Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Mun Yeong had woken up in the hospital, the specifics surrounding her at the time had already been forgotten. All she knew was that she was in a car accident and it did some damage, more then she would have expected. After she woke up, Mun Yeong vaguely remembered that there were a lot of people asking her a lot of questions, making tests and fussing about her condition. Not that she recalled any of the details, it was all a blur. What she did remember however, was the reaction to the question of what year it was.

“Early 2020, the specific month is lost on me but definitely around January or February.”

The doctor furrowed his eyes, scribbled something on the board and continued with his questioning. “What’s the last thing you remember doing Miss Ko?”

Mun Yeong had to think, quiet for a long time. What was she doing before that damn car had hit her? What was the last thing she remembered? Bickering with Mr. Lee was always a safe option. Her gaze slid into the corner where the man in question was standing, his eyes blood shot and full of concern for her. His eyes kept on glancing to the window, someone must be standing there but Mun Yeong’s view was blocked and she could never see who he was looking at.

“Don’t worry, take your time with using your brain. It’s difficult to get into the rhythm of thinking again after something like that, I know it might sound weird but you’ll get the hang of it again.” The doctor told her gently and her eyes found him again.

In truth, Mun Yeong was frustrated and she was scared. Not knowing what had happened to her was making her very nervous. She was a person who liked to be in control and she knew that knowledge and awareness always gave her that control to have the upper hand in any situation. Now however, she drew blanks left and right. She tried again, it must have been something with Mr. Lee, surly, there was no one else she saw as often as him but some how it didn’t feel right. She was missing something; if only she knew what.

“Your mind might have issues with remembering what happened but your body never forgets, if you can’t see it then maybe feel it. your body will tell you what feels right.” Her doctor spoke and Mun Yeong tried not to role her eyes. She didn’t need this strange voodoo crap from this man, she needed him to fix her brain. But she guessed that was exactly what this man was trying to do. Help her assess the full extent of the damage that was done. She let images go through her mind, images of what she knew and tried to feel if one provoked an intense emotion.

Snow, the image of snow in front of her hotel window, the feeling of rain on her cheek, the warmth of the sun on her face.

The sun was shining on her face but the air had been cold enough to puff in front of her and yet Mun Yeong was wearing a short dress. Lee was admonishing her for her lack of care and telling her that he would soon have to take her to the hospital due to pandemonium.

The hospital!

That seemed to stir an intense emotion inside of her but she wasn’t quite sure why.

The air was cold but the sun was shining, January and February felt that way, maybe the beginning of March and April. She liked to read books during that time… her books in particular. A book! She was releasing a new book soon. Sang In had just informed her of a reading in the children’s ward of the hospital.

“Zombie Kid!” Mun Yeong almost shouted happily, “I’m getting ready to release my book called Zombie Kid! Lee just told me about a reading for… for… the boy who fed on nightmares!” saying it out loud gave her a strange feeling, a longing for something, she was missing something but what?

Mun Yeong quickly pushed the thought away and focused on her eureka moment. She looked at Lee, thinking that he would be looking at her with relief but when her eyes met his own, he looked more devastated then anything else. Sang In ripped his gaze away from her own questioning one and to the window, back to whoever he was seeing there. He gave a subtle shake of his head and that action scared her. what was she missing? Why was he being so discouraging and why is her doctor jotting something down with such a serious expression.

It would be a few days until the doctors had told Mun Yeong that it was not in fact 2020, that she had lost the last six years of her memories to this car crash, that they might never come back and she would have to learn how to live with that possibility.

The first time they told her, Mun Yeong thought they had been joking, only after seeing the date on multiple devices; 2026.06.12, did she believe them. the panic attacks that followed were brutal, she hadn’t had them since she was 16 but it felt like no time had passed. Her father was choking her again in her childhood bed, her air pipe closing and her breathing becoming so fast that she needed to be sedated.

They released her a week later and Mun Yeong had moved back into the hotel room she stayed in before the accident, or at least in the room she remembered staying in in 2020. But something was off, she knew this place but her body was restless, no longer comfortable here, obviously used to another place, another home. One she could no longer remember. She forced herself to get used to it again. That was a month ago, since then she had begun work again at Mr. Lee’s publishing house… or now a publishing house that was co owned by him and her apparently. He had shown her some books that she had released after her memory loss and in the beginning she didn’t believe him that those were hers. The writing had changed drastically, the themes more about finding and regaining happiness and love, rather then dealing with trauma head on.

Not only her stories but the art style had changed beyond her recognition. Where there were dark and twisted images, full of stark and intense colours before; now there were soft and gentle pencil strokes. The colours were soothing and the images softer. The first time Mun Yeong read finding the real face she had been so overwhelmed by the strangeness of the story that she turned to Mr. Lee with wide eyes.

“I wrote this? Me? Ko Mun Yeong wrote this piece of literature?”

Sang In had nodded his head encouragingly but her face did not change.

“I mean… it’s good, the story is… almost sweet but are we sure that I have the capacity to write something like this? Me? The woman in black.”

Sang In shrugged and a wistful smile had graced his face. “You changed.” Was all he said.

“Yes… but not that much.”

She had to pause at the front of the book, a picture of her and a man was there. Pointing to it she asked, “who is that?”

“The illustrator, Moon Sang Tae.”

“Why would his picture be in here?” Mun Yeong had never let one of her illustrators add their picture, not that any wanted to. They never had that kind of relationship.

“You wanted it that way.” Sang In was very patient with all her questions, ever since she woke up and asked him everything and anything about her current situation. She would never admit it to him but his presence had helped her a lot in this difficult time. He was something familiar in a world that she could barely recognise.

“Why?” her voice was filled with disdain. The thought of her wanting someone else in her book made her angry. When did she become so soft?

Sang In shrugged again, “You changed.” That seemed to be his favourite thing to say to her. That she had changed without ever going into the detail of how she had changed, and in what god damn way did she change? What had triggered such a drastic personality shift?

Another thing that didn’t make sense to her was the way her heart sped up whenever her assistant was around. He was introduced to her on her first day back, Sang In had explained to her that she had needed an assistant after her books had hit a new peak in popularity. She was about to tell him to send the man to hell, Mun Yeong didn’t do assistants, they were tactless and couldn’t handle her for long but when she saw him… something had happened to her body. Her heart speeding up and her muscles tensing up and relaxing all at once.

Moon Gang Tae, the man with the pretty eyes. She wasn’t sure why she was feeling this way about him, if she would have to guess she might have had an affair with him before the crash but when she saw his wedding ring on his finger she knew that, that was not the case. Mun Yeong might have done a lot of questionable things in her past but sleeping with a married man was never one of them. For no man in the world would she give up that rule, not even for pretty Moon Gang Tae. There was too much scandal and heart break connected to helping a man cheat and she had drawn a clear line around that rule, never crossing it. she might not remember how she had changed but Mun Yeong knew that no matter what, she wouldn’t have done that. She just wouldn’t.

And yet her heart sang when she saw him, her stomach filled with butterflies. There was no doubt about her body recognising him and she quickly realised why she was so fond of him. He seemed to know everything about her, from the way she liked her coffee in the morning to the way she liked to eat and when and what. It felt like he had a direct connection to her stomach and her mind, reading her needs before she even knew them herself. Whenever she was craving a coffee, he would already be walking in with one in his hand. Whenever she would want food he had already made a reservation at her favourite spot.

He would give her food and when she told him she didn’t like this stuff, he had told her that she did and to trust him and for some annoying reason she did. When she tried the “new” food, she always grudgingly admitted that it tasted good. He would laugh, an infuriatingly beautiful sound, and smile at her with all his teeth. Reminding her of just how beautiful he was.

She tried not to think to hard about the way his hand would find itself on her waste in a crowded room, as if it belonged there, guiding her to her next appointment. As if it was the most natural thing in the world for him to do.

Or the way his jaw would tense whenever they would meet an event manager that would flirt with her a bit too much, making too many comments about her appearance and how beautiful she was, or the men at the coffee shops that would try and give her their number. The way he would be mad for the rest of the day, a certain anxiousness filling his eyes after every encounter as if he had a right to be angry at men that approach her. Like he wasn’t married to someone already.

Or the way his eyes would ravage her when he sees her in a dress for an event. When her hair framed her face in just the right way and her make up was minimal yet elegant. The way his eyes followed the curves of her body in a possessive way that he had no right to. The way he would not leave her side for a single second during those nights when she looked like that. Whenever they would bump into someone who asked Mun Yeong how she was doing and if she could remember, her answering being no, the other person would stare at Gang Tae for a long while, pity in their eyes but Mun Yeong never understood why. His hand would find it’s way on her waste again and she would let him guide her away. Mun Yeong was still easily overwhelmed due to her brain injury and people continuously knowing her but she not them made her tired and uncomfortable. Gang Tae felt her decrease in energy so fast that she never had to tell him that she needed a break, he would guide her to a quiet corner and they would stand there for a second. His eyes would be fixed on her face, reading her like a book and sometimes, just sometimes, he would be staring at her lips, like a man dying of thirst.

It gave her doubts about her previously proclaimed lines that she drew with married men. It made her unsure about what the nature of their relationship was and why she couldn’t seem to bring herself to tell him off about his behaviour.

Secretly Mun Yeong enjoyed his jealousy, enjoyed the attention he gave her and it scared her because the Mun Yeong that she knew would never do anything with a married man. Who had she turned into?

