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Langa couldn’t remember when his chest started to feel tight.
When he’d first moved to Okinawa with his mum, he hadn’t expected to find anything for himself there.
There’s no slopes in Okinawa. There’s no dad in Okinawa. There’s no dad anywhere, anymore.
Langa went through the motions. Nod when his mum told a story from her new job, smile just enough that she couldn’t tell it wasn’t real. That he felt numb underneath still.
Until his world roared back to life with a solar flare of red hair and a smile that could blind a man who stared into it for too long. Langa felt he wouldn’t mind.
Instead of his dad and snowfall, there was Reki and rattling wheels. Sneaking out to S late at night, celebrating every victory with his friends, commiserating every loss.
Reki was there cheering for Langa the whole way, right from when he first taped his feet to a board to feel stable. Soon, Langa found himself cheering back. His smiles to his mum at dinner became fuller, he listened to her stories properly - even when he was texting Reki under the table.
Langa’s phone background changed to a still of Reki mid-flip, his sunbeam smile on full blast making Langa’s heart do a flip of its own.
He skated to school with Reki, spent lunch with Reki, went to class with Reki. Like the sun, Langa’s world revolved around Reki.
Then the fight happened.
On his way home, Langa felt an itch in his throat.
Langa went ahead with his race against Adam. His chest felt tight the whole time, from nerves and adrenaline, he figured. He swore he heard Reki cheering for him in the crowd once, but after the race the fiery skater was nowhere to be found. As Langa sat on a rock by the side of the course, his chest tightened once more. He tried to gently clear his throat to no avail. The feeling persisted, twisting up higher until he felt like the very air in his lungs was being squeezed.
The sudden coughing fit bowed Langa over, landing hard on his hands and knees. Something seemed to be crawling up his throat, constricting his struggling airway when finally it popped free and splattered onto the ground before
him.
He gasped for air, gently peeling his blurry eyes open to reveal a shrivelled sunflower beneath him. Small, yet it’s petals were still a bright vibrant yellow, reminding him of a certain skater’s favourite hoodie.
He left it on the rocks at S.
Langa got sick of sunflowers quickly.
At first he’d cough up the odd petal in class, that he could quickly conceal and stuff into his blazer to dispose of later. Then, he started having to excuse himself from class to go hack out his lungs in the bathroom as whole flowers came up once more. His classmates distanced themselves from him even further: the transfer student is a slacker, he’s going to the bathroom to take drugs that's why he’s so pale, he doesn't even care about his grades - have you seen his handwriting?
Reki still wasn’t speaking to him.
Langa stopped skateboarding after a surprise coughing fit caused him to have a near miss with a moving car. He walked to school instead, missing Reki entirely as he left early to get there on time.
His friends from S would text him, encouraging him to finish what he’d started with Adam, to put an end to the beef.
They stopped after he left his skateboard and a small pile of sunflowers at the entrance to Reki’s workshop. He had secretly hoped to see Reki when he did, but the workshop was empty and Langa didn’t dare brave the main house.
His chest ached.
He started skipping school, unable to contain his coughing fits to the bath room anymore. He took the house phone off the hook so they couldn’t tell his mum.
Langa’s room smelt like a flower shop with a coppery undertone. The sunflowers were bigger now, fuller, coming up with petals tinged in red.
Langa told his mum he’d started using a new air freshener Reki had recom mended. He didn’t want to worry her with his problems.
Reki tried to stop by after class once. Langa couldn’t drag himself out of the bathroom to stop Reki from leaving. His lungs only ceasing to spasm enough for him to hear Reki mumble that he wouldn’t disturb Langa again.
Langa sobbed from his position on the floor.
His hands were smeared with blood, long fingers stained yellow by petals he’d had to rip off of flowers that had gotten lodged in his throat. The tips were a deep purple, his fingernails blackened from clawing desperately at the plants centres to pull them free.
He was in a sea of sunflowers, their bright yellow mocking his misery, the dark cores betraying their dangerous nature.
He hadn’t moved by the time his mum came home from work.
She cried, holding him close. Langa wished it was Reki’s arms wrapped around him and a bitter spike of self-loathing tightened his chest ever deeper.
Nanako tried to get Langa to go to a doctor, to get the garden in his chest cut away. Lanaga just buried himself further into his bedsheets, ignoring the flowers that shared his bed. They had stems now.
Later she begged him to tell her who it was, to tell her about the girl who’s spell he had fallen under. Langa figured there was no point telling her, no point in trying to explain. He’d never been one for words and now he couldn’t attempt a full sentence without a coughing fit. It would be too hard.
Langa felt bad for his mum. Okinawa was meant to be a fresh start for them her and now Langa was going to ruin this place with his problems as well.
At least he’d get to see his dad again, even if a particular fierce smile and hair wasn’t going to grace his presence again.
He wheezed with every breath now.
Langa thought about calling Reki one last time, even got as far as pulling up the call screen on several occasions. A confession would save his life if it was mutual, but if it wasn’t he didn’t want Reki to feel like Langa’s death was on his hands.
Langa blocked and deleted Reki’s number to remove the temptation.
Dying of Hanahaki disease was thought to be poetic by many, a beautiful way to pass on, the ultimate loving sacrifice.
Langa disagreed as he hacked his lungs up, the flow of sunflowers never ending. It wasn’t stopping this time.
He wished he’d gone skateboarding with Reki one last time.