.
She took a deep breath to steady her voice and answered, “It was great, thanks!…can’t wait to get home though…see you later!”
She could feel both their eyes watching her walk away but she didn’t care if either thought she was rude.
Lucy just wanted desperately to get past this unpleasantness she had created.
Give it a month.
She reassured herself…and the awkwardness will surely have dulled.