Archive of Our Own ^beta

As she gets into her car, she can’t help but hope Ava liked her enough that she asks her to take over regularly.

Beatrice cups her hands under the edge of the table and catches the sugar packets when Diana topples them over the edge, smiling when Diana giggles and kisses her cheek. When she looks back at Ava, the tips of her ears and nose are red and her smile is softer than it was before.

When they say goodbye an hour later, Ava lingers in her hug with Beatrice, her nose tucked into Beatrice’s neck.

"If I’m giving you a ride, you better hurry the fuck up." Camila flicks Lilith’s ear again and chastises her before pulling her to the other side of the car, their voices carry but their words don’t. Beatrice wonders briefly what they’re talking about before she’s distracted by Ava moving away.

"Thank you," she whispers before she lifts Diana off Beatrice’s hip and helps clasp her into the carrier, pressing a kiss against her forehead. "Be good, okay? I love you."

Ava leans forward again and brushes her lips over Beatrice’s cheek before she’s gone, slipping inside Lilith’s little car and slamming the door behind her. Beatrice takes a shaking inhale and blinks. 

They’re gone by the time she’s recovered, cheeks burning and skin vibrating. She doesn’t have time to dwell on the moment when Diana swings her tiny hand back and smacks her in the face.

"Uh-oh." Diana tries to twist to see where she hit Beatrice, bottom lip stuck out and chin quivering and Beatrice’s heart aches.

"It’s okay, baby. Don’t cry." Beatrice bounces Diana, offering her own hands for Diana to hold, which Diana accepts ecstatically.

Beatrice is uncertain of a lot of things — whether Ava meant that kiss as a friendly gesture or as something more, whether Ava feels the same way as her, what would happen if she told Ava everything — but she is certain of one thing: she loves Diana and she would do anything to stay in her life and keep her happy, healthy, and safe. 

Including not confessing her undeniable feelings for Ava.

"Do you want to match, Di?" Diana giggles and bounces, spinning in a circle and steadying herself by holding Beatrice’s knees. Beatrice smiles and tucks the frog hat over Diana’s head, tugging hers on to match and earning a squeal before Diana sprints away.

She returns two minutes later with a penguin onesie and rubber duck shoes, bouncing and spinning again. Beatrice grins and holds her hands out for Diana to climb into her lap, helping her into the outfit. She looks a mess, dressed as a penguin with rubber duck feet and a frog-face hat. But she’s bright and kinetic and vibrant and so happy it makes Beatrice’s chest ache.

Diana sprints away again, clobbering down the hall and scampering into her room and racing back to Beatrice, dragging the baby carrier with her.

"Go! Go!" Diana twirls and whirls, jumping in circles around her. Beatrice picks her up, gives her a slow spin and a kiss on the cheek.

"Not yet, patinho." Beatrice bounces her, laughing when Diana throws her head back and groans. Beatrice sets her down and watches her race away again, emerging with her little raccoon rucksack and her stuffed monkey. "Are we taking the zoo to school with us?"

She nods and spins, leaping around Beatrice like a frog. Beatrice laughs and steps around her, collects her textbooks and book bag then pauses by the door. Diana scrambles to her, rucksack on her back, stuffed monkey and baby carrier dragging behind her.

"Stairs or lift?" Beatrice asks while holding the door open for Diana to dance into the hallway.

But every time she went to say something, Diana would do something unbelievable cute or Ava would smile and Beatrice would forget entirely.

Which is how she finds herself balancing a hungry toddler, an Electrical Fundamentals textbook, and a box of pizza rolls.

Normally, Beatrice would make Diana something healthier, something that would fuel a growing child, something homemade. But she’s entirely convinced she will not remember anything she’s learned this semester and she can’t push that panic away long enough to make Diana something.

She ignores her phone ringing, sliding the pizza rolls into the oven before dropping the textbook onto the kitchen counter, switching the television onto Moana and begging Diana to let it distract her long enough for Beatrice to practice this one equation that squeezes Beatrice’s lungs until she feels like she can’t catch her breath.

It’s only been three minutes. Beatrice is certain it’s only been three minutes when the smoke detector goes off, screaming at her for forgetting the stupid pizza rolls.

"Fuck." Beatrice yanks the oven door open and drops their burning dinner into the sink, pressing her knuckles into her eyes to combat the growing pressure behind them. "Fuck fuck fuck."

"Uh-oh." Beatrice can’t believe she just said that in front of Diana, turning to the little girl dragging a ragged stuffed duck into the kitchen and staring up at the dissipating smoke behind Beatrice’s head before smiling dopily at her. "Duck. Quack quack."

"Yes, yes, Di. Duck does go quack quack, good job." Beatrice lifts her and presses a gentle kiss against her head when there’s a knock at the door. Beatrice ignores it, checking the freezer for the next fastest meal when the knocking grows louder and more persistent. Beatrice sighs heavily, opening the door with a frown.

"Trade!" Mary holds up a bag of takeout before taking Diana from a shocked Beatrice, pushing past her and dropping the bag on the table.

Beatrice spins and follows her, mouth agape and arms wide. Mary digs through the bag, setting boxes of Chinese food on the table and handing Diana an egg roll. She turns to Beatrice, an egg roll hanging out of her mouth and holding a set of chopsticks out to Beatrice.

"What - what are - what’s - " Beatrice takes them and allows herself to be pushed into a seat and handed a bowl of noodles.

"Eat then go back to studying, I’ve got this little monster." Mary tickles Diana who shrieks and kicks, squirming in Mary’s arms. Beatrice makes no move to follow Mary’s directions until she sighs. "Look, dude. You can either study or you can watch her but you can’t do both. You decide."

Beatrice looks between her abandoned textbook on the counter and Diana gleefully smashing the egg roll apart and shoving handfuls into her mouth. She’s being paid to keep Diana alive and happy while Ava works. But she truly believes she is going to fail this exam.

Ava doesn’t know how to react when she opens the door and there’s a random woman holding her child and scrambling eggs in the kitchen. Her first instinct is to grab Diana but Beatrice wouldn’t let anyone that’s a danger to either of them anywhere near Diana. Certainly not into her home.

The woman smiles briefly before hooking a thumb over her shoulder and motioning to the table, where Beatrice is sleeping on an open textbook, notecards and notebooks and sticky notes scattered around her and onto the floor. Ava smiles, wanting to burn this image of Beatrice into her long term memory so that even when she’s old and gray, she can remember the way the light softens Beatrice’s face.

