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With a treacherous hike left behind them, Ramattra slowly lowered himself onto a bench on the outskirts of the Shambali Monestary’s resident village, holding his staff to keep his hands from shaking. His legs ached despite the distinct lack of nerves and muscles in his body.
Gazing over to his left, he saw the seemingly unbothered omnic looking over the mountain range. He wasn’t sure of his name, let alone why he came here, but he wanted to make sure he wasn’t left behind in the rubble and got shelter, so he had to make the trek, even with only one recruit.
“Do you want to take a moment of rest here before we go over to your accommodation? It was a long hike, and night is quickly approaching.” He wanted to at least sound generous even if the offer was to help himself.
“I’m alright. I’m sure the mountains will be visible from anywhere in the monastery. Are you okay to keep going?” The omnic turned around and looked down at him in an almost pitying way
Suddenly, a surge of energy ran through his circuits. In an instant, he jolted himself into a confident and nearly prideful standing position, sticking his staff into the snow proudly, pretending that he isn’t using it to withhold his gelatinous-like legs from collapsing.
“There is nothing to worry about, we shall make haste and arrive at your place of stay immediately!” The omnic looked him up and down before chuckling softly and making his way over to Ramattra and standing by his side. He felt slight embarrassment at the chuckle.
Usually, the confidence impressed other omnics, even the stranger ones. It was hard enough to spend hours hiking with someone you didn’t know the name of, but needing to make a strong and empowering impression on them as well? It made hiking alone for hours sound appealing, not having to carry the conversation would help his legs too.
They begin walking side by side, Ramattra only slightly leading them forward. The oil lamps and candles start lighting up along the window sills, bringing a lively glow to the flat stone and wood houses. Darkness slowly encroaches upon the village with the reflections from the moon following suit. The snow-covered grey path transfers to a marriage of the moonlight’s cold blue and the various candle’s warm orange.
The omnic basks in the colors, stretching out his palm to hold the reflection on him, glowing along with the mountains. Ramattra catches a glance, feeling relieved that even with his subpar performance, the omnic is still sensing the same beauty he and everyone else residing in the monastery felt.
“It’s breathtaking, isn’t it?” He looks over at the moon peeking above the snow-capped landscape. “You should consider yourself lucky, most nights it’s overcast.” He laughs to himself quietly, considering it the peak of comedy, most definitely a peak you would not find up here.
“Poor choice of words, but yes, I do feel lucky.” Barely even 5 minutes later and Ramattra manages to embarrass himself once again, too caught up in the moment to properly think through his wording. Even his attempt at a joke fell flat.
“A-Ah, well…” His mind went blank, leaving only the sounds of their shoes meeting the snow and stone to fill the confidence vacuum the omnic had left Ramattra in. Suddenly, almost like the Iris was blessing him personally, their destination, a small detached stone hut placed just before a steep drop on the mountain, had appeared before them.
“This is where you’ll be staying temporarily before we can find you proper housing, would you like me to lead you inside?” Forcing himself to look down at the omnic while gesturing towards the door, he pleads that another awkward silence will not befall him.
The omnic wastes no time walking towards the door and making his way inside, leaving Ramattra standing there, head slightly turned down and defeated. It seems the Iris’ blessings were only wishful thinking. The omnic looks back at Ramattra like he’s a lone puppy in a cardboard box and almost rolls his head before moving away from the door frame.
“You can come in.” Even though the words drip with reluctance, he immediately perks up at the offer and quickly takes it, walking inside before the omnic could even properly think about it.
“Thank you. I’m surprised you would let me in after how long we’d already spent together.” A smile radiated through his voice.
“Me too.” Before the unintended passive-aggressiveness of his reply can set in, Ramattra sets his staff against the wall and pulls a chair from the small table in the corner of the room, hastily making himself at home, quicker than the omnic could even take in his surroundings. Even with how awkward and quiet it was and is, Ramattra doesn’t want to leave before making a positive impression on him, even if his pride is in millions of pieces by the end of the night.
The omnic walked about the room analyzing all the nooks and crannies, all the warped and chipped parts of the walls showing decades of exposure to the elements, and all the haphazard carpentry and furniture. Tracing the cracks, stroking the scars, the hut breathing with emotion. Impressions left from lives passed, memory etched into its skin.
“This house is nice.” He walked away from the wall and took a seat next to Ramattra, placing the chair parallel to his. Sitting with his back straight, hands folded together, and head facing forward, he didn’t look rested in any way, but Ramattra is the last person who would notice that.
“I’m glad you like it! Most newcomers aren’t exactly pleased to find out they’d have to stay here, even for a single night.” He had stressed over his thoughts, honestly. Newcomers were less displeased and more so pissed. A hard-to-forget instance was when a previously overly friendly and touchy omnic turned hysterical when Ramattra started unpacking their belongings inside.
He didn’t understand nor relate to omnics from outside the monastery, he didn’t pay it any mind for the most part, until now. He could pretend to have a grasp on what most omnics had come to them naturally, but this new one is destroying every failsafe he set up.
“I don’t partake in luxuries usually This is nothing dissimilar from the norm for me, besides the bed.” That isn’t a lie in any part. The clothes he was wearing were tattered, with mud caked onto the jagged ends of his… possibly beige pants? Dust and dirt had claimed the surface, the true color is most likely hidden under enough washing cycles to shut down the plumbing for the whole monastery.
“The bed is for when you go into sleep mode, I suppose it is odd though, no need for a bed if you can’t feel it.” He prolonged a small chuckle to fill the air.