They would stay late in the office at least once a week and work on this and that. She had caught him looking at her with an expression that no man had ever looked at her with. His eyes fully focused on her, the emotions inside of them so deep and complex that she couldn’t even start to untangle them. The moment would be broken by his phone ringing, always at around seven or eight o’clock. Probably his wife calling him home, Mun Yeong would muse bitterly. Quickly trying to banish the bitterness at the thought of Gang tae going home to another woman.

He would pick up and soon after pack his bags and leave, assuring the other person on the other end that he was going to be home on time.

“I know, I’m sorry. I sometimes forget the time.” He would say checking his watch, his eyes find her during the call and he nodes at the thing the person on the other side said, “yes… she is with me now. No, I don’t think that’s a good idea, not tonight.” He turned away from her and spoke quietly, “It’s too soon. Now is not the time to do this, no matter what I want.”

Mun Yeong’s eyes furrowed, what was too soon? What did he want? She hated that almost every aspect of her life had become a riddle to her. There was nothing that made sense to her, not fully at least. Not her stories, not her eating habits, not the fact that her body felt different from before; she hadn’t told anyone about it but the way her body had changed in the last six years had her confused. It wasn’t like she didn’t look like she did before, but her breasts had become heavy in a way she didn’t know before and her stomach… had marks, not large ones or many but they were there, fine lines on her lower belly and some on her hips. She couldn’t make out what had caused them. But most importantly she couldn’t figure out what her relationship with Moon Gang Tae was, what the fuck was she doing with this man before that car crash.

He bid her goodnight and Mun Yeong watched him leave, her eyes sceptically following him.

It was Tuesday morning when her heart had almost stopped. She walked into the hallway of the office and had found Moon Gang Tae standing in front of a stroller, holding a baby. The little thing had looked not more then a few months old but what almost nocked Mun Yeong off her feet was the urge to pluck the baby from Gang Tae’s arms and hold it herself. Mun Yeong did not do babies. Not in a million years. The child was asleep in what she assumed was her father’s arms and her heart had almost crashed to the floor. He had a child with someone and Mun Yeong thought they had been having sex before her car crash. There was no way she would sleep with a man that had a baby at home, right? She was so unsure of herself lately that she couldn’t even say it with confidence. It made her feel sick. What was this man playing at?

His eyes had widened when he saw her, standing there frozen in the hallway.

“Mun Yeong… I didn’t know you were in already.” His eyes were flitting over her face, her eyes and the expression inside, searching for something that Mun Yeong couldn’t begin to fathom. Her eyes wouldn’t leave the child however, no matter how hard she tried to look at him or at anything else. The baby looked like him and yet there was something so familiar about her, Mun Yeong tried to grasp what it was but she might as well have tried to get a grip on fog. Whatever it was, her brain chemicals were not cooperating with her on this front. The frustration of trying brought tears to her eyes.

“There are no children allowed at the office, bring her back to her mother or day care, but not here.” She turned on her heel and stormed down the hallway. Gang Tae was calling her back but she couldn’t stand the look in his eyes, when he looked at her with so many emotions whilst holding his child in his arms, a child he had with another woman. The tears spilled out of her eyes before she could get to the woman’s bathroom but she kept her head low in order to hide them. The good thing about the early morning was that there weren’t many people in the office to witness her break down.

She had cried in the bathroom, not really sure why she was crying, definitely not for the stupid man or his stupid child that were outside. No, her tears came from anger, not grief, she was angry that she couldn’t remember who she was, how she had changed and what had happened to her in the last six years that made her into the person that she was.

When she came out of her hiding spot, the baby stroller and the baby had gone and instead of being relieved her heart had cried out in sadness. Shut up! You aren’t allowed to feel sad about some random baby that I don’t know. When she entered her office, Gang Tae had already sat down at his own desk and was typing away. His head snapped up at her appearance and he studied her carefully, looking for something, just like he had before. They stood there, staring at each other for a while before he finally gave up and his eyes had turned from hopeful to impossibly sad. She couldn’t bare that look, not when she was so sad too.

“Are you okay?” Came his question, “I- I’m sorry for bringing her in… she usually stays with someone in the morning but today had been an emergency. I won’t bring her again.” Gang Tae assured and Mun Yeong nodded stiffly, ignoring the displeasure coursing through her at the thought of not seeing that little human again.

She had to take deep breaths to get a hold of her rolling emotions but once she was at her desk and lost herself in her work she was able to forget about Gang Tae’s sad sad eyes.

“Who is Gang Tae’s wife?” Mun Yeong couldn’t help herself, the question slipping from between her lips before she could stop it. She knew it was inappropriate to ask about her co workers personal life, especially when said person was not present but his actions in the past few weeks had been inappropriate as well, he came way too close to her, touched her way too freely to be acceptable in an office. He never spoke about his wife, nor had he brought up his daughter again, it infuriated her. She wanted to know who he was and what he was playing at. Did he have personal problems at home? Did he hate his wife? Why did he know so much about her but she knew nothing about him? It seemed unfair and it made her feel stupid.

Mr. Lee’s shoulders tensed but he tried to cover it up with a stretch of his back. It wasn’t just Gang Tae who was keeping things from her, it had been her old partner as well. There was someone he wasn’t telling her about and something. Mun Yeong had caught him talking on the phone with a person he affectionately called darling. Had he gotten himself a girlfriend? If yes, why not tell her about it? Why was everyone keeping things from her as if she couldn’t handle the smallest piece of information. It rubbed her the wrong way, they were all part of a big conspiracy and didn’t want her to know about any of it. Even though she didn’t like admitting it but their actions made her feel alone. Mun Yeong might not have known Gang Tae, but Lee? He was supposed to be the closest thing she had to a family member and when he kept things from her… it hurt.

“Mun Yeongie you know you shouldn’t ask such questions about your co workers.” He tried to make his voice light but Mun Yeong could hear the strain underneath.

“Okay… then who are you seeing? And don’t pretend that you don’t know who I’m talking about.” Mun Yeong raised her eyebrow at him expectantly. If she couldn’t get information about Gang Tae, then she would try to figure out who Mr. Lee had turned into in the last six years.

“I-“ he hesitated and when he turned around his eyes were pleading with her to understand. It’s an expression she had come to hate. It always meant that he wouldn’t be telling her shit that she wanted to know and usually told her that he wasn’t sure she was ready for anything yet. As if she had summoned the response herself he spoke, “I don’t think this is the right time to talk about this.”

Before she could even get a hold of her frustration, Mun Yeong’s eyes had filled with tears. “That’s all you ever say! It’s not the right time, you aren’t ready, when am I ready? You heard the doctor, I might never remember who I was in those six years, my memories might be gone forever!”

“Don’t say that!” Sang In’s voice as almost panicky at the thought.

“It feels like all you do is wait for me to remember, to wake up one day and just know what happened. It’s been two months, let’s be real, I probably won’t remember anything if I haven’t remembered it by now.” Her tears were running down her face now, streaming down her cheeks and neck.

Sang In’s gesture was defensive, hands timidly trying to calm her down. “I know this is very difficult for you. I understand that.”

“No you don’t, you’ve never had six years of your life taken away in a span of a night.”

He ignored her interruption and continued, “But this is difficult for us too! We don’t know how to handle you asking us things, we don’t know how to answer your questions. There is so much I want to say but answering your questions will only spawn more of them and that might lead to information that you are not ready to hear.”

Sang In took a step closer to her but Mun Yeong moved a step back. Somewhere in her mind Mun Yeong knew that she wasn’t being fully fair but she wasn’t about to be reasonable. It’s been two months of her not knowing who she was and what was going on. She had enough of everyone’s excuses.

“Who is we?”

His eyes widened in realisation; probably saying too much to her. Before he could even come up with a thing to say or an excuse to not answer her question the door to his office opened and Gang Tae walked in. Right now he was the last person Mun Yeong wanted to see, she didn’t know what her relationship with this man was or how to even begin that conversation. She was too uncertain about him to let him watch her cry but the angle that he came in made it difficult for her to hide her emotional outbreak. His face had gone from relaxed to serious at seeing her tears and on instinct his hands had shot up trying to pull her closer to him. But she was done with letting him touch her in such a way and not knowing who he was to her, she had enough.

Shaking his hands off of her, Mun Yeong moved away from him. “Don’t touch me!” his reaction was instant, freezing on the spot and then realising what he was about to do he pulled his hands back hastily but not without hesitation. His hands still flexing at his side in a way that told her that he still wanted to reach for her.

Before he could open his mouth she was out the door, hurrying back to her own office and closing the door tightly behind her. she really needed to get her emotions under control, her mental breakdowns were getting out of hand.

It had taken her a few minutes to calm down, her hands no longer shaking with anger and frustration. No one ever said how difficult it was to deal with the feelings of frustration that came with not remembering your own life.

A nock on her door gave her thoughts a pause and she could already tell who it was. The quick yet gentle sound was distinct to Gang Tae’s nocking technique so it wasn’t a surprise that the next voice she heard was the man she had expected. “Mun Yeong, can I come in?”

She wasn’t certain if he could; if she wanted him to see her like this. There was such a mystery surrounding him and her, Mun Yeong doubted that she would ever get the answers to the questions she had and there were so many questions. Why did it seem like him and Mr. Lee were on the same level when it came to hierarchy? Nobody treated Gang tae like he was her assistant, not a single employee. If anything, they spoke with a lot of respect when they were in conversation with him, respect that someone in his position might deserve but definitely did not always get. How come she saw him walk into an office further down from the same corridor her office was located at? Who was there and why was her assistant running errands for someone else? The essence of her questions when it came to Moon Gang Tae was simple, who was this man? And why was he lying to her?