She hangs her keys onto the hook and drops her bag onto the entry table, watching as the sound of her arrival stirs Beatrice awake. Her face scrunches up — frowning deeply with her eyebrows furrowed together — until she sees Ava, then she relaxes and smiles blearily at her, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and stretching her arms over her head. She has a notecard stuck to her cheek that falls away and flutters to the floor when she scrapes a hand down her face.

The woman makes a noise in the kitchen and Diana giggles at whatever she says in response to it, and Beatrice glances towards them as her shoulders tense and her eyebrows rise.

"I - I - She’s a friend." Beatrice tries to explain, standing and quickly closing the distance between her and the other woman before taking Diana and turning back to Ava. "I’m sorry, I didn’t ask if - "

"Bea." Ava laughs, cutting her off and following her into the tiny kitchen. "It’s fine, I trust you."

Beatrice relaxes slightly, passing Diana to her mother before smacking the stranger on the shoulder, earning her a deep sigh and a grumble, though she turns around regardless, rolling her eyes at Beatrice but offering her hand for Ava to shake.

"This is Mary. She’s my sist- best friend’s wife." She sounds unsure after cutting herself off, grimacing and glancing at Mary for help.

"Nice to meet you." Mary offers instead, her hand warm and calloused in Ava’s before she pulls away. "Beatrice is stupid and forgot she has finals this week. I hope you don’t mind that I helped with the baby while she studied. She gets weird about her studying. Honestly, she gets weird about a lot of things like when someone calls soccer soccer instead of footy and that whole thing about splitting posts and she says she doesn’t believe in ghosts but she refuses to watch paranormal movies because they freak her out and - "

"And she was just leaving." Beatrice pushes Mary to the door, practically throwing her into the hallway before slamming the door in her bemused face. "Sorry about her."

Ava laughs and leans against the doorframe watching her, Diana twisting her hair around her fist and tugging softly. Ava rolls her eyes at her before putting her down, watching her walk a few steps before dropping into a seated position and staring at Beatrice with a dopey grin.

"You almost said sister." Ava is anything but tactful, her curiosity often outweighing her manners — not that she has many after being raised by mean nuns and living with JC just long enough to get pregnant. Manners were not a priority in Ava’s upbringing, something she’s constantly trying to better herself at so she can raise Diana to be better than her.

Beatrice’s stoic face flickers only for a second, just long enough for Ava to regret her actions before Beatrice speaks again.

"I was adopted. Kind of." If that’s the only explanation Beatrice plans to give, Ava will lose her mind trying not to dig more out of her. For now, Ava doesn’t say anything, she waits for Beatrice to ponder her next move. "It’s unusually complicated."

"Well, I am willing to try my best to understand your complicated." God, she sounds so eager, so desperate to know more about quiet, mysterious, gentle Beatrice. Beatrice laughs and Ava is certain it is the most beautiful sound she’s ever heard.

"That was my polite way of asking you not to pry." Ava’s heart stutters and her stomach churns and oh no, she’s ruined this and - "I’m not technically adopted, but my parents threw me out when I was ten. Shannon’s family took me in. She’s basically my sister but not?"

The lilt at the end of her sentence is accompanied by scrunched eyebrows and a tilted head and Beatrice looks so much like a confused puppy Ava can barely contain the urge to pinch her cheeks. 

"It sounds like she’s a sister in all the ways that matter." Beatrice smiles at her words, nodding softly before shaking her head and staring at her shuffling feet. 

"Yeah, I guess she is." 

"I don’t know. Probably not."

"And why not?" Beatrice pulls her knees to her chest, wraps her arms around her legs and drops her head on her knees with a sigh.

"Because I’m me and she’s - fuck, Shannon, I don’t know. She’s like - remember when we were kids and your dad took us to the mountains?" Shannon nods. "Do you remember how everything was so beautiful, like it was untouched by anything. Like nothing could ever go wrong there. And when we got to the summit, do you remember what you said?"

"I don’t think meeting god could compare to this."

"Exactly. That’s what Ava’s like. You have to meet her, you’d understand if you met her."

"And you don’t deserve that? You don’t think she could like you because - what, because you’re you?"

"I’m me. I’m just me. And she’s so much more than that. Plus she has Diana, so it’s already complicated because of the baby. And I - That little girl means so much to me, I don’t want to lose her."

"Okay. Couple of things. I’m me is not a bad thing. You are my best friend, my favorite person in the entire world, Bea. You being you is why I love you so much. Because you’re dense and stubborn and painfully oblivious - "

"Thanks." Beatrice laughs dryly and Shannon smacks her shin lightly.

"Oh, shut up and let me finish. You’re dense and stubborn and painfully oblivious, but you’re also the most attentive person I’ve ever met and you’re an amazing gift giver and you’re frustratingly smart. You’re strong and you’re steady and you’re dependable. You’ve never let me down. Ever. Even when you scratched my car or tore a hole in my favorite pullover or ate my leftovers. Especially then. Because you’re only human, Speedy."

"Speedy? I’m not twelve anymore, Shannon."

"You’ll always be my Speedy, stupid." Shannon leans into Bea and ruffles her hair with a dopey smile. The doorbell chimes and she kisses Beatrice on the top of her head when she goes to get the food, lingering a little longer than usual. "I love you, Bea."

"I love you too, Shannon." Beatrice leans into her embrace, tender and warm and safe.

"For the record," Shannon pauses in the doorway. "I think anyone would be lucky to be loved by you. Even Ava."

Ava bounces Diana on her hip as the doorbell chimes through the apartment. It’s nicer than hers, cleaner about the outside, and she can’t help but feel self-conscious of her own apartment that is falling apart — paint peeling off the side and overrun with mice.

Ava isn’t sure why she’s crying, why there’s a sudden lightness in her chest that is suffocating, why she wants to store this single interaction in a jar for the rest of her life. Beatrice glances up at her midway through her conversation with Diana, her shining eyes hiding behind scrunched eyebrows until Ava offers her hand. Beatrice smiles as Ava intwines their fingers, squeezing them three times and hoping Beatrice knows what she can’t say.

Two hours later, Shannon is squishing Diana’s cheeks and grinning when it earns her a delighted squeal. Diana sticks her hands out to Lilith, making a grabbing motion until Shannon shifts her onto Lilith’s lap.

"I don’t want the sticky gremlin," Lilith grumbles, though she wraps her arms around Diana and relaxes when Diana drops her head against her chest and yawns. Beatrice passes her Diana’s blanket and Lilith feigns annoyance as she tenderly tucks it around Diana, brushing the baby hairs out of her face before returning to pretending she dislikes the affection.

