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When Jason was a kid, he loved looking up at the sky. He always waited and looked for Robin. Robin was joy and freedom and safety . Robin was everything a kid from Crime Alley wished to be and to have.
And then Robin was dead. Except he wasn’t.
Jason was Robin, and Robin was Magic.
And Jason stopped looking up to Robin.
Instead, he met Dick Graysin.
And Jason knew that Robin and Dick Grayson will forever stay the same for him.
Dick was charming, always smiling and so nice . He hung out with Jason a couple times a month, helped him with training and sneaking out of Manor to visit Titans.
Dick even took him on a trip or two.
And Jason loved it. He loved every smile, every huge, every hair ruffle.
He also loved the banter, the arguments and the way Dick was always on this side when he argued with Bruce.
(And then he argued with Bruce and Dick wasn’t there, and there was no magic left.)
Tim barely remembered the first time he saw Dick.
Dick in his mind was a childhood dream, idealization of a perfect older brother.
(It was embarrassing to admit that the idealization never really went away.)
The Dick Grayson he met with a folder full of photos and newspaper in hand was far more tired, far more sad. He put on a smile to show and hide his pain deep, far, far away.
At the time, he admired it. He looked and saw how strong Dick was, to smile despite his grief, to stay himself despite the pain.
He took all the time Dick spent with him as love, as care, as support.
Later, he will understand it was fear that another kid will end up like Jason.
Later, he will see Dick’s smile and accuse him of not caring at all.
Later, he will ignore all the pain he can’t see.
And at the end he will look ad Dick and see someone who tries his best, who keeps awful weight on his shoulders and did his best to not get crushed by it. And he sometimes made mistakes because of that, but he always made up for that.
And he will still admire his strength, his will to be better, to change.
But for now he enjoyed attention and love and having someone who looked at him as if he was something precious, something worth protecting.
Cassandra took a long time to understand Big Brother.
She didn’t know why he insisted on eating cold things - icecream - with her. They could talk without them, they could eat them alone.
She didn’t understand why he was following her on patrols, as if she couldn’t take care of herself.
She didn’t understand why he came to her therapy, to her ballet classes, even if other people were there too.
She didn’t understand why his body screamed “love” and “care” the whole time.
She didn’t understand why it made her feel so warm.
It takes her way too long to realise that her Big Brother shows his love like this. By spending time with her.
And she felt a little lighter, when she finally did.
Damian didn’t care about Grayson, when he first came to Manor.
Grayson was just one of his father’s strays, his soldiers.
He was an irritation, at best. Just a babbling idiot, who didn’t care about the danger he was in.
He never kept his distance.
He refused to show Damian respect.
Refused to take him seriously, as an opponent or as his Father's heir.
And then Father was dead.
And Grayson was Batman.
And the only one who didn’t look at him and saw a monster.
Grayson never left.
He keeps insisting on physical contact. He ruffled Damian’s hair, spared with him , hugged him .
And he trusted Damian to have his back.
Richard might be Father’s stray, but Damian also recognized him as Father’s chosen heir.
And if the hugs and trips and not having to hide injuries or nightmares was nice, it was no one’s business but Damian’s.
When Jason came back, the only thing driving him was hate.
He focused on everything that was the worst, all the fights, all the problems, all the missed calls and lonely nights.
He forgot the trips and ice cream with Dick, forgot Bruce reading him and sitting by his bedside.
He yelled and screamed and shot, and did his best to push everyone away.
He wanted to hurt, to get revenge, to destroy …
And yet Dick still took out his hand and offered to help.
And when he was falling, down, down, down… It was Dick who caught him. It was Dick who helped him, who kept believing in him, who kept trusting him once he was ready to trust back.
The joint patrols and night ice cream started to remind him of all these good times from his childhood. Jason found himself waiting for them more and more.
And in those few moments, nothing else seems to matter.
Not how angry he was, not the feeling of being forgotten, not the monster living under his bed.
Only Dick’s stupid jokes, reassuring words and taste of different foods in the middle of the night.
And Jason couldn’t help but wonder if that’s how love is supposed to feel like.