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"Don’t you dare blame me! Don’t you dare!"
“Why are you pretending to be concerned? You resented him!”
Even years later, Dick could still feel the ghost of the hit. Each word was like a stab wound, aching with new waves of pain.
(Dick tried not to think about all the times they felt as if he was stabbed, all over again. About all the time Bruce's disappointed gaze burned him, as if it was a laser.
His hand covered in blood, the dead body on the ground, not breathing, what will Bruce think, not breathing , the rain, the hands-)
And in this one moment all of this come back to him, in the way Damian looks at him, angry furious, wrong -
Damian looked as if he was ready for disappointment, for the lecture .
(Damian looked ready to take the hit.)
And Dick felt sick.
That’s not who he wanted to be. That’s not who he ever wanted to be.
(It was always a cycle, for son to repeat fathers mistakes, for son to fuck up in every way father couldn’t, why would he think he’ll be any different-)
Dick tears the cowl down. In that one second he couldn’t stand the thing.
He could feel how his breath became heavier.
“Damian.”
“I do not regret anything.”
“It doesn’t mean you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I didn’t!”
Dick tried to stay calm. He counted to ten. It was just a child. Just his little brother.
He took a couple steps forward and squatted down in front of Damian, but stopped himself from putting arms on his shoulders. It was too much, it felt like too much.
“You almost killed that man” he started, but it was a mistake. Damian did not interpret his words right.
“I didn’t! I- I wouldn’t! Don’t you trust me?!”
“I do. Damian-” deep breath. “I am proud of you. You achieved so much in such a short time. Weeks ago that man would be dead, we both know it. But, Robin-” fuck, he hoped Damian will not interpret this wrong. “You- something could happen to you. And I wouldn’t have known. You ran away and didn’t tell anyone. And I was worried.”
“You were- Oh” Damian’s eyes stopped where Jason’s memorial was covered in tones of fabric.
(Dick still didn’t know why Bruce thought it was a good idea, he couldn’t stand watching that thing.)
“I am not Todd. I- um… I will come back.”
Dick smiled a little.
“I will still prefer you to not go out without me by your side for the next couple of weeks.”
“But, I still can-”
“Damian, please. I want to make sure you are safe.”
“I… I understand. If that’s what needs to be done for you to be calmer…”
“And don’t try to sneak work behind my back, kiddo. I've been doing this since before you were born” he ended up ruffling the boy’s hair, with a small grin on his face.
Damian groumped, but he didn’t protest.
And the ache in his chest was a little smaller and the feel of the hit on his face was a little lighter.