The door handle slowly moved downwards until a click could be heard and Gang Tae’s head peaked through the small gap that he had created by pulling the door outwards. His eyes were hesitant. Mun Yeong had noticed quickly that she had a strange obsession with his eyes and the expression he tried to hide in them. Sometimes there was a wall that he put up, a valiant effort to keep her out of his head but it never seemed to work the way he wanted it to, Mun Yeong could still read him like a book. Right now it was a bit more difficult however, his eyes going through many emotions all at once. Most of whom Mun Yeong could not properly decipher.

“Are you alright?” his voice was quiet and Mun Yeong could feel the frustration she felt towards this entire situation give away into exhaustion. It was normal to feel tired quickly, especially after such an outbreak. Her body had been through a lot and her brain was still sluggish when it came to processing and exerting emotions and the chemicals they needed to be picked up by the rest of her body. Gang Tae must have seen the tiredness that washed over her face because he moved closer to her, closing the door behind himself. She leaned against her desk and Gang Tae came next to her, mimicking the move.

“I know this must be very… hard.” His voice almost broke on the last word but Mun Yeong couldn’t stand having this kind of discussion right now, so before he could continue she held up one hand to stop him.

“Please, not right now.”

He looked at her for a while but nodded his head. “Alright.” His hand had found its way next to hers on the desk, their pinkies brushing against each other before his hand completely moved over her own, rubbing gentle circles on the back of it. She let it happen, just this once.

It had been a long day, the sun had set an hour ago and it was almost seven in the evening when their last meeting ended. Since Mun Yeong was co-CEO her role within the company had changed somewhat and she needed to do much more logistic work. But work was good, logistics was good because it kept her from being alone in a hotel room thinking about her handsome assistant she may or may not have had an affair with even though he had a wife and a child at home. Somehow Gang Tae was always there however, in her mind but also physically with her. After the incident with Mr. Lee, he had barely left her alone for even a second. She wondered if Lee told him to stay on her trail and make sure she doesn’t ask people questions that would be, quote on quote “too much” for her.

She was typing away at her computer, sending out the last emails that she hadn’t answered yet. Gang Tae was busying himself with some papers, jaw clenched and brows set in a frown. He was stressed about something, maybe there were some problems at home, or his wife finally figured out that he was having a relationship with his boss that wasn’t so work friendly.

“I can hear your teeth crunch from over here, what is bothering you so much?” Mun Yeong, not always the subtlest person, called over to him. His head moved up from the papers and met her own. Like every time when he looked at her, Mun Yeong felt a spark of electricity run through her body. Gang Tae’s eyes were always filled with so much longing, for what Mun Yeong wasn’t sure but she somehow felt like she could give him what he was searching. A dangerous thought to be sure and one that was off limits.

Walking over to her, he spoke, “Today was just a long day is all.” His proximity made her rise out of her chair and stand as well. It was easier to talk to him that way and if she was closer to his face and thus eyes and lips Mun Yeong took that as a happy coincidence.

Lifting one of her eyebrows she decided to lighten the mood a bit. “This has nothing to do with the whole ordeal that happened at lunch time?” Mun Yeong had wanted to tell Gang Tae that she was getting food but he wasn’t around, at the photocopier or maybe having a secret meeting with Mr. Lee about her wellbeing. So Mun Yeong decided to go on her own and get a sandwich. As she was standing in line a man had started to chat her up and he had made some funny jokes that made Mun Yeong crack a chuckle, something that not many men could accomplish. He had flirted with her and it felt good to flirt with a man that wasn’t ambiguous and had a wedding ring on his finger, so when he pulled out his number she decided to accept it. When Mun Yeong turned around to leave her eyes met those of Gang Tae, his mask went up quickly but even then he couldn’t hide the pain in them. they stared at each other for a while, Mun Yeong feeling like a deer in headlights, her heart was pounding so fast but she wasn’t quite sure why. She was a unattached woman, he was a married man, why did it feel like she was the bad guy here?

They had ignored the incident for the rest of the day but his demeanour never relaxed again and since Mun Yeong does not shy away from confrontation, she decided to bring it up now. Gang Tae’s mask slipped again and his eyes filled with fury before he tried to make them seem indifferent.

“No,” he spoke with a false lightness to his words. “Who you talk to during lunch is none of my business.”

She moved in closer to him, he did not take a step back, other people might have put distance between them but not Gang Tae. He craved her closeness, or so it seemed. Looking up at him they were close enough to share a breath, “So why did it look like you wanted to punch the guy?”

His eyes had flitted down to Mun Yeong’s lips and she knew she had him where she wanted. Vulnerable and ready to answer some fucking questions. But it seemed that she wasn’t immune to the lack of space between them either because all of a sudden she was looking at his lips as well. Inhaling his scent, something that seemed so familiar.

Mun Yeong’s eyes opened reluctantly, the sun shining into the bedroom. She groaned and buried her face in the bed sheets that smelled so much like him. a soft chuckle coming from her right, the touch of a hand on her bare shoulder.

Her heart was racing again, but not due to their proximity and more due to this strange memory that felt like a distant dream. An image of a life time she had forgotten. It was only then that she noticed how close their lips were from touching each other and Mun Yeong pulled away slightly. Her eyes no longer full of soft promises but hard and confused.

“Does your wife know about us?”

Gang Tae blinked in confusion, his eyes widening. “What?”

Mun Yeong was done with their games, “your wife? Does she know we were having an affair and don’t lie to me about it not being true! I have eyes, I see the way you look at me.”

She expected a lot of things from gang Tae but the bitter laugh that came out of his mouth was not the reaction she was expecting from him. Especially after she accused him of cheating.

“I don’t think my wife would mind munch if we kissed right now.”

What kind of answer was that? His home life must be a wreck.

“I’m not asking if she would mind, I’m asking if she knows.”

His cheeks puffed out and he let out a long breath, “that’s a difficult question to answer, almost paradoxical. Let’s say, she isn’t really in the right condition to know about us…” he let out a small chuckle and Mun Yeong only became more confused.

What was he talking about, either someone knew that their husband was having an affair or they didn’t, what condition did one have to be in to comprehend that? A nagging feeling settled in Mun Yeong’s stomach and the searching look in gang Tae’s eyes was only fuelling her on. Before she could think properly on it, Gang Tae’s phone went off.

“Not now.” He whispered as he went to take it. “Hello?” a deep sigh escaped him and he rubbed a hand over his face. All of a sudden he looked bone deep tired, like he hadn’t slept in months and Mun Yeong felt the urge to rub her hand over his back soothingly. “Yeah… okay, I’ll come home now… I know, it’s just… Yeah bye.” He hung up and grabbed his coat in a hurry.

“I have to go home, I’m sorry.” He looked at her but Mun Yeong had no idea what he saw on her face. She could barely get over the feeling she had. It might be for the best if he left for now, it was becoming too much. “See you tomorrow.” With that he left. The door closing behind him with a sure click.

Mun Yeong sat down again, all of a sudden exhausted but the nagging feeling in her mind wouldn’t let her rest.

Not in the right condition… what does that entail?

Her body wanted to do something, she knew. The doctor had told her that the body never forgets. The mind is fragile but muscle memory will never be erased. If she had an urge to do something on instinct, then she should let her body do it. Getting back up from her chair, her heart racing, she went to her door. Stepping out into the hallway she looked right first, in the direction of the exit but that didn’t give the emotional reaction that seemed right. So she turned left, looking down the corridor where the office that Gang Tae had come out once was. She never walked down the corridor, only stopping at her office, having no reason to go further but her body seemed to remember the way there.

There was a clear destination in her mind now. The closer the door came to her, the more her heart raced. Feeling the cold metal of the door handle did nothing to calm her mind and body down. with a soft click she opened the door and entered the foreign office space. It looked like her own, the layout almost identical, a bid desk by the wall that was made up of huge windows, looking over the rest of the room.

But Mun Yeong’s eyes were glued to the name that was on the desk, CFO Moon Gang Tae, how was her assistant also the CFO of their company? What kind of sense did that make? None. Nothing made sense anymore. Her body told her that this was not the first time she was in this room; it wasn’t her first time seeing this desk or the name tag. It felt like her heart was beating out of her chest at this point.

She slowly walked around the desk, already dreading what she would see there, already knowing.

Office documents and the computer all neatly resting on the desk, it seemed that they were untouched, or had been for a while. The chair was pushed in and the scent of Gang Tae hovered over this place, he spent a lot of time in his office… his actual office.

It can’t be…

The picture was her undoing, the one that stood right next to his computer. The one that made her want to look away and run out the office, out the building and into her hotel room and forget this night had ever happened. How one small picture could elicit such a strong reaction from someone was beyond her but the panic that filled her was monumental.

No.

The image showed her, laughing, looking at the baby that Gang Tae had held. The baby reaching out to her, like a child would do to someone it loved. Gang Tae was holding the baby laughing too, looking at her with so much love that it made her feel uncomfortable. She wasn’t used to this kind of affection, or at least she doesn’t remember ever having gotten used to it.

How was this possible?

she isn’t really in the right condition to know about us

His angry looks at every man that approached her.

The stretch marks on her stomach, subtle but yet there.