"Watch this," Camila whispers as she leans between Ava and Beatrice before rounding the table and holding her hands out to Lilith, silently asking for Diana.

"No." Lilith shifts away, furrowing her eyebrows and frowning deeply. “My sticky gremlin."

Camila’s smile lights up the room, looking from Lilith to Ava with a triumphant laugh.

Ava turns to Beatrice and finds her already watching her with a soft smile. Ava is a young and fairly healthy woman, but Beatrice looking at her like that is going to give her a heart attack. She’s not sure who moves first, but their hands find each other and Ava never wants to let go, Beatrice’s hand tethers her to this moment — reminds her life can be this good.

Beatrice calls him by her first assumption, Tiyanak, but explaining the name becomes cumbersome so she searches for a new name. He earns the name Arson a month after his arrival into their home, when he pushes a burning candle off the counter and onto the carpet. He singes a hole through the floor and Lilith complains about losing their security deposit but she’s laughing when she suggests the name.

"Give her to me." Lilith drops the pizza on the table and reaches for Diana, frowning when Beatrice hesitates. "When’s the last time you ate? Slept? How about sat down?"

Beatrice doesn’t know. She can’t remember anything before the last time they’d taken Diana’s temperature two hours ago. She still waits for Ava’s approving nod before she passes Diana to her, accepting when Ava collapses into her chest and tucks her nose into Beatrice’s neck.

"Eat. Take a nap. Take a shower. We’ll be back." Shannon takes Diana from Lilith, rocking softly while Mary digs through the pantry for snacks.

"Wait. Where - where are you going?" Ava mumbles, barely lifting her head from Beatrice’s shoulder as she watches them scramble about, Beatrice pointing towards Diana’s room and watching Lilith disappear before reappearing with the diaper bag and a blanket.

"We’ve got her. Take care of yourselves." Mary answers before swinging the door closed behind them, shutting out Diana’s cries and drowning them in quiet.

Ava hums into Beatrice’s neck, wrapping her arms around Beatrice’s waist and hugging her limply. Beatrice rests her cheek on the top of Ava’s head and accepts the warmth until her stomach growls loudly, stealing the moment from them and tugging a soft giggle from Ava that shocks her system.

"I think I’m too tired to eat," Ava murmurs into Beatrice’s neck, giving Beatrice a final squeeze before stumbling back.

"Then sleep, Ava." Beatrice brushes the hair out of her face, rubbing her thumb over her eyebrow and tracing it down her cheek to her chin. Ava leans into the touch and sighs and Beatrice suddenly wants to kiss her.

"Not without you." Ava leans forward and rests her forehead on Beatrice’s sternum, Beatrice cradles the back of her head and tangles her fingers through her hair.

"We can… eat, sleep, then shower?" Beatrice offers and Ava nods against her chest.

Twenty minutes later, Beatrice moves toward the couch when Ava catches her elbow. Ava shakes her head before leading her to her bedroom where Beatrice stops in the doorway.

"Beatrice, you’ve been up for over twenty-four hours taking care of my baby, you’re not sleeping on the couch." Ava explains, continuing at Beatrice’s hesitation, "If it bothers you that much, I’ll sleep on the couch."

"It doesn’t bother me, I just - I - I don’t want to make you uncomfortable and - and - " Beatrice flounders, her face heating as she gestures wildly with her hands. Ava chuckles softly and nudges her to the bed, only joining her when Beatrice finally settles.

Beatrice tucks her arms into her sides and stares up at the ceiling, her heart racing as she tries to convince herself she doesn’t want to completely wrap herself around Ava. It’s an urge she’s had for much longer than she wants to admit, one she’s been burying every other day for the last eight months that keeps coming back stronger than the time before.

Ava, however, appears to have no regard for her silent struggle and tangles herself into Beatrice. She buries her nose into the crook of her neck and throws an arm over Beatrice’s shoulders and tucks her leg between Beatrice’s.

"Is this okay?" Ava asks when Beatrice tenses, lifting her head and brushing her nose against Beatrice’s jaw. Beatrice nods, minutely and stiffly. "Are you sure?" Beatrice nods again, the silence twisting around Ava’s throat. "Tell me."

"This is okay," Beatrice assures, releasing a slow breath before reaching around Ava and cradling her head with one hand, resting the other on Ava’s shoulder before drifting slowly down her arm to hold her elbow. Ava smiles and drops her head back on Beatrice’s shoulder.

It’s the best sleep either of them have had in their entire lives.

Beatrice curls her fingers around her thumb again, squeezing tightly as she begs her stomach to settle. Ava’s fingers ghost over the knuckles and she instinctively flattens her palm into the mattress.

“Sorry.” She’s thankful her face is already red from the fever so Ava can’t see the way her cheeks flush.

“What were you doing?” Her breath is cool on Beatrice’s neck, thumb brushing over Beatrice’s wrist as she turns her hand over and closes the fingers back around her thumb. She curls her fingers on top, offers a soft squeeze before releasing her. Diana hums and tries to mimic the action, her tongue peeking out of her mouth as she tries to figure out how to control her fingers.

“It’s stupid.” Beatrice flattens her palm into the mattress again and turns to press her face into the pillow.

“I didn’t say it was stupid and I don’t appreciate you implying that I thought it either. You aren’t a mind reader, Bea. So don’t try to be.” There’s only a little edge to her tone, just a little hint of annoyance that slips through the concern.

“I was holding it.” Beatrice’s eyes burn as she waits for the laugh she knows is coming.

“Your thumb?” There’s no malice in her voice but Beatrice is too scared to turn and check her face. Ava’s hand hovers over Beatrice’s again. “Would you rather hold my hand? If you would like, I mean. You can totally hold your thumb too, if you’d rather that but - ”

Beatrice threads her fingers over Ava’s, curls their hands together and squeezes them when she finally stops talking.

“Yeah. Like that. Cool, cool cool cool. Co - ”

“Ava, as much as I adore your ramblings, please shut up.” Beatrice giggles, soft and breathy and Diana laughs too. 

“Sorry.” Ava buries her head in the back of Beatrice’s neck and prays she can’t feel her cheeks burning over her fever.

Beatrice is pretending to study when Lilith stumbles in drunk with Camila steadying her by the elbow. It’s quite a sight, Lilith blubbering and leaning into Camila’s side until she see Beatrice at the kitchen table.