“Oh, I mean I’m not used to having a bed, I don’t mind it.” A brief, incredibly awkward silence dragged on that was enough to fry Ramattra’s circuits on the spot. “But I think it’s interesting how we own such comforts when we ourselves can’t perceive the touch.”
His hands unfolded and the tips of his fingers trailed along the side of the chair, his head still completely motionless, waiting for a response to hit him despite him knowing what the result would be. He was too enamoured by the ridges of the wood to notice Ramattra trying to marginally widen the gap between them by scooching away.
“Feelings weren’t exactly something we were designed to need, perhaps it’s just an unconscious desire to feel.” A desire to feel was something every omnic had felt once, in one way or another. Ramattra wasn’t any different, even if the discovery of the reality of his existence was a regrettable one at points. He had control now, though. He wouldn’t give that up for anything.
“Sometimes, isn’t it as if you could feel anyway?” He drawled calmly, still focused on softly running his fingers against the chair. Even if omnics couldn’t feel, he was still able to appreciate what others wouldn’t bother to care about.
“There have been times… times not too recent.” With how the night’s been, 20 minutes ago felt like decades.
“Ramattra,” The calling tone of his voice rang through him, completely disrupting anything running through his mind. This was the first instance the omnic had called him by his name. It felt almost scary, making Ramattra focus everything on him quicker than he could process what he had said. “Do you think we feel the same as them?”
An odd question, hadn’t he already answered it himself moments prior? Maybe it was a sort of joke? He couldn’t be one to judge, most omnics, even the smitten ones, barely try pity-laughing for Ramattra.
“Did… did you yourself not say we didn’t before?” He let out another small, more concerned chuckle. “No, I mean do we feel emotions the same as them.”
That question made much more sense, almost too much sense for Ramattra. Leaving him shellshocked at the thought. This wasn’t a foreign idea to him, he had wondered about it here and there in the past but had never taken it seriously. Possibly hitting too close to home for him to entertain.
“I- I mean…” He cleared his dry non-existent throat to buy him even a few precious seconds to collect his shattered thoughts. “We do not contain brains like those others do. I don’t believe that it would, w-well… I don’t think that it would be the same…” He didn’t want to think it would be the same, that they’d contain any similarities.
He’d seen first-hand the inhumane horrors they could perform even without any reason to do so. He had felt their crimes in his arms, wearing the burden, retaining the feeling. It’s what drove him to come to the monastery, to try and save all the irreplaceable life, but the awareness ate away at him. He wanted a world where this would only be a reality for him.
“From the moment we were made, we’d gone through so much before even becoming aware. A war just to exist, and attacked just for being. Those of us who have made it through, even though plentiful, still are a minuscule amount compared to before. On any of them, it would cause lifelong pain, why would it be different for us?”
…
There was nothing, nothing to say, nothing to even focus on to forget. Ramattra’s mind raced, a moment of crisis smashed onto his psyche, in what felt like the most unimaginably horrendous irony.
His voice, slightly shaky, let out a meek but needed response, “I guess it wouldn’t be much different.” He thought his pride would be in pieces, not his entire view on life.
“You would know best I assume, being a Ravager.” A word he hadn’t heard in years, something he had to forbid anyone from mentioning even through descriptions. Memories of the war escaped him, but the memories of the attempts on his life did not. Nothing associated with the word would bring him any good. He had hoped it was forgotten, no other new omnic had brought it up in what felt like a blissful eternity.
The omnic sensed the emotions Ramattra was feeling radiating off of him, regretting his words quicker than he said them. “My apologies, I didn’t believe it would be upsetting for you.” Ramattra immediately cleared his mind, straightened his back, and released the grip his hands had on his pants. He was not letting another moment of weakness begin for him.
“It is quite alright, letting the past affect your future is how bad decisions are made.” His head turned to look down at the omnic for the first time since he entered the hut. Their eyes seemed to lock for a moment, something that would cause a reflex in Ramattra, but that moment felt… calm. An understanding, a feeling of empathy, a strange feeling. The omnic was someone he didn’t even know the name of, but he knew him. He knew him more than he knew himself.
The cold mountain air whisked its way into the room, swaying the curtains. Unwillingly, he instinctually looked over at the movement. That was when he noticed the moon shining down on them. The omnic was glowing again, like on the path, only without the warmth of the candles, but there was still a beauty falling over his body. An envoy of the light, he wasn’t similar to any other omnic. He wanted to live in this moment forever, in peaceful inertia.
“It is getting late, you should rest” The worst words to ever be conceived of. “You’re right. Sorry for overstaying my welcome.” He got up, knowing it was over, there wasn’t much he could do now.
“I would not have had the pleasure to know you if you had not.” Still in the motion of putting the chair away, Ramattra froze, unable to process the information. After a few seconds of him awkwardly holding the chair bent over, he snapped back into reality.
“Likewise” He titled his head facing the omnic, trying his best to show him a sort of smile. It wasn’t a substitute for how ecstatic he felt, but no possible expression on anyone could be.
He swiftly readied himself to leave, picking up his staff from the wall and practically having one foot out of the door already, not wanting to possibly bother the omnic any further. But before he could let any words out, he noticed the omnic lighting a candle and placing it on the window sill, gazing out at the mountains. There was still so much to know about him, so much he wanted to know about him. But starting small would be the best
“What is your name?”
“Zenyatta.”
“A charming name, goodnight Zenyatta.”
“Goodnight Ramattra.”