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Very True Things That I Just Made Up About One Piece Men So Now It's Law

Summary:

Here lies my opinions on some One Piece men and why they're in fact very much so legit and correct or whatever uwu

(cross-posted from tumblr)

Notes:

A recommended read if you are super bored and have a good handful of time to kill

[[ This is me being very biased and a little nonsensical but also kinda serious in a goofy way =u= ]]

Chapter 1: Some One Piece Men and the Fast Food Restaurants they remind me of

Chapter Text

Law - Starbucks

I feel that you have to have a lot of patience and really know the menu with how specific people may request their coffee and how batshit crazy they can get if there’s even the slightest thing wrong with it. You have to have patience and high tolerance for annoying ass people, and even though Law lacks both of those qualities I think he’s perfect to be a barista. Law does actually tolerate a lot of craziness though fr fr cause sometimes I don’t think I could last 6 minutes being around Luffy if I’m being completely honest lol

Kuzan - Cookout

They always have it together despite the line going around the entire parking lot and into the street and being the only restaurant open after 8:30pm until 3am AND the food is always on point AAAND the employees are never rude. Kuzan for sure, because he’s such comfort kind of guy, and Cookout is also comfort food to the max and neither really disappoint, so

Smoker - Wingstop

They gave me undercooked chicken one time and it honestly ruined my excitement for them. I like them a lot even though everyone else thinks they’re really gross. I dunno how to really explain it further than that but.. this had absolutely no relevancy whatsoever to Smoker but really, when you think about it, people clown him for getting his ass handed to him all the time but that doesn’t take away how he’s still cool..welp, there ya have it - this is relevant after all pffft

Buggy - Long John Silvers

Yoooo they are trifin as hell and they could care less. If only that cod wasn’t bangin, I wouldn’t give them another dollar of mine. If you told me Buggy was the manager, I would believe you. I am super amazed that they haven’t been shut down yet, but here we are in 2022 and they are still somehow thriving.

Doflamingo - Dairy Queen

The one Dairy Queen that was around when I was growing up was shut down repeatedly and the management had the nerve to plaster a sign on the window stating how they had to close down but will re-open when the staff learns how to be sanitary and clean their hands. Sooo out of pocket. So is Doflamingo. These two walk hand-in-hand in that respect.

Mihawk - Checkers (or Rally’s)

I bet he would ‘treat’ himself to some Checkers to get away from Perona the castle a little bit, just as a small change of pace. Just sitting in the car, eating some burger and fries and funnel cake fries. A small and super secret guilty pleasure is all.

Sanji - Chipotle

I never had a  bad experience here, and the food doesn’t taste bad. Because of the ‘’’’healthiness’’’’ of the ingredients and just the nature of the business, I think Sanji would probably work here and maybe even hook you up with some extra ingredients. Actually, he would totally be that guy who would give all the girlfriends extra stuff and probably overcharge the boyfriends and argue when he tries to dispute. I guess I should feel bad..but I would get extra queso..so that’s tough for those of y’all who get overcharged.

Killer - White Castle

I only had the White Castle cheeseburgers they sell in the freezer section at Sam’s Club and if I’m not careful I will legit eat all 36 burgers cause they’re so amazing and I can only imagine what a fresh, ready-made White Castle cheeseburger would taste like. That’s how I feel about Killer. He’s so amazing but I only really know a little about him. Anyways, his mask matches the White Castle color scheme and he could totally man the grill with no problem – he is totally a slider kind of guy.

Basil Hawkins - Little Caesars

I’ve actually never had Little Caesars because I don’t hate myself that much to where I want to ever put it into my body, and that’s kinda how I feel about Hawkins. I really don’t like him but I don’t really have anything to really base my dislike of him on..ya feel me? Either way he’s gross and low-tier.

Bege - Five Guys

The food is typically really good though a tad on the greasy side and I’m almost certain that like, 2 of the closest locations near me have some type of shady side business going on, so. I can tell you it certainly is a crime for the amount of money you have to pay for fries – JUST fries – before you even get to the sandwiches lmao Bege is aight but not a favorite. Same with Five Guys.

Franky - Sonic 

I’m pretty sure everything on the menu just came out of the freezer and straight to the deep fryer and probably soaked in the grease 20 minutes longer than necessary but that’s why I pay them to do it instead of wasting my own cooking oil and getting mad about it. Okay so I made this sound (probably) as disgusting as it sounds but the limeades are banging and the service is always great. Franky is great, too. I’m fairly positive that he would tear Sonic up.

Marco - Burger King

Chicken fries are the only reason. That is the only acceptable reason anyone should ever go to Burger King. And whenever i see his talons, it makes me hungry. For chicken fries.

