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“Shit.”
Another mumbled curse leaves your lips as soon as your head rests on the nearby wall. Stars begin to form in your vision as the events from earlier in the day begin to take a toll on your body.
None of this was supposed to happen. You were supposed to meet up with a familiar contact of yours, not be ambushed by some kid who thought he could make a few quick bucks by robbing you. He didn’t put up much of a fight, but he was able to get a few punches in, along with a few cuts from his knife across your face.
You’ve been in much worse fights than this, but fuck does it hurt. The only thing you want to do right is to go home and go to sleep before the swelling across your face begins to take effect.
The blaring announcements on the speakers, informing the residents that curfew for the night was quickly approaching and people needed to head home, brought you back to reality. The buzzing feeling in your head and the lack of blood flowing through your veins make you feel woozy for a moment. The faster you got home, the sooner this feeling would go away. So, you force yourself up from the wall you’re currently resting against and force yourself to continue walking.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
The open wounds on your knuckles make it painful for you to fish out your keys out of your pocket. You were able to get rid of most of the blood that was on your hands by wiping your hands on your jacket. Just flexing the muscles in your hands was enough to reopen the wound.
A hiss of pain leaves your lips as the warm feeling of blood begins to flow through your wounds. Not as much blood creeps onto your skin as it did earlier, but it was enough to jolt your body awake.
The sounds of your keys jiggling with the door lock vaguely registers through your brain. It might as well have been miles away because as soon as your key unlocks the door, you lose your footing and stumble your way inside your apartment. The call of sleep was growing heavier and heavier on your mind as you made your way inside, closing the door behind you.
Your boots and jacket are quickly disregarded to the floor. You’ll get to them in the morning, you tell yourself, but right now, you can’t even be bothered to put them in their usual spots.
You couldn’t find it within you to lay your body across the mattress when you sit on the edge of your bed. You’re so exhausted that you don’t even notice the excess weight on your bed. You only notice it when you place your right hand on the mattress and come in contact with the feeling of a lump on your bed.
A short-lived scream leaves your lips as soon as the realization hits you. The first thought that popped up in your mind was the person was some kind of intruder, but you quickly disregarded that thought at how ridiculous that sounded. You place a hand on your chest, trying to control your now racing heart rate when you glance closer at the person and realize who it was.
“What the hell, Joel?! Why are you here?” You ask as a heavy breath leaves your lips as he flutters his eyes open.
The grogginess within Joel’s system still lures in his brain. He was dead asleep- he meant to stay awake long enough until you returned home so that he could greet you. One moment he was awake, then the next he was awakened by a loud noise.
A few mumbled words left his lips, words even he couldn’t understand as he struggled to stay awake. The adrenaline continues to run through your veins as the hand on your chest never leaves its place.
“I just… I wanted to make sure- that you…” Joel trails off as the sensation of sleep is still heavy on his eyes.
A small smile appears on your face. With the way Joel’s figure instinctively molds with your pillows as his body goes deeper into the comfort of your bed, it took everything within you not to crawl into your bed at that very moment.
You speak again once your heart rate and your breathing have gone back to normal. “Why are you in my bed?”
Another mumbled excuse leaves his lips, one that you can’t understand.
“When I gave you my key and told you you could come over whenever you wanted, this isn’t what I had in mind.” You say as you begin to make your way to your side of the bed.
“I needed to see you.” He admits.
“Scoot over.” You tell him as the confession of his words causes a warm sensation to blossom within your chest. It’s not often you’re able to hear such a vulnerable and honest confession from Joel. They’re rare, but any sort of admission of his feelings for you is okay in your book. The current smile on your face only grows at his words.
The relationship you have with Joel is a complicated one. Joel isn’t a man of many words. He doesn’t say much when he spends the night- he usually whispers sweet nothings in your ear some nights and will stay long enough until you’ve fallen asleep then slip out quietly. Other nights, you’ll be wrapped in his arms when you wake up in the morning.
Spending the night at each other’s place became more and more frequent the longer your relationship progressed. It nearly took a year to get to the point where you spent nearly every night together- the only time you didn’t was when either of you left the walls of the QZ for a few days. It became a rare occurrence where you weren’t wrapped in each other’s arms when you woke up the following morning.
Joel began visiting your place so often that you eventually gave him your spare key. There were several times when you weren’t home and you would find him lingering in the hall, waiting for you to come home. However, the idea of him waiting for you at home like a spouse waits for their significant other never crossed your mind when you gave him your key. You only assumed he would do so when he knew you would be home within the next hour or so, not when he knew it would be a while until you returned.
The gentle shove on Joel’s shoulder blade silently told him to scoot over a few inches so that you could join him on the bed. Your hand slides across his body and stops when your hand comes in contact with his, resting lazily on top of his stomach. Your fingers immediately intertwine with his. Your body perfectly molds with his as you adjust yourself on your side so that you could be more comfortable.