"Is tha baby sittin’ itself?" Lilith slurs and giggles at her own joke, Camila — who appears significantly more sober than Lilith — rolls her eyes and tries to lead Lilith to her room.

"No, they over scheduled so Ava’s off. Why are you drunk on a Tuesday?" Beatrice drops her pen into her textbook and flips it closed, raising her eyebrows at Lilith. Camila shrugs when Beatrice catches her eye, her frown is deep and her grip on Lilith’s elbow is turning her knuckles white.

"Imma ne’er make it to med school," Lilith frowns, tilting hard out of Camila’s grip and toppling over the back of the couch and mumbling into the couch cushions.

Beatrice moves to the couch, rolling Lilith onto her side and lifting her shoulders before settling Lilith’s head on her lap. She brushes the hair out of Lilith’s face and Camila drops to the ground in front of them, taking Lilith’s hand in her own and kissing the back of it.

"’m failin’ bibomemistry…" Lilith mumbles weakly, sniffing hard.

"Biochemistry?" Camila offers, rubbing her thumb over Lilith’s knuckles. Lilith nods as tears form in her eyes, she frowns and presses her face into Beatrice’s thigh. Camila leans into the couch, stroking Lilith’s shoulder softly. She looks equally as heartbroken as Lilith, her heart shattered on the rug at their feet when she meets Beatrice’s eyes.

"Do you want to vent or do you want help, Lil?" Beatrice smiles when Lilith wiggles onto her back and looks up at her, her eyes bloodshot and tears sliding into her ears.

"Be sad now. Fix later." Beatrice nods and strokes her cheek softly, brushing the tears away before they slip into her hair.

"Wanna watch a sad movie so we can all cry?" Camila asks and Lilith, despite the tears spilling down her face, lights up at her voice and nods eagerly. Camila smiles and Beatrice wants to slip away because it is obvious in this moment that only they exist to each other.

Camila flutters away, digging through the movies in their secondhand entertainment center before pulling out a DVD with a cracked spine and a soda stain on the front cover. Marley & Me. Beatrice doesn’t know if she’s strong enough to not cry through this movie. It’s Lilith’s favorite to watch when she’s sad, a fact she must’ve shared with Camila based on the efficiency with which Camila finds it, slips it into the DVD player, and flicks it on. Camila presses her back into the couch in front of Lilith, smiling softly at her over her shoulder when Lilith reaches out and twists a strand of her hair through her finger.

There’s a whisper, barely louder than her own heartbeat, that Beatrice has to pretend not to hear.

"You’re beautiful, Cam."

Camila’s ears burn bright red when she whispers her reciprocation and Beatrice realizes this is going to be her entire evening. She’s going to be stuck between Camila and Lilith being all cute and sweet and very loving, and she’s not jealous. No. Beatrice is not jealous.

But she does want what they have with each other.

Even though she knows they’re both useless and neither will admit their feelings for the other, Beatrice wants someone to get drunk and tell her she’s beautiful.

"I believe so, yes.”

Shit, I said that out loud.  

Beatrice laughs brightly, bubbling and golden.

"I just did it again, didn’t I?"

"You did.”

Ava grimaces and the moment is gone.

Gone isn’t the right word, because everything is still there. Hanging, shimmering in the minimal space between them. The moment is still simmering in the air and under their skin and, if either of them were braver, they would crash into each other like waves on the shoreline. They would crash over and over and over into each other. Their bodies would melt together and they would cease to exist as individuals. They’re already so close to that edge, teetering on the edge of the cliff waiting to tumble over the side.

Everything is there. It’s impossible to ignore. Like a wildfire.

Ignoring it will only burn them both.

Diana’s awake — which is unusual — and Beatrice is still in her pajamas — which is extremely unusual.

"Oh yes, thank god. She wants to be held and I need to change," Beatrice passes Diana to Ava and disappears, leaving Ava with a now screaming toddler. Ava tries to console her, bouncing and rocking and singing to her. But nothing works.

Until Beatrice re-emerges from the bedroom, dressed in a button up and an oversized sweater, hair falling out of a low bun. Diana immediately quiets and reaches for Beatrice, hands grabbing at the air until Beatrice takes her.

"She’s been fed, watered, and changed. There are turnovers in the microwave, if you’re hungry. I’m truly sorry, but I really have to go." She passes Diana back and brushes a soft kiss against both their cheeks before trying to escape, only Diana wraps her fingers in her hair and holds her in place. "Diana, I have to go."

Diana screams and kicks Ava in the stomach, hurtling herself into Beatrice’s arms. She would’ve fallen, if Beatrice didn’t have secret ninja-like reflexes. Ava tries not to find it unbelievably hot how quickly Beatrice catches Diana in her attempt to throw herself into the tile floor.

She tries, truly.

"Di, Bea’s gotta go. She’ll be back tonight." Ava reaches for her and Diana screams and tries to climb over Beatrice’s shoulder to evade capture.

"Diana, you can’t come with me today. I have exams." Beatrice glances anxiously at her watch, one hand holding Diana by the leg as she tries to climb down Beatrice’s back. "Exams that start in thirty-seven minutes. Ava, I - "

"I got it." Ava reaches around Beatrice, grabs Diana’s wrists with one hand and ankles with the other, holding her like a tied hog, until Beatrice can extricate herself and get to the door. "She’s coming back, Di, I promise."

"I’ll see you tonight, okay, Diana?" Diana pouts and turns away, burying her face in Ava’s hair. Beatrice and Ava look at each other and Ava shrugs, Beatrice’s lip tucked between her teeth and eyebrows drawn together. She glances between the door and Diana once before Ava speaks.

"Go, we’ll be here tonight." Beatrice grinds her teeth, clenching and relaxing her jaw before taking a deep breath and nodding.

"Okay. I love you." Ava smiles at her softly, Diana wails and Beatrice freezes in the door again.

"She’ll remember she loves you by lunch. You should go."

"Right. Yes."

Beatrice doesn’t move.

"Beatrice. Go. You have class. We’re okay. I promise." Beatrice blinks at Ava, grinding her teeth and pressing her lips into a thin line. "If I have to tell you again, I’m going to call out tonight and make Shannon take you home after school."

It’s an empty threat, they both know it. Shannon would bring Beatrice here just as quickly as Beatrice herself. But it forces Beatrice to turn the doorknob and step into the hallway quietly.

Shannon’s right and Beatrice hates it.

Mary checks her phone, shifts in the plastic seat next to Beatrice, grunts and sighs heavily. She squirms and wiggles, crosses and uncrosses her legs, props her elbows on her knees before sitting back up with a huff.

