Chapter Text
tabby could hear every little sound in the room.
that wasn’t a big deal in the moment, of course, but it added a bit of pressure to the ever-growing pile and it was pushing them closer and closer to the edge. the swaying of the curtains was just the slightest bit overwhelming, and something about it diverted them back to the subject that had been on their mind for the last two days: sylvie. their caregiver. their favorite.
sylvie hadn’t talked for a while, and it scared them somewhat. sylvie was almost always there, if at least for a little bit, but not today (or yesterday, or the four days before that).
something about that buildup of worry was starting to fog tabby’s head, turning everything sour and scary and wrong and oh, god, tabby was starting to slip smaller and smaller until they were unable to do much but cry and find the one contact they knew would be safe, the one person who they needed to see.
their hand shook as they reached for the facetime button. what if this was a bad idea? what if the call would disturb him? what could go wrong other than every little thing?
but their brain was too fogged up to focus on those thoughts, and they pressed the button before they could rethink it.
calling sylvie…
the phone buzzed once, twice. three times. then, finally, the call was accepted.
“what.” sylvie’s face popped up on screen, brow furrowed, but that slight irritation was quickly replaced with worry at the sight of tabby’s tearful face. his eyes softened. “oh, honey, what’s wrong? are you okay?”
“i—“ tabby sniffled and rubbed at their eyes. “—‘m sorry, appah…’s jus’ ‘at you weren’ sayin’ enn-ah-fin t’ me. ‘s been five days an’—an’ i miss you…”
“oh, angel, i’m sorry…” sylvie frowned, “i didn’t notice how long it’s been. i should have paid more attention to you. do you want to come over? i’m not doing anything right now, and i’m not that tired, so you can stay for as long as you like.” he punctuated the last four words with taps on the camera, as if he were tapping tabby’s nose. “appah will take care of you, i promise. you can even sleep over, if you want!”
tabby scrunched up their nose and giggled weakly. “yes, p’ease.”
“good, now would you go and ask your mama to drive you over for me? i promise i’m just a phone call away, baby. tell me when you get here so i can meet you.”
“yes, appah.”
call ended.
tabby wiped away the last of their tears, pushed themselves off the floor (with help from their cane), and pushed down their headspace. now it was time to pack, and they wouldn’t be stuck in a regressed state without any gear, especially at their caregiver’s house.
they scrounged around for a good bag before finally choosing a canvas tote and moving on to the actual gear: three children’s books ( goodnight moon, where is the green sheep , and it’s not easy being big ), extra diapers, a pack of crayons and coloring book, some plastic puzzle blocks, a sippy cup, their favorite orange-shaped teether, a pacifier and a clip, and a small container of gerber wheat puffs (vanilla, of course). they then grabbed their spare toothbrush and toothpaste, a hairbrush, and a change of clothes for the morning, and put those in the bag, too.
when that was all located and packed, tabby got dressed, powdering and putting on a diaper, along with a pastel blue onesie and white overalls. they picked out a matching set of fuzzy socks and slip-on shoes, put them on, and threw a pair of pajama pants in the bag before picking it and flat bear up and walking downstairs.
their mom was sitting on the couch, listening to what sounded like a podcast. probably smartless.
tabby took a deep breath. “mama?”
“yeah?” she removed an earbud.
“can you take me over to sylvie’s house? he invited me over for the night, if that’s okay.”
“sure, i trust him,” their mom nodded, “i’ll be ready in a few minutes.”
“ yes! ” tabby cheered. those few minutes went by fast, each minute getting harder and harder to suppress regression, but they managed. once they were in the car, though, they let go and allowed their mind to wander as far as it needed to.
halfway through the drive, their mom tried to start a conversation. “so, do you know why sylvie asked you over?”
“mm,” tabby muttered.
“huh?”
“mmnnn…” tabby opened their AAC app and typed out a response.
“he hasn’t responded to my messages for four days and he felt bad about not talking to me. he invited me over to make up for it and because he missed me too,” said the robotic voice.
“oh, okay. that’s nice.”
soon enough, the car was pulling into sylvie’s driveway. tabby pulled out their phone and started up a text.
here :]
there was a buzz as sylvie liked the message, and then a faint click as the front door opened, and sylvie came out and down the steps to the car. a louder click as the car door opened, and again a faint one as tabby unlatched the seatbelt and launched themselves into sylvie’s arms with an excited squeal.