The wedding ring.

The way he made her heart skip a beat every time.

The way he knew so much about her.

Mun Yeong’s eyes filled with new tears, a sob escaping her throat, deep and ugly.

How could she forget her husband?

How could she forget her own child?

Chapter Text

Mun Yeong was crying, the entire taxi ride to Gang Tae’s place… their place, tears had streamed down her face. Once the realisation hit her, who Gang Tae was to her and what their relationship had been, that he hadn’t been cheating on his wife since she was his wife, Mun Yeong had hurried back to her office computer. Once in the system she pulled up Gang Tae’s personal details but was thwarted in her attempts to find out where she used to live. She had the version of Gang Tae’s personal data that saw him as her assistant and not the CFO. Her groan was loud and clear, where else could she find his information? Mun Yeong needed to talk to him, needed to know if she was going insane or actually on the right track.

Maybe her own personal documents could help with that. He must be registered somewhere on her papers or… or she just checked her own. if they lived together then his address was also her address. It didn’t take her long to find the place where she used to live before Lee brought her back to that damned hotel room.

Not having the mental capacity to drive, she was still crying, hadn’t stopped since she saw the picture of them that was now still in her hand, she called a taxi. The driver threw her concerned glances but seemed to decide not to ask about her issues. He must have driven hundreds of emotional people around town, it wouldn’t matter what her story was and it gave Mun Yeong time to study the picture.

She looked so happy, they looked so happy. Enamoured with the little girl between them. Now she also knew what about the child seemed so familiar, they looked so alike, especially when they were both laughing. It made Mun Yeong uncomfortable, her home life hadn’t been the best, love was earned not given freely in her household and her mother and father were both abusive to her, how could she have a baby when she grew up in a broken home? How could she be certain that she provided a good enough environment for a human being to develop? And the man she had the child with… did he know? Did he know about her mother and what her father had done? Was he aware of her past?

Sang In had said, “you’ve changed.” But how did she change? How could she have simply let someone in like that? Mun Yeong wasn’t a person that got along with anyone, how could she be married and have a family?

Or maybe Gang Tae and her only had some fun and then she got pregnant… but something didn’t feel right about that thought. They looked so genuine on that picture, Mun Yeong couldn’t see a single emotion in his eyes or her own that would suggest that neither of them wanted this. Plus, he was still wearing the wedding ring… he could have take it off during the time of her mental absence and moved on but he stayed. In fact, he stayed so close that she barely had a free moment without him, always at her side at every event, every meeting, every lunch break.

Now his behaviour towards all the men that wanted to chat her up or give her their number made sense. His strong presence when it did happen, his tense demeanour for the rest of the day, the way people looked at him with so much pity when she told them that her memory had not come back yet. They knew who he was to her, everyone knew but her.

Behind all the sadness and despair was a certain glimmer of rage. How dare they keep this kind of information from her and allow her to walk around unknowing. She knew that this night had more consequences for her then just figuring out what had happened to her in those six years, she knew her body and brain had not yet recovered, that she would deal with shock and other side effects from being so psychologically stimulated. She knew they were trying to protect her, god knows how she would have reacted if Gang Tae had stood by the exit of the hospital with their child, ready to introduce himself. Mun Yeong would have made a run for it and never returned to Seoul.

And yet… the sense of betrayal was still there.

The building the taxi driver stopped at was a tall skyscraper, it was in a quieter area and Mun Yeong guessed that only residence lived here. She didn’t see any shops around only larger cars built for families. Her heart was racing as she paid the taxi driver and stepped out of the car with shaky legs.

Walking up the steps to the lobby was already exhausting, she couldn’t imagine how the rest of the night would go. But her body had calmed down somewhat, it felt like she was two different people right now. Her body being the one that knew this place, understood it to be home and could not wait to be there again. It was her body that felt uncomfortable during her stay in the hotel, she could never fall asleep because it wouldn’t relax. Her mind was the one that felt anxious right now but calm in the hotel, she doesn’t remember this place and it made her nervous. There was nothing stranger then when your body and mind were doing two different things, feeling two different things.

The second she entered the lobby, the door man and the person at the front desk stopped what they were doing and stared at her. She must look like a fright, eyes puffed from crying, when did she stop crying? And a maddening look in her eyes. But instead of getting questions of ‘what is your business here?’ or ‘are you looking for someone?’ it was rather,

“Mrs. Ko are you okay? We were so worried when we heard about your accident. Mr. Moon had told us you would still need time to recover but we never stopped asking about your health. It’s wonderful to have you back.” The man at the front desk seemed to be in his mid twenties and genuinely happy to see her. People were never genuinely happy to see her, what kind of person had she turned into?

She wasn’t sure if this man knew that she lost her memory or if he suspected that she remembered since she was here but Mun Yeong didn’t have the time nor the patience to talk and explain herself. So she nodded at him, “Thank you… I’m actually here for something and I’m still not feeling well so I’ll find my way to the elevator.”

The man enthusiastically nodded his head, “Of course Mrs. Ko, I wish you all the best in your recovery.”

With a bland smile, Mun Yeong moved in the direction of the elevators, wondering how she would find where she lived. It would be higher up, no matter how much she changed she would want the best home for her daughter and nothing but a penthouse will do for that, so the top floor would be where she would try her luck first. The only problem was that to get to the top floor, one needed a code… or finger print. Shrugging she clicked on the 26^th floor and pressed her thumb on the coder. Soon after the elevator doors closed and a greeting rang out, “hello Mrs. Ko, it’s good to have you back.”

Creepy.

What if someone killed her and stole her finger and used it to get into her home, would that person also be greeting like her now? She shook her head; these strange thoughts could be dissected later. The only reason she was even thinking along that line was to keep her mind from spiralling out of control. What would Gang Tae say once he opened the door? Scenario after scenario scrambled through her head. Making her feel out of control and dangerously close to a panic attack.

Deep breaths, in and out, in and out, was all she could do until the elevator doors opened into the hallway where she would meet her fate.

Ding

Slowly she stepped out of the hallway, looking left and right and seeing three doors. It seemed that the top floor was shared by three larger apartments. The good thing was that they had the names of the residence next to their door bell, so Mun Yeong didn’t have to gamble.

Walking down the hallway made her heart pick up speed with every step she took towards the apartment door at the end of the narrow path. Could someone die of their heart literally beating too fast? Probably, if so then Mun Yeong might just perish before she could even nock against Gang Tae’s door… or their door.

She must have stood there for several seconds before she finally ringed the door bell.

Seconds felt like eternities after she sealed her fate with that one action. It was funny how time could slow down or speed up depending on the situation one was in. One thing was for certain, when you needed time to pass quickly it might as well have stopped moving forward all together and when you needed it to slow down it would speed by you in an instant. Right now it was the former, time stood still to the point where she second guessed every action she had taken and every conclusion she had made to end up here. Maybe this was all a huge misunderstanding and Gang Tae’s wife would open the door, asking her who she was and what she wanted from her husband at this time of the night. Mun Yeong would definitely be a home wrecker then.

Or may-

The door opened so quickly that Mun Yeong didn’t even have time to finish yet another scenario that made no sense if she really thought about it but right now she couldn’t think. Her brain was on something else entirely, running on pure adrenaline.

Gang Tae’s facial expressions changed from confusion to shock to a hopeful kind of longing. A hope that she would crush in a matter of an instant. It didn’t take a genius to know what he thought had happened, he thought she remembered. It also didn’t look all that good for her right now, clutching the picture of them in her hand tight enough for her knuckles to whiten and her face must look a mess as well.

“Mun Yeong… what…?” he seemed to be at a loss of words.

“Am I- am I your wife?” her voice came out so shaky that she needed to try it twice.

His face was once again an enigma of emotions but his eyes were searching, always searching for her. For the Mun Yeong that he married, for the woman that he had a loving relationship with, for the mother of his child.

“Would you like to come inside first.” He could barely bring the sounds out of his mouth, choking up at his offer but Mun Yeong nodded. Gang Tae stepped away from the entrance and allowed her to step into his home… their home.

It was nicely furnished, modern and yet not too cold. There were paintings on the wall, paintings that looked like they were drawn from the same illustrator that had done her books. The ones she did not know. It gave the entrance a sweet touch, the calm colours were a nice blend with the off white walls and the elegant wooden drawer. Taking off their shoes, Gang Tae led her to the living room. A dark brown sofa provided an opportunity to take a seat, the lighter carpet and the wooden floor giving this room a cosy atmosphere.

“Do you like it?” Gang Tae must have noticed her staring at the room. The kitchen was a bit further in the back. Mun Yeong nodded and Gang Tae chuckled, for the first time tonight his eyes lit up in amusement. “Good, you spent months finding the right furniture for this place. It was quite the journey but I love how it turned out.”

Mun Yeong said nothing to that, not really knowing what she should say. Instead she let Gang Tae point out a spot on the couch for her to sit and waited until he too, took a seat. If she wanted answers she also needed to ask the right questions but Mun Yeong was done waiting, she had waited for too long. So instead of formulating a list of things she wanted to know, she decided it was best for Gang Tae to do the talking for now.

“I have so much I want to ask, like why no one told me sooner who you were? What is up with this stupid charade of keeping things from me? But first I want to know two answers to two short question and then one answer that will take a bit longer to formulate. Are you okay with that?”

Gang Tae nodded his head stiffly, apprehension had made his body tense.

“Okay, first of, and yes you do need to spell it out for me. Am I your wife?”