"You’re terrible at this," Beatrice whispers, tucking the blanket more securely around Diana.

"At what?" Mary chuckles dryly, and shoves her phone back into her pocket, kicks her legs out only to tuck them back under her seat.

"Being comforting." Mary reaches over, playfully smacks Beatrice’s shoulder with a grin.

"What’re you talkin’ about, I’m doin’ fuckin’ great at this comforting shit. I’m all warm and fluffy and great at this thing." There’s another knock on the door before it opens slowly to reveal Lilith and Camila, they both stand in the doorway for a very long time.

"Well, that nurse was very rude. She refused to tell us where you were, Cam here had to break into whatever system they’re using for their records. Did you know she’s a fucking wizard at hacking?" Lilith’s voice echoes about the room, despite it being barely over a whisper. Diana flinches at the sudden noise but relaxes when Beatrice rubs a circle on her back.

Camila sits on the observation table with a soft sigh, reaching to pat Beatrice on the knee and nodding. Lilith forces her hands into her jacket pockets and rocks back onto her heels with a sigh and a click of her tongue. Mary’s chair creaks when she shifts again. Diana mumbles into Beatrice’s chest. The PA system crinkles with an announcement. A cart squeals down the hallway. The clock above the door ticks.

It’s stifling. It’s far too much, Beatrice can’t catch her breath. The metallic sting of the antiseptic in her lungs burns like a volcano deep in her chest. Her arm itches where the nurse had taken her blood earlier, the gauze twisting together tightly around her elbow and she wants to rip it off.

Beatrice is preparing to peel her skin off when the door swings open and Shannon smiles brightly at her.

"She’s waking up."

"I don’t want to lose you. Yes, Diana needs you, but I do too." A single tear drips on the table between them and Beatrice stands, takes a half step back. "Damnit. I need you, Ava."

"So can you just - Can you not die on me?"

Beatrice was never a pacer. She was raised to be composed, still. Invisible. Excess movement was a distraction, and distraction was unacceptable.

Then she met Ava. Fluid, kinetic Ava. She’s always in motion, even when she’s still. She buzzes about the edges, bouncing and bumbling. Ava fidgets.

Beatrice does not fidget.

It makes Ava uneasy, the steady back and forth, the line Beatrice is carving into six linoleum tiles. One way then the other and back again.

"I - Bea, can - can I just - " Ava follows her, fingers brush against the inside of Beatrice’s elbow. Beatrice pauses, turns to her and waits. "Fuck, I wasn’t actually expecting that to work. Just - give me a second, hang on."

Beatrice smiles, soft and warm and patient.

"Okay. Thanks. I’m going to start thinking now." It earns a chuckle and a head shake. Beatrice frees Diana from her high chair and watches her dance into the living room, following her and leaning against the doorframe. She’s still tuned in to Ava, tilted slightly to her and waiting, but she cheers when Diana builds a block tower and knocks it over.

"It - okay. I - fuck, this is terrifying."

"What?" Beatrice turns back to her, tucks her hands under her arms.

"I've never had someone who would stay." Ava wants to sink to the floor, her throat aches and her chest is heavy. "It’s always been me. Just me. I’ve always had to take care of myself. And - and Diana. And I - I don’t know what to do. I don’t… fuck. I don’t know how to do this."

"Okay."

"Okay?" Beatrice holds her hand out, Ava takes it.

"Okay. We’ll figure it out. Together." Together. Together.

Together.

"My classes are over for the semester, I can stay with Diana during the day and you can switch to day shifts and we’ll figure it out when classes start back up. We’ll take it one step at a time. One day, one minute, one second at a time. As long as it takes, Ava. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere."

No, she’s not. Beatrice is honest and kind and she will stay. No matter what.

Beatrice will stay.

Ava is certain of it.

It starts at the park.

"Dada, eat?"

"Dada, no."

"Peas, dada?"

"Dada fun."

Beatrice’s ears burn and her chest aches every time she says it, melting into the floor when Diana smiles after. She doesn’t know why she never corrects her. She doesn’t know why she doesn’t want to.

But Ava doesn’t correct her either.

Maybe, in another lifetime, this wouldn’t be so difficult. This wouldn’t be so terrifying. Maybe this would be easy and natural and wouldn’t make Ava feel like she’s going to throw up. Maybe it would be as simple as breathing.

But it isn’t now. Because Ava would rather pretend they’re just friends than risk having to explain to Diana why Beatrice isn’t around anymore.

She’s already had one parent walk out on her, Ava doesn’t want to be the reason she loses another.

I feel safe with you.

Ava kisses her forehead again, holds her against her racing heart and prays she’ll never forget this moment.

Beatrice nods but she doesn’t lift her head from Ava’s chest, twisting in her seat until she’s nearly fallen in Ava’s lap.

"Hey, Bea," Shannon pauses in the doorway. "Is she asleep?"

"Mostly," Ava answers quietly, running her fingers through Beatrice’s hair.

"Let’s get her in there before we have to carry her," Shannon kneels beside Ava, shakes Beatrice’s shoulder cautiously. "Bumble Bea, can you stand up for me? So we can get you to bed? Sleeping in this chair will wreak your back."

Beatrice murmurs her discontent but allows Shannon to help her to her feet, one arm wrapping cautiously around Beatrice’s hips. Shannon leads Beatrice past the couch and into a blanket fort similar to the one they’d made when Shannon and Mary had broken up when they were nineteen (Beatrice had told her it wouldn’t be forever but Shannon had cried for three weeks). Shannon settles her carefully in the center of the blankets while Lilith and Mary argue over how to use the DVD player. Camila drapes a blanket over Beatrice’s legs and Ava waits until Beatrice makes a grabbing motion with her hand and tugs Ava down beside her.

With Ava’s heartbeat in her ear, Shannon’s shampoo pressed against her back, and Lilith and Mary arguing at her feet, Beatrice falls asleep. She doesn’t make it to the movie trailers or the third bag of popcorn that Camila burns, she doesn’t wake when Diana comes to investigate the voices and presses herself between Ava and Beatrice to fall back asleep.

She doesn’t get a chance to ask until later. Beatrice is putting Diana down for a nap, Mary is helping Rich in the garage, and Martha is clattering around in the kitchen cooking. Shannon has her feet thrown over the top of the couch and she’s hanging upside down reading the book Beatrice had gifted her, she’s humming quietly along with the Christmas music from the record player.