Crocodile - KFC

They don’t even know what they’re doing anymore, man. Hate to see it. This…has nothing to do with Crocodile but I often imagine how if his businesses failed, he would go bankrupt and have to start at entry level and I just picture him in a garish chicken costume- oh shit nevermind I got the perfect restaurant for him-

Crocodile - Bojangles

Every time I pull up to the menu, I never order anything because its always more than im willing to pay for some fast food fried chicken but I absolutely LOVE when the employees do their Bojangles schtick and let me know ‘IT’S BO-TIME!!’. This. I wanna see Crocodile do this with his Bojangles uniform to boot.              

Usopp - Subway

I’m really not trying to be funny but Subway is really gross and I loathe it with a passion but for some crazy, inexplicable reason out of nowhere, I will start fiendin for a meatball marinara and end up eating  three of them within a week’s time. All of this to say that I think Usopp would love working there since he would wear the title of ‘Sandwich Artist’ like a badge of honor and unironically enjoy the food. Food is trash but Usopp isn’t. I mean, he can make some very trash decisions, most definitely, but he’s aight.

Luffy - McDonalds

I’m sorry lmao but McDonald’s is just something I can only have in small doses cause they’re such a mixed bag of experiences. If that isn’t Luffy to a T-

Rosinante - Dominos

Best pizza franchise ever, love the garlic crust even though I don’t ever eat pizza crust and it makes me feel happy.

Zoro - Popeyes

Once upon a time I used to say that KFC will always be better than them, but that was before I actually gave Popeyes a chance and when the Popeyes employees would argue for the sake of arguing and I guess because they had the time for it lmao
I think Zoro would be the perfect candidate for drive-thru because he would be the absolute worst at it; and even though it wouldn’t matter if the manager sides with him or not, I feel like he would enjoy the altercations pffft - especially since Popeye’s overall reputation kinda gives him the license to be himself

Scratchmen Apoo - Panera Bread

I bought a small drink from here once and it was like, $6, and then the line came to a stand still for 15 minutes, only for me to get to the window and wait another 20 minutes because someone left midshift and then be informed that they didn’t have what I ordered so I had to pick something else which was a little more expensive and a lot less tastier. Honestly it wasn’t really anyone’s fault. But it was an exceptionally hot, summer day, I had my dog in the car, and I’m 100% behind the sentiment that Panera is glorified hospital food. Sorry I really just wanted to vent about that, but anyways fuck Scratchmen Apoo I feel like he’s lame, too.

Ace - Taco Bell

I can go months without wanting to ever see a single Taco Bell establishment ever ever ever again but then they bring the toasted chalupa back and it’s a game changer..until they change the menu again. Have a feeling that Ace would feel the same. I think he would have a love/hate relationship with Taco Bell, even though his stomach is a bottomless pit and he probably doesn’t discriminate on the arrangement of how his 4 Taco Bell ingredients hit his stomach lmao

X Drake - Chick-fil-A

Waffle fries are bangers when fresh and the only way to eat the chicken sandwiches are spicy. Tame. Just tame.

Blackbeard - Arby’s

From my experience with Arby’s, if you were to tell me that Teach was the manager of this establishment, I would 100% believe you without a shadow of a doubt because the parallels are uncanny; no one like Arby’s except for 1 person that I know, no one really talks about it,  and the most seediest of characters are always hanging around the building doing, uh, not very savory things. So both are very forgettable until it’s dredged up again in an unwanted conversation.

Penguin - Dunkin

I don’t care what anyone says but Dunkin is actually really good and I consider them my best friend and it’s always just…there. I feel like that’s Penguin. He’s just…there but you can tell he’s ride or die. What? What about Katakuri?

Katakuri - Krispy Kreme

Sure we’ll take it. Super cliché but whatever. A tad bit overrated, and the closest one is still an hour away and I just can’t justify the gas for that. But not Katakuri – he’s totally worth it ehehe ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Kid - Wendy’s

Better than Burger King and I could eat the chili every single day but wouldn’t because I hate beans and picking the beans out gets tiresome after the third cup. Same goes for the chili cheese fries but I wouldn’t mind as much. Since the food is a little more on the ‘’’’’spicier’’’’’ side of things, it reminds me of Kid, and also because this one lady was soooo rude for no reason other than I guess she could get away with it?? Yeah. The closest Wendy’s around here always has a terrible line around the building and equally terrible customer service but the food is worth it sometimes. Oh yeah, Kid would fit in perfectly as the window drive-thru employee

Urouge - Zaxby’s

He’s always smiling but kinda scary but also seems pretty cool. So are the people at the Zaxby’s I go to. Never had a bad experience and the food is always good and they never forget the Zaxby sauce. Don’t know a whole lot about Urouge to be fair but I have a feeling he’s a solid dude.