“yeah, it’s good to see you too, sugar. you got everything?“
“mhmm,” tabby nodded vehemently and closed the car door. “got alllll m’ stuff, appah.”
“that’s a good boy. you want to go inside now?”
“yes, appah.” tabby spun in place a couple of times in excitement, giggling softly and tapping their fingers against their hips.
“someone’s happy.” sylvie laughed and ruffled tabby’s hair. “come on, gummy bear, let’s get inside.”
“…an’ dat’s how flat bear got ‘is name.” tabby grinned a toothy grin and bowed gracefully—well, as gracefully as one who was mentally four years old could bow, which was not quite gracefully enough to keep from toppling over, and so they wobbled and fell over onto their knees. “owie…”
“are you all right, honey?” sylvie knelt in front of them, equal parts amused and concerned. “anything hurt?”
“nuh-uh,” tabby shook their head, “‘m otay, appah. s jus’ a little boo-boo.”
“that’s good—what do you want to do now? you’ve already told me beartholomew’s life story, so do we want to go that way and talk a lot more?”
“uh-uh.” tabby waddled over to their bag and pulled out their paci and goodnight moon . “dis.”
sylvie laughed. “i’m not sure what you want to do with these. can you use your words?”
“cuddles…an’ book? p’ease, appah?” tabby did their best attempt at puppy dog eyes.
“sure, tabbsy,” sylvie patted them on the head, “do you have anything more comfortable to change into? those overalls look a liiiiiiiittle bit scratchy.”
they nodded and pulled out the pajama pants they’d brought with them. “lookit! ‘s got clouds!”
“that’s so cute, honey! do you think you’ll need any help changing into those?”
“yes, p’ease.”
“so polite. let’s get those clasps undone. they look like a challenge.” sylvie reached out to undo one of the metal clasps, pinching it and sliding the button out and then moving on to the second. it came undone with a click. “all done. do i need to look away or are you safe?”
“safe, appah.” tabby pulled the overalls off and stuffed them in the bag before handing the pajama pants over to their caregiver.
sylvie looked them over quickly, checking to see if their knees were bruised from the spill they took. he noticed for a moment the slight swell at tabby’s hips and the soft crinkle as they knelt down to their bag. a diaper, then? probably, and probably something he could help with. no way to find out but to ask.
“you padded tonight, sugarbee? feelin’ like you might get real little?”
tabby blushed a little in embarrassment and nodded.
“okay, bunny, that’s fine. can you sit on the bed for me? stick out your legs and point your toes, that’s a good boy. and…on they go! better?”
“better, appah. an’…” tabby blushed slightly in embarrassment and held out their pacifier. “tan you put dis to m’…mm…”
“clip it onto your onesie? sure, love.” sylvie took the pacifier and attached the clip to the front of tabby’s onesie. “all done, now. look how cozy you are! come on—“
“mm-mmnn.”
“what is it, bun?”
“you be cozy too,” tabby insisted. “‘s not fair ‘f ‘m cozy an’ you aren’t.”
“okay, honey. can you cover your eyes for three minutes? count to twenty, nine times?”
“mm-hmmm.” they picked up flat bear and pressed him to their face. “one, two, f’ree…”
when they were on their eighth twelve (they were counting in their head now, as they were getting smaller and less capable of speech), they heard “you can look now, baby” and a soft creak as sylvie sat down on the bed next to them. he had changed into an old t-shirt and sweatpants, and he looked a lot more comfortable now. tabby burrowed their face into his shoulder and let out a soft, happy squeak.
sylvie smiled softly. “you’re so sweet, angel. you want to read a book now or just cuddle?”
tabby held up one finger, indicating that either they were now mentally one year old or that they wanted the first option. sylvie asked which one they meant and only got a nod in return, which usually meant both.
“you want goodnight moon ?”
“hmm…”
“okay, let’s get a bit more comfortable.” sylvie shifted so that he was propped up against the pillows, with tabby’s head resting on his chest. “here we go. in the great green room, there was a telephone… ”
tabby was filled with a sort of warm, comfortable drowsiness. their eyelids drooped until their eyelashes touched their cheeks, and after a short moment, they were fast asleep.
“… goodnight, noises everywhere. ” the book closed and sylvie smiled.
the world was at peace, for now.