"Shannon?" She tilts the book away from her and raises her eyebrows. "Did it ever make you mad? How differently your parents treated you and Bea? Because it sounds like you were both held to different standards."

Shannon rolls over and thumps gracelessly onto the rug, she shoves a leftover strip of wrapping paper between the pages of her book before leaving it in the space she’d previously occupied. She joins Ava on the floor in front of the fireplace, the smoke and heat warming her cold hands. Ava’s looking at the pictures on the mantle. There are more of Beatrice, doing completely normal things like folding her laundry and walking a dog, sitting on the edge of a pool laughing and bent over a textbook studying. Shannon’s pictures are sparse, a simple picture of her as a toddler with pigtails and ribbons in her hair, frozen mid-jump holding a trophy over her head, chasing Beatrice with a stick held in front of her like a sword.

"It did a bit at first. I mean, I was twelve. I had been an only child for twelve years and in walks this sad little girl that stole my parents from me. She got tender love and affection while I got nagging and rules. 

"But we were the same in the ways that really mattered. We both got grounded for two weeks when I convinced Bea to sneak out with me and we both got cars for our birthdays. They love us both the same, Bea just needed to be shown it more than I did. Because I knew they loved me. She didn't."

Ava watches Shannon’s side profile, searching for any trace of bitterness. But Shannon’s eyes are soft and her voice reminiscent.

"I always wanted a little sister. I used to beg my parents for a little sibling for my birthday or Christmas or anything. I wanted a little sister that I could play dress up and pirates with, one I could teach to braid her hair and climb a tree. Beatrice? Beatrice was not at all the kind of sister I had imagined all those nights on the roof. She’d always been smarter than me and, I mean, she didn’t try to bring attention to it and she never tried to make me feel stupid but you couldn’t talk to her without knowing she was smarter than you. And she was sad. She didn’t know how to ride a bike or build a blanket fort or skip rope. And she was kinda wonky, she’d never had ice cream before she moved here, did she tell you that? Ice cream.

But she’s the best sister I could’ve asked for, you know? She helped me get through calculus and she let me climb into bed with her after I went through a breakup. She taught me to slow down, to take things one day at a time. Yeah, we bickered and we said we hated each other and we threatened to never speak to each other again, but she would always brush and braid my hair before bed and she would sleep beside me if she had a bad dream and she’d ask me so many questions about everything. She’d ask me why I love her and why I wanted her to pretend to believe in Santa and the Easter bunny. She’d always shoot the wrapper of her straw at my head any time we would go out and she always let me pick the movie during movie night.

"In the end, I don’t really care that she tore my favorite cardigan or scratched my car or called me mean names. Because what mattered was that we kept showing up for each other. We kept loving each other in the ways we knew how."

"And that was enough? You wouldn’t take it back if you had the chance?" Shannon flinches back like Ava had just slapped her.

"What?" Her jaw moves but she makes no sound, it reminds Ava of the old black and white movies she’d watched at the orphanage. Shannon shakes her head like she’s trying to rattle the words out. "Of course not. Sure she pisses me off sometimes and she steals all my shit, but she’s still my sister. Nothing she ever does could change that. I don’t care if she burns the Vatican to the ground or unleashes a swarm of locusts or becomes festooned with boils, she’ll always be my little sister. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly. For all of it. Always. I would never take that back."

This is what family is, Ava knows now. Diana is lucky to be a part of this family.

"No, Dada. Only tickles for Mama," Diana chastises, eyebrows drawn together and head shaking.

"I’m so sorry, patinho, will you ever forgive me?" Beatrice clutches her heart. Diana considers her question for a moment before grinning toothily and answering.

"I cream."

"Ice cream? It’s almost three in the morning, are you sure?" Ava shrugs when Beatrice glances at her. "You know what? Let’s do it. But just this once."

Diana leaps of the bed and thumps to the ground, bouncing to the door and wiggling excitedly while she waits Beatrice.

"Would you like to join us?" Beatrice helps Diana onto her back, Diana’s arms wrapped around her neck and head peeking over Beatrice’s shoulder.

I’d follow you anywhere.

"Come on, Picasso." She nods back to Ava, face alight with something Ava can’t name but it’s bright and shiny and makes Ava want to pinch her freckled cheeks.

Diana steals Beatrice’s glasses when she climbs back into her lap, attempting to balance them on her tiny nose. Beatrice laughs and helps her hold the frames in place, Diana grins.

Beatrice spins the spatula in her hand absentmindedly, humming quietly to herself  as she watches the eggs sizzle and fry in the pan. The coffee pot burbles and splashes as it kicks on behind her, filling the kitchen with the dark, bitter aroma of Ava’s favorite coffee.

Diana chatters to herself somewhere deeper in the flat, giggling while she plinks a random tune out on her keyboard. Beatrice isn’t certain where Ava is as she slides the eggs onto a plate, adding a handful of shredded cheese and some fresh blueberries and sliced strawberries before calling out for Diana. She receives a disgruntled keyboard smash in response, Diana quickly resuming her assault on the plastic keyboard keys.

Beatrice sighs fondly and shakes her head, cracking another egg into the pan.

"Hey," Ava murmurs as she curls into Beatrice’s back, arms winding around her waist and chin tucking over her shoulder, wet hair dripping onto Beatrice’s back.

"Good morning," Beatrice turns and presses a kiss against Ava’s temple.

"Is she boycotting food again?" Ava jokes, poking Diana’s untouched plate.

"Mmm… I think she’s too busy practicing The Four Seasons in E Major to be boycotting her food again. Maybe we need to queue up some Tchaikovsky or even Vivaldi before we consider replenishing her gremlin energy," Beatrice jokes, grinning and leaning into Ava’s touch.

"Replenishing her gremlin energy? Her gremlin is a infinite resource, she doesn’t need help replenishing it."

The piano stops, Beatrice slides the fresh eggs onto a new plate, dropping bread into the toaster and turning to wait for Diana to peek in through the door. The little girl giggles and grins when she finds Beatrice already looking at her, slinking through the door and pushing onto her toes to try to peer at her plate.

"Cheese?" Diana asks, pointing at the plate — she hasn’t mastered the ch sound yet so the word sounds more like she’s — Ava confirms the presence of cheese on Diana’s plate and even lowers it for Diana to inspect. Diana takes a single shred of cheese, pops it into her mouth, squeals, then dances away.

Beatrice laughs and shakes her head, turning in Ava’s arms and tugging her into her chest.

"See? Infinite gremlin," Ava murmurs against Beatrice’s chest, squeezing her waist. "She survives off a single piece of cheese and chaos."

