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psa: im not homophobic. im gay. this is a joke fic.
“Mr. Tang, are you gay?”
The question came as a surprise. Tang stopped slurping his noodles and stared at Mk. “Am I what?”
“Gay, like queer. Like a man liker? ” Mk tried to explain, “I mean I thought it was extremely obvious you were but I had to ask to know for sure.”
“Why the actual FRICK would you suggest that!!!!!” Tang stood up from his original seat, “I’M NOT EFFING GAY???? I LITERALLY HATE GAY PEOPLE SO MUCH WHAT THE ACTUAL FREAK DUDE??” He stormed off into a corner and drank his capri-sun.
Mk was startled by.. Whatever just happened and turned to Mei.
“Do you know what just happened?” he asked her.
Mei, as baffled as he was, just hung her mouth open. No one freaking knows why Tang was being such a homophobe. He's literally in the show Lego Monkie Kid. This is one of the gayest shows in existence!! Anyway, Mk looked at Pigsy for answers.
“Dadsy why is Tang a homophobe?”
“He’s ashamed of our LOVE!!!!! Thoy thinks our love is FAKE and will never be true.. But for thoy is wrong.. We're destined to be together.. Because were literally Legally married for tax reasons and he cannot divorce me!!!” he says overdramatically. what is this shakespeare? pigsy get ur ass in a fucking musical or something jesus christ. Anyway, Mk looked at Pigsy with a confused look on his face.
“He's a.. Internalized homophobe?? Because you two are gay??? And he doesn’t want to be??” Mk was fucking confused and I couldn’t blame him.
“Yes.. For thoy not want to be gay because thoy thinks gay people are annoying…. One day thoy will realize all he needs in life is each other” Pigsy said in a now british accent.
Sandy, who just walked in, saw what was going on and walked out. take me with you.
“Uhm.. Okay. I’m gonna go ask Monkey King.. He knows what to do!!!!!” Mk beamed. In his mind, all of Monkey King’s ideas were fantastic. He was wrong like 90% but there was still that 10%
Monkey king poofed out of nowhere. “Hey bud! I heard my name so I thought that was my que.”
“Just in time!! We need your help.. Tangs a.. HOMOPHOBE!!!!!!!!!” Mk shuttered in terror.
“Just like me!!!” Sun Wukong was lying. He had sex with Macaque every night. His pants bursted into flames but he quickly put it out with his cool monkey powers.
Mk stared at him confused but ignored everything that just happened, Monkey King was obviously gay.
“Anywho, what did you need me to help with?” Monkey king asked.
“To help Tang face his fear of loving Pigsy or something.” Mk replied. He didn’t know what was going on. This writer is writing way too fast.
Monkey king scratched his chin and thought for a moment. He finally looked at Mk and said. “I know what we need to do.”
time skip to liek idk 5 or sum minutes lwater
Sun Wukong found one of those old TV they’d put in class rooms for sex ed and rolled it to Pigsys restaurant. Tang was still in the corner with his capri-sun, Only this time he was writing Monkey King x Reader.
“Alright Tang, we have to show you some educational videos about gay people.”
Tang starts to sweat,” A WHAT? Please! I don’t want to see gay people in action! I can’t take it!”
“Stop complaining and suck it up. We need you to get over gay people if you wanna exist in the Lego Monkie Kid universe. They’re everywhere.” Monkey king explained
Tang shuttered and tried to move himself closer to the corner. Monkey king dragged him out and put him in front of the old TV. Tang tries to squirm away but Sun Wukong makes Pigsy tie Tang up (whoa dude) to a chair so he wouldn’t move. He also held his head to look in front of him so he wouldn’t look away and held his eyes open so he wouldn’t close them.
“THIS HAS TO BE ILLEGAL” Tang complained, “I WILL HAVE MY LAWYER CALLED” Everyone ignores his cries for help and just watch the VERY awesome educational video.
The video consisted of Sun Wukong talking into a camera. The next scene has Macaque dressed as a girl, it looked like he was forced to do it with his smeared makeup and glare on his face. Why was he wearing makeup anyway? But anywho, Sun Wukong talked about “it’s okay to be different” or whatever it was. Macaque just looked PISSED the whole time. I wonder if he beat up Sun Wukong. Or maybe a different kind of beating. Who knows.
“STOP! I CAN’T GIVE INTO THE DEMONS!!” Tang screamed, “I CAN’T BE GAY!! JUST BECAUSE ME AND PIGSY ARE LEGALLY MARRIED FOR TAX REASONS AND NOT ROMANTICALLY LEGALLY MARRIED FOR FUN!!!!”
Pigsy, not talking like a brit anymore, shushed him. He knew what Tang really felt. He knew Tang was suppressed his feelings, and that was okay. He understood that Tang didn’t wanna to say hes gay for several reasons.. 1) He didn’t wanna be proven wrong. 2) He didn’t want to be associated with chronically online twitter users (i don’t blame him) and 3) because he didn’t want people to see him differently.. But everyone thought he was gay so it wouldn’t make sense to see him any differently.
Pigsy sighed and untied Tang. “Tang, I want to talk to you alone. And if you don’t run away I’ll make you noodles.” He couldn’t say no to that. He agreed to follow him to the back room to talk alone.
“Tang, I know you’re gay. We both do. Why don’t you tell them?”
“Because I hate chronically online twitter users.”
“You are a chronically online twitter user. You tried to cancel me because i asked you to pay for your noodles.” Pigsy reminded him.
There was a moment of silence broken by a “Oh” from Tang. Another wave of silence swept over them.
“..Sooo are you gonna tell them?-“
“NO I CAN’T” Tang yelled that broke the awkwardness, “I’M NOT GAY”
“We both know damn well.” Pigsy gave him a look of “where are you trying to go with this.”
Tang took a deep breath. Took out his old ass nokia looking phone what the fuck was that thing and posted on twitter. The post read:
PIGSY FROM LEGO MONKIE KID FORCES TANG FROM LEGO MONKIE KID TO COME OUT??? CANCEL PIGSY AND THIS SHOW IMMEDIATELY!!!!!
Pigsy sighed and put his head in his hand. Tang was too far gone, he couldn’t help him. Unless…
they had sex
tang rold everyone he was a man liker
the end!