Hardly any space remains between the two of you. Joel’s back pushes further toward your chest, trying to be as close to you as possible. After being away from each other what felt like weeks, but really it was just for the majority of the day, the both of you try to get as close as you can, a vain attempt to make up for the time you lost.
The feeling of Joel’s chapped lips pressing on your knuckles causes a soft moan to leave your lips. The action itself causes the stresses of the day to leave your body, but the soft pressure on your cut skin causes a jolt of pain to flow through your veins. When he brings your intertwined fingers to his lips again, the faint taste of copper lines the inside of his mouth.
It’s hard to see the scratches on your hand due to the limited light in your apartment. The only light source within your apartment is the moonlight that looms its way inside, and the street lights that reside almost directly in front of your apartment building. Joel’s eyes focus closer to the hand that is wrapped around his, and that’s when he notices the red scars that litter the top of your hand. Concern immediately consumes Joel when he realizes why you got home so late.
“What happened?” He asks. Worry already fills the tone of his voice as he continues to inspect your wound.
“Nothing, I’m fine.” You try to reassure him.
Joel doesn’t listen. Rather, he unravels himself from your embrace and gets up from the bed. A heavy sigh leaves your lips when you realize he wouldn’t let this go. You knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep until he knew you were taken care of. This wasn’t the first (and probably wouldn’t be the last) time you came home with injuries. Every time Joel saw a cut of any kind on you, or a cut on him, neither of you would be able to relax until you knew the other was safe and taken care of.
The sound of a cork unscrewing in the kitchen catches your attention. Your back was facing towards the direction of the kitchen, so you had to crane your neck far enough to see Joel’s back towards you. The relaxed position of his shoulders from moments ago is now replaced with knots as his body tenses, another sign of concern for you.
His name leaves your lips when you notice how stressed he is by one of the many injuries you got earlier. You hadn’t meant to make a big deal out of this. You thought you would have been asleep in his arms already, not wanting him to worry about you like this.
“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” You repeat to Joel, but like before, he doesn’t listen.
His back turns, catching a glimpse of you slowly beginning to sit up on the bed. His head cocks to the side when he hears your words. “You can be so stubborn at times. If you don’t get that cleaned up, it’ll get infected.” He tells you.
When he returns to your side a few seconds later, his hand now grasps a wet rag that smells of whiskey. His free hand gently nudges your leg, giving you the hint to scoot over as the bed dips when Joel sits on the edge of the mattress. The palm of his hand reaches out towards you, silently asking for your injured hand. The rough skin of his palm gently scratches yours when you place your hand in his.
“Just let me take care of you, okay?” The soft plea of his causes you to cave in, to allow him to take care of you in a way that mirrors a spouse taking care of their partner. Reluctantly, you agree. A soft ‘okay’ leaves your lips as soon as the cool towel comes in contact with your skin.
“How’s that? Doesn’t hurt too much?” He asks as he gently dabs the wounded area with the rag now soaked with disinfectant. His eyes scan your face to make sure you’re alright, but that’s when he notices the cut on your hand wasn’t the only injury you got today. He sees that your face is littered with cuts and dried-up blood. A heavy sigh leaves his lips when he realizes this.
A groan leaves your lips as the alcohol seeps its way into your cut, the pain from the disinfectant now making its way into your wound. “No, it’s fine. Good.”
A forced smile appears on your face as he continues to dab the area. A soft ‘thank you’ leaves your lips. Joel continues to dab at any other cuts that are visible: there’s a few superficial ones scattered across your forehead and near your jawline, but the one that catches Joel’s attention is the one on your cheekbone. The area is already beginning to swell up thanks to the tough punches you endured earlier. The area is already beginning to turn a few mixed shades of red and purple.
“This one is pretty bad, you’ll have to get that checked out in the morning.” Joel tells you as he pays particular attention to it. Unlike the other cuts where the wet rag kept them company, the tip of his thumb gently grazes the area.
Normally, the feeling of his skin touching yours would cause butterflies to erupt in your stomach, but the soft pressure on your cheekbone causes pain to strike through your system. It’s not often Joel shows this side of himself, usually only when it comes to being intimate with each other. So, when the look in his eyes softens once he sees just how bad shape you’re in, a warm feeling fills your stomach. You didn’t need words for you to know how worried Joel is, his actions tell you that.
“I told you, I’m okay.” You tell him.
“You’re lucky you’re not dead.”
“I’m-“
“It’s a miracle you’re even still alive with the amount of blood you lost.” He sternly tells you. The concern in his voice from earlier has not returned and is replaced with a gruff edge.
His eyes continue to scan over your body to see if there are any other injuries you may have that he didn’t notice earlier. Luckily, there isn’t any.
“It was just a stupid mistake, one I won’t make again.”
“Who did this?”
“Joel-“
“I need a name.” His protective side begins to reveal itself once again. If there’s one thing you know about him, you know Joel will protect anyone he cares for.
“Nobody. It doesn’t matter. It was just some kid who pulled a knife on me when I was meeting with someone. Things went bad, a fight happened. That’s all, I swear.”
A sigh leaves Joel’s lips when he realizes that’s all you’re going to tell him. There’s no point in worrying over something that has already happened and is in the past. Your non-injured hand reaches up the hand of his that still rests on your cheekbone. You gently squeeze his hand, telling him that you’re okay and he doesn’t have to worry about anything.
“I’m okay, Joel. Really.”
“Are you sure?” He asks, the concerned tone in his voice from earlier finally returning.
“Positive.” You reassure him with a simple nod of your head. You softly peck your lips at your conjoined hands, giving Joel the assurance he needs to know that you’re okay.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
It didn’t take long for the two of you to go back to laying back down on your bed, but this time, you were trapped in Joel’s arms. His grasp on you is tight, but not to the point where it’s painful, just tight enough for you to know the safest place for you is to be in his embrace. Even though he couldn’t be there for you earlier (when you needed him most), you know the best way he can protect you at this very moment is to be wrapped in his arms.
The rest of the evening was spent in each other’s arms. When you first began laying down, your back was pressed to his front, but at some point, your body flipped to the opposite side. Your arms now lazily wrap around Joel’s torso as his arms never loosened their grip on you. The thought of that warms your heart.
Your relationship with Joel has never been explicitly stated. You began growing close over time during the past year or so. Things went from being accomplices to a physical relationship to developing deep feelings for Joel. Neither of you planned for this, it just happened.
When Joel met you in the alleyway that afternoon, never did he imagine would he end up falling in love with you. After he lost nearly lost everyone in his life, he never imagined someone like you to turn up in his life. Your perspective on the world is so much different from his. You still see the good in people before the bad, the light in others before the darkness. That’s something he’s been struggling with for years. You’ve suffered with loss as well but you dealt with it differently than Joel has.
Joel always saw the darkness in others when he first met them. He always assumed the worst in people. He always thought the moment he began to trust someone, he would lose them somehow- they would either betray him or they would die in some brutal way. That’s how things always went for him.
Until he met you.
That’s when everything in his life changed for the better. You were the beacon of light he desperately needed, he just didn’t know it yet. It took him months just to expose parts of his past he hadn’t shown to anyone else in a long time. He was just too terrified of losing you. He thought the moment he opened up to you, that would be the moment he would lose you, so he hid himself from you.
When you would tell him story after story, one anecdote after another, he wanted to do the same. He wanted to tell you what life was like for him prior to the outbreak, how he was practically a different person, but he never gathered enough strength to do so. It wasn’t until recently that he was able to.
They weren’t very detailed stories. He usually would mention something to you when you were telling him a story from your life prior to the outbreak, but the little amount he would tell you meant everything to you. You know just how hard it is for him to be this vulnerable with someone. He mentioned that to you one evening, saying how the things he’s told you weren’t even mentioned to Tess, even after knowing each other for years.
So, whenever he tells you a confession like that, you know just how important it is to listen. He may not say it outright, but the amount of trust he has in you is greater than it’s ever been in years.
The thought of life without you terrifies Joel to his core. That’s his worst nightmare. It would make life seem meaningless just as it did when he lost his family. In a way, you have become his family- someone to hold onto when times get tough and the support system he needs.
So, he tells you this with a few simple words.
“I can’t lose you.” He whispers in your ear. His words are followed by kisses peppered across your hairline. They begin there and eventually gravitate towards the side of your head.
Your eyes glance up and find all of his attention is now on you. You were just moments away from falling asleep when his words woke you up. His eyes have a look of intensity you never have seen before, even when you were on the brink of death one time beyond the walls of the QZ.
A barely audible chuckle leaves your lips. “Where’s this coming from?”
“Nowhere. I just, uh- I need you in my life. I can’t imagine being with someone other than you.”
The small smile on your face grows at his words. As long as you have known him, you never have heard him refer to being with you. That’s probably the closest he’s ever admitted to harboring deep, romantic feelings for you, without outright saying it. He just says it in a different way.
“I can’t imagine my life without you either, Joel.” You tell him.
You try to ignore the intense feelings of butterflies. Joel always tends to have that kind of effect on you somehow. You guide your head toward the center of his chest. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat doesn’t help with the feeling of sleep on your brain.
There’s so much more you both want to say to the other, how you can’t survive without the other, but you settle for the feeling of comfort in your bones- you can tell each other in the morning, but right now, the call of sleep is like a siren’s call to the sea.
The last thing you remember before falling asleep is the feeling of Joel’s lips reaching wherever they could. You dream of a time when your life can just be of moments filled with these. Joel thinks of the exact words to tell you, how much he cares, when you wake.