"Hey, watch out!"

Lilith snatches the frisbee out of the air before it has the opportunity to smack Beatrice in the face, grumbling under her breath and throwing it back to the teenage boy. 

As much as Lilith tries, she can’t bring herself to truly dislike Ava. She’s loud and obnoxious and insufferable, but she’s good and kind and honest. She treats Beatrice the way she deserves, looks at her like she’s the Sistine Chapel. Ava makes Beatrice laugh and stay up late and try new things, she’s talked Beatrice into trying insane food combinations and watching terrible movies.

Lilith can’t deny the new flame in Beatrice’s eyes, the easy warmth in her smile. She knows it’s Ava, it’s been Ava since Beatrice arrived home after classes that first time she’d babysat Diana. And every day, Beatrice has gotten lighter.

It’s annoying.

"Could we at least eat something?" Lilith whines, rolling onto her elbow and flicking Beatrice’s forehead.

"You’re insufferable." Beatrice swats Lilith’s hand away without looking up, finishing the sentence she’s writing before finally turning her attention to Lilith.

Lilith feels like a child at her birthday party when she finally wins Beatrice’s attention, resisting the temptation to wiggle in place.

"Where do you want to go?" Beatrice stacks her notecards and bundles her pens together.

"Cat’s Cradle?" Lilith suggests, sitting up and shoving her books into her bag. Beatrice groans and carefully tucks her papers into a folder in her rucksack. "Okay, what about the new pizza parlor?" Beatrice scrunches her mouth up but doesn’t verbally reject the idea. "We can’t do Asian fusion again, we’ve both gotten sick every time we’ve been."

"What about The Halo?" The Halo is a new restaurant on campus, opened by an alumni from before Beatrice and Lilith’s time. It’s received glowing reviews from both the campus and the local papers, quickly becoming a popular choice among students. It typically has upwards of a half hour wait.

Lilith was invited to the grand opening but she couldn’t attend because she had… well… plans with Camila.

"We could invite Camila and Ava," Lilith suggests, standing and offering her hand to help Beatrice up, adding as an afterthought, "I don’t know if they have baby food though."

"Diana doesn’t eat baby food, she’s two, Lilith." Lilith’s shrugs and folds the blanket, tucking it under her arm and intercepting an out of bounds football rolling near them. The same small woman calls her to send it back and Lilith toes it into the air, juggling it between her feet before punting it to her. The woman catches the ball against her chest and thanks her cheerily, waving when Lilith turns to follow Beatrice away.

"So…?" Beatrice blinks and refocuses on Lilith, eyes furrowed. "Are you going to invite your baby mama and spawn?"

Beatrice rolls her eyes but shakes her head. "We have hardly seen each other recently, I think I’d prefer it be just us?"

"Okay. But you’re buying the appetizers."

Beatrice crouches beside her and inspects the little beetle.

"Big or little answer?" Diana considers Beatrice’s question.

"Little."

"It’s a roly-poly. If you poke it, it’ll roll up into a ball." Beatrice demonstrates, carefully nudging the bug until it curls into a ball. "But you have to be gentle so you don’t hurt it. Do you want to try?"

Diana nods and waits until the insect uncurls before slowly poking its side, shrieking in delight when it curls up. She wiggles and bounces while she waits for it to unfurl before bumping it again.

She does this twice more before focusing on a tiny white flower stretching up from between the cracks in the sidewalk. She stands and hobbles to it before crouching beside it, watching it dance in the wind. Beatrice watches her consider pulling it, waiting for Diana to uproot it and offer it like she does almost every flower they’ve encountered on previous walks.

Diana, instead, rubs a thumb over the petals before standing and walking away.

Beatrice follows, a few steps behind so she doesn’t distract Diana from the nature surrounding them.

Diana pauses and watches a squirrel race across the path and up a tree across from them. Diana reaches back for Beatrice, tiny hand grabbing the air behind her until Beatrice takes her hand.

Diana leads them further down the trail, pausing to stare up at the leaves in the trees and a group of birds hopping through the grass, pecking at small insects they can’t see from where they are.

Beatrice had never truly admired nature until she’d started these walks with Diana, she never would’ve noticed the carpenter ants crawling up the trees around them. She wouldn’t have stopped to turn over rocks just to watch the critters beneath them scatter.

"Da, water?" Diana points off the trail to where they’d found a beautiful babbling brook that Diana had splashed in. Beatrice sighs fondly but nods and follows her as she races to the water.

"Watch your feet," Beatrice warns as Diana tramples into the underbrush. Diana slows and mindfully moves forward, avoiding a snake hole and a thicket of thorns, pausing at the edge of the water and bouncing as she waits for Beatrice to catch up.

Diana points to her shoes and the water, wiggling gleefully as Beatrice inspects the water for anything possibly dangerous. Once she’s satisfied with the safety, she holds her arms out and hoists Diana up to help her tug off her shoes and socks.

Diana shrieks as she bounds into the water, kicking and splashing excitedly. She picks up a small stone and drops it back into the water, giggling when it splashes back up to her. She glances between the water and Beatrice, eyes flickering mischievous before she kicks her foot and launches a tiny wave at Beatrice.

"Oh no, you don’t," Beatrice laughs, crouching and splashing Diana back. Diana bounces and dances as she launches a full splash attack on Beatrice, Beatrice responding equally until both their jackets are soaked. Finally, Beatrice relents, throwing her hands up in surrender. "Okay, you win!"

Diana giggles and bounces back over to Beatrice, attempting to launch herself out of the water and into Beatrice’s arms. Unfortunately, her feet slip on the little stones and she splashes face first into the water.

Immediately, Beatrice scoops her out of the water, drying Diana’s face with her sleeve while Diana coughs and shakes the water from her face. Beatrice wants to ask if she’s alright, an impulse she desperately forces down as she quietly waits for Diana to react.

Diana blinks and searches Beatrice’s forced blank face before shaking her head a final time and starting to cry, coughing as she says, "No fun."

"I’m sorry, patinho. Did it scare you or did it hurt?" Beatrice cradles her against her chest, kissing the side of her face until Diana’s cries face.

"Scary," Diana pouts, blinking and lifting her head from Beatrice’s neck.

"I’m sorry. You’re safe now, my love. I have you," Beatrice murmurs, kissing Diana’s forehead.

Diana nods and tucks her nose back into Beatrice’s neck, clinging to her.

"How can I help, kiddo?"

"Go home?" Diana blinks up at her, wiggling in Beatrice’s arms until she’s settled on Beatrice’s hip. Beatrice nods and gathers Diana’s abandoned footwear, offering the socks for Diana to tug on.

Beatrice doesn’t walk quickly back to the trailhead, she points at the trees and plants along the trail edge, listing facts about them to Diana.

They’re halfway back to the trailhead, Diana gasps and points just over Beatrice’s shoulder.

"Dada, lookit!" She whispers hurriedly, tapping Beatrice’s shoulder repeatedly until Beatrice turns.

It’s a deer, a large five point buck that’s watching them cautiously, tail and ears flicking as he considers their level of threat. Diana is unusually still as they watch each other, the buck taking slow steps over to them, sniffing the air as he steps through the last of the brush between them.

Diana reaches out to him slowly, gasping when the buck presses his nose against her palm. The noise spooks him and he bounces back, ears and tail flicking before he thunders back into the forest.

"She like me!" Diana exclaims, wiggling until Beatrice lowers her carefully to the ground. She takes three large steps after the buck before spinning around and dancing.

"That was a boy deer, kiddo. The big antlers are how you can tell!" Beatrice informs her equally ecstatic, catching Diana when she bounces back to her.

They hold hands on the walk home, Ava tucking herself under Beatrice’s arm and complaining about the wind. She grins and her cheeks shine when Beatrice shrugs off her jacket to wrap around Ava’s shoulders.

Yeah. She’ll always be Ava’s.

Lilith had also offered to "spill" cocktail sauce on Beatrice’s parents that night and, though Beatrice had denied, her mother still somehow got a giant cocktail stain on the side of her dress. Lilith still denies it was her but Beatrice knows.

By the fourth time, Lilith is glaring at Beatrice and reaching for the handle in Ava’s hand. Ava releases it but watches suspiciously as Lilith hands it to Diana.

"What - " Beatrice starts to protest, stopping when Lilith gives her a head shake.

Diana stares at the handle in her fingers, eyebrows furrowed and face blank as she considers the object. Everyone watches her silently, waiting. Diana turns it over and rubs it between her palms before gripping it between her tiny hands and looking up at Lilith, grinning up at her and giggling.

"You can’t run off or I’ll take it back, deal?" Lilith offers her fist for Diana to bump. Diana nods and knocks her fist into Lilith’s before turning back to the fish tank in front of her.

Lilith hovers her hand over Diana’s bag, prepared to grab her if she starts to run off but the action proves to be unnecessary. Diana stays with them the entire time, never more than three paces ahead and constantly checking where her parents are. By the end of their adventure, she’s offering the handle back to Lilith and raising her arms for Ava to pick her up.

"No more, peas," Diana states, dropping her head on Ava’s shoulder.

"No more what?" Beatrice asks, stroking Diana’s hair.

"Choose. You do now."

They laugh and Lilith turns to Diana, "You’re not going to run off anymore, right?"

Diana considers her question before shaking her head.

"Good, now take that leash off that little girl, she’s not a dog." Lilith unclips Diana’s bag and removes it, extending it to Beatrice and dropping it in her arms.

"It’s a child-safety tether," Ava defends.

"It’s torture," Lilith deadpans, Beatrice rolls her eyes and sighs, tucking the bag under her arm.

Diana remains true to her word, while they bring her bag with them for the next few weeks as a reminder of what will become if Diana decides to wander away. Diana doesn’t wander off again, she seems to prefer her tiny slice of freedom over her disappearing act.

She’s not certain what she’d ever fret over before because this might the only thing Beatrice had ever been certain of in her life.

They’re only pulled apart by a high whine from Diana, a cry of boredom and annoyance. Even then, they linger in each other, noses brushing and breath mixing.

Beatrice still hasn’t found the words she’d rehearsed previously, only four she hadn’t considered tumble past her lips into the shared air betwixt them.

"Will you be mine?" The uncertainty lingers only a moment before Ava pulls away to giggle, nodding rapidly and blushing deeply. She flings her arms around Beatrice’s neck and buries her nose there, effectively knocking the flowers from Beatrice’s hand. Beatrice doesn’t much mind.

"I thought I already was." 

And how lucky is she, Ava wonders, to have a lover and a daughter who care so deeply for her that they’ll sacrifice their evening park trip to lie in bed with her and rewatch movies.

"How do you know you’re doing the right thing though? How do you know you’re not fucking her up irreparably?" It’s not a question Beatrice had never considered but she’s still surprised how, for the first time, she knows the answer.

"I don’t. I just have to try my best and hope I’m doing it right. And if I’m not, I have to hope it’s not terribly enough that she becomes a Karen or a serial killer or a crappy politician." She tries to keep her voice light, making a joke out of the weight of her insecurity. "Honestly, I just want her to grow up compassionate and brave and honest. I think as long as she knows who she is and how deeply Ava and I love her, I think... I think she’ll be okay. Mostly, I just have to trust myself. And be honest with her."

"Honest?" Shannon twists to face her better.

"Yeah, I don’t always do the right thing or say the right words and sometimes I have to tell her I was wrong. Like last week, she tore up an essay I had to turn in and I snapped at her because I was overwhelmed and out of printer paper and catastrophizing and I really upset her. So I had to take a deep breath and go to her and apologize. I told her I shouldn’t have spoken to her like that and I was really upset but it was not with her." Beatrice shrugs halfheartedly, she's ashamed to admit she’d lost her temper with Diana. "I had to be honest with her, telling her I wasn’t supposed to treat her like that and it wasn’t okay I had. Then I had to listen when she told me she was still upset and I had to give her time and space until she forgave me.

"I knew I was wrong and I was honest with her about it so she wouldn’t think she was a bad kid. She can’t read, how was she to know the random paper on the table was my essay and not her art supplies?" Beatrice looks to Shannon, heart aching when she remembers how hurt Diana had been with her, how misty and red Diana’s eyes has been when Beatrice had begged for her forgiveness.

"It’s nice when you tell me you did something wrong," Shannon half-jokes, bumping her shoulder into Beatrice’s gently, "Makes me feel like you’re not so perfect all the time. I just hope I can be half the mother you are, he’s not even here yet and I feel like I’m failing."

"I think you’ll be a great mum, you did pretty good raising me," Beatrice laughs, offering her hand for Shannon to hold. "I’ve definitely had a worse mum."

Shannon laughs heartily, "No, no, I had a lot of help, Mum and Dad took care of you when I couldn’t. And the rest of the time, you kinda raised yourself."