“Ye- yes.”

Mun Yeong nodded her head. At least now she wasn’t a home wrecker nor did all that strange tension between them mean that she was a bad person for flirting with a potentially married man, since he was married to her.

“And that is our daughter.” She held up the picture of them that she ad taken from his office.

Gang Tae’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Yes. Where did you get that? Did you take that out of my office?”

“Yes. Since no one was being honest with me, I took matters into my own hands.” There was a note of accusation in her voice and Gang Tae’s eyes took on a pained expression.

“I know you must be angry but I promise that we talked to the doctors and hey thought it-“ she cut him off by holding her hand up. There would be a time to explain all this later but Mun Yeong needed to know how this all began first. How could it be that she had managed to build a loving relationship with a man, have a child and seem to function well? The Mun Yeong she remembered was unlovable, incapable of having a serious connection to anyone without scaring them off.

“How did we meet? How did all of this…” her hand waved around, implying the room and the home they were sitting in, “happen? In case you don’t know, I’m not a loving person.”

The smile he gave her was filled with loss, something she did not quite understand but his next words made her realise that it was the loss of her that he was mourning.

“You weren’t a person that really wanted to love me in the beginning and I wasn’t really keen on loving you either but-“ he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, “some things just happen and before I knew it, I didn’t want to live without you.” He sighed at the memory that he was recalling, his smile changing from sad to happy, “we met on the roof top of a hospital, you were about to give a reading for ‘the boy who fed on nightmares’ to the children’s ward and I caught you smoking in the no smoking zone.” He chuckled and even Mun Yeong’s lips twitched, that sounded like her. “Something during the reading went wrong and a patient escaped the psych ward, back then I was a caregiver in hospitals, I found the man choking you in the back, his daughter had come to warn me. You stabbed me in the hand and I needed to get stitches,” he showed her his right hand where a scar had etched itself into his skin. Mun Yeong frowned, that didn’t sound like a promising start. “I thought I saw the last of you but Sang In called me to compensate the injury with money. I came to the old office that you guys stayed at but it wasn’t the money I wanted, I wanted to see you again.” No wonder they found their way to each other, what a strange man Gang Tae was. How could he want to see the woman who stabbed him again?

He nodded his head at her facial expression, “I know, it’s gonna get weirder. We didn’t actually meet at the hospital for the first time but rather as kids… I was the boy you got out of the ice lake back in Seong Jin city.” Mun Yeong’s eyes widened in shock. How could it be that Moon Gang Tae had been the boy she had fished out that fateful day. He had brought her flowers that her mother made her trample on. He had brought her hope. Wait! that meant he had a brother, the one that had walked away that day. What had happened to him? Mun Yeong refrained herself from asking more questions, she wanted to hear the rest of the story. “You offered to sleep with me as compensation, which of course, I declined. After that you haunted me, my brother had been the only person I had a long term relationship with besides my friend Jae Su. No other person had ever stayed around but then you came into my life. Like a bulldozer you flattened everything that was in your way. I started working at the psychiatric hospital in Seong Jin and you showed up a few weeks later, demanding my time and attention. In the beginning I really didn’t want you there, I had enough on my plate but you never gave up. Scheming with my brother to make him your illustrator and forcing us to move in with you. But if I was being honest, the thought of living in your castle had thrilled me, even if the water pipes were old, everything else was so big that it made up for it. Plus, you were there.” Mun Yeong blushed.

“Over time there were some ups but mostly downs. There was a moment where you tried to get rid of us but it was my turn to cling onto you and so did my brother. We had adopted you in a sense and you us and out of lust, grew genuine affection and then love. You and Sang Tae published a book together about our strange journey to happiness and I quit my job as a caregiver to go back to university. I studied business and finances because I like the idea of having a stable job and not having to be social all the time. It was during that time when you broke up with me. I wasn’t the best boyfriend whilst at university, I had a lot of deadlines and essays to write. The fact that you felt neglected was always a topic but during that time I was so happy to finally be able to do what I wanted that I didn’t communicate with you that well. One semester before graduation I came home and you had packed your bags, I thought you were going on vacation but then you told me that you felt it was best to take some time apart. I think my heart stopped working in that moment. The fact that I wasn’t fully sober might have not helped the situation. I liked to go to bars with other students who were my age. That was never a problem for you, the problem was that I did it too often and didn’t know my limits that well since I never explored them. You left that night, spending some time in Japan to find some ‘inspiration’ or so you said. In reality you just wanted to get away from the mess that was us. It took all but two weeks for me to convince my brother to tell me where you were exactly and then I was off. I found you crying in a mountain inn, that seems to be our theme, and I promptly cried my heart out as well. We both stayed there for a week before coming home. After that I went back to uni and we decided that it would be better for us the sell the castle once and for all and move closer to the city.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, clearly embarrassed at the revelation that she had given him the boot at one point but Mun Yeong was listening intently. Fascinated at their story. “I proposed to you soon after I got my first job and then we got married. Sang In came with the business idea to co own a publishing company and you asked if it was okay for me to help out in the beginning with the finances. The plan was for me to leave soon after things were stable, but we enjoyed the proximity we had and the job was nice to coordinate. About a year after our wedding I came home to you looking as white as a sheet. When I asked you what had happened, all you did was show me the pregnancy test. I think the next nine months were the most nerve wracking months of my life. I was constantly worried about you but you were so strong through everything, even during the birth. Sang Tae was at first apprehensive but when he saw your stomach grow he became so excitement to meet his niece. He was so gentle with you during the entire nine months and I think you needed someone who was careful around you but not in a patronising way.” Gang Tae huffed and his cheeks blew out, “Meanwhile I was yelled at by him, nothing was good enough. I have to admit that I became a bit jealous of the both of you.” The fond smile on his face suggested that it wasn’t all too serious.

“It was amazing how resilient you were, nerves of steal, it felt like you knew exactly what to do. We brought Nari home after a night in the hospital and she was perfect. Your insecurities started after that, we were both stressed about having a child and work and sometimes we didn’t talk about our fears which made the situation tense. We thought the night you-“ his eyes filled with tears, “the night of the accident we had a fight and you left and I let you. I waited and called but you never answered and then Nari started crying in the middle of the night.” This time he shuddered. “It felt like she knew, mothers and children always have strong connection after all. She wouldn’t stop crying, it almost sounded panicked and I knew, something horrible had happened. When I got the call from the hospital, I was already half ready to sprint out. I got there with Nari and called everyone else to come.”

Gang Tae’s hands started to shake whilst getting into this part of the story and Mun Yeong’s heart sped up, anxious to hear the rest. “You didn’t wake up and your vitals were doing badly after the operation and the doctor told me you might never open your eyes again. I have never been so scared before, especially because our last words were spoken in anger and-“ he began to cry then, tears of fear and anger, anger at himself for letting her go that night. Pushing through his emotions however, he continued, “Soon Dock had the idea to place Nari on your chest. She kept on crying and clearly wanted her mother and the doctor didn’t seem to mind the attempt. We did as Soon Dock suggested and after that your vitals had started to improve. I made sure to place Nari on your chest every day to help you feel her and it calmed her down as well. When you woke up I was so overwhelmed with relief that I didn’t realise that you answered ‘no’ when the doctor asked you if you knew who I was. Only after he asked again did I hear your answer. At first I thought it was just for a few days, the confusion of the coma and the morphine, nothing serious. But the more time passed, the less you recognised people around you, only Sang In seemed to elicit a positive response. When they asked you what year it was and you said 2020, I was waiting outside and… well you know the rest.”

He rubbed his teary eyes with his hands and sniffled for a while. Mun Yeong wasn’t quite sure what to say, there was so much to mull over and yet still… some questions.

“Where are all these people you mentioned?” Did they not want to see her now that she did not know them anymore and where was his brother, the man in her picture books?

Gang Tae had to get up and find himself a tissue, calming down during that time. She felt bad that this situation was so emotional for him and meanwhile, even if her heart was also pounding with adrenalin, she didn’t feel anything. Mun Yeong couldn’t remember ever feeling any of the emotions he had mentioned, she couldn’t remember their break up or the fact that they even met. The birth of their child was lost on her and the family she had created had all but vanished. There was nothing she could feel, all of her memories were gone and thus the emotions that they came with.

The urge to cry as well was growing inside of her because she wanted to remember. She needed to feel the love that this man in front of her had for her. She wants to know how she felt during their first, second and third encounter. How they got to this situation and how they overcame difficulties. But no matter how hard she tried to push her brain to give her anything… anything at all, it remained a blank space where his face used to be.

Gang Tae came back to sit down again, next to her on the sofa. Taking a deep breath to calm himself down he continued. Mun Yeong wasn’t sure if she should reach out to him in comfort. Maybe touch his hand, it sounded like her later self would be the person to do that. But she didn’t want him to get any hope, this was all still too much for her to process. She decided against the action, keeping her hands to herself. “My brother is on the autism spectrum. You were always so good with him, never treated him like he was different and I think that’s what made him like you so much. You became one of his favourite people and after the pregnancy I think even his favourite sibling. He loves Nari, even if she is too loud for him sometimes. When I told him about your car accident, I was really really upset and in turn he felt like he needed to be there for me in the capacity he could. But the fact that he was shaken nd scared was obvious to anyone, I think he thought you would never wake up.”

He took a slight pause, his eyes searching her own, before he continued. “He witnessed my mother’s murder when I was young and I think your car crash and the image of you lying in the hospital bed completely still triggered him. He cried for days after the operation and never wanted to leave your side. I couldn’t blame him; I didn’t really want to eat or sleep either. When you woke up he was so happy and relieved that he could barely hold himself back. Once it was clear that you couldn’t remember anything, I had to tell him but he didn’t really want to understand that you weren’t Mun Yeong, his sister, anymore but once again Mun Yeong the stranger. He insisted we just tell you and then it’ll be fine but the doctors told us that that could lead to a very dangerous mental break. Your brain wasn’t healthy yet and telling someone that they were married and had a child whilst they were still in recovery might damage you more then help you. So I told him that he couldn’t see you right now, that Nari and him had to stay away because it might be too much for you.”

Mun Yeong shook her head a bit, “Not telling me everything and not telling me anything are two very different things. You kept this charade up for around two months, when would you have said something, if at all? or would you have been cool with me going on a date with that man from lunch and maybe fall in love with him and marry him, then wake up one day to remember that I already have a daughter and a husband.” She didn’t mean to snap at him, she new that this was a delicate situation and there is no right or wrong answer to the way one handled this. But she was frustrated and angry that they had kept her in the dark. Even though she knew that was in a delicate situation.

Gang Tae shoo his head, “I- I know we should have done things differently. But telling you about part of your life would have always snowballed into something bigger and I wasn’t sure if I could keep our daughter a secret from you. I guess… I thought that if I just stay with you, if I stay close to you, that eventually you’ll remember.” His head hung low by the end of the confession and Mun Yeong’s heart constricted.

She understood… or at least understood some part of where he was coming from. If they had told her she had a child immediately or a few weeks after waking up… well, things would have gone badly. Even now she wasn’t sure if she could handle any of this. This house and this man and their child and this lie. She didn’t know any of it and he knew all of it and it made her uncomfortable. Yes, she could relearn stuff but it would never make up for the six years that were wiped out of her memory.

As she looked around the panic started to crawl out of the pit of her stomach and up her throat. This was clearly all a bit too soon for her. but how could she go home… go back to the hotel and live on, knowing that she had her family here. That she wasn’t a good mother to her daughter that had to spend the most fragile time of her life, without her. The doctor had told her not to pressure herself, not to set her expectations too high, but surly her baby needed her and she was letting her down. Panic, disappointment, fear. They all swirled in her body now, mixing and untangling and dancing with each other. As if hearing her distressed mind, the baby started crying.

It started with whimpers but she heard it immediately. Before Gang Tae could even react she had gotten up, but if she wanted to see her or get away from her was unclear. Then a loud cry that had Gang Tae get up as well, he looked at her for a long time, seeing if her reaction was positive or negative but he seemed to be as uncertain as she was.

“I- I think she misses you. Her crying has changed since you haven’t been around… could you wait here for a moment. Please.” He dashed to the baby’s room so fast that she couldn’t answer. The crying only quieted for a moment but then began again, even more upset this time.

He must have not been the person the little girl was calling out to. A wave of sympathy washed over her, sympathy for Gang Tae who had to deal with his broken wife and a baby that was too small to understand why her mother won’t come back home. It must be difficult to be the wrong parent and the rejection of his own daughter must sting, not to mention the rejection of his wife.

But Mun Yeong was at her own breaking point right now, there was so much that he had told her, so much that she couldn’t remember. The sheer scale of her accident had never been as clear as now. It frightened her. Mun Yeong wasn’t usually the person who ran away from things she was afraid of, no, she would run head first into the fear and try to conquer it but this… this was different. There were too many other people involved, too many people that triggered such a strong bodily reaction that her mind couldn’t even begin to understand what that person meant to her. It was so strange to feel like her body had been in on this secret all along and kept her in the dark. A betrayal of oneself.

All of a sudden it was all too much and to Mun Yeong’s shame and embarrassment she took her things and quietly walked to the door, out into the hallway and into the elevator. Gone before anyone could even notice her speeding through the lobby.

She needed a cigarette, how had she not gone out for a smoke since she woke up? That was something she completely forgot even though she had been a smoker before. Maybe her body had not craved the smell or the feel of a cigarette but it was the only way she knew how to calm herself down. Calling a taxi, Mun Yeong made her way back to the office, or the area where her office was. She needed something familiar and safe to think about all the things he had told her.

The whole way there, Mun Yeong could not understand why she would run off to Seong Jin, a city that held so many ugly memories for her and to hear that she even lived in that creepy castle, just so she could be with Gang Tae. It made her wonder what kind of a first impression he had left on her, how strong their connection was for her to go back to the home that held nothing but abuse. To live in that castle that was filled with dark memories and to stay there for way longer then she had to. Gang Tae had said that they only moved towards the end of his degree, so they must have stayed there for more then three years.

She tried to imagine that place filled with love and light and not anger and a simmering rage but there was no way Mun Yeong could. That mansion was cursed and so was she. Clearly, since the love that she had received had been taken away, or even more cruelly; forgotten by her.

How would she ever be able to build up a relationship with Gang Tae or her daughter when she could barely get over the fact that she couldn’t even remember who they were? They might as well be strangers to her, passing her on the street.

What if she could never come to terms with it?

Would she leave her husband and child forever, move to another city and never look back? what would her daughter ask Gang Tae, once she was old enough to ask about her? Would he tell her she died in a car accident and pretend she never existed? Maybe that was the best for everyone, to pretend that she was dead.

Her thoughts were spiralling out of control, her doctor had warned her of this but it wasn’t like Mun Yeong didn’t have any experience with panic or the way it effected your thought patterns or more accurately, disrupted them into something so unrecognisable that Mun Yeong couldn’t even tell whose thoughts she was thinking. There was no way those were her own, right?

It was all becoming too loud in her head and she decided to walk the last few meters to the store where she got her cigarettes. Her body needing to move, too wired to sit in the taxi for a second longer. Once she was out, Mun Yeong almost sprinted to her destination, the adrenalin in her body too much for her to handle. Out of breath and hair in disarray, Mun Yeong didn’t even want to know how she looked like, she barked at the story employee to give her, the classic black and gold package. The man handed them over with fear in his eyes and Mun Yeong realised that she must look like an insane person. Maybe she was an insane person now, who else could say that they just heard how they met their husband and had a child without remembering shit. Like it was the premise of a move she went to see and fell asleep to and now the man that went with her had to explain the plot. How fucked up was that?

Leaving the store Mun Yeong found a corner that she could stand at and with shaky hands unpacked the small box. Pulling one out she realised she had no lighter. I literally can’t handle this. She wasn’t sure if she should laugh or cry at how ridiculous this situation was. Mun Yeong did both and with a tear stained grin she walked back to the store and demanded a lighter. The poor employee didn’t even charge her for it, just gave it to her and said it was okay. He must be terrified.

Back in the corner she pulled an elegant looking cigarette out of the package and brought it too her lips. This felt familiar, something she could remember. She did this so often when she was stressed or felt lonely. Bringing the lighter to the tip she pulled in air, the cigarette coming to life.

“You can’t smoke here!” came a voice from her right. Looking over she saw a well dressed man in an office suit, he was pointing at a sign that clearly read no smoking but before Mun Yeong could retort her world tilted and it was no longer the city that she saw.

Cherry blossoms were falling off the trees, one by one, just like she hated it. Sang In must be looking for her, the reading for the boy who fed on nightmares was about to begin but she needed a smoke first, Mun Yeong hated hospitals and more importantly, she hated children in hospitals. They made her feel like she was back in her 12 year old body, getting a check up after her father had tried to kill her.

Reminding herself that she could still breath, she sucked in air, the cigarette smoke filling her mouth and lungs.

“You can’t smoke here!”

Who dared disturb her in her peace? The infamous black clad Mun Yeong. She was about to give this man a peace of her mind when she saw him, beautiful would be one word to describe him, scrumptious another. What a sight for her sore eyes. Speaking of eyes, his were amongst the most beautiful she had ever encountered. All of a sudden Mun Yeong didn’t mind the cherry blossoms falling from the trees, in fact cherry blossoms signalled new beginnings and spring and this man looked like he could use some fun in his life.

“Do you believe in destiny?” she asked cheekily, not even dignifying his scolding with a response.

“What?” he pretended to not have heard her, some people would back out now but not Mun Yeong. She liked the thrill of controversy.

“You heard me.” Taking a step closer to him and grabbing his coffee cup, that could not be good to drink, “Who cares about destiny, if someone shows up when you need them then that is destiny.”

He was utterly confused but she could see the way he looked at her with interest, maybe even attraction. Supressed men like him would never be able to hide their emotions well enough. Not from her eager eyes.

She gave her reading and it was interrupted. A man stole his daughter away from under everyone’s nose. Incompetent idiots all around. She started the fight but the man from the roof top ended it for her, coming in like a night in shining armour. Until she stabbed him… and he was fired.

Mun Yeong thought she would never see him again, a shame really but there were other things she had to do. Get a grip on her incompetent boss for starters, imagine her surprise when he showed up, seeking her out. Wanting to see her again.

“Your eyes, they remind me of someone I used to know, a woman that was messed up inside.”

“Were you afraid of her.”

“No, I- I liked her.” his eyes flitted down to her lips and the man had just sealed his own fate. She wanted him and if Mun Yeong wanted something she would get it.

He became prickly after Lee showed up, pretending not to want her anywhere near him and it intrigued her even more. Sex wasn’t what he wanted, an autograph for his older brother however… that was the trick. His older brother must be a big fan.

The fan meeting where she met the both of them was a complete disaster but she would have called that dumb bitch a bitch again if it meant that he would look at her that way. With so much shock and yet desire. It made her want him even more and then he pulled her into his arms talking about a shitty butterfly method for trauma patients and she could feel his heavy breathing behind her until she turned around and pulled him closer. Up close he was even better.

Seong Jin was a dump, as it always was but he was here and she wanted him. wanted him so badly that she moved into her childhood home that she hated and drove straight to his place of work.

He pretended not to be thrilled to see her but she observed the way he ran out of the hospital in hopes to still catch her and then pretending to be indifferent to her presence. He was a funny man, Moon Gang Tae. She would meet his brother later on properly. He was a big fan of her and drew a picture of her. Then he wanted 10,000 won and Mun Yeong knew he was her kind of guy.

Mean words followed and her father chocking her only made the day worse. A walk in the rain would be good for her, barefoot and all. she didn’t expect him to show up on the motor cycle, giving her his jacket and a ride to a love motel. If this was his plan all along then Mun Yeong must admit that she underestimated him but once the motel owner told them about the add ons it was pretty obvious that Gang Tae had no clue what he had gotten himself into. Interesting…

Their living situation was trash and so were the neighbours. Ju Ri, her frenemy from school had frown an eye on Gang Tae as well and Mun Yeong didn’t do well with competition, besides that bitch slapped her first. But she was always the one who would be blamed, no matter what had happened or who started it, it was always pretty Mun Yeong that was evil. Beautiful women had it hard in life.

When she heard Ju Ri confess her feelings for Gang Tae on that roof top she knew something needed to change and fast. A drunken conversation with Sang Tae and a contract would fix all her problems. What she didn’t expect was the fight that the two brothers got into. The seriousness of their situation became clear to her then. Sang Tae was killing is brother slowly by not allowing him to move a centimeter without him but Gang Tae was smothering his older hyung just as bad. Their relationship was an unhealthy one. Mun Yeong knew what they needed. Distance.

He moved in with them as she knew he would. Even though she was still angry at him for always knowing who she was, it felt nice to have both of them around. Gang Tae was a decent cook and with Sang Tae she was never bored. It delighted her to see Gang Tae become jealous over some random man in a coffee shop and after Ah Reum’s husband had slapped her so hard she fell to the ground, she could barely keep her shock to herself when Gang Tae came and defended her. She had never seen him so angry.

And then so happy.

“You said you would run away with me, let’s go on a trip; right now.”

He quickly changed his mind again that fickle bastard. They did go on a mountain side trip and he did kiss her and gave her flowers but what happened after they returned was better left unsaid.

He was mean again. This time really mean. It always hurt when he spewed nonsense but this time, he had been cruel. Only the appearance of that very troubled patient made him show up again. All sweaty and out of breath as if he thought her life was in danger. But Gang Tae was wrong, she could protect herself, she didn’t need him, not for that.

“If you are overwhelmed then count to three.”

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

He had kissed her like no other man had ever done. There was so much restrained desire and longing in that kiss. Only the second one seemed to be gentler and something in his eyes told her that he would not run away again.

His brother had a trauma and she needed him on her side if she wanted them to stay. But that seemed less difficult then she had imagined but the peace that they built wouldn’t last long. Gang Tae was unhappy again and she couldn’t tell why. Sang Tae and her went to the photo studio because a family portrait is what made a family complete not a registry. He had looked so handsome that day that she could barely take her eyes off him. He never told her what had bothered him but he did say that she was his family now and he would protect her, from what only revealed itself a few days after.

Her mother was a murderer. She always suspected as much when she was young but that she killed Sang Tae and Gang Tae’s mother… that was not on her list. They needed to leave her, she knew that much after that reveal. There was no way that they could live with her after that.

The confrontation with her mother was over quicker then she would have expected and her mental state had not suffered as much as she thought it would. She was an adult now after all and her mother was just another witch she could kick to the curb. Gang Tae on the other hand wouldn’t let her kick him out. Even though it was the best for everyone involved and Sang Tae kept on telling her ‘over my dead body’ what were these two idiots playing at?

Even though Mun Yeong’s efforts in getting rid of the two brothers was valiant it didn’t work the way she wanted it to. Like two chewing gums, they stuck to her and when Gang Tae had come after her in the hospital, yelling his love for her out into the open, Mun Yeong knew there was no chance of getting rid of them. Her heart couldn’t bare it. so they stayed, they released a book and went on a camping trip that healed their soul, once back Gang Tae had applied for university. He stayed out late and Mun Yeong knew he was just trying to fit in, to feel what it was like to be free. It wasn’t too often in the beginning since he didn’t know many people but by his fourth semester he had gone out almost every weekend and barely saw her.

He had forgotten her book award that she was receiving and never showed up to the ceremony and Mun Yeong knew something had to change. Even if it hurt her. It was around that time that her old illustrator had come over from Japan and invited her to stay at his family estate in the mountain side. She figured that this would be a good break for them and she could recover from the painful separation.

Gang Tae had begged her not to go, had begged her to stay and give him another chance. He had confessed that this semester was particularly difficult for him and he was afraid that if he didn’t go out drinking with his friends they would forget him all together. But Mun Yeong had enough and with a crying heart she had left him in that mansion all alone. Turning off her phone and getting on a plain to Japan in order to regain some sense of stability. She had stopped writing books after ‘finding the real face’ and instead worked in freelance fashion journalism so she could do her job from anywhere. It paid better then one would expect not that she needed the money but still.

It took about a week or two for Gang Tae to stand in front of the door to her inn. Mountain stays were their thing apparently. He had begged her again to come home, to stay with him. Bringing her solutions to some of the problems they had, a flat closer to the university that was located in Seoul, so they wouldn’t have a long commute. A clear schedule that made sure that Gang Tae wasn’t gone too often and so he would be able to manage his time better. She stood there for a while, watching the man she very much loved, scramble to convince her not to leave.

She agreed to his ideas and the weight that lifted from her chest was immense. She wasn’t ready to give up on them either. After that they had stuck to the plan and Gang Tae was more attentive, more eager to see her, almost too eager since he would whine when she had to see Sang In. Her publishing manager also moved back to Seoul with his girlfriend and he had approached her with the offer of co running a company. Gang Tae would finish with his business degree soon and Mun Yeon decided that this was a good idea.

He had proposed to her right after his graduation, a beautiful ring, simple yet elegant, sat in a velvet box. There was no other answer then ‘yes’ for Mun Yeong and their wedding consisted of their close friends, even the cooky director from the Ok clinic came to congratulate them and possibly flirt with Soon Dock, who had tears of joy in her eyes and kept on remarking how beautiful Mun Yeong looked in her dress. It made her blush but she wasn’t about to admit that.

Sang Tae had drawn a picture of them as a wedding present, a beautiful portrait in his art style, showing Mun Yeong and Gang Tae laughing under a cherry blossom tree.

Almost to the day, a year later, Mun Yeong started to feel strange and when her period didn’t show, she knew what had happened. With shaking hands, she took a pregnancy test and then cried when she saw the result.

Was she ready for a baby?

Was she good enough to have one?

Soon Dock had the answer to that, her surrogate mother always had an open ear for Mun Yeong’s worries and this time was no different. Driving to the woman and telling her the news was already nerve wracking but when Soon Dock smiled with tears of joy in her eyes, Mun Yeong allowed herself to feel the excitement too.

Telling Gang Tae was different. She didn’t know if he wanted a baby right now and with their jobs at the company… she wasn’t sure how he would react. The uncertainty killed her. But he had picked her up and spun her around with joy before she told him that she was about to throw up all over his face if he didn’t put her down. They spent the rest of the night coming up with baby names.

Sang Tae was hesitant but with time as overjoyed, if not more so, then everyone else. Calling her daily and asking if she was okay, eating properly or in need of anything. He lived in the same area as them, just a five-minute walk away, in a small flat that wasn’t too much work and if there ever was a problem they could get to him quickly. He told anyone that would listen about her pregnancy and Mun Yeong realised how much she wanted to write another book again with him.

They came up with the story and concept very quickly and soon enough the book was released in the dedication to her daughter and his niece. It hit the bestsellers list very quickly after and the urge to write more books for children, now that she has one of her own, was large.

The baby was born on a sweet but cold day in early spring. Cherry blossoms were already blooming and some littered the streets and covered them in pink. Nari would be her name, a pretty name for a pretty girl.

In the beginning she cried rather often and her and Gang Tae had been exhausted, on top of that work had started to pile up and the tension they felt inside, the pressure of being a good parent but still have your own life, had pushed them to snapping at each other.

The night of the accident was the culmination of all the stress they couldn’t get rid of. She had yelled at him, accusing him of prioritising work over their daughter, to not have to be here that often. An accusation that was not at all true, he was a good father, she knew that but sometimes it felt like he only liked their daughter these days and barely spoke to her. it didn’t help that Mun Yeong felt insecure, after having a baby her body was different and she wasn’t sure if Gang Tae even liked looking at her anymore.

Hurt, he retorted that maybe their daughter wouldn’t cry so much if she would be a better mother.

She knew he regretted it the second he said it but she wasn’t about to give him the chance to apologise, to back track on his mean words. Mun Yeong was out that door in a blink of an eye and went on a drive. A long drive.

He called her about 15 times leaving one voice message after another but she ignored all of them. If only she had listened to them and maybe turned her car around to go and talk to Gang Tae, discuss his insecurities and her own. Maybe then the drunk driver would have never hit her so hard that her car flipped five times before coming to a stand still. Maybe then the man behind the wheel wouldn’t have died instantly and left Mun Yeong alone in the middle of the road, her head wound bleeding for thirty minutes before someone had come upon the scene and called an ambulance.

Her cigarette had fallen to the ground and so had she. At some point she must have stumbled because the man that told her she wasn’t allowed to smoke there, stood above her. Eyes full of concern. “Are you okay?”

Mun Yeong’s head was pounding but she never felt more relieved then now, “Yes! Could you call me a taxi? And take these!” she pushed the package of cigarettes into the mans hand and ran to the road. She had to see her family.

The hour was late and the traffic had diminished but it still felt like it took forever to get to her home. Once there she sprinted out of the car and into the lobby.

“Mrs. Ko, you are back! it’s nice to-“

“Not now Do Sang. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She sprinted past the front desk and into the elevator. Gang Tae always remarked that Do Sang had a crush on her and Mun Yeong would agree, the young man was never too far away when she was in the lobby.

Ding

What a beautiful sound. The elevator doors opened and Mun Yeong was back in front of the door. Ringing the door bell.

It didn’t take long for Gang Tae to open it. His eyes blood shot and red from crying. Her hart broke for her husband, the last few months must have been so hard for him. But his eyes changed immediately when he saw her, saw the way she stood and the way she looked at him. His searching gaze finally finding what he had been looking for all this time.

“Do you believe in destiny?” because what else would she say. Her lips forming a smile and Gang Tae’s eyes widened.

“What?” his baffled response was so reminiscent of their first encounter that she couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“You heard me.”

The confusion lifted from him but he couldn’t quite believe if this was real. She wanted to reach out to him, hold him close and kiss his lips but she knew that now it was her turn to hold herself back. That he would need a moment to process the whiplash that was tonight. Gang Tae’s eyes began to tear up again but this time out of joy, Mun Yeong’s quickly followed.

When he opened his arms she almost ran him over, so happy to feel his embrace again, his strong arms squeezing her so tight that could barely move, let alone breathe.

“What? How? What happened?” he whispered into her hair, inhaling her scent.

“After I ran out, I needed a smoke, so I went to buy some cigarettes and lit one up in a non smoking zone… classic. Thank god a business man had seen me and told me that I wasn’t allowed to smoke here. The conversation triggered the floodgate of memories that almost overwhelmed me.”

He moved away, freeing her from his embrace but never letting her go. “You remember everything? All of it?”

Mun Yeong nodded, her eyes turning apprehensive, “I remember the fight we had,” at that Gang Tae’s eyes turned down in shame but Mun Yeong knew she was at fault too. Reaching up to hold his left cheek in her hand she forced his eyes to meet her own. “I remember you calling me and then… nothing.” They were both quiet again until she noticed that Gang Tae’s shoulders were shaking and her hand that was resting on his cheeks had become wet. He was crying again.

“I thought… when they called me and the entire time after, what if she never wakes up? What if the last thing I said to the woman I loved and the mother of my child was that I didn’t think she was good to our daughter. Even though you did so much for her and you were right, I was overwhelmed and used work as an excuse to create distance. I never mean-“

Mun Yeong cut him off, rubbing his tears away and resting her forehead against his, “I know. We both didn’t handle it well. I knew you didn’t mean it.”

His sob was full of relief, “I don’t know what I would have done if you wouldn’t have-“

“Don’t think about that anymore.” She held both of his cheeks now, steadily wiping away his tears, “it must have been so hard for you. I’m so sorry.” She almost cooed and he nodded his head.

“Promise me you’ll never leave again, not after a fight, not ever.” His arms were back around her and they ended up on the couch where not an hour ago she sat all confused and overwhelmed. Mun Yeong knew that it wasn’t all magically cured, she still had some recovery to do but in the light of her memories coming back it didn’t matter to her. Not in the slightest. Sitting here, in Gang Tae’s arms, was the most rewarding thing. She felt at peace for the first time since she woke up in that hospital room.

It didn’t take long for a cry to emit from the room where her daughter slept. Gang Tae sighed. “She wakes up almost every hour. Ever since your crash, her sleeping patters had been completely obliterated. I took her to the doctor and she told me that Nari might feel my distress and your absence and by waking up she was checking if you might have come back. I didn’t mind that much because it wasn’t like I was sleeping well anyway.” He got up and offered his hand to her but Mun Yeong felt a trickle of apprehension.

“What if she won’t accept me anymore? What if she doesn’t remember me? I’ve been gone for so long.”

Gang Tae was already shaking his head. “If she couldn’t remember you then why does she keep checking for you. I think she might have heard your voice the last time because she was inconsolable, I didn’t notice you had left until way later and then I was also inconsolable.”

Mun Yeong’s eyes turned sad, she had put him through so much. “I’m sorry.”

“No, there is nothing for you to feel sorry about. Not a single thing. It must have been too overwhelming to figure it all out in a night. No more apologies for the night, let’s go see our baby.”

Mun Yeong took his hand and let him lead her to the nursery room. One wall was painted, a beautiful ocean view with an orange and lilac sunset. The water a rich blue and there were even some trees and butterflies to be seen. In the corner of the painting stood a camping van and four heads poking out of it. Sang Tae’s work, he had been so proud to show this to his niece once she had arrived. Nari had gurgled in a way that let her know that she liked the colours, Mun Yeong wasn’t quite sure if she could even see the painting properly.

The crying bundle was in her crib. Her little fists flailing in the air and Mun Yeong felt such a rush of affection for her small daughter, that she had lost and now found again, she couldn’t help but pick her up. She was heavier then what Mun Yeong remembered but that was to be expected. Holding her head against her chest and running a soothing hand up and down the tiny girls back, she shushed her. “I’m sorry my love, I’m so sorry for leaving you all alone.” The baby hiccuped but stopped crying immediately.

“She never did that with me.” Gang Tae spoke in awe.

“You weren’t the one she was calling out to.” Mun Yeong retorted. “I’m back now, mommy is back now, and I’ll never leave again. I promise.” She could feel Gang Tae’s arms encircling her and his face pressing into her hair. Their daughter had already gone back to sleep again but Mun Yeong was not about to set her down anytime soon. she would hold her all night and something told her Gang Tae would do the same to her too.

“I’ll never give you a chance to leave again. Not in a million years. I’ll never let you go.”

Sang Tae had come over immediately when she called him and scolded her. Mun Yeong didn’t mind much, after all he was right. Forgetting people was rude and making him worry so hard was also rude and not continuing on the book was the rudest and making Gang Tae cry was also rude. Everything was rude that she had done but he would forgive her because she was his little sister and she would learn manners eventually.

She could feel however, how relieved he was to see her back. Sang Tae was usually not the touchy feely type but from the second her borther walked through the door he had stayed close to her. Not only giving her a longer then usual hug but also making sure to stay by her side, no matter if she moved into the kitchen or sat on the floor next to a wiggling Nari, he was doing the same. Mun Yeong felt her heart melt for her older brother, this must have been confusing for him too.

“Oppa, I’m sorry, it wasn’t like I decided to have a car crash. I’m just happy to know you again.”

He studied her face long and hard, “I know, ju- just don’t do it ag- again. My niece cr- cried so- so hard and I pro- promised to beat up any- anyone who did that to her. Bu- but I can’t bea- beat you up since you are my si- sister.”

“Okay, let’s do this, next time we have a team meeting I’ll pay for food and snacks and Nari gets to come with us.”

Sang Tae’s eyes lit up in delight, “Ye- yes that’s good.”

He loved when Nari was allowed to come to their meetings and it was the least she could do. Not fully ready to part with her daughter again either. She just hoped that this experience didn’t give her child abandonment issues. Maybe she had to look into a child therapist.

Gang Tae had come over with a fruit platter. Readying the living room for guests and then sat down next to her, rubbing her back. Another person that didn’t leave her alone anymore. Gang Tae was touching her at all times when he was close enough to but Mun Yeong didn’t mind it in the least. She enjoyed his proximity and it gave her a certain kind of safety when he was there.

“Are you sure you want everyone to come over? It might be too much.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek and Mun Yeong smiled at him lovingly.

“No, I want to see Soon Dock, Ju Ri, Sang In and Jae Su again. As myself and not as the old confused Mun Yeong. Besides it’s only four people unless, Jae Su is bringing his girlfriend.”

Gang Tae rolled his eyes and Mun Yeong sniggered, “I told him, no add ons. He is always bringing someone over.”

“Well we are the most interesting thing he has to offer, no wonder.”

Gang Tae chuckled but the front door bell went off  and announced the arrival of their visitors and soon the apartment was filled with tears and hugs from everyone. Sang In couldn’t stop crying and Ju Ri wasn’t far behind, even Soon Dock had to dab at her eyes, squeezing Mun Yeong tightly and telling her to never do something like this again. For some reason Jae Su had cried the hardest, missing her mean attitude more then anyone else.

By the end of the night, once everyone but Sang Tae who was sleeping in the guest bedroom was gone, Gang Tae and her were in bed holding onto each other for dear life. He stroked her hair the way she liked it and whispered, “I love you.” Over and over again. A mantra that she could only say back. His lips soft and sweet